Kellly Bundy's Sex Mutant Pesticide
Synopsis: To prove the safety of her company’s pesticides, Kelly uses Bud as an unwitting volunteer. The first change anyone notices is that Bud grows breasts. But the changes don’t stop there. Is Kelly the biggest slut in the Bundy household? And what is Marcy doing with the pesticide sprayer? (This is a takeoff of one episode of Married With Children. In my opinion, a lot of TG could have been done here. They dropped the ball. I picked it up and ran.)
When I saw the episode of Married With Children where Kelly’s pesticides made Bud mutate and grow breasts, I knew that there was potential. But the episode dropped the ball. So I decided to continue the feminizing mutations of poor Bud. And of course, Marcy sees this as another way to torture pool Al…
Kelly Bundy smiled in her Verminator costume. She got to star in yet another commercial for the company’s pesticides. “We know there have been some concerns about possible side-effects of this pesticide,” Kelly said cheerfully. “My dear brother Bud has volunteered to demonstrate its safety.” The camera faded back, revealing that Kelly was holding an industrial-strength pesticide sprayer.
And right beside her, Bud sat in a chair. More to the point, Bud was chained into the chair. And gagged. Fear etched his features as he tried to scream his protests.
Kelly just smiled. “Ready, Bud?” she asked. Then she put on a breathing mask and sprayed Bud. Right in the face. The chemical fog blocked the view of Bud struggling in the chair, and the whoosh of the nozzle drowned out his feeble muffled screams.
Peggy Bundy watched the TV with pride. “Oh, Bud. You were great. Everyone will recognize you now.”
Bud sat beside his mom on the couch, although he wasn’t so happy as she was. In fact, he looked quite upset. “Come on, Ma. Be honest. Do you think these will turn off girls?” He held out his hands in front of his chest, careful to avoid touching the large breasts which he had grown.
Peggy shrugged off his concern. “Oh, come on Bud. Don’t let a little thing like a couple of breasts get you down. Besides, it’s not like they’re permanent. It’s been two weeks, and look how well Buck is doing.”
Bud looked over at the family dog, who had been the subject of one of Kelly’s earlier commercial endorsements. He sat morosely on a chair, staring into space. Bud saw that Buck looked a little better - true, Buck’s fur looked more like a golden retriever now. And he wasn’t running around outside mounting the neighborhood bitches. But he seemed happy.
Bud shrugged, his brow still furrowed with worry. “I guess you’re right.” At that moment, the doorbell rang. Bud stood up slowly to keep his boobs from jiggling. “I guess I’ll just hide until they go away. Besides, it’s not like I have a date or anything.”
Bud opened the door, then ducked quickly behind it when he saw the girl. It was Amber, a girl he had drooled over since grade school.
Amber gave him a ‘come-hither’ look. “Hi, Bud. It’s me,” she said in a sultry tone. “Remember how you’ve been fantasizing about me since sixth grade? I’m on my way to join a convent, and before I take a vow of chastity, I wanted to be with a real man for the first, last, and only time. Take me, Bud.” She pursed her lips, and swayed seductively.
Bud gulped. “Now isn’t a good time for me, Amber.” His face bore an anguished look, as he realized that his dream of sex with Amber was vanishing for good. “Good bye.” Slowly he closed the door, then stood and turned toward the stair.
Peggy was still watching the TV, but she did glance over her shoulder at her son. “Where are you going, Bud?” she asked.
Bud gulped. “Upstairs to cop a feel and kill myself.” He bounced up the stairs, feeling his boobs bounce and sway as he headed to his room.
Practically as soon as Bud was upstairs, the door opened and Kelly entered. “Hi, Mom,” she said without any hint of enthusiasm. “Bud still got boobs?”
Without turning from the TV, Peg answered. “Yeah.”
Kelly sighed. “I guess I’ll stay with Diane another night.”
Bud sat on the couch, his arms crossed under his very large breasts. They were bigger than they had been earlier - bigger and more embarrassing. Bud’s face seemed etched in a permanent frown.
Al Bundy slapped his son on the knee. “Ah, quit your worrying, Bud,” Al said, trying to sound sympathetic, but unable to. “You can always get a job posing for Big Uns,” he laughed.
Bud looked like he was going to cry as he tried to cover his boobs with his arms. But they had grown large enough that he couldn’t conceal them. He ended up sitting on the couch, pouting, feeling totally ashamed. “When Kelly gets home, I’m going to kill her,” he said with a sudden air of determination.
“Yeah, whatever,” Al replied, his eyes fixed on the TV. More specifically, they were fixed on the Baywatch babes on the TV.
The doorbell rang, and before Bud could even rise from the couch, Marcy Darcy stormed in, carrying a plastic bag. As usual, she looked angry. “Al Bundy,” she snapped, “is this yours?” She held out the bag. “I found it in my back yard. Again.”
Al looked at Marcy and smiled. “If you found it, I guess it’s yours.” He snickered at his feeble witticism.
Marcy fumed. “I want you to...” She never finished her sentence. Her eyes dropped back to Bud sitting on the couch. Bud glanced up nervously and saw Mrs. Darcy staring at his chest. He fidgeted, shifting his arms in another feeble attempt to cover his big breasts. Marcy’s jaw bobbed up and down a few times as she contemplated what she saw. “What the hell is going on here? Why does it look like Bud has boobs?”
Bud swallowed hard. “Because I do, Mrs. Darcy,” he began. “Kelly sprayed me with her pesticides, and these,” again he held his hands out in a cupping gesture, only this time, he had to hold them further from his chest, “grew.”
Al looked at Bud, then at Marcy. “Say Marcy, isn’t it kind of humiliating that my son has bigger boobs than you do?” he asked, laughing out loud.
Marcy’s eyes narrowed, then she dropped the garbage bag and stomped out of the house, slamming the door shut behind herself. Al looked at Bud and laughed again. “Good one, eh son?”
Bud frowned. “Yeah, dad. Good one.” But he didn’t sound amused at all. He slid from the couch and turned toward the stairs. “Now that we’ve had our laugh, I’m going back upstairs. Where I can hide without being laughed at.” He walked up the stairs slowly, but still his boobs bounced uncomfortably.
Peggy called from the kitchen, a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard to Al. “Al, don’t you think you should do something?” she asked in her whiny voice.
“You’re right, Peg,” Al said. With that, he got up from the couch and picked up a magazine.
“What are you going to do, Al?” Peggy nagged him.
Al squared his shoulders. “What any real man would do at a time like this. I’m going to the bathroom.” He marched proudly to his private retreat, already starting to peruse his prized copy of Big Uns.
Kelly bounced down the stairs, dressed (as usual) in a slinky outfit - short skirt, low-cut blouse, and heels. She glanced back over her shoulder, up the stairs. “Mom,” she began, in a complaining tone, “if I’m the girl, why does Bud have bigger boobs than me?”
Peg opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by a scream from upstairs. It sounded like Bud. Sort of. Only a little higher pitched. As one, Kelly and Peg looked upstairs just in time to see Bud running down the steps, clad only is his shorts, with his big boobs bouncing wildly. His face seemed a bit panic-stricken.
