'Life's a Bitch'

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‘Life’s a bitch’
By Julie D Cole

Synopsis : this is a story about a hard working guy who has feminine features who suddenly finds his hard work has been to no avail. The first chapter is in the immediate present and explains the circumstances in which he finds himself after he decides 'life is a bitch' and steps into a bitches shoes. The following chapters will fill in some background and when his chance for revenge comes, out of the blue, he has a decision to take and then he has to decide how far he is prepared to go if he is to succeed. Would you step into a bitches shoes, given the chance and if you found it was something enjoyable as well as filled with risk.
Who knows what we would do if such a situation arose. Is life better as a bitch I wonder? Let's see.

Lifes a bitch sometimes. There are all sorts of ways to tackle this bitch but I never meant for things to get so out of hand.

I’d lost my job. I’d lost the love of my life. My mum wasn’t talking to me. My best friend was really pissed off with me. My flatmate probably had a hit out on me by now and I’d reached a point where in a few days time I was likely to be homeless. Back home up North to mum? ‘No way Hose.’ Not that there is anything wrong with the North of England except I’d have failed in mums eyes and my school friend eyes in trying to cross the North-South divide.

When things spiral downwards they do so at an alarming rate so in such a short time I was feeling desperate. I felt sure what was happening to me was scripted by someone who’d seen the film Trading Places.

Considering how low I’d felt and how my life had turned ‘tits up’ and had then been this last week I felt amazingly smug. Well I guess more feeling happy really. I stretched out as far as I could and curled the tips of my fingers around the headboard. Was this real? Was this me or what? Had I been projected into a parallel world?

I scrunched my toes up in the crisp white cotton sheets that had found the way to the foot of the bed. I felt so nice. Everything was still, everything was calm and I guess it was clear that I was smiling having just realised what an afterglow feeling is like. I blinked as I stared across to the large window that was filled with sun-light. The breeze was blowing the fine net curtains and introducing welcome fresh air to the room after the previous nights and aabecause as the sun shone through the window.

Somewhere across the room I heard a phone beep. But instead of jumping up to find it and answer it and who needed what and how quickly could I get it for them I decided to let it ring. It sounded like a phone in silent mode but I wasn’t likely to set mine at silent.

I listened instead to the sound of the shower running in the bathroom and pressed my lips together to refresh the tingling sensation before it faded away. The stubble burn that tickled my cheeks was much more stubborn. I liked it. I was so happy.

My best friend was wrong. ‘Everything was going to be fine.’ Somehow I’d got over many obstacles this last week and now I was feeling = yes everything seemed to be just fine.

Yes for sure if just two weeks ago someone had predicted what was ahead of me I would have just laughed in disbelief. Life can be a merry go round and when things get bad it’s hard to turn them around. You have to be pretty tough and look seriously at your options. Look for support, if it’s there and if not just believe in yourself. Let’s face it none of us know how strong or how weak or vulnerable we are until life takes a swipe at us. I thought I was invincible and I’d spent my life setting goals that I achieved. Some of us don’t know how far we’d go until we are in there fighting to get out of the mire. .

The phone beeped again.

I ignored it again because now I felt hat everything was going to turn out nice again like it usually did for me. I was feeling pretty good, despite the effects of the booze, after a wonderful evening that ended up turning into a fantastic night like I could never have dreamed of. I was pretty pleased with myself not to have been found out. At least as far as I could tell I hadn’t. So not only had I duped Vanessa’s agent but her client too and her supposed associate who obviously now thought he’s finally bedded her. I felt I must have satisfied him and it certainly seemed so as I heard him singing to himself.

Now all I had to do was to make it to the bathroom when he’d finished and hopefully we’d have brunch together before parting as two completely satisfied business colleagues.

