Since it is the season of giving as well as that awkward time of year when the Queen’s most loyal subjects know what happened at Downton Abby in season four while their American cousins can only guess, I have decided to share a story taken from the novel ‘Grace’ with you. I hope you enjoy the story for what it is, an early Christmas gift to be enjoyed.

Nancy Cole
a.k.a. HW Coyle

With Christmas but a week away and the household staff scurrying about preparing for the Rawlings’ annual holiday ball, both Faith and Grace were keen to be done with the last of their exams. So, when the hesitant creaking of the door to their classroom distracted them the two girls were more than a tad annoyed, at least until they saw Christopher staring back at them through the narrow crack. With a twinkle in his eye and a cheeky grin he greeted them. “Good afternoon ladies. I do hope I am not interrupting anything important.”

From his desk Edward Wyatt answered for them. “As a matter of fact you are, young sir. So unless your German is up to snuff and you’re willing to help them translate the simple passage they have been struggling with for the better part of an hour I suggest you seek amusement elsewhere.”

Looking over at the dour tutor, Christopher nodded. “I was indeed just on my way there when I thought I’d pop in, say hello to my dear, sweet sister and ask Miss Gilford if she would be so kind as to join me in the study when she has an opportunity to do so.”

“Your fraternal greeting has been tendered and message to yonder fair maiden received,” Wyatt replied dryly. “Now, be off with you young man before I am forced to find a choice passage or two from Suetonius for you to translate.”

Feigning horror, Christopher prepared to withdraw, but not before giving Grace a toothy grin and wink.

Once he was finally gone with another groan from the door Grace glanced over at Faith in time to spot a grin on her face that was just as broad as her brother’s had been. She quickly turned her attention back to her test paper in a desperate attempt to hide her rapidly spreading crimson flush. Sadly her efforts were of little avail from either Faith, whose grin now resembled Mr. Carroll’s Cheshire Cat or the dour Welshman who was watching her like a hawk.

“Miss Gilford,” Wyatt sighed, “as charming as you are I would much rather spend Christmas in Cardiff with my family than here watching you go all agog over Lady Faith’s brother.”

Anxious to keep Edward Wyatt and Faith from adding to the acute embarrassment she already felt and wishing to finish the test before her as quickly as possible, if for no other reason than to find out what Christopher had on his mind, Grace went back to translating ‘Die Lorelei’ from German into English.

When she finally entered the study she found Christopher seated in a window seat, his back against the sidewall and his arms wrapped around his drawn up legs. He was gazing out at the small private garden surrounded by tall hedges that had once been reserved for the lady of the house, watching as it filled with snow which had just begun falling. When he finally became aware of Grace’s presence Christopher greeted her with a warm, inviting smile. “Ah, finished at last.”

“Yes, praise the Lord and no thanks to Mr. Wyatt,” Grace replied wryly as she approached the window seat and climbed up into it across from Christopher. “I have completed my last exam. As to whether I am finished, as in alles ist kaput, that is very much up in the air.”

“You always make it sound as if you’ve made a complete hash of things even though everything you do always comes out better than right in the end.”

Drawing her legs up and wrapping her arms around them, Grace drew in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “I wish that were true,” she murmured as she took to watching the snow settling gently just beyond the windowpane.

Looking over at the fetching young girl who was in his eyes so much more than his sister’s dearest friend, Christopher was about to say something funny but stopped when he saw the thoughtful expression on Grace’s face. Instead he held his tongue as he went back to gazing out the window.

“You said you wished to see me about something,” Grace finally stated without bothering to look away from the wintery scene outside.

“Well, actually there are two matters I wish to discuss with you. Well, perhaps not discuss. The first is to offer you an apology for not being able to be here for your birthday. I did try to make it but there was a problem.”

Grace snickered as she shot a quick glance his way out of the corner of her eye. “Yes, Lord Robert told Faith and I what you and your chums did to your house prefect. You’re lucky you weren’t caned.”

“We didn’t do anything that would warrant that,” Christopher chided.

“Perhaps, but be warned if the idea of freezing my bed sheets ever enters your head, the threat of a sound thrashing will only be the beginning of your worries. I happen to know a few evil tricks of my own, Mister Rawlings.”

“Oh, and they would be?”

With a flick of her head that was a parody of the way Faith often prefaced a response when she was in a playful mood, Grace sniffed. “I shan’t tell you,” she declared haughtily. “A lady never reveals all of her secrets to a gentleman.”

“Ah, so you would still grant me the status of a gentleman. Too kind m’dear, too kind!”

