Masks Chapter 1

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Masks Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I stared at the wall of them.

And stared, and stared and stared.

There was something just so…I don’t know about them. The masks and the make-up kits for the girls that they got to wear every Halloween.

Not that I could.

Nope that would be girly and it’s be frooty yeah I spelled it the way that my brothers would have said it.

Brothers as in multiple Mark the eldest, Billy and Bobby the middle twins and me Steven. I’m the youngest and as Mark loves to state I’m the runt of the litter. I am the youngest and everything which has its good points as well as its bad points.

I’m transgendered.

Yep I’m self diagnosed thirteen years old and I should have been born a girl. But I wasn’t.

And that sucks on a level so absolutely mind blowing that I cannot actually describe it.

Unless you’re like me.

And if you’re like me you’re not one of the people saying as their reading this that thirteen’s too young to know something like this.
If you’re like me you likely knew long before thirteen.

I take a big sigh and still stare at all the stuff in this section of the store. None of its really expensive it’s just it’s all really just forbidden stuff.

While my dad’s not a complete jerk he’s one of those dad’s that’s actually pretty good but very much a DUDE. And I really don’t mean that in a bad way he’s just a really stripped down guy around us boys.

He’s supportive and he tries but his…”attaboys” hurt way more than he’ll ever know or the “Who’s my little guy.” Eye roll…. “Sport.”…bleech… “Champ.” Face palm….yeah and he’s not afraid to use words like pansy when referring to some of the kids on my hockey team.

Yes…I play hockey and I like it. I’m a right winger and I can skate really fast and I’m good enough with my stick handling that it more than makes up for my size. I like being good at something even though I’m really so not about changing in front of a bunch of guys. No they haven’t started teasing me because I’m skinny or not as uhm…set up as they are down there.

I score goals and I’m a good player…hence I’m a winner…and once you’re a winner they don’t suspect that you’re different.

Why would you want to be different? You’re a winner!

I could go on but I’d just break at some point and you’d find me down in the arts and craft section crying and gluing sparkles onto myself or something.

And yes hockey or not I really am that much of a girl.

And so just pretty much like every year I’m staring at the wall of Halloween stuff with a feeling that’s like…well it’s like shooting on a goal and hearing that chink of hitting the post.

Yay then it’s ow.

I’m looking at the pictures too on the packages and imagining myself as those girls and then I hear a cough and my dad’s there and he’s got a basket and he’s staring at the wall looking lost.

“Dad?”

“Hey sport.” I wince mentally…do I look like a border collie?

“So…why are you looking at the girls costume stuff?”

“It’s for your Aunt Elsbeth.”

“Your sister? I don’t get it?”

“She kinda fell on hard time’s kiddo with stuff like other people and she and her daughter are moving back here to town and they’re pretty broke so your mom thought it’s be good to get them some stuff so they would feel more at home.”

“Oh cool…get some more of the white and black dad.”

“Huh?”

“White’s for pale and the black does like all the creepy stuff.”

“Hey good idea. I just dress in the stuff your mom picks out but Els, Els was a gothy sort of chick back in the day. And she used to love this stuff.”

“Dad you love all of this stuff.”

He grins. It kind of makes it hurt more and less.

More because I’d love to dress up as a girl for once. Less because my dad’s actually really good with holidays. He was broke growing up and they never could do all the cool stuff the other kids did so now he makes a big deal out of them.

And we’re pretty well off so that’s good. Dad works in a boat building shop and these are the big yacht types so the crash never really hurt the shop. All the people that buy or own boats that need fixing are pretty well off anyways.

He actually passes me a shopping basket. “Go and fill your boots we’ll make this a cool Halloween and a homecoming for them okay.”

“Anything?”

“Anything Bud.” ….Bud…there’s another one that just is…ick but I let it go. I start getting stuff there’s this little spark of an idea that’s forming in the back of my head about me actually being me this year.

Well not really me but not Steven.

I just need to convince my parents to let me go out by myself this year.

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Comments

Interesting start to a new series

D. Eden's picture

Thirteen is absolutely not too young to know - I knew, I just didn't want to admit it to myself or anyone else. In 1973, and in my household, it just wasn't something that happened. Boys were boys, girls were girls, and anyone inbetween was a freak - something to be scraped off the bottom of your shoe before entering the house.

