Masks Chapter 10

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Masks Chapter 10

*Before…

I’ll confess that I want to be that girl that these guys are singing about. I don’t say it out loud but I would love to be the girl getting sung to and just like holding myself in a happy hug while someone is playing something sweet to me.

I hold back on going full on girl with them and yet…yet I’m actually being included now thanks to M.J. and partway through the bus ride we end up lacing our fingers together and squeeze each others hand once in awhile.

It’s the best morning I’ve had in a long time going to school…maybe ever.

She looks at me and smiles and adjusts her hand and we hook pinkies together all the way until we get to the bus stop at school.

I can’t stop smiling.

*And Now…

For one of the first times that I can remember I get off the bus and I’m having some actual fun instead of steeling myself for all the stuff that I usually trudge through. We all sort of congregate in the hall by the lockers getting stuff and putting other stuff away we don’t need between classes and M.J.’s putting her text books in except for the ones for the first two classes and I take out my thermos and the extra cup and pour her a coffee and refill mine.

She sniffs a few times and looks at me. “Ohmigawd is that coffee?”

“Yep.”

“Oh you are an angel.” She takes the cup in both hands and sips the coffee and sighs and some of the other girls look jealous of that.

Middle school…no coffee or tea for anyone but the teachers and what you might bring in. heck you can’t even but energy drinks here.

Okay actually I agree with that.

I play a serious school sport and that crap is medical problems in a can. I know of a lot of kids that have gotten messed up by drinking a couple of say like Red bull’s and then like playing basket ball and then the ambulance is getting called because their hearts are beating out of their chests.

And those energy pills and stuff is just as bad.

They’ll let you bring coffee in but not too much. I know a kid that brought a large bottle of instant coffee and it was confiscated. A small bottle they don’t care about or if you bring in like Starbucks or Tim’s.

But as a rule not everyone brings coffee.

And that’s why some people are looking at M.J. with this look of longing over her coffee.

But there’s some other looks too.

It’s pretty easy to see the guy’s reactions…not I’m not looking there…just Yick but she’s definitely and literally turning heads.

And that’s so not going over well with Liz Jackson…she’s good looking and she knows it and she’s one of those girls that…well you ever seen *Mean Girls* Yeah her and her friends are The Plastics.

She’s called Elizabitch for a reason.

And nope I don’t like her.

She treats people like garbage she has since the third grade and her parents got this bunch of money and her dad some big bank job and suddenly she was better than everyone else and as she’s gotten older she’s only gotten worse.

She doesn’t like me either.

Last year I scored a lot of goals and I won MVP mostly for passing…like I’ve said I’m fast on my blades so I puck chase really well and I can often get to where I can pass it to someone who’s a better shot than me. I did really well last year and because of that I’m pretty jock popular and honestly even with four kids my family isn’t hurting for money either.

Which led Liz to come at me and wanted us to go out. She kept trying for like two weeks and she was so sickeningly sweet to me while she was still a complete raging bitch to other people I said no.

Well it was more to the point of….

“I’d rather seven rabid squirrels down my jock.”

Turns out no one had really said no to her that way and she goes from hating me sometimes to actually sort of scared of what I might say next.

That actually kind of worked for me.

But I see her looking Mary Jane up and down and taking her all it and she’s scowling. I can see her whispering to her suction cup lipped friends and I slip in front of M.J.

“Hey, those three by the water fountain watch out for them.”

“Why?”

“The blonde with the nose job? She thinks she’s the queen bee here and she’s been checking you out like you owe her money and spent it on that outfit.”

“Fuck…man…” She sounds tired and frustrated.

“And she doesn’t like me.”

“Why what did you do to her?”

“I didn’t want to go out with her.”

“Why she’s pretty.”

“Not…on the inside.”

“Oh…so…”

“So something about rabid squirrels down my jock might have been mentioned as a viable alternative.”

Mary Jane burst out laughing and I can’t help but to grin a little but Liz is less than enthused.

She leaves pulling her clique along in her wake.

I look at some of the girls we were talking to. “Looks like Liz might just have put M.J. on her hit list…can you girls look out for her?”

I give them my puppy dog eyes.

Yes I’ve practiced the look in the mirror but as me, me as a girl. Though it looks kind of sort of cute on boy-me I think.

I get a few okay’s and some aaaaws.

Okay that makes me blush a little which is bad for me but good for Mary Jane since it too is something that the girls seem to like me doing.

It’s kind of scary uncomfortable in a way.