After sharing a good laugh over this exchange, the two went back to watching the snow for several minutes before Grace turned to Christopher again. “You said there was a second matter you wished to discuss.”

“Um, yes, I did, didn’t I? Well, I was wondering if you could help me,” he ventured tentatively.

Suddenly put on guard by a change in Christopher’s tone, Grace attempted to keep their conversation light hearted. “Do pray tell, how may I be of service to you kind sir?”

“I am at a loss as to what Faith might like for Christmas.”

Having no idea what the Rawlings considered to be appropriate when it came to an exchange of gifts between a brother and a sister, Grace attempted to avoid the question. “Might I suggest you go with whatever it was you bought her last year?”

“I don’t think she would care for that,” Christopher muttered, warning Grace his previous gift had not been well received. “Like you she is thirteen now. How would you feel if someone gave you a doll for Christmas every year?”

With her thoughts otherwise distracted by a sudden realization she still had a number of gifts she needed to buy, Grace replied without thinking “I wouldn’t know. No one has ever given me a doll.”

“No one?” Christopher asked in surprise.

Suddenly realizing what she had said, Grace glanced over at him. “Well no, not for Christmas.”

The temptation to point out that he found this to be highly unlikely was checked by Christopher’s appreciation that some families used Christmas as a time to present their children with new clothes, families that could not otherwise afford to waste money on frivolous, nonessential items such as dolls. Like the other members of his family he did his best to avoid any questions or discussion of Grace’s past, at least in her presence. Turning his gaze back toward the window, he took a moment to gather his thoughts before reframing his question. “As Faith’s friend I was hoping you might have a better idea what she might appreciate.”

“A book perhaps,” Grace ventured tentatively.

“I seriously doubt that,” Christopher replied dismissively. “You’re a girl. Would you like it if I gave you a book for Christmas?”

Again Grace found herself having to scramble in order to find a way of answering the boy across from her without giving him any reasons to look upon her as anything other than a girl like his sister. “That depends,” she declared. “I happen to like books that are well written.”

“No wonder Mr. Wyatt prefers you over Faith,” Christopher snorted.

“Who says he prefers me over your sister?”

“My sister of course. She’s always going on how he raves about your work.”

“Well she’s wrong,” Grace informed him stiffly. “He treats me no differently.”

Realizing he was on the verge of incurring Grace’s ire, Christopher checked an urge to guffaw. Instead, he returned to the matter at hand and offered up what he thought was a winsome smile. “Will you help me?”

Christmas had never been an occasion Grace’s father made an effort to mark. How could he? As a gentleman’s gentleman he was always far too busy seeing to the needs of Sir Kenneth who was quite the social gadfly, especially during this time of year. Realizing she would be expected to do something more than simply exchange cheerful greetings with the Rawlings on Christmas morning, Grace came up with a solution that would solve her problem while honoring Christopher’s request. “I will help you provided you find a way we can spend a day in Bedford going through the shops.”

Delighted by her answer, Christopher beamed. “Why not Northampton? We can visit the Christmas fair they hold every year in the marketplace. I’m sure I can talk father into having Dawson drive us up there for the day.”

Never having been to a Christmas fair Grace readily agreed, though she added one more stipulation. “I would like to take Rachel and Faith along with us if you do not mind.”

“I rather think including Faith would defeat the purpose of the trip, don’t you?”

“Don’t be so obtuse. If I see something I think Faith would like I can let you know with some sort of signal, one we agree upon before we go. Then, when Faith is otherwise distracted by something else you can double back and buy it for her.”

“Alright, that makes sense. But why Rachel?”

Since the real reason Grace needed a woman who was familiar with the family as well as what girls fancied to go along and advise her would not do, Grace responded in a manner she hoped would waylay any suspicions. Hopping down from the window seat, she gave her hair a toss before tilting her head back. “Why sir, I am shocked, shocked indeed,” she declared as she gazed at Christopher down the bridge of her nose. “Everyone knows it would be most inappropriate for a lady to be seen going about in public with a young gentleman without a chaperon.”

Playing along, Christopher also stood and drew himself up. “Ah, yes. Quite right, my lady.” With that he bowed, a gesture that was quickly followed by a burst of laughter that lasted until the door of the study was flung open.

“That wretched little beady eyed Taffy!” Faith exclaimed as she stormed into the room and threw herself into the first chair she came across. “I hope the train he’s on tonight plunges into the Severn and he drowns.”

Glancing over at Grace, Christopher cocked his brow. “Methinks yon lady is distressed.”