“Ma!” he cried, “it fell off!”
Peg was confused. “What?” she asked simply. “What fell off?” Then she noticed that Bud’s shorts seemed a bit empty.
Bud fixed his attention on Kelly, and the look he was giving her was murderous. At best. “I’ll kill you, Kelly!” he shouted as he lunged at her, his hands outstretched to wring her neck. But Kelly was quicker, and ducked behind their mother, hoping for some protection. Bud stopped short.
“What fell off, Bud?” Peg asked again. She was pretty certain she knew the answer already.
Bud glanced at Kelly angrily, then looked down as he pulled something from the pocket of his shorts. He held it up for his mother to see. “This is all Kelly’s fault,” he whined, giving her a threatening glare.
“Wow, Bud,” Kelly said sarcastically, peering out from behind her mother. “It looks almost like a dick! Only smaller!”
Bud wound up to hit her, but Kelly ducked again.
Peg frowned. “How did it happen?”
Bud looked down and gulped. “Well, I was, you know...”
Kelly peeked out again. “The word is masturbating, Bud.” She grinned. “But you know that, since it is your definition of sex.”
Peg waved Kelly off. “Ignore her, Bud. So if it fell off, what’s in your shorts?”
Bud blushed. “I’d rather not talk about it right now,” he said, his voice betraying the extent of his humiliation. “It’s embarrassing.”
Kelly couldn’t resist the opportunity. “Well, if you don’t have a dick, I guess that means you have a vagina.”
Bud glared at her again, then gulped and nodded as he looked back down at the floor. Slowly, he pulled down his shorts, revealing the very female sexual genitalia he now possessed.
Peg tried to comfort him, just like when he first grew the boobs. “Oh, come on Bud! It’s not that bad! Half the people have vaginas.” Once again, she sounded stupid, and definitely not comforting.
Bud sniffled as he pulled his shorts back up. “But how many boys have them?”
“Well, Bud, this may turn out good for you, after all,” Kelly chimed in. “If you shave, wear a dress, and go to a bar just before closing, you’ll have the best chance you’ve ever had of getting sex.”
“Now Kelly,” Peg admonished, “be nice. Bud’s having a crisis. This is not the proper time to taunt him.” She turned back to Bud. “Look, honey, I think I can help.”
Bud looked up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “Really, Ma?”
Peg smiled. “Sure. Now you wait here. I’ll be right back.” She pranced upstairs. In a few moments, she came back down, holding something wadded up in her hands. “Here you go,” she said happily as she handed the clothing to Bud.
Bud took it, and unfolded it. His eyes widened as he realized it was a bra. “Ma!” he protested, “it’s a bra! How is this supposed to help?”
Peg nodded. “Of course it’s a bra, Bud,” she said, a bit of exasperation in her tone. She took it from Bud and began to put it on him. Bud, however, had other plans, and started to back away. “Oh, come on, Bud! This’ll help. It’ll keep your boobs from bouncing all over the place.”
Bud backed away some more. “Oh, no!” he cried. “I’m not wearing a bra!”
But Kelly had circled behind him, and grabbed his arms. Quickly, Peg wrapped the band around Bud, fastening it behind his back, then pulled his arms through the straps and deposited his boobs into the cups. “There,” she said proudly as she stepped back to admire her work. “Doesn’t that feel better?”
Bud frowned again. “No!” he declared. “It doesn’t. It’s too tight on my chest, it’s pinching my boobs, and these strap thingies are digging into my shoulders.” He tugged at a strap in a futile gesture.
Peg wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, I guess it is a bit small for you. Still, It’ll work until you get your own.” Her face lit up. “Kelly, let’s take Bud shopping. We’ll get him some bras.”
A resounding flush echoed through the house, and Al strode proudly back into the living room, his magazine tucked under an arm. In a well-practiced move, he sat on the couch, tucking his right hand into the waist of his pants as he reached for the remote with his left hand. Then his brow furrowed, and he turned to the kitchen. He stared at Bud for several seconds. “Nice bra, son,” he said as he turned back to the TV.
Bud sniffled again, louder this time. He really looked like he was about to cry.
Peg patted his arm. “Don’t worry, Bud. Everything will be okay.” Then she picked up something else which she had dropped on the counter. Still smiling, she handed him a pair of panties. “These will fit a lot better than those shorts.”
Bud looked at the panties in his hands, then turned and ran upstairs, near tears. Al just snorted in disgust. “Women!”
Kelly got a mischievous grin. “Let’s have some fun, Mom. Let’s go get some things for Bud.” Peg’s eyes lit up. Shopping? Sounded good to her. On their way out the door, Peg grabbed her purse and jacket, then the door slammed shut behind them.
Al glanced at the door to make sure they were gone, then opened his Big Uns magazine again. “Hmm,” he mumbled to himself. “I guess Bud could model. If they didn’t show his face, that is.”
Kelly, as usual, looked a bit confused as Mrs. Darcy walked into the Bundy garage. She was glancing around her nervously, like she was up to something, or was afraid of being caught. “Hi, Mrs. Darcy,” Kelly said cheerfully. Marcy nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Kelly,” Marcy said warily, “you startled me!”
“I’m sorry,” Kelly apologized quickly. “What did you want to see me about?”
Marcy glanced around, then looked back at Kelly. “Can I borrow your pesticide sprayer?” she asked in a low tone.
Kelly nodded. “Sure. Why?”
Marcy froze. “Why?” she asked, looking like she had been caught doing something wrong. “Um, I’ve got some pests to get rid of,” Marcy explained very quickly.
Kelly smiled, looking dizzy as ever. She pulled a wicked-looking sprayer from a shelf. “This baby will take care of them,” she said proudly. She held up the nozzle and trigger to show Marcy how to use it. “Just point this at the bugs and pull the trigger here.”
The look on Marcy’s face was shock. Shock at how utterly stupid Kelly was. Marcy gently reached out and reversed the spray gun in Kelly’s hands.
Kelly giggled. “Oh, yeah.”
Marcy took the tank and spray gun from Kelly. “Thanks,” she said with a malicious grin. Then she saw the gauge and dial on the tank. “What’s this dial for?” she asked.
Kelly looked, then her features clouded for a minute. “Just a second, it’ll come to me.” She thought for another minute. “Oh, yeah. That dial is the setting. Use 1 or 2 for most pests.”
Marcy looked again. “Why does it go up to 100?” she asked curiously.
Kelly smiled. “You’d only use that against hundred-foot killer monster bugs from outer space,” she said, sounding like she firmly believed it.
Marcy nodded. One corner of her mouth turned up in an evil grin. Her plan was nearing completion.
A knock sounded on Bud’s door. And before he answer, Peg and Kelly came barging in. He quickly sat up and pulled a pillow over his lap, blushing as he did so. Peg’s eyebrows lifted as she saw Bud’s boobs dangling free.
“What are you two doing here?” Bud demanded, clearly annoyed at the intrusion.
Kelly shrugged her shoulders. “I could ask you the same question,” she said with a smile. Bud blushed even brighter at her comment. Then she saw Bud’s chest. “Are you cold?” she asked non-chalantly. “Or are you horny?”