I don’t want to be this cute as a boy.

But it’s M.J. so it’s important.

She looks at me and hugs me when the bell rings. “Thanks Steph…” she whispers into my ear.

Okay…kind of worth it for that.

Classes are classes and first break rolls around and I meet up with M.J. and the girls and they’re just coming out of the bathroom and I see Liz with a cup of Starbucks.

Yeah she actually has that kind of cash that she calls a cab to pick up her coffee order for her and all of her friends.

And I have a peter parker moment and there was just this look in Liz’s eye and I take a few quick steps and one of her ‘Friends’ bumps her ‘Accidentally’ and sends her coffee flying and it would’ve splashed M.J.

Instead it got me instead.

“Ow….Ow shit hot, hot, hot!”

She looks pissed then fake mortified. “Ohmigawd Steve I’m like sooo sorry it was totally an accident!”

“Yeah…sure…” I could say a whole lot of things but I…I’m going to be the bigger woman here between us. “That’s alright accidents happen.”

I’m pulling out my shirt from my chest and wow that hurt.

One of the teachers comes over. “What happened?”

Mary Jane looks livid. “That…” I shoot her a look and she shuts up. “She spilled her coffee on Steven.”

“Are you okay Steven?”

“Yeah…it was hot but I’m not burned…it’s just getting gross though.”

Yeah it was one of those Macchiato things with all the extras. I’m sure she ordered that so she’d be sure that she’s wreck M. J.’s outfit.

The teacher gives us all a look and she turns to Liz’s friends and she takes the whole tray of coffees from Beth I think her name is. “Okay accidents are one thing but we’re going to the principal’s office.”

“Why!?” Liz demands.

“Just for this reason there’s a limit to hot beverages here in school, maybe we should have a talk on how it’s not really appropriate for you to order things to be brought into school like this.”

“But…but…”

“And you can explain why there’s three of you and a spilled coffee all over Steven here and still three coffees on the tray?”

Liz is gobbling air as she’s trying to come up with a plan or an excuse where she obviously didn’t think of one. Yeah smart and planning isn’t really her deal half the time.

“Mrs. London?”

“Yes Steven?”

“Can’t we just let this go?”

“No I should take this to the office.”

“It was an accident they happen and if there’s a hot beverage policy that’ll ban hot chocolate too and they sell that at the cafeteria and sometimes it’s nice if we could order stuff in if we pool our money together.”

She’s looking at me. “Steven…you know that…”

“I’m the one wearing the coffee c’mon.”

She looks at me and she looks at Liz. “Okay but this is against my better judgement. I’m still confiscating these.”

She shoots all of us a look and she heads off to the office where I’m sure this might get talked about and stuff.

Me?

I look at Liz and I walk over to her. “Listen I know what you were trying to do and why the hell would you even bother? What did Mary Jane even do to you?”

You ever see someone get caught for being an asshole with no actual credible reason?

“Get out of my face Steve.”

“No it’s Steven not Steve…tell me why’d you do it?”

“It was an accident.”

“That’s bullshit and you three were caught red handed and Mrs. London knew exactly what you did.”

“I didn’t!”

“Bullshit Liz, you’re just being mean because you think you can.”

“Well she shouldn’t come in here like she owns the place!”

She shoots M.J. this pissy look and it’s mirrored with nods from the other two. M.J. has tears suddenly running down her face and she takes off running.

I… “Fuck…” I look at Liz. “You owe me, no more of this bullshit you leave her alone you have no idea what the hell you just did!” I run off after Mary Jane and I never thought that me not having boobs would be a good thing but M.J. isn’t wearing a sports bra and she’s not into sports so I catch up with her by the time she pushes through the doors at the end of the hall.

“Hey! Hey stop.” I grab her by the wrist.

“Let me go! let me go! I should’ve known it wasn’t going to change!”

“What you thought this was such a magical place that people like her wouldn’t happen?”

(Sniffle.) “No…I…I…I just wanted this time to be different. I just…I’m tired Steph! I just want to have a normal life, friends and not this!”

“I get that, I do it’s just sometimes…life sucks.”

“No, you don’t! How could you get it!? I’m scared Steph, I’m scared of school and people and all of this stuff!”

“I’m scared to, I do get it!”

“Really! How?”

“I’m a girl.”

“What?”

I said it. I actually said it and…and oh shit I said it without looking around to see if anyone is around us.

Thankfully no.

“I’m a girl.”