“I am beyond distressed,” Faith snapped before launching into a tirade over just how inadequate the word distressed was to describe the righteous ire she held for Edward Wyatt. Although both Grace and Christopher found Faith’s tirade amusing they did their best to humor her by listening attentively until her anger had run its course. Only when she had calmed down and she noticed they way the two kept looking at each other did she ask what they were up to.

“Oh, nothing of any importance,” Christopher replied in a most unconvincing manner.

Faith did not press the matter. She knew she would be able to worm a straight answer out of Grace later that night after they had gone to bed. There were no secrets between them. Grace was an open book to her, as she was to Grace.

Wandering through the Christmas market together with Faith, Christopher and Rachel reminded Grace of her adventures with Faith aboard the Titanic before… before that night. Around every corner they came across something new and wondrous to see, food to taste or a sight that left them laughing and giggling like a gaggle of mad geese. All took turns steering their small party to stalls that caught their fancy. Even Rachel found herself caught up in the excitement as the others forgot for the afternoon she was Victoria’s maid.

Besides providing Grace with someone who could help guide her choices of gifts for the female members of the Rawlings household, Rachel’s inclusion in this foray had the unforeseen advantage of allowing the four of them to break into pairings. This allowed Christopher and Grace to go off together to find a gift for Faith. In turn Faith and Grace contrived to lose Christopher so each of them could find what they hoped would be the perfect gift for him. It was during one such excursion that the two girls came upon a stall where nothing but music boxes were being sold. Fascinated by their intricate handcrafting and the mechanics of the musical movements, Grace lingered there for the longest time.

Faith’s temptation to hurry her along so she could finish her own shopping was checked by the joy Grace was deriving as she went from one music box to another in an effort to determine what impressed her the most, the exquisite design and workmanship of the box or the quality of its tune. “They are quite beautiful, aren’t they?” Faith ventured as she watched her friend delicately run her fingers over the inlaid design of a highly polished cherry wood music box.

“Um, yes,” Grace murmured dreamily without bothering to look over to where Faith was watching her like a hawk.

“These are nothing at all like the ones Father gives Mama every year to mark the anniversary of their marriage.”

“Yes, I know,” Grace replied as she ever so carefully lifted the cover of another box in order to listen to its tune. “Hers are exquisite, as are the waltzes they play. They are all waltzes, aren’t they?”

“Yes,” Faith replied as she came up next to Grace. “He told us once he picked waltzes as a way of reminding Mama he wished to share the next year with her as he had the previous one, dancing with her and her alone. Come along dear one, you have yet to find a gift for Christopher.”

“I already knows what he would like,” Grace replied as she reluctantly allowed herself to be led away from the music boxes.

Looking over at her friend, Faith smiled. “As do I.”

The annual Christmas ball at Monmouth Manor was always the high point of the year for the Rawlings’ as well as those from the surrounding communities Lord Robert and Lady Victoria deemed to be worthy of an invitation. Faith was particularly excited this year, for she was being afforded the opportunity to wear a gown with a more adult cut. Grace was less so, for it meant wearing a corset, an article of clothing she had until then managed to avoid. “Women don’t need men to oppress them,” she groused after Mary D finished tying off the laces to her confinement. “Women seem to have a knack for doing it to themselves.”

Faith was in no mood to listen to her friend’s complaints on this issue, not after having had to wear one since she was old enough to walk. “Despite what your adoption papers say it’s high time you stop pretending to be an American and behaved like a proper lady.”

“I prefer to leave that to you,” Grace muttered as she took to studying her image in a floor length mirror. “I think you sometimes forget you were born into the role. I wasn’t.”

The full meaning of this exchange was lost on Mary D as she hurried to finish dressing the two girls. Only Faith understood what Grace was saying as well as the implications of that inconvenient fact.

Once dressed and downstairs Grace wasted little time in finding Christopher, for she was eager to show him just how much her dancing had improved from when he had tried to teach her earlier in the year. “Your mother has been absolutely ruthless in seeing to it I receive the proper instruction,” she informed him as they were waltzing.

“I can see her efforts have paid off,” Christopher replied. “Now all you need to do is make your peace with the mare Grandmother Rawlings gave you for your birthday and you will be the epitome of ladylike deportment.”

“Why is everyone in such a hurry to see to it I become a proper lady? Am I not good enough for you as I am?”

As much as he wished to answer her truthfully, Christopher knew better. The girl in his arms was still far too young to hear what he wished to tell her. Instead he was content to simply answer her question with a smile and a wink as they twirled about the ballroom floor. Besides, he fervently believed the gift he had selected for her would more than convey that which he was so reluctant to express with mere words.