Peg put her hand on Kelly’s arm. “Kelly, be nice to Bud,” she chided. “He’s just learning about his body.” She tried to frown at Kelly, but the two ended up laughing all the more.
Kelly finally stopped laughing. “Bud,” she said, sounding very concerned, “we decided to do something nice for you.”
Bud’s anger muted at her words. “What?” he asked hopefully.
Kelly opened a bag and pulled out a dress, holding it up for Bud to see as she laughed. It was a very slinky dress - very high skirt with a very low neckline. As Bud sat in quiet humiliation, Kelly and Peg laughed. Then Peg pulled out a lace teddy and tossed it on Bud’s lap.
Kelly pulled out another article of clothing. “Bud, we know Mom’s bra was too small, so maybe this one is big enough!” She and Peg laughed some more as Kelly held up the bra for Bud to see. And it was big - the biggest cups Bud had ever seen.
“Bud - have you shaved?” Peg asked curiously. She was staring at Bud’s face, wondering what happened to his goatee.
Bud almost started crying. “It fell off, Ma,” he whined. Then he looked up at Peg, his boobs dangling, a large bra in his hands. “Ma, I’m turning into a girl.”
Peg shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you are, Bud.” Then she smiled. “Oh, well. I always did want two daughters.” She laughed to herself, then Peg and Kelly left Bud alone in his room.
Kelly awakened when she heard a knock. She looked at the window to see who was knocking. But there was no-one there. She lay back down, pulling the covers back over herself. The knock sounded again, and again Kelly sat up to see who was at the window. This time, she actually got out of bed, standing at the window, peering into the darkness. But she couldn’t see anyone.
As Kelly turned back to her bed, her door opened and Bud padded softly in. “Didn’t you hear me knock?” he hissed, trying to keep his voice down.
Kelly glared at him. “I thought someone was at the window,” she shot back. Then she stared at Bud. “Bud, you hair is longer,” she said. Then she really looked at Bud. “You know, with a little makeup, you could almost look cute.”
“I don’t want to look cute!” Bud snarled. “Look what you’ve done to me! I’m turning into a girl!” He started to cry.
Kelly was confused. She knew how to fight with Bud. But this wasn’t Bud any more. “What’s wrong?” she finally asked.
Bud looked down, embarrassed. “I’m horny,” he finally said aloud.
Kelly frowned. “Bud... your voice.”
Bud glared at her. “Yeah, I know. I sound like a girl, too!” Then he looked back down. “Not only that, I’m so horny I don’t know what to do!”
“Oh,” was all Kelly could say. She sat down on her bed and pulled Bud down beside her. “When I can’t get out of the house, I sneak in and borrow Mom’s toys.” Bud’s mouth dropped open. “Don’t look so shocked, Bud.”
Bud was trying to say something. “But, but...”
Kelly shook her head, rising and pulling Bud up. “But nothing. You want to do something about your problem?”
Bud looked at Kelly, then nodded slowly.
“Okay,” Kelly said decisively. “Just follow me.” The two sneaked out of Kelly’s room and into their parent’s bedroom. Al lay on his back, snoring loudly, while Peg was trying to snuggle up to him. Even in his sleep, Al had an arm raised to fend off the red menace.
Quietly, Kelly circled the bed and opened Peg’s nightstand. Quickly, she retrieved the desired items, then sneaked back into the hall with Bud. “Okay, here you go. Just remember to put them back.”
Bud looked at the dildo and vibrator, his mouth open with a mixture of shock and lust. “But how do I...”
Kelly shook her head as she ducked back into her bedroom. “Just play,” was her answer. She crawled back into her bed and flopped on her side, anxious to get back to sleep. But within minutes, a series of moans and cries began to filter through her walls. She pulled a pillow over her head, but Bud’s noise were still too loud. Kelly lay there for several minutes, then suddenly the noise stopped. “Thank goodness that’s over,” she said to herself as she flopped back on her pillow.
Moments later, her door opened and Bud came in. Kelly looked up, mad. “What is it this time?” she demanded.
Bud looked anguished. “It wasn’t enough,” he said softly. His voice was starting to sound rather sultry.
Kelly sat up, and saw that Bud had a pleading look to his face. Like a horny girl begging to be laid. “I’ve got an idea,” she announced.
“Was it lonely?” Bud asked sarcastically.
But Kelly didn’t understand his barb at her. “You look enough like a girl now.” She took some clothes from her closet and then started to change. Bud noticed that she had gotten out two outfits. A few seconds later, Kelly looked at Bud. “Are you getting dressed or not?” she asked impatiently.
Bud ran back into his room and retrieved the large bra, then dressed himself in Kelly’s outfit. When he was done, Kelly looked at him. “Almost,” she said. She took some of her makeup and touched up Bud. He didn’t even protest at the eye shadow and lipstick. Kelly stood back. “That should do,” she said proudly.
Bud stood, then glanced at himself in the mirror. He gasped. He was - cute! He was very hot, actually. If Bud had still had his dick, he would have wanted to screw himself! “Wow!” was all he could say.
Kelly opened her window and started to crawl out.
Bud looked at her, shocked at what was happening. “Where are we going?”
Kelly looked at him like he’d just asked the dumbest question known to man. “To pick up some men,” she answered. Then she climbed down the ladder, which was a fixture by her window. Not knowing what else to do, Bud followed.
Bud and Kelly drew immediate attention when they walked into the bar. Kelly ignored the stares, gawks, ogling, and whistles. But Bud - calling himself Buffy for the evening - felt very self-conscious. Kelly stopped in the door and glanced around. Then she spied some friends, and led Bud to the booth they were in. Kelly sidled up to one man - her boyfriend for the week? - and started talking.
Not knowing what else to do, Bud sat down, then noticed that one guy was really checking him out. Before he knew what was happening, Bud found himself sliding very close to the guy. Bud felt a hand on his thigh, and found himself tingling in his crotch. He knew, then, that he had to have this guy. Had to have sex. As Kelly watched, surprised and amused, Bud leaned close to the guy, made a suggestion, and led him by the hand out of the bar.
As they drove home, Kelly glared at Bud. Bud had taken three guys out to the back seat. Then Bud had the nerve to take Kelly’s boyfriend out! “Who the hell do you think you are, screwing my boyfriend?” she demanded.
Bud smiled contentedly. “You weren’t, so I figured I might just as well help myself.”
Kelly shook her head. “I never thought I’d hear myself say it, but you were acting like a slut tonight.”
Bud smiled again. “Yeah. Sex is pretty good. Better than when I was a man.” Kelly looked at him suspiciously. “Uh, that is, if I knew what it was like to have sex as a man.” He looked away sheepishly.
Al stood at the makeshift podium in the middle of his garage. He wore his uniform - the official NO-MAAM t-shirt - as he presided over this very unofficial meeting. He banged the gavel. “This meeting of NO-MAAM will come to order. Jefferson, do we have any new business?”
Jefferson Darcy, Marcy’s kept husband, stepped forward, wearing his t-shirt. “Yes, brother Al. Tonight is the Big-Boob Revue at the Jiggly Room.”