So the interview and the publicity photos were well progressed and everything seemed great. Hopefully our client was happy, my employer was happy and would be paying in a lump sum in cash and the rest to the Company account. No telling what reaction that would bring when Vanessa realised she’d missed out on a great trip plus a night with a stallion. All her men were stallions according to her and certainly I could see what she meant. Now I could spend the rest of the day reliving some of the things I’d done with this terrible man and just a few hours of catch up to finish the job. By tomorrow night I’d be finished in Hong Kong and the following day I’d be on my way home with cash to my pockets and could drop Vanessas things back before she missed them. So not only a cash bonus but a double whammy. I’d been laid for the first time.

Rolling over onto my stomach I was very glad I couldn’t see the state of myself. My long hair was all tangles and my carefully applied make-up was now smudged and lots deposited over the pillow cases. Let’s face it many a woman must have woken like this and post sex or post orgasmic smugness can’t be a good look on any body that made me feel more comfortable.If I had seen me right now I might have wanted to punch me. Not that post-orgasmic anything was a look I was terribly familiar with. Well the bad hair and the terrible make-up yes but the smug and just shagged rotten look was something that a woman might feel rather than me. I’d just been taken by a handsome man and now I feared for his reaction. Who would ever believe it. Yet it wasn’t a bad experience was it or wrong to let someone believe what they thought they were doing is it? Surely I hadn’t got away with it.

If there was one thing I realised now it was how women must find it a challenge to get through a long passionate session without a guy sandpapering the top three layers of your skin on your face and in my case how to escape before my own light stubble started to fight back.

Three more beeps.

No matter how hard I tried to ignore it my phone wasn’t giving up.With a tiny sad sniff I was going to answer the bloody thing but it wasn’t on the night stand where I’d left it because it wasn’t my night stand. I’d no idea where it was hiding. The beautiful red silk Valentino dress was on one side of the room, my bra on the other. Somewhere in the middle was a white shirt and a beach towel and from deep inside a pile of mens clothes, none of which were mine, another phone started to ring in time with mine.Screw you Vodaphone. Is there no chance of some post sex peace and quiet or chance to think how to escape this situation. After all we had both been very drunk and him more than me. Maybe he hadn’t twigged. Maybe he was so taken with me that he believed he had made love to me.

“Vanessa”

I watched the huge bamboo fan on the ceiling spinning around and tapped out the rhythm of the phones, making no effort to answer them or the man in the bathroom.

“Vanessa”

Oh right that was me. Well sort of.

“Yeah I sort of shouted back in as high a pitched voice as I could muster with a through that was as dry as the Sahara desert. I needed some water not only for lubrication but to help with the feeling of de-hydration having consumed so much wine and vodka. He had consumed much more than me in his attempts to get into my pants and like most girls in these circumstances I’d put up a long show of resistance before I’d capitulated. He was one good looking guy and my friend Amy would have killed for the opportunity. What a wonderful experience and so different to what I’d ever imagined. Amy was right. A man can enjoy sex but a woman lives it and gets the greater satisfaction. If I had all the equipment I just wondered how I’d be feeling right now. This was so wonderful as it was and yet so dangerous. Surely he knew?

But how could he since many a girl must have given their guy a great time without full penetration. How many more times did he expect to ejaculate in one night before there was nothing left in the tank? Completely empty as far as I could recall and as soft as a marshmellow with hardly a twitch of reaction by the time I’d finished with him. I was just surprised he had the energy to get out of bed and take a shower with no real time for recovery. I doubted I’d be able to walk comfortably and no chance to run away even if I wanted to.

“Yeah” I shouted back ensuring my knickers were still intact and looking for something to cover my man boobs so they did at least look like a full chest as they’d done the night before when I’d finally created the look I’d strived for this last few months. Not quite set of 38’s but as tender and soft as any girls I’d seen or tried to fondle in my clumsy attempts to be one of the guys at the back of the school changing rooms. Recently I’d enjoyed many an evening massaging my chest to try to stimulate growth and softly stroking my nipples so that they learned to stand to attention at the slightest touch and stay erect long enough to catch attention.

