Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 2262

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike, est. 2007)
Part 2262
by Angharad

Copyright © 2013 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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“I can’t do this bloody thing up,” Danni swore trying to do up her bra.

I don’t encourage any of them to do it up and swivel it round behind them, it isn’t the proper way to put on a bra. “What’s the matter?” I asked entering her bedroom. She’d overslept and I’d returned from taking the girls to school.

“I don’t know,” she sat on the bed and started crying and I knew it wasn’t just because she couldn’t get her bra done up. There had to be something else.

I sat beside her and hugged her, she sniffed and snorted for a while then seemed to stop, when I looked she’d gone to sleep sitting up. I laid her down on the bed and covered her over, perhaps she was going down with something. One of the problems of having adopted children is not knowing their previous medical histories. Had they had inoculations or childhood illnesses, measles or chicken pox–I didn’t know and most of the time, it seemed they didn’t either.

I asked Jacquie if she knew if Danni had had any breakfast? She didn’t think so. It was beginning to look ominous. Mind you given the stress of the previous couple of months, it was remarkable that she hadn’t succumbed to anything.

I sewed the hem on Julie’s skirt–she could press it herself later, then I went to check on Danni. She was lying in bed and had been crying. “Want something to eat?” I asked and she shook her head. “Drink?” she nodded. “Hot or cold?”

“Tea, please.”

“Are you going to have it up here or are you coming down?”

“Here, please.”

I smiled and went down to make us both a drink. I was feeling puzzled and anxious. I took the drinks back up with me and she sat up and took her mug. I sat on the side of the bed and sipped mine.

“How d’you feel?”

“Stupid.”

That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. “Why is that?”

“I think I made a mistake.”

“Well most mistakes can be undone, was it your homework?”

“No–my life.” A cold knot formed in my tummy.

“What d’you mean, sweetheart?”

“I think my life is one big mistake,” she said tears beginning to form again.

“In what way?”I was trying to give her space not lead her down my pathways.

“I don’t know how to tell you.”

“Tell me what, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know if I want to be a girl for the rest of my life.”

Oh dear. How do I tell her she doesn’t have much choice in the matter anymore? Well she could revert, but she’ll always be a boy with a vagina unless some sort of reconstruction is attempted and would that make things worse?

“What’s happened to make you feel differently about it?”

“I dunno, just been thinking–that’s all.”

“But being a girl won’t stop you doing most things, will it?”

“Except being a boy or a man.”

“When is your next appointment with Stephanie?”

“Next week.”

“Would you like me to call her?”

“No, I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just needed to tell you.”

“I’m glad you shared it with me.”

“You were right though, weren’t you?”

“Was I?”

“Yeah, you said you didn’t think I was ready.”

“I could still be wrong.”

“I don’t see how.”

“A day or so ago you seemed convinced you were a girl and happy to grow into a woman and all that entails. Today you’re not so sure...” She went to interrupt but I shushed her. “One of the problems with adolescence is feelings can change very quickly and black can become white in a day or the other way round. One minute you feel confident the next a nervous wreck. It’s just the way things are the only consolation being that most of us eventually come through it without lasting damage.”

“But I’ve got lasting damage, haven’t I?”

“That will be up to you, sweetheart. If you feel that’s what happened then you might, if however, you see it as you first did, a confirmation of who you want to be, then it might yet prove to be a positive thing.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like that again–’cos it might have been a mistake.”

“Which–the positive feeling?”

“Yeah.” Oops–this isn’t going very well.

“You might feel differently in a few days.”

“Don’t see how.”

“They say we feel better if we have a treat, how about we go shopping and I’ll buy you a new outfit?”

“What a boy’s one?”

“If that’s what you really want?”

“I don’t know what I want, Mummy. I feel scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I’ve let people down.”

“What people?”

“Even if I went back to being a boy, I’d be dickless.”

“It takes more than possessing a penis to be a man.”