Al nodded knowingly, listening to the murmurs of assent from the members - Ike, Bob Rooney, and Griff, his fellow shoe salesman. Al banged his gavel. “Gentlemen, we need a plan for Operation Big-Boob.”
Outside, Marcy crouched beside a bush, chuckling wickedly to herself. She wore a look of pure determination and revenge as she pointed the nozzle into a window crack. “One for regular vermin?” she asked herself. She twisted the dial all the way up to 100. “I think these NO-MAAM vermin qualify for maximum treatment!” She laughed aloud as she pulled the trigger, sending a chemical fog into the garage. “If they want jigglies, I’ll give them jigglies!” She cackled even as a backwash of pesticide enveloped her.
Al waved the dense chemicals out of his face, frowning as the fumes slowly cleared. “What the hell was that?” he demanded.
Jefferson slowly came into view, coughing and waving the fumes from his own face. “I don’t know, Al,” he answered through the coughing. “Maybe your air conditioner got a freon leak?”
Al shrugged. “Whatever. We’re out of beer.” He strode into the house and returned with a six-pack of cold refreshments. “Okay, where were we?”
Griff stepped forward, scratching his chest furiously. “How about if we all say we’re going to a funeral for a friend?”
Al looked at Griff, then at Bob Rooney, Ike, and Jefferson. All of them were scratching their chests. So was Al. His chest itched badly.
“Al!” Jefferson called out, suddenly alarmed. He was pointing to Al’s chest.
Al looked down, then jumped when he saw them. They were small, but the bumps on his chest were unmistakable! Al was growing boobs! Even as he watched, they continued to fill out. Jefferson laughed at Al’s predicament, but then he felt Griff tapping his shoulder. Jefferson looked, and followed Griff’s pointing down. He was growing boobs too!
Al looked at Jefferson, then at Griff, Ike, and Bob. “Holy hooters!” Al exclaimed. “We’re all growing tits!” He pulled up his shirt, revealing a brand-new pair of boobs, complete with big brown round nipples. He looked up, and saw that the others were doing the same, staring wide-eyed at the large mammaries that were still growing.
With Al out of the house, it was Peg’s turn to occupy the sofa, and occupy it she did. She was glued to the TV, watching Oprah, of course, while eating a bowl of popcorn. She didn’t even look up when the knock sounded and the door burst open.
“Hi, Peggy,” Marcy said eagerly. From the look on her face, she was gloating about something. “Where’s Al?”
Peg glanced at her, then back at the TV. “In the garage,” she replied. “One of those stupid NO-MAAM meetings or something.”
Marcy sat down next to Peg. “You mean the chauvenistic, pig-headed, breast-loving idiots your husband calls friends?” She had an eager grin on her face. Marcy hunched nearer Peg, grinning, and revealed her secret. “I sprayed the NO-MAAM group with Kelly’s pesticide,” she gloated. “
The door opened again, and Kelly and Bud came in, causing Marcy to jump as if caught doing something wrong. “Hi, Mom,” Kelly said without a hint of enthusiasm. As usual, she wore a short skirt and revealing top.
Peg’s gaze didn’t waver from the television. “Hi, girls. Have a good time?”
Bud shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, I guess.” He was dressed in an equally short skirt, and with his huge mammaries, the low-cut blouse was very revealing. His facial features, too, had softened; with the longer hair, it was hard to recognize that he had once been Bud. The two girls trudged up the stairs.
Marcy watched them go, then turned back to Peg. “Who was that girl?” she asked, consumed by curiosity. “One of Kelly’s little trampy friends?”
Peg shrugged. “No, that’s Bud.”
Marcy’s jaw dropped. “That’s Bud?” she asked, incredulous. Then she got an even bigger grin. “Oh, this is even better than I thought.”
“Yeah,” Peg answered. “The stuff Kelly sprayed him with changed him completely into a girl.” She tore her gaze from the TV. “Really, it’s kind of nice. They don’t fight like they used to.”
Marcy grimaced. “Yes, but Bud looks like a tramp!”
Peg shrugged again. “Yeah, I guess he does, doesn’t he.” She laughed lightly. “You know, come to think of it, Bud’s been acting a bit like a tramp, too. I think I’ll have a mother-daughter talk with him.”
Marcy was ready to burst. “This is better than I hoped!” she exclaimed with glee.
It was Peg’s turn to be curious. “What’s better?” she asked.
“Those NO-MAAM sexist pigs will get a taste of their own medicine!” Marcy exclaimed gleefully.
Peg looked worried. “I don’t know, Marcy. I know Al isn’t that great in bed, but turning him into a woman?” She furrowed her brow. “I mean, it’s not like I’m into women or anything!”
Marcy choked back a laugh. “Oh, come on Peg.” She put her fingers on Peg’s arm. “You always tell me how insensitive Al is to a woman’s needs! This way, he’ll get a chance to see for himself. Who knows? Maybe he’ll learn something about being a better lover!”
Peg looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. “All right, Marcy. You’ve convinced me. I won’t worry about it any more.” She turned back to the TV, then glanced back at Marcy. “Say Marcy, when did you decide to get a wonder bra?”
Marcy’s eyes widened. “I didn’t, Peg,” she said nervously.
Peg shrugged. “Oh.”
Marcy glanced down at her chest, alarmed. “Peg? Tell me the truth. Do my boobs look bigger to you?”
Peg looked closely. “Well, yeah, Marcy.”
Marcy looked panic-stricken. “Oh, no!” she cried. “I must have gotten some of the chemicals on me!” She rose, and immediately cupped her hands on her chest as her increased bustline jiggled in an unfamiliar way. “Oh, god!” she cried again. “I’m going to turn into a bimbo!”
Kelly and Bud were on their way out the door again, having changed into even more slinky outfits. “Bye, Mom!” Kelly called as they crossed behind the sofa.
Marcy leaped from the couch and knelt at Kelly’s feet. “Help, Kelly! You’ve got to help me!”
Kelly looked at her, then at her mother. “What’s she talking about, Mom?”
Bud looked at Marcy closely, then raised his eyebrows. “Nice boobs, Mrs. Darcy,” he commented approvingly.
Marcy looked up at Kelly, her eyes pleading. “I got some of your pesticide on me. Now my boobs are growing! I’m going to turn into a bimbo!” she cried.
Kelly looked at Marcy, baffled, then at Peg, then back at Marcy. “Gee,” she began, “I don’t know what to do. It’s supposed to be non-toxic, and not have any side effects.” She sounded more than a bit ditzy.
Marcy looked up at her, terrified. She jumped up and ran out the door, screaming.
Bud shrugged. “Gosh, you think she’d be thankful she’s got bigger boobs.” He grabbed Kelly’s arm. “Kell, let’s go. There are men out there waiting for us.”
“Okay, Bud, but this time, I get the first pick.”
Bud frowned. “Buffy. Call me Buffy.” Then Bud stuck out his chest, emphasizing his large assets. “And I can’t help it if I’ve got more of what they want.”
Kelly frowned herself as they walked out the door. “Yeah, well try to leave at least one unscrewed for me,” she complained as the door closed behind her.
Peg tried to settle back to her TV program, but it didn’t work. “Gee,” she finally whined, “Oprah’s over.” She clicked off the TV, then rose. “Maybe Al has some money so I can go shopping.” She paused a second. “Yeah, right!”