From across the room the Dowager Countess watched her youngest grandson approvingly as he and the Gilford girl who had become a part of the Rawlings clan chatted gaily as they danced. “If I don’t mind saying so, they do make a handsome couple,” she mused loud enough for her son to hear as he dutifully stood beside her.

Like his mother, Lord Robert had been watching his second son as he danced one dance after another with Grace. But it was only after mulling over what his mother had just said that her unexpected interest in Charlotte Gilford’s adopted daughter became crystal clear. As much as he had come to accept the girl who had become so much a part of his household, no different than his own daughter, the idea of his son marrying her at first caused him to recoil. Only slowly, as the night wore on and he watched the two of them through different eyes did he realize it was not a bad match at all. In fact, in view of what had happened between the Earl of Kendal and his second son a union between Christopher, who had the potential of going the way of Andrew Kingsley and a girl who was as level headed, suitably demure and as financially well provided for as Grace was not such a bad idea. It was one that was to gain greater purchase far sooner than he expected and Grace was ready for.

Never having been part of a real family on Christmas morning before, Grace waited until Faith was awake and ready before going downstairs. Mercifully she was just as excited to see what awaited her as Grace was. “Everyone does their utmost to be nonchalant but no one succeeds, not even Father,” Faith informed Grace as they were dressing. “I do hope both Mama and Christopher managed to come up with something a little more appropriate for my age this year,” she muttered as she took to inspecting shelves cluttered with dolls of every sort she hadn’t played with in years.

“I expect you will be pleasantly surprised by what you find under the tree this year,” Grace replied slyly.

Unable to help herself, Faith looked over at Grace and grinned. “As will you.”

It came as no surprise to Grace Christmas day played out as all special days did at Monmouth Manor. With a precision and punctuality that rivaled a trooping of the color, Lord Robert led his entire household through the day, starting with a visit to the parish church to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Despite having accompanied the Rawlings there every Sunday, Grace was keenly aware on this day how everyone who was gathered would be watching them as they made their grand entrance just ahead of the processional hymn. In additional to seeing what the Rawlings women were wearing, Grace imagined there was a fair amount of curiosity surrounding her and her place within the household. The rumors concerning this subject had seeped up into the family quarters from below the stairs as all such gossip did. So when Grace entered the church to the left of Lady Faith Rawlings rather than alone and just ahead of the butler and housekeeper as she had on previous occasions all knew Lord Robert had finally come to accept her. Most thought this was his Christmas gift to the girl. Not even his own wife understood the true reason he had elevated her to a status equal to that of his own children. That was a secret he and his mother kept to themselves.

A joyous celebration, so out of character for the parish’s normally dour vicar was followed by an enormous breakfast. As much as Grace wished to take her time and enjoy Mrs. Ewing’s bountiful offerings she, like everyone else at the table was eager to move on to what was for her the most important part of the day, the exchanging of gifts. Just like everything else, there was nothing haphazard or rushed when it came to that.

In a reverse of what Grace had expected, the first to receive their gifts were the members of the household staff. Both they and the Rawlings were lined up in order of precedence, starting with Foster, the butler who was flanked on his left by Mrs. Erin Brown, the housekeeper. Lord Rawlings, accompanied by Lady Victoria presented the gifts they had purchased for their staff. Most Grace saw were practical items, useful little trinkets that would make the lives of their servants a little more bearable. Following their parents, also in order of precedence came Charles, the oldest son and Christopher, who jokingly likened himself to being akin to the spare tire on an automobile. Each of them greeted the members of the staff with holiday wishes as they filed by and, in a few cases bestowed a small gift to someone who had been most helpful to them during the previous year.

Bringing up the rear were Faith and Grace. The members of the household staff Grace presented gifts to were those who had been kind to her from the very beginning. She knew a few had done so simply because they felt sorry for her while others had gambled that in time she would be accepted into the fold and therefore wished to be in her good graces when that happened. Not that their reasons for doing so mattered to her. All that did was that they had. To show her appreciation Grace presented small, heartfelt tokens to Foster, Mrs. Brown, Rachel, Mary D, Mrs. Ewing, Robert Keating and Andrew McGuinn.

Completion of this ceremony was not followed by a mad scramble to the morning room where the family would exchange their gifts. With what was for Faith and Grace an agonizingly deliberateness, Lord Robert led his little troop into a room tastefully decorated under Victoria’s watchful eye. In the center of the room stood the family tree where all the gifts, wrapped in bright festive colors topped with big satin bows sat waiting. Lady Ellen was already there, seated next to the tree like a monarch waiting to receive her subjects.