“Yeah, but it helps.”

“I don’t know if it does–at times I think it might actually hinder the process.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Mummy. How can you be a man without a dick?”

“The same way you could be a woman or a girl without having a vagina.”

“Is that why you didn’t want me to have the op?”

“I wasn’t against you having the operation, all I wanted was confirmation that it was really what you wanted. I’ve done what I wanted with my body. I simply wanted you to have the space to sure with yours before you did any irrevocable.”

“I shoulda listened.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I helped.”

“You did all you could–you tried to stop me–I wouldn’t listen.”

“Sometimes the worst thing you can say to a teenager is what you really think they should do. They frequently do the opposite. So perhaps I should have said nothing.”

“Or the opposite of what you wanted.”

“I’m never sure how reliable reverse psychology is.”

“That’s sneaky.”

“Yeah, well sometimes being a parent means being sneakier than your kids.”

“I love you, Mummy.”

“Because I’m sneakier than you?”

“No, because you really love me, don’t you?”

“With all my heart.”

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

“No you haven’t, we’ll sort it out with some help from Stephanie.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Never mind,” she spoke slurring her words. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I love you, Mummy.” With that she seemed to slip into a deep sleep. I took her pulse, it was very rapid. She’d taken something. I shook her but she didn’t respond. I screamed for help.

Stella was first on the scene, “What’s happened?”

“Danni, she’s taken something.”

“I’ll get an ambulance.”

“No, help me get her to the car–it’ll be quicker.”

We wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to my car, we shouted instructions to Jacquie and both jumped in the car which I drove furiously to the hospital.

“What d’you think she’s taken?” asked Stella who was sitting on the back seat with Danni.

“I have no idea–I don’t use anything myself, so where could she have got it?”

“Didn’t she have some painkillers?”

“Yeah, but she hasn’t used them for ages–you don’t think she took them all?”

“How many were there left?”

“I can’t remember, twenty or thirty I think.”

“That would be enough,” said my sister in law the nurse.

I stopped the car and Stella jumped out to grab a wheelchair, between us we lifted Danni out and shoved her in it and Stella took off like a bat out of hell while I moved the car.

I was beginning to hate this place.

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Comments

Oh Danni

Teens are by nature emotionally unstable. Add to that all Danni has been through and you've got a dangerous situation. Feel bad for Cathy and family. Hope they aren't too late. Good to see Stella stepping in.

Dunno what to say

other than i had a horrible feeling something like this might happen, Danni always seemed impetuous and prone to doing something without thinking of what the consequences might be, You only have to think of her route to SRS to see what i mean You just hope that whatever she has taken will not be quick acting and the medical staff (plus maybe Cathys blue light )will be able to help bring her back to the love of her family.

Cathy is quite right when she told Danni that for an adolescent a day is a long time, If Danni pulls through she needs to remember that and maybe tap into the girl side of her personality and remember that the one thing that girls seem to do better than boys is support each other, That is something she will need a lot of in the future..

Kirri

I'm holding On To the Fact

littlerocksilver's picture

That Billie told her she would play football. I'm trusting that Billie was not wrong. Time for some good medicine, and the blue light.

Portia

I hope you're right!

D. Eden's picture

And I truly believe that you latched onto the key phrase here.

Dallas

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

Poor Child.

After all she's been through ...

G

“I shoulda listened.”

Podracer's picture

The sort of view which might come in one's 30s, and see a parent rather differently. Danni has this early. I only hope she lives to remember it. C'mon guys, the audience is all on your side.

"Reach for the sun."

So, Danni ...

So, Danni is not sure if she's male or female, well hello Danni. The hardest part is accepting that the gender spectrum no longer has to be binary although it can become the nicest part once an individual has ridden the storm.(And believe me it can be a storm!)

Another exploratory avenue Ang? Congratulations on your lasting success with Bike.

Thanks again and needless to add, I'm still lovin' it.

Bevs.

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