Peg opened the door to the garage, and found it was still a little foggy. “Al!” she called. “Al!”
A figure emerged from the haze. The person was about Peg’s height, with long dark hair and an hourglass figure. In fact, the person had a tiny waist, nicely proportioned hips, and enormous tits! And all in a NO-MAAM t-shirt which strained to contain the large mammaries. “What do you want, Peg?” the stranger demanded in a rich contralto voice.
Peg’s jaw dropped. “Al?” she asked incredulously.
Al frowned. “No, Peg. I’m the Queen of England.”
Peg waved her hand, trying to disperse the chemical fog. When she realized how futile that gesture was, she walked over and opened the garage door. Quickly, the pesticide residue began to disperse. Peg turned back to Al. And saw the others. A gorgeous black woman, with full lips, big boobs, a trim figure. “Griff?” Peg asked.
“Yes, Peg. It’s me,” Griff squeaked in a soprano voice.
She looked at the others. A lovely young woman with long blond hair. Jefferson. Another black woman. Ike. A full-figured shorter woman with unbelievably huge boobs. Bob Roony. Peg turned back to Al. “Al, what happened?”
Al shrugged, and grimmaced as the motion caused his unrestrained hooters to bounce. “I don’t know, Peg,” he said. “One minute we were talking, and then the garage was full of some kind of fog.” He clasped his boobs. “And then we grew these!”
Peg looked closer, and realized that Al’s nipples were very erect, and he was rubbing his crotch frantically. Peg slapped his hand. “Al, stop that!” she chided.
Al kept rubbing. “I can’t help it, Peg,” he complained in a whisper. “I feel so horny!” He looked pleadingly at Peg. “Peg, where are your toys?”
Peg looked at her husband, now a horny big-boobed bimbo. She sighed. “In the second drawer of my nightstand,” she finally said. Al took off into the house like a shot, rubbing himself frantically.
Peg turned to the others, and saw that they, too, were unashamedly rubbing themselves. She looked at Griff. “You know, Griff,” she said thoughtfully, “you do look pretty attractive.”
Griff pouted, not realizing that it made him look even more seductive. “Peg, what are we going to do? I’m so damned ... horny!”
Peg thought for a moment. “Look, if you girls go get some decent clothes on, you can still go to the Jiggly Room.” Griff frowned, but Peg continued. “Look, you know that place is full of horny men just looking for big tits and a chance.”
Griff glanced at Ike and Bob, then nodded. “Good idea, Peg. But where are we going to find some clothes?” He gestured at his pants, which he was desperately holding up around his much tinier waist.
Peg glanced at the pleading looks on the guys. She sighed. “I think I can find something in the attic.” She grinned and cupped Griff’s boob. “That is, if they’re big enough up top.” She laughed at their predicament. The guys didn’t.
Marcy burst into the garage, her eyes desperate as she looked around. Peg noticed that her boobs were even bigger - probably D-cups by now! “Jefferson!” Marcy called, wanton lust in her voice. “I need some satisfaction.”
Jefferson turned to Marcy. “Marcy,” he said in a soft feminine voice, “look what happened to me!”
Marcy’s eyes practically bugged out. “Jefferson?” she cried. “You weren’t supposed to be here!” She walked carefully around Jefferson, eyeing his new body up and down. “What have I done?” she cried, anguished. She began rubbing her crotch again. “How are you supposed to satisfy me now?”
Jefferson looked at Marcy, his eyes equally desperate. “Marcy,” he pleaded, “I need to get some sex too!”
Marcy was breathing heavily, fighting the primal passions trying to consume her. “Come on, Jefferson,” she finally said, taking his hand and pulling him toward the door.
Jefferson didn’t protest too much. “Where are we going?”
“To get some decent clothes on, then we’re going to find some men,” Marcy answered with determination.
The trio of big-breasted men stood by the door, now dressed in some of Peg’s cast-offs. Peg had been right - her old dresses and blouses barely contained the big hooters of the NO-MAAM gang.
“Do we look okay?” Griff asked hopefully. He was squirming with his need, and he looked like a slut. His boobs were ready to burst from Peg’s old blouse - only imagination and one feeble button were keeping them hidden.
Peg brushed his concern aside. “Who cares?” She smiled. “With figures like that, you won’t be in them for very long anyway.”
Griff looked at Peg hopefully. “Do you really think so?” he asked. Peg just shrugged and smiled. “Okay. Let’s go. Next stop, the Jiggly Room!” The erstwhile men marched out the door.
Peg settled back into the couch. It was nearly time for Oprah again. On a different channel. As she leaned forward to watch her precious Oprah, she was interrupted by screams and moans of passion from upstairs. Peg frowned. “Would you hold it down, Al? Oprah is on!”
Peg sat on the couch, despondent. Even Oprah wasn’t cheering her up lately. “Oh, Kelly,” she whined, “I’m worried about your father.”
Kelly crossed her arms under her breasts. “Yeah, mom. Me too. It’s just not right! A daddy isn’t supposed to be more of a tramp than his own daughter!”
Peg started to cry. “And he’s having lots of sex! Without me!” she wailed.
Kelly looked at her mom. “Mom, how can he? He’s a girl.”
Peg bawled anew. “Why couldn’t that stuff have just made him horny and left him a man?” She pulled out a tissue and dabbed her eyes.
Al and Bud came down the stairs. “We’re going out, Peg,” Al called out in his sultry new voice. Both were dressed in very slinky outfits - more daring than even Kelly would have worn. And heavy, slutty makeup.
Kelly looked at the pair. “Gee, Bud, you look like you could be working. On any street corner in town!” She laughed at her tiny joke.
Bud smiled. “Thanks, Kell. And I know this may be hard for you, but it’s Buffy now!” With hips swaying in a way that looked impossible but sexy, Al and Bud walked out the front door, looking like nothing so much as a trampy girl and her sluttier mother on the prowl for men.
Kelly turned back to her mother. “Bud is such a slut!” she said, sounding disgusted. Peg glanced at her, taken with the irony of the situation. “I heard he did an entire fraternity house last weekend.”
Peg sighed. “You know, if he’s acting like that, it’s too bad we can’t think of a way to make some money from them.”
Kelly laughed. “Yeah. The way they go through men, we’d make a fortune. It’s too bad they don’t work down at the Jiggly Room,” she said, with as much thought as she could put into a sentence. “The more of a slut the girl is, the more she plays with herself on stage, the more she can make in tips. You can make four hundred dollars a night. Or more!” Kelly saw Peg staring at her, open-mouthed. Kelly dropped her eyes. “Or so I’ve heard.”
Peg continued to stare at Kelly for a few seconds. “Four hundred dollars.” she said in awe. “A night!” One could almost watch the gears turning in her mind. “That’s it!” she exclaimed. “We’re going to manage the NO-MAAM strippers!”
Kelly’s face clouded in confusion. Again. “But mom, they already strip.”
Peg touched her arm. “Yes, dear. But they don’t get paid for it. And if we manage them, we can take a cut.” She laughed. “They get the sex, we get the money!”