Faith, who had taken to clutching Grace’s hand had warned her that her father was in the habit of dragging things out for as long as he could on Christmas day. “I think he enjoys watching Christopher and I squirm,” she had confided to Grace the night before. At the time Grace had thought her friend was simply being melodramatic. Now, as each member of the family took their preordained place around the tree she realized Faith had not been exaggerating in the least. Lord Robert’s manner reminded her of the farmer who led his plow horse on by tying an apple to a stick and then waving it just out of the animal’s reach in order to drive it on.

Lord Robert began by presenting the gifts he had for his mother and his wife to them. After opening their gifts, admiring them and thanking him with a chaste peck on the cheek they reciprocated with measured deliberateness. And so it continued until the most junior male member of the family made his way to the tree to retrieve the gift he had purchased for a girl who was now the most junior female member of the family.

Having expected Christopher to present her with an engraved gold locket much like the one she had encouraged him to buy for Faith, Grace was a taken aback when he handed her a fair sized box wrapped in ornate red paper and secured with a white satin ribbon and bow. Unable to keep from shaking, Grace struggled to undo the bow and ever so carefully peel away the wrapping. After clearing away this debris, she placed the box upon her lap and opened it.

From across the room Victoria watched with growing curiosity as Grace simply sat there staring down into the box at a gift Victoria could not see as her son stood before the girl anxiously awaiting her response. Inquisitiveness turned to confusion when in the time it took her to look up at Christopher her expression had gone from surprise to dismay.

Before he had an opportunity to appreciate he had erred badly by giving her the gift he had, Grace was on her feet. Dumbfounded, Christopher stepped back. For the briefest of moments she looked up from the box she was holding in her hands and into his eyes. Then, without a word she turned and fled the room.

Faith was the first to break the stunned silence by sliding off her chair and heading for the doorway her friend had disappeared through. Victoria stopped her with nothing more than a crisp “Faith!” as she too came to her feet and made her way to the open door. Ignoring her daughter’s pleading eyes Victoria left the room in search of Grace.

She found the girl in the study standing before the window seat staring down at the box she held at chest level. Coming up behind her, Victoria placed a gentle hand on Grace’s shoulder to both alert her she was there as well as to comfort her. It was only then, as she looked down into the box that she realized why the girl had reacted as she had, for in the box, nestled in tissue paper was a heart shaped music box. Fashioned into its highly polished lid were colorful inlaid roses, red roses surrounded by an inlaid heart.

Just as Grace had, Victoria immediately realized the significance of the gift her son had selected. “I shall have Christopher return it,” she murmured in an effort to comfort a child she had grown to cherish as if she were her own.

“Please don’t,” Grace whispered without taking her eyes off the music box. “It’s… It’s lovely.”

Victoria said nothing as Grace pulled away from her, turned, took a seat in the window and placed the box on her lap. Ever so carefully she lifted music box out, set aside the box it had been in and rested the music box onto her lap. With trembling fingers she lifted the lid, pausing when Tchaikovsky’s ‘Invitation to Dance’ began to play. It was the same tune that was part of the very first music box Lord Robert had given to Victoria the year before they married.

Barely able to keep herself from shaking over the significance of Christopher’s gift, Victoria took a seat next to Grace. Gazing down, she saw her son had placed a brass plate on the inside of the lid engraved with Grace’s name with the year below it in the same manner her husband marked each of the music boxes he gave her. Not knowing what else to do Victoria wrapped an arm over Grace’s shoulder and pulled her closer as the two sat there in silence, listening as the music box’s tune fill the room.

Grace waited until the music came to an end before closing the lid. After drawing in a deep breath she slowly shook her head. “This can never be,” she whispered.

“There are many things we say can that never be but we find in time do become possible,” Victoria replied reassuringly.

With tears running down her cheeks, Grace looked up at the woman who had become more of a mother to her than the one who had borne her and repeated her statement. “This can never be.”

This time Victoria said nothing as she gently placed her hand on the side of girl’s head, eased it into her should and held her tight as they both began to sob. Grace cried over a dream that would in time end in heartbreak for her and a boy she had come to care for and a friend unlike any she had ever had and suspected ever would. Victoria wept as she often did when she was alone, for Grace’s suffering left her with the same sense of helplessness she felt every night when she heard her daughter’s scream without being able to ease her suffering.

All of this was all the more poignant, for it was playing out on a day when all around them people were celebrating the birth of a child who represented renewed hope. It was a joyous celebration they were unable to join in, for each knew the burdens they carried would neither diminish nor disappear. This was especially true for Grace who was able to put numbers to the days she had left before her world, a world she had come to love and knew her only as Grace Charlotte Gilford would be no more, leaving her once more alone and adrift on a dark, cold sea with no hope of salvation in sight.