I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Shouldn’t this be easier on me now that I’ve said it?

She’s looking at me. “No….”

I shoot her this look, the whole thing I look at her and I take off the mask.

“Think about some of the stuff me and your mom was talking about.”

Oh my stomach hurts and me inside of me feels like she’s having a full fledged panic attack and she’s freaking out and screaming and clawing.

Mary Jane’s staring at me for some of the longest seconds of my life and then her eyes widen and she’s taking this huge breath.

Part of me is so picturing the slap, the freak out the look of disgust.

She reaches out and she hooks pinky fingers with me and sort of closes her hand so that we’re gripping pinkies.

“Oh holy shit…I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what. I mean I thought the way that you looked and how you fit and seemed so at home in my stuff that you were gay or like a cross dresser or something but you didn’t have a boner so…”

“Eeew Yick you crotch clocked me?”

“Hey I’m a hyper sexualized thirteen year old that’s read Kinsey.”

“I thought you said you never read all of it.”

“Well I read his stuff on girls trying to find out if I was a lesbian or not.”

“Huh?”

“Amanda.”

“Oh…shit…sorry.”

“So…?”

“I’m about a three.”

I grin at here and she’s grinning at me and then her eyes get soft. “It doesn’t matter.”

“What doesn’t?”

“It doesn’t matter Stephanie. You’re my best friend not just my girlfriend.”

“M.J. we just met.”

“And you’ve had my back everytime I needed you.”

“That’s just.”

“That’s just never happened before in my life Steph. It might be fast but it’s still above and beyond and I love you for it.”

(Sniffle.) “M. J……”

“Nope you took a hot coffee for me. You might be okay but I might have been burned and hell you might have been burned. That’s…that’s kind of like huge.”

(Sniffle.) “Your boobs are huge.”

“They’re not they’re C’s”

“You’re thirteen…that’s huge.”

“You’re such a pervette.”

I smile and she smiles back. “I’d hug you Steph but you’re sticky.”

“Yeah I can feel it getting even more sticky too.”

“Why don’t you go home I’m sure the office will be okay with it?”

“I’ll ask…but I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll come back.” Honestly I don’t trust Liz or her friends. If I’m gone they might just do something especially since word will have gotten around that Mary Jane ran out here taking a freak.

She actually leads me by our pinkies to the office and Mrs. London’s there and she’s looking at me and she talks to the principal and she calls Mom.

It’s a long wait in the office.

Mary Jane has to go back to class and it’s ten long freaked out minutes with everything running like mad through my head over and over.

I said it.

I said it and she didn’t freak.

But home?

No…home’s something different.

Mark, Billy and Bobby…they got the way they act from someplace and I mean Mom and Dad seem okay with this for Halloween but they…it’s not the same when it’s someone in your family.

They got it from somewhere right?

Mom comes in and she looks at me. “What happened?”

“Long story, but I had a coffee with all the gooey toppings spilled on me.”

“You get burned?”

“No it just hurt, I just need to get showered and changed.”

“Okay, are you coming back to school?”

“Yeah it’s been a rough one on M.J. too she needs me.”

Mom smiles at that and she has this proud of me look that put’s some hard cracks in the mask and it’s a rough and quiet drive home.

“You want to tell me what really happened?”

“Liz.”

“The one that was calling you for awhile all the time last year?”

“Yeah…she’s our resident debutante and Mary Jane got under her skin.”

“How?”

I shrug. “Plastic surgery’s coming loose along with her screws.”

“Steven!”

Ow…ow…ow…I didn’t want that…please you said it right before.

“There was no reason mom, I cornered her about it there was no reason other than Mary Jane is a gorgeous girl and that stuck in her craw.”

“She sounds like a piece of work.”

“Oh she’s that.”

“So are the teachers going to do something about her?”

“No witnesses and while there’s sort of proof there’s sort of not. I told the teacher to let it be.”

“Why if she was being malicious then she needs to be punished?”

“It’s only sort of proof Mom. Besides she knows I pretty much let her go so she owes me.”

“Will she care?”

“She better, I told her to leave Mary Jane alone. I think she’s scared of me.”

“Why?”

My inner bitch is bigger than hers?

I’m so biting my tongue to keep from saying that.

“I didn’t cow-tow to her Mom and that’s never happened before so she thinks I’m nuts.”

“Well you get that from me.”

I smile. “That’s actually kind of cool Mom.”

She gives me a funny look when we pull in home and I try to give her a smile and then I head inside and upstairs.