Kelly’s background finally found a use. “And we can send them to parties, too!” she beamed. “I hear some of the fraternities pay lots for dancers at their parties.”
Peg’s eyes were nearly glazed over as she thought of the money. “Oh, yeah!” she said excitedly. “All of that money! And it’s all mine!”
Kelly’s face lit up. “But I get a part, too,” she said hopefully.
Peg nodded her head, smiling. “Of course, Kelly. We’ll split it 60 - 40.”
Kelly’s face clouded again. “Mom, it was my idea,” she protested.
Peg brushed her arm. “Oh, all right. We’ll split it 70 - 30 then.”
Kelly grinned. “Thanks, mom.”
The door swung open, and Marcy and Jefferson came in, breathless. Marcy was excited about something. “Hi, Peg,” she grinned. “I finally got that promotion at the bank,” she said excitedly.
Peg was puzzled. Marcy had been after that promotion for over a year. “How’d you do it, Marcy?” she asked.
Marcy grinned. “I just gave the bank president the best night of sex he’s ever had,” she admitted coyly. Jefferson whined. “Okay, honey. Jefferson and I did it.” She beamed. “And when he woke from his coma, he gave me the job! Said he expected big things out of me, and that he knew I wouldn’t let him down!”
Kelly wrinkled her nose up in disgust. “That’s ... great,” she said with not a hint of enthusiasm.
“Look, Marcy,” Peg interrupted Marcy’s self-congratulation fest. “I’ve got it figured out how you and Jefferson can get all the sex you need.” She watched as lust filled Marcy and Jefferson’s eyes. “Kelly, run to Bud’s room and find some of his agent contracts,” she said deviously.
In just a few minutes, Marcy and Jefferson had signed the contracts, their minds clouded by their overwhelming need for sex. Peg smiled. “Now meet me by the Jiggly Room at 5:30,” she said.
Marcy nodded eagerly. “We’ll be there,” she said, not concealing the anticipation in her voice. She and Jefferson, practically playing with themselves, went back home.
Peg looked disgusted. “God,” she said after the door closed, “what a couple of sluts!” Then her face broke into a grin. “And they’re going to make us lots of money! Now all we have to do is find the rest of the NO-MAAM sluts and get them signed up too!”
Peg met the group of over-endowed NO-MAAM sluts in front of the Jiggly Room. At this early hour, the parking lot had only a few cars. “Now let me do all the talking,” she ordered as she turned to the entrance.
Al tilted his head. “You always do,” he said sarcastically. Then he pushed his boobs up, making them appear more full in his scanty top as he followed the others into the club.
It took a few seconds for Peg’s eyes to adjust to the dim light. Then she saw the manager. With the girls in tow, Peg marched to the man. As they crossed the room, Peg saw with delight that all eyes were on her brood of sluts. She smiled to herself.
“Ah, Mrs. Bundy,” the manager said warily. He’d obviously had some experience with the redhead before. “What can I do for you?” His eyes were wandering around the assets of the girls around Peg. Then he recognized some of the girls. “Hey!” he said menacingly. “I told you girls to get out of here!”
“What’s the problem?” Peg asked innocently.
The manager frowned. “The other night, they were trying to screw every man in here! I had to throw them out!”
Peg smiled. “Yes, but now, you can have their assets working for you.”
The manager was barely hearing her words. He was staring instead at the large-breasted women, watching them sway seductively, watching their lust-filled eyes.
Peg snapper her finger, and Griff and Jefferson stepped beside the manger, holding his shoulders as they rubbed their large breasts against him. Knowing that the moment was at hand, Peg held out a contract to him. Nearly drooling, he quickly inked the contract. Peg smiled at him. “Girls, go show him your gratitude.” Griff and Jefferson led the man toward the backstage area.
Peg and Kelly were sitting in a corner booth in the Jiggly Room. Across the room, on the stage, Al was dancing with wild abandon, rubbing his big bare hooters, rubbing his wet crotch, pressing his boobs in the faces of customers as they happily kissed and licked his nipples and slipped currency into his skimpy g-string. Peg smiled to herself as she saw the amount of money he was collecting. After a few moments, the set ended, and Al reluctantly put on his bra, then sauntered backstage.
This was Kelly’s cue. She ran backstage, then emerged a few moments later with a handful of money, which she gave to Peg. “God, mom,” she said breathlessly, “I never made this much money doing this,” she laughed, then suddenly realized what she had said. She looked up at Peg nervously.
Peg laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Kelly,” she said lightly. “I’m just glad your father is making me so much money now.”
As they continued to watch, Al emerged in his skimpy bikini, sauntered to one of the guys in the front row, and sat on his lap. Al began to rub his huge hooters on the guy as the guy began to stuff Al’s g-string with even more money. And while Al was doing this, Griff and Ike came onstage, a pair of exotic big-breasted ebony women, dancing like a pair of twins.
One of the bouncers led two college guys to Peg’s booth, and they sat down. They looked a bit nervous.
Peg smiled at them. “Good evening,” she said, trying to sound sophisticated. “How can I help you?”
One of the guys swallowed, then proceeded. “Our fraternity is hosting a big party this weekend. We need to hire some dancers for entertainment.”
The other guy chimed in. “We need some really friendly girls, if you know what I mean.”
Peg smiled. “I’ve got the girls for you, then.” She gestured at the Griff and Ike on the stage. “Now how many do you need?”
The guys looked at each other, stunned. This was too easy. “Um, we were thinking about ten to twelve?”
Peg laughed. “How many guys will be at the party?” she asked.
They guys looked at each other again, confused. “About fifty,” they answered.
Peg smiled again. “I better only give you five. More than that, and they’ll likely screw you guys to death.” She laughed, then pulled out an album and a contract. As she opened the album, she continued. “Pick out the girls you want,” she said, “then we’ll talk about the contract.”
The guys were drooling as they looked through the album. It took them a long time to pick out the girls they wanted. Then they signed the contract, still looking at the big hooters on Peg’s girls.
Peg set down the pen just at Griff and Ike came over with their money. “Girls,” Peg said cheerfully, “I’ve just signed you up for a fraternity party this weekend.” Griff and Ike grinned enthusiastically. “Why don’t you introduce yourselves?” Griff and Ike gently took the college guys by the hand, and as the guys swallowed with disbelief, led them to the backstage area of the club. All the while, Peg smiled, thinking about the money she was making.
Peg sat on the couch, gleefully counting a thick wad of bills as she watched the TV. In reality, the money was the one thing in her life which she let distract her from Oprah. From the upstairs bedroom, she heard another round of moans and screams. With a disgusted look, Peg turned her head a bit. “Al,” she yelled, “keep it down. Oprah is on!”
Bud, looking as slutty as was usual for him lately, rounded the landing on his way down the stairs. “Yeah, dad!” he added his sentiments in his own sexy alto voice. “Damn you’re a screamer!” He bounced down the rest of the stairs, clearly enjoying the jiggling of his big boobs. “Hi, ma,” he said cheerfully.
“Hi, Bud,” Peg said without taking her eyes from the wad of money. Then she glanced at Bud. “Hey, Bud,” she said with a puzzled look on her face, “are your boobs smaller?”
Bud flinched, looking down in embarrassment as he clasped his big hooters. “No,” he said quickly. “There’s nothing wrong with them.”
Peg shrugged and returned to counting her money. “By the way, Bud, you’ve got a party tonight at the country club.” She peeled a few bills from the wad and handed them to Bud, who tucked them into his cleavage. “Go out and get a new outfit. This is a classy outfit, and these guys are paying well.” She thought for a second. “Make it classy, but showing lots of cleavage. And make sure it can be cleaned - you’re jumping from a cake!”
Bud shrugged. “What’s the occasion?”
Peg laughed. “How the hell should I know? All they said is it’s formal, you jump out of a cake, and there will be about fifty guests.” She shrugged. “Probably a stag party.”
Bud grinned. “Fifty guys?” He shuddered with anticipation. He flounced out the front door just as Kelly was coming in. Seeing Bud, Kelly thrust her own breasts up and out, an act of a girl feeling inadequate in the breast department. Bud just looked, then laughed as he closed the door behind himself.
Kelly flopped down on the couch beside Peg. “Hi, mom.” Then she glanced back at the door. “Are Bud’s boobs getting smaller?”
Peg frowned. “I’m afraid so, Kelly. I wonder if the pesticide is wearing off.”
Kelly frowned. “Then he’d turn back into Bud,” she said, visibly suppressing a shudder.
Peg raised a worried eyebrow. “And we’d stop making money from him,” she lamented.
Kelly looked worried. “Should we give him another dose?” she finally asked.
Peg got a big grin on her face. “That’s a great idea, Kelly,” she said eagerly. “I guess there really is a first time for everything.”
Kelly bounced from the couch and pranced to the garage. She wasn’t there for more than a minute before she returned, a worried look on her face. “Mom,” she began, “the sprayer is empty! We’re out of the pesticide!”
Peg shrugged. “You’ll just have to run down to work and get some more.”
Kelly shook her head. “They don’t have any more. The EPT said it was too dangerous and confiscated it all.”
Peg glanced at her. “You mean the EPA?”
The light went on in Kelly’s head, and you could see it in her expression. “Oh, yeah. That’s it.”
Peg frowned. “That means when the guys change back, we stop making money.” She wailed. “I want them to stay women so I can have my money!”
From upstairs, the moaning and screaming stopped. Al’s new contralto voice sang out. “Peg, get me some new batteries.”
Peg got a disgusted look. “Wait a few minutes, Al,” she yelled back. Then Peg turned to Kelly. “Hon, get him some more batteries.”
Kelly frowned, her shoulders dropping as she accepted this menial task. “Daddy’s using a lot of batteries,” she complained.
“Tell me about it,” Peg answered, sounding upset. “That’s the sixth set this week. Thank goodness it’s the weekend and Al will be too busy to use the vibrator.” Kelly rummaged around in a drawer, retrieved a new set of batteries, and trudged up the stairs.
As Peg tried to turn her attention back to her money, Griff walked in the door. “Hi, Peg,” he greeted in his sultry voice. Like all of the changed guys, he was wearing a very slinky outfit - in his case, it made him look like a big-busted ebony street-walker. “Where’s Al?” he asked simply.
Peg tilted her head toward the stairs. “Upstairs. Where else?”
Kelly came back down the stairs just as the moaning and screaming resumed. She shuddered. “God,” she commented. “I’ve never seen someone so sex-starved before.” She turned and saw Griff. “Hi, Griff. Nice shoes.”
Griff smiled and blushed. “Thanks, Kelly. This is the first time I’ve ever gotten a benefit from working in a ladies shoe store.” He laughed. “And Gary doesn’t even know they’re missing!”
Peg turned to Griff. “Why do you want Al?” she asked.
Griff answered. “There’s a big football party at the sports bar, and some of the guys want us to be cheerleaders.” He was grinning at the thought of lots of guys there.
Peg frowned at Griff. “Well, okay. It is your night off. But remember,” she chided, “no jiggling, dancing, flouncing, and especially no sex - unless they pay.”
Griff nodded slowly, clearly dejected. “Okay, Peg,” he said softly. Then he walked with a sexy saunter upstairs to get Al.
Marcy and Jefferson came in through the open door, playing with each other’s big tits. Like the others affected by the pesticide, they were dressed to emphasize their overly-generous busts. Kelly glanced at them, then said sarcastically, “They’re acting like they’re married or something.”
Marcy tore her attention away from Jefferson’s boobs for a moment. “Peg,” she said, “we have to have the night off. The chairman of the bank, Mr. Hashimoto - is in town, and expects some personal entertainment.” She winked at Peg knowingly.
Peg picked up a schedule and took a quick glance. “I guess so,” she shrugged.
Marcy grinned. “I need Jefferson, too.”
Peg looked at the schedule again. “No,” Peg said, shaking her head. “Bud is at a stag party, Ike is working the club, and Al and Griff have the night off.” She put down the schedule. “I need Jefferson at the club.”
Marcy pouted. “That’s not fair, Peg,” she wailed. “I need Jefferson to help me please Mr. Hashimoto. Why can’t Al work the club?”
At that moment, Al and Griff came flouncing down the stairs. Al was dressed in an even sexier and more revealing outfit than Griff.
Peg made a quick decision. “Al, Griff,” she said, “you need to work at the club.”
Griff’s expression turned into an immediate pout. “Peg, that’s not fair!” he complained, sounding like a whiney bimbo. “It’s our night off, and we want to go to the sports bar.”
Peg was about to answer when Kelly said something. “I guess you don’t mind missing all the action, then.” She shrugged, but she had Griff and Al’s attention. “A girl gets more attention at the Jiggly Room. You can dance around naked at the sports bar, and as long as the game is on, the guys don’t even notice.” She saw the look she was getting from Peg, then dropped her eyes. “Or so I’ve heard.”
Griff and Al got lustful looks at mention of more attention at the Jiggly Room. “We’ll go to the Jiggly Room,” they both said simultaneously.
Peg smiled. “Good. Then Jefferson can go with Marcy to Hashimoto thing.”
Marcy giggled, clapping her hands, then she grabbed Jefferson’s arm and led him out. But he was complaining. “Marcy, I want to go to the Jiggly Room.”
Al and Griff turned to the door. “We’re going to stop by the shoe store and get a new pair of pumps to go with his new skirt,” Al said eagerly. The door closed behind them, leaving Kelly and Peg.
Kelly walked to the door and grabbed a jacket. “I’m going to the shop. Maybe someone remembers how to mix up a new batch of pesticide.”
Peg sat in her corner booth, counting money as she watched Ike and Griff perform on stage. Peg smiled as guys eagerly stuffed money into the g-strings of the ebony beauties.
The manager of the Jiggly Room leaned over Peg’s table, smiling. “Good night, isn’t it.” He leaned closer. “Is one of the girls free for some ... recreation?”
Peg smiled. “Take your pick. At the usual price - two percent of your take.”
The manager wagged his finger at Peg. “You drive a hard bargain. But they’re worth it!” He grinned and rushed backstage.
Bud came slouching in and sat down across from Peg. “Hi, mom,” he said, sounding very glum.