These were all mine and I wanted to keep them. Last night for the first time I’d enjoyed the experience of a mans massage and lips and tongue stimulation from a leading expert. I looked down to see how the whiskers had left their evidence and how I seemed to have nipples twice as big as the day before. I needed more treatment like this and who knows what results might come.

Ooh they did feel a little sore and very tender. I needed to sooth them somehow when he eventually came out of the bathroom. Maybe a nice warm bath would help and perhaps I’d find some cream. I needed to carry some nipple cream or Vaseline nowadays if this carries on and if I am going to be comfortable in this guise.

‘Come on man I’m bursting for a pee. Never mind the bloody phone stop preening in there you can’t be that good looking.

‘The door opened and there he stood semi naked and looking as fresh as a daisy. Shining from tip of his thingy to the top of his head and all the way down to his toes. He was obviously pleased to see me and it wasn’t just the smile on his face that gave him away.

‘Stop please I need a pee. Don’t go away, I’ be right back. Hang on to what you’ve got if you can until I freshen up a little. My mouth tastes like a birdcage bottom.’

In truth I need to get out of his direct eyeline because try as I did with one arm covering my new found bust and my left hand covering my own morning attempt at an erection I was in danger of being recognised as a complete fraud. Well at least one now who’d given a guy a good time.

I sta down to relieve myself that seemed to be the natural thing to do in the circumstances. It seemed like I was filling the pan and I never produced such a torrent before. The relief was almost as good a feeling as I’d had last night as we climaxed together. Me the first time for months and him for the third or forth time in that one session. Wow what a catch he was for somebody. Erect at the touch of his buttons [his zip really] or the nibble of his ear or even a squirt of perfume. That had been money well spent at duty free. I think he went into a reverie and didn’t understand that he’d been so infatuated with me and so excited with my massage treatment that he thought he’d actually penetrated me. Well he did to some extent but lucky for me not so far to cause pain and for him enough to explode. Not once but we did it at least 2 more times as well as the hand treatment. I stopped short of mouth to thingy resuscitation since he finally crashed out and so did I.

But I was suffering now and as the suds rose like fluffy clouds I whipped of the nicks and sunk gently into the water.

Oh it was bliss. Enough oils and beauty soaps to make me tempted to take up this life on a permenant basis. Why do women have this wonderful life? Where do men go wrong.

There was a tap on the door and I sunk a little deeper and a head popped around.

‘Sorry babe that was a call from Sage and I have to meet her for coffee and prepare for this afternoons shoot. Can you manage lunch with us? There is a card on the coffee table with the address of the Correspondents club. . Just sign in as my guest if we are late. Say about 1pm OK.

‘Wait what about him down there? Did he disappear? Thank goodness he had and I’d managed to avoid any embarrassment.

‘No he’s ‘AA’ for you babe.’

‘What — I mean pardon?’

‘AA-Always Available. Sorry I’ve got to run but as a peace offering why not not pop downstairs and treat yourself in the salon. Just ask angito add it to the bill..’

With that he was off and so much to my relief I could now relax and sort myself out with no fear of embarrassment so I turned on the hot tap and disappeared into the fog. ‘Whoopee’

‘Ooh that hurts. They’re so sore. But it’s so nice.’

‘to be continued…..

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Comments

I have a feeling...

Andrea Lena's picture

...that the nice hot shower may be the last time she can relax for quite some time? I was very glad to see the 'to be continued...' tag since I really don't want this story to stop. Thank you!

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I'm so happy you commented

You always give me support when I need it. This was the first time I posted and never received any comments except to my private mailbox.
I don't usually get concerned but the silence was deafening.
I must be getting too sensitive so anyway thanks for being there.

Jules

Not sure I like

Angharad's picture

my face being sandpapered, so all this macho stubble stuff leaves me cold, however, kissing a man with a beard is very different and I disagree with the friend who suggested it was like kissing a badger's arse.

Someone is living dangerously, and while I'm sure such things happen quite regularly, I think there might often be unfortunate consequences. Still let's see where it goes.

Angharad