Yick…my shirt is literally stuck to me with sugary coffee and caramel and whipped cream.

I go to the bathroom and I turn the shower on really high and I climb in and that’s about as far as my adrenaline takes me before I sit down in the tub and start to hyperventilate.

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Comments

net progress

That still makes a net progress of one step forward!

Steph's getting there though.

And that little bit of real progress is actually a step that feels like miles.
*Great Big Hugs For both of you*

Bailey Summers

"My inner BITCH is bigger than her's"!

Oh he so should've said that out loud! (LOL). Oh Bailey, are you sure your not actually a 13 girl yourself? Or is it your channeling the 13 year-old girl inside into your stories like this one. I just simply love the dialog you come up with. It's like actually being there seeing it happen. Love, Taarpa

I'm glad that I'm finding Steph's voice.

It's something I wanted to really have come across with the feelings and attitude that comes with a TG teen.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

This is getting soooo good!

And we haven't even gotten to the costume reveal!

Bailey, you write superb, sublime, riveting dramedy (that would be a Baileyism if it wasn't already being used. Unlike Comama, which just sounds like one parental half of an alternative family unit.)

I am so looking forward to how Steph and MJ do their Halloween dress-up. Hopefully with a good helping of Elizabitch--no, I won't say it. That is so sexist and mean spirited. But I wouldn't mind if the Wicked Witch ended up melting a little on All Hallows Eve! ;)

SuZie

I'm so glad that you liked it SuZie:)

I'm actually pretty fond of this because it feels like I'm getting the teen stuff but keeping the drama ad angst of being a TG teen. Though I am thinking of maybe a few costumes in the story.

There will likely be more of Elizabitch.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Ow.

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

Awwww, poor Steph. She's taking a battering at virtually every turn but she still keeps going. I'm hoping after school she gets a chance for a bit of real Steph time to make up for it.

Great story Bailey.



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Teen years are full of hard bumps.

Especially when you're that different and in a world that sometimes isn't very safe or accepting.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Steph made the

First big step. She told someone, now she needs to tell mom. Best time would be.on the way back to school, though Steph may not be ready for that.

Thank you so much for this excellnt slice of life

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

Coming out to family

Bear in mind none of them have seen her en femme yet - as we saw at the end of this episode, Steph still thinks Mom and Dad influenced her brothers' personalities so doesn't trust them with the secret yet (although not freaking at the mention of her idea for the costume contest was a good start).

I think it's far more likely that the earliest conceivable time for her mentioning her inner self to her family would likely to be during the costume contest itself (probably near the end), which may be a few days away (if it's set this year, it's probably currently Monday 29th October) - alternatively attempting to go back to normal on Friday 1st November and over the weekend discovers it would be torturous to go back to the way things were, so comes out then.

Covering the costume contest itself may take a few chapters (especially the reactions of the various factions at school, which we'll no doubt discover more of soon!) - the girls met on the bus may take warmly to what they think will be the temporary one-off appearance of Steph, while Liz & co on the other hand may feel upstaged and seek to restore the status quo...


As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Steph coming out will greatly depend on how they react

to her doing the learning thing for her contest stuff. It's a scary thing being on the edge and now there's her Aunt and her cousin and current best friend being an interest.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Not ready yet.

And actually she'd not have said it if she didn't need to get through to a distraught Mary Jane.

But it is that big first step still.
*Blessed Hugs*

Bailey Summers

How would Beavis and Butthead have put it?

Extravagance's picture

"Whoah, this chick is cool!"

Indeed, and even when she's covered in coffee! = )
Yet another wonderful creation from the wizard of the online pen. ^_^
*HuggleSnugglePurrKissLickyourfaceHappytailswish* <3

Catfolk Pride.PNG

Some real good writing...

This dialogue of well felt words, feelings well portrayed:
"Oh my stomach hurts and me inside of me feels like she’s having a full fledged panic attack and she’s freaking out and screaming and clawing."

Steph and MJ here and others in other stories are speaking to different ones of us, congratulations and thanks.

I hope you have not experienced half the journey and pain that you writing indicates you might have. It seems to me much of your writing comes from the gut as well as writing ability. But I know it covers real experiences, joys as well as hurts many in the BC community experience.

Hugs, JessieC

Jessica E. Connors

Jessica Connors

So many get this Jessie, it's common feelings.

Please can I come out? I'm scared, don't put me away again.
No
No, No...
I can't wear that mask again.

*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers