Don't try this at home - Cathy's night of gymnastics!
Easy As falling Off A Bike
A hour after putting the phone down my mind was still twittering to itself. He was joking wasn't he, about staying? He can't stay here, what will the neighbours think? Who gives a shit? I'm over twenty one. What if he gets randy and I can't dissuade him? Oh my god! He'll find out. If only there was some way of hiding my you-know-what?
There was, I had seen something on the net about it, in fact there were various things you could buy or you could do to yourself. I stood naked in the bathroom, I could barely see the tiny organ which was the manifestation of my imperfection. I felt like cutting it off, there and then. However, I knew that would hurt, even with the freezing spray we had in the cupboard.
I started playing around with my little gonads and their dangling companion. With some effort and discomfort, I could just about push my testes back up into my body, probably because they were smaller than they used to be. I then pushed my willie back inside itself. It was so small now that I felt if I pushed it too hard it would disappear inside me, which would make weeing something of a problem. As it was, the mirror showed it was just protruding outside my body. When I scooped what was left of my scrotal skin around it, it disappeared and I was left with what looked like labia.
Unfortunately, I couldn't walk around like this with one hand down my knickers, however realistic it looked. I needed something to hold it there, superglue would do nicely. It could also do nastily, and I remembered the occasion I was trying to repair a broken bike light and stuck it to my hand. Took me all evening to free it. The thought of sticking my hand to my genitals was terrifying as well as absurd.
I decided I would let the matter rest in the lap of the gods. I threw on nightie and went to look in the kitchen cupboard where such things would be. If there was glue in the house or garage, I would try to temporarily alter my anatomy. If there wasn't, I wouldn't. Seemed fair enough to me.
I searched high and low, there was none. I pulled on a cardi and went into the garage, there was none there either. Finally with a torch, I went to the garden shed and looked there amongst the cobwebs and their active occupants.
I had so worked myself up into doing this, that I felt disappointed verging on disgusted. "Call yourself gods?" I said loudly at one point. Then I raised the bargaining a little.
"If they don't have any at the all night garage, I'll know it isn't meant to be." Five minutes later, I was dressed in jeans and jumper and starting the car. Not much later I was at the garage, which is attached to a superstore.
I walked into the garage and looked on the shelves, my perusal drew a blank. "Need some help?" asked the young woman behind the check out cubicle.
"I was looking for superglue."
"What the instant stuff?"
"Yeah, I broke the photoframe my boyfriend gave me and he's arriving tomorrow. He'll kill me." I now seemed to be able to lie at will, my mother would be turning in her grave if she could hear me. She despised liars, although she worshipped through them for many years.
"I don't think we sell it, they do in the store."
"Yeah, but the store is closed."
"Damn, anywhere that is likely to be open who sells it?"
"Tesco, but that's miles away. Hang on, let me see what I can do."
I waited while she served a couple of customers, then she seemed to be muttering to herself. Finally I heard her say, "Thanks."
Some more petrol customers took her attention and I pretended to look at the magazines in the garage shop. She was dealing with the last fuel purchaser, when young man came into the shop wearing the supermarket uniform, he went to the check out and after a brief exchange, left.
"Here we are," she called from behind her armour plated post.
I looked around to see to whom she was talking. She waved at me to come to her. "Me?" I mouthed pointing at myself.
"You still want the glue?"
"That'll be three ninety nine then."
"You got some?"
"I had some sent over from the store."
"That is awfully kind of you," I purred handing her a five pound note.
"Well I didn't want your boyfriend to kill you."
"Hopefully now he won't be any the wiser," I said smiling wickedly. She thought I was talking about photoframes, I was meaning something else, but what the hell.
Half an hour later I had showered and dried myself, and had trimmed my pubic hair so it wouldn't get glued. My heart was beating like mad and I had an extra light on the floor, running from an electric point in the hallway. I also had a mirror placed at a strategic angle to see more clearly what I was doing. For the first time in my life, my breasts were getting in my way.
With trembling hands, I repositioned myself to hide everything and create the effect of a pudenda. I didn't believe I could do it in one stage without risking sticking something somewhere it shouldn't be. The risk was in blocking my urethra. It could cause me loads of pain and even lead to kidney damage if it prevented urine flow. Having committed myself to doing this however, I was sweating and beginning to think the gods were punishing me for my hubris.
After practising with the folding of the skin a couple more times, I decided I could do it in one stage, but with my willie held downwards inside it, which would also enable me to pass urine downwards, not spraying out the front.
Convinced I could do it, I took the top off the little bottle of glue and was promptly sick. I was terrified I was going to get this wrong and end up looking a right lemon at Accident and Emergency.
I cleaned up the mess and myself, took a shot of my father's brandy and went back to my task. It occurred to me that if I didn't push up my willie into my body cavity a little, then sitting on a bike saddle was going to be very attention grabbing. I experimented with positioning a few more times and was sure I could accommodate the need for comfortable riding.
I opened the glue again, and carefully spread it around my various bits, then before it dried, carefully but quickly moved them into position. I held it all for ten minutes, my back was aching and sweat was dripping off my forehead.
I pulled my hand away, breathing a sigh of relief that I hadn't actually stuck it to my groin. My arm was shaking having held it in one position for so long. I slowly stood up straight, my back was sore. As I stood, I could feel a pulling on skin in my new pubes. Oh no, I can't stand up straight or I'll rip something off!
I kept straightening my back, the pulling was like a burning sensation, then it stopped. I was upright and not destined to act as a model for Quasimodo, I nearly wept with joy. In the mirror, it looked as if I had a fanny. I actually looked like a woman for the first time in my life. I wanted to jump up and down, but thought better of it. It was stinging a bit, but it was worth it.
Now came the sixty four dollar question, could I pee? I sat on the loo and tried. I could, but it squirted everywhere and after wiping I discovered that the glue was coming unstuck. Bugger!
I was now nearly in tears. It took me an hour to readjust and restick everything. This time the flow was clearer and it all stayed as it should. I looked at the time, it was three in the morning. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I slipped on my nightdress again, and fell asleep in minutes, praying that it would all hold for a couple of days.
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