“Hi, Bud,” Peg answered, then she did a double take. “Bud?” she asked, confused. “You’ve changed back?” Indeed he had. It was the old Bud. The male Bud. Minus the goatee. And he was nearly in tears. “What’s wrong, honey?” Peg asked, displaying her moment’s concern. “Aren’t you happy that you’re a guy again?”
Bud frowned. “That’s not the point, Ma,” he complained. “I had sex. With guys. Lots of guys.”
Peg waved her hand, dismissing his concerns. “So?” she asked. “After all, sex is sex. Guy, girl. What’s the difference?”
Bud looked at her hopefully. “So you doesn’t think it makes any difference?”
Peg shook her head. “Nah. No matter how much of a slut you was as a girl.”
Bud relaxed and smiled a bit. “Thanks, ma.” He stood to leave, just as Jefferson and Marcy came up to give Peg their tips.
Marcy hung on Bud’s shoulder. “Where are you going, Bud?” she asked, sounding sexy and breathless. “You know, I’ve always found you so ... interesting.”
Bud gulped and looked at his mother, worried. “Help!” he cried. But Peg was back to counting her money.
Jefferson started rubbing his boobs on Bud too. “I’m glad you’re back to being a guy,” Jefferson whispered in Bud’s ear. Bud’s eyes widened in terror as Marcy and Jefferson dragged him backstage.
Al sauntered up to Peg. “Do you like the outfit?” he asked, showing Peg how the new outfit emphasized his boobs. He handed Peg a bill.
Peg glanced at Al. “Yeah, nice outfit.” Then she looked at the bill. “Al, is this all you do? Spend money on clothes. Don’t you care where the money comes from?”
Al shrugged. “No.” He sauntered toward the back, giggling when a guy pinched his butt. “I’ll be back for you later,” he mouthed over his shoulder at the guy.
Kelly came running into the club, out of breath, and sat down.
Peg looked up at her. “Any luck.”
Kelly shook her head. “No dice. The guys wouldn’t do it. Not even for sex. The EPT took all the formulas, notes, everything.” She sighed. “There’s no way we can get any more of the formula.”
Peg wailed. She realized that the gravy train was about to pull out of the station - and she wasn’t going to be on board.
Al settled onto the couch, restored to his male body. He leaned back and shoved his hand into his waistband. He sighed contentedly.
Then he heard the door open and Peg walked in. “Hi, Al,” she said. For some reason, she sounded less than happy to see him restored. “Do you like my new coat?” she asked.
Without looking up, Al answered, “Yeah, whatever.” He didn’t even notice that it was a full-length mink coat.
Peg hung the coat in the closet. “You know, Al,” she complained, “your taste in women’s clothing was better before the formula wore off.” She laughed to herself. “More trashy, but still better taste.”
Al didn’t even turn from the TV. “Say, Peg, something’s been bothering me. Where the hell did all the money go?”
Peg looked surprised. “Uh,” she stuttered, “what money?”
Al turned to her. “You know, Peg. All the money he gave her while he was... you know!” He couldn’t say it.
Peg looked innocently at him. “You only gave me a few dollars. And you did buy a lot of clothes.” Then she grinned. “And batteries.” Still grinning behind his back, she stuffed a wad of cash into her blouse so he wouldn’t see it. “So, Al,” she continued, “how are you feeling?”
Al frowned. “How would you feel if you’d been turned into a guy, spent three weeks dancing, jiggling, stripping, and having non-stop sex?” he asked sarcastically and embarrassed.
Peg got a far-away look in her eyes. “Actually, that sounds pretty good.” She giggled to herself. “Are you sure all of the effects have worn off, Al?” she asked in an attempt to sound sultry and sexy.
Al winced. “No, Peg!” he snapped. “I’ve had more than enough sex for one lifetime.” Peg turned and walked upstairs.
Bud limped in, supported by a cane, and flopped into a chair. “Ow!” he cried as the pain of sitting caught him. Bud was badly beaten up. Two black eyes. One arm in a sling. One leg in a cast. Bruises and scratches on his cheeks and arm. Bud put his cane next to his chair. “Hey, dad.”
Al replied with a grunt.
Kelly came in, her usual perky self, and sat on the arm of Bud’s chair. “How are you doing, Bud?” she asked cheerfully, rubbing his shoulder.
Bud winced in pain. “When did you ever give a damn about how I’m doing?”
Kelly smiled. “I guess you’re still having after-effects. Delayed PMS syndrome!” she giggled.
Bud flushed at the reference to his having been a woman. Then he got mad. “This was all your fault, Kelly!” he snapped. “Now can we just forget it?”
“Okay, Buffy,” Kelly said sweetly, teasing Bud yet again. “By the way, what happened to you?”
Bud winced. “Marcy, Jefferson, Bob, Ike, and Griff caught me backstage the other night.”
“Oh,” Kelly replied. “They all decided to beat you up when they the formula wore off and they were back to normal again.”
Bud looked down. “No, they did this when they had sex with me.”
Kelly’s eyes widened. “Oh.” Then she turned back to Bud. “I guess they still haven’t repaid you for the fact that you had sex with them, then.” She got up and started to saunter toward the door. “I’m going out, daddy!” she said cheerfully. Al didn’t even look up or make a sound.
Bud suddenly looked worried. “Repay me?” he squeaked. Then the doorbell rang. Bud’s look of worry turned to terror. He grabbed his cane and began to limp toward the basement door. “Dad, please lie!” he pleaded. “Tell them I’m not here!” He slammed the door shut behind himself.
Kelly opened the door as she grabbed her jacket. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Darcy. Mr. Darcy.” She sounded cheerful, but got a menacing snarl from Marcy in return.
Marcy stormed in. “Damn you, Al Bundy!” she screamed. “You’ve ruined my life! Mr Hashimoto is coming back into town, and he is expecting some more action!” She was about to cry. “What the hell am I going to do? And it’s all your fault!”
Al looked at her angrily. “How could it be my fault. It was Kelly’s company and that damned spray. I was as much a victim as you were!”
Marcy screamed. “Somehow, it’s still your fault.” Then she turned and stormed out.
Jefferson watched her go, then sighed and sat down on couch next to Al. “Who’s playing?” he asked.
Al shrugged. “Don’t know. Any team is better than no football.”
Jefferson nodded at his profound wisdom. “Except the Rams,” he added. They watched silently for a few moments. Then Jefferson noted, “The cheerleaders just don’t seem to have it, do they.”
Without looking from the screen, Al asked, “What do you mean?”
Jefferson gestured, holding out his hands in front of his chest, mimicking the size of big boobs. “You know, Al,” he said knowingly. “It. Big hooters, a natural come-hither look, a look like they need sex.”
Al sighed, and agreed. Then he got a very upset look on his face. “I’m afraid all of the effects haven’t worn off.”
“What do you mean?” Jefferson asked, perplexed.
“Somehow, I’m still uncontrollably horny right now, Jefferson,” Al cried, his face turned like he was about to cry. “And the only woman in the house is Peg!”
Jefferson settled in on the couch to watch the game, tucking his hand into his waist, while Al trudged upstairs. And the expression on Al’s face was that of a condemned man.
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