I suffered in silence, just like Steven has been doing. I hope he can find it in himself to be himself sooner than I did. I wasted over 40 years of my life - hopefully Steven won't do that and hopefully Steven's family will be supportive of him.

I look forward to seeing just where you take this story. I'm sure it will equal your usual wonderful capabilities.

Dallas

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

I thought that opening scene just fit.

The longing and looking at all that stuff that's just not done. We will have o see what happens. Hopefully this will be all wrapped up for the deadline.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Many of us know that

The body we were born in is wrong at a very early age. In my own case, I was initially diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria at 5 years of age, in the summer of 1971.

Society at that time didn't approve of males wanting to be females, and I was in foster homes, moving from one to another once or twice a year, so there was no long term stability to set any kind of solid foundation for a major life decision.

It became even worse when I was initially adopted in late June of 1973, when I was seven years old. Shortly before the adoption actually took place, my adoptive parents were told about my gender dysphoria, and my adoptive father vowed to "turn me into a man, whatever it takes".

That SOB went out of his way to make my life a living hell for over seven years. If one of his biological children got into trouble, they would get a warning, maybe a slap on the wrist. If I did the same thing as they had, I would get anywhere from ten to FIFTY lashes of a two inch wide 1/8" thick leather belt.

The two times that I was found having dressed in clothing belonging to my younger sisters (my two younger sisters were both slightly larger than I was, even though they were two and four years younger), I was beaten with that belt until I was darn near black and blue from mid-back to my knees. In both cases, I was scared to death of anything being found out, so I made sure to wear my gym clothes under my regular clothes, any time that I had gym classes, until the bruises healed.

The beatings with the belt lasted until I was fourteen; in late fall of 1980, I told my adoptive father that I would kill him if he ever touched me again. That was the beginning of the end of my adoption and my life went from bad to even worse once the adoption ended.

well we

got a feel for dad, is mom some one she can open up to? the aunt might just be the catalyst needed.
great start, thanks

Good start

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

Oh this has some hauntingly familiar elements. I know that feeling of the affectionate nicknames that cause an unintended pain. My dad loved watching re-runs of Johnny Weissmuller's Tarzan movies so I became "boy" as a nickname after the character in that. I feel the pain Steven, I feel the pain. The line about the border collie was hillarious. :-) Despite all that, I still kinda like Steven's dad from what we've seen of him so far he just really needs to get a clue.

An interesting start for your latest contest entry and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

So what would you make of . .

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

"Sugar Peanut" ?

I have heard of girls giving their boyfriends such nicks, but what of a Dad calling his son that? Just wondering on the oddity factor more then anything else.

That's pretty odd.

It'd likely be considered a girl nick-name unless it was switched to Beer-nut.
*Big Hugs for Pixie Dust.*

Bailey Summers

Well,

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

I was a preemie and small, but he persisted in using it till I was half way through grade school(at least), not that it really bothered me.

Oh No!
Another Bailey Story to follow,
I Luv It! *Huge Grin*
*sends a burst of pixie dust*
~Hypatia >i< ..:::

That's a special case.

I'd say loving daddy and tiny baby gives him the trump cards there:)

Glad you Luv it.
*More Hugs*

Bailey Summers

YAY!!

I finally get to start a Bailey series from the beginning. I've read most of your stuff on this site, and you're AMAZING! Such real characters, great dialog, action, romance, and humor....Just perfect. I hope you are able to do this for a long time to come.
So Much Love

nomad

I will try to get all of the above in this somehow Nomad.

But this is going to be a short series made for the Halloween story contest. I'm very glad that you like the other works I've done too. It really means a lot.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Well his dad doesn't seem all....

That bad. I think Steven should talk to him. Bailey dear, you think maybe Steven can be herself on Halloween and maybe beyond too? (Hugs) Taarpa

We will have to see Taarpa dear.

We already sort of know what the three older brothers reactions are going to look to be if they do.
*Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Got me hooked!

Now I need to read more!!! :) (hint! hint!)

I am waiting to see our girl shine forth out of her costume and into the light!

and I am waiting to see her dad's reaction to it!

Sephrena

Ok, I'm hooked.

Great start. I've been in that aisle as a kid hoping and wishing the same thing.


I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Oh Panzers Jenn :)

I really hope that Steph's story is enjoyable honey.
*Awesome Hugs*

Bailey Summers