the Beholden.|
One. I’m Chinese. Yes I’m one of those Two. I’m a girl. Well I’m a girl on the inside. The Parchment
By Bailey Summers
Copyright© 2014 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved. |
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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from
123rf.com. The model in this image in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena
*Before…
It’s awhile…a long nervous while with too much water drank because on me and my stupid dry mouthed nerves and I look at Nat. “I gotta go pee, keep a look out for Alex please.”
“I will hog tie that boy if I have too.”
I do the have to pee run to the washrooms and do my business and I go to wash my hands and I actually get a hard shove from my blindside that send me stumbling.
“I told you that was her, I told you that was the little bitch that made me look bad at the Convention and on Facebook.”
I look and it’s Donna and three friends and they all look mad and bitchy and before I can say anything she slaps me in the mouth really hard and knocks me to the floor!
*And Now…
I have never been hit in my life.
Not really, I mean there was something back in primary when Paula Carter used to pull my hair because it was long and boys don’t have long hair.
But even with the few assholes home it was always getting a shove or getting fag hit on and stuff. I’ve never been hit before.
It hurts but I get up off the floor. “You did all of that Donna, you were the one using Alex to pay your way through the Con.”
“So what!? I’ve known Alex my whole life and he’s damned lucky that I did. He just wanted to use me to act like a big guy and have a life.”
“That’s no excuse for using someone, it’s just being a selfish bitch.”
Yeah I said it and yep she swings at me and I cover and it still hurts.
“You wrecked everything!” She screams at me and shoves me into the wall. I bounce off and her friends are there and they toss me into the wall again. “People have been calling me a gold digger and shit. And you showed up and you stole that thing he made, stole Alex from me!”
(Cough.) “You threw it away…”
She grabs my shirt fists twisting into the cloth. “It was still mine, Alex was still mine you little…”
She stops and cups me hard in the boob, then moves her hand and laughs as she pulls at my shirt and my bra and the inserts go falling on the floor and she laughs… “Oh just so effing fake too huh!?”
Then she shoves me into her friends and they’re shoving me back and forth between them and I’m crying because I’m getting scared, really scared and then one of them pins me my face to the hot air machine to dry your hands and turns it on.
One of the others gropes me.
There…
She squeezes and no matter the tucking…It hurts and I cry out in pain and she laughs. “Oh my fucking gawd she’s a dood!”
My…my world goes black and white and goes all slow motion and I’m hit a few more times…slaps.
Then Donna’s there in my face squatting because I’m on the floor.
“You’re going to leave.”
(Cough.) “No…Alex knows.”
She laughs this evil kind of chuckle. “He’s a good guy, a loser but I good guy…and you know what fag…tranny I don’t care…but you’re leaving.”
(Cough.) “No…”
“Oh…four against one, you here flashing us we’ll scream to security. Not counting what it’ll do to Alex’s dad when he finds out his son’s a fag.”
“No…no they won’t believe you…”
“I’m pretty, I’m young, I’m fucking real you little tranny slut you don’t thin k they’ll believe me? Believe us? You cause shit like this and Alex’s dad’ll have a relapse.”
(Sniffle-cough-small-voice…) “Relapse…?”
“He had a heart attack…you don’t think you’ll make it worse? I’ll make sure you do.”
It hits me, it hits me a hammer to the stomach that she’s right…that she has all the power. That they can say whatever they want because everyone knows we tranny’s are all perverts trying to sneak in on….
I can’t help the sob that comes out as I look into her eyes.
She is serious, she will do this.
I scramble to my feet and I run out of there and almost bowl Natasha over who I think was coming to look for me and I hear her. “Jade!…wait what?”
I can’t, can’t stop…got to get out of there.
I run outside and I dodge a guard that looked like he was going to try and stop me.
I run and keep running until my ribs hurt and my lungs are on fire and I’m in some downtown Portland parking lot and I’m puking my heart up.
I don’t know why I found the space between two old looking cars to hide and huddle in but It’s where I crawl into and cry…I shove my wrist into my mouth and bite down and cry, and bawl my eyes out.
I’m in that shock thing I think when I hear Nat screaming, yelling for me over and over…
I get up and my feet are screaming…I lost my sneakers at some point and my feet are bloody through my socks and the fact I was running on hard concrete and pavement is starting to hit me.
I stand but weave and keep trying to pull my shirt up from it sliding off my shoulder. I end up leaning on one of the cars and raising my hand until she comes running over.
“Jade! Jade what happened!? I saw Donna and…”
(Sniffle.) “Take me to the airport.”
“Jade…”
“I…I gotta go home.”
“Jade what happened?”
“I shouldn’t have come, I shouldn’t have, not ever…”
Nat takes me by the shoulders and she stares at me. “Jade what happened? C’mon talk to me.”
“Donna was going to out me, she knows…her friends know…they were going to cause trouble, call security and say I was flashing them….”
“That’s bullshit.”
(Sniffle.) “That’s reality….it doesn’t matter if it’s real or not it’s what peoples’ believe.”
“Not everyone’s like that, they assaulted you we can go to the cops.”
“No…Just no Nat, just look at the news, look online, they don’t have to tell the truth they just have to say it. I can’t bring that, bring the way I am down on Alex.”
“Isn’t that for him to decide?”
“No…Nat is dad had a heart attack, and Donna said she’d make sure it got out, tat she’d cause shit…I can’t do that.”
“You…you can’t let her win Jade.”
(Sniffle.) “It’s okay Nat. I’m trans…happy endings are fairy tales for us…”
“It’s not okay! Goddamn it! It’s not okay!”
“Take me to the airport.”
“Jade no…”
“TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT!!!” I’m screaming, I don’t mean to be screaming but I am until she’s holding me tight.
“Okay, okay…We’ll go.”
I’m still shaking and crying as she leads me to the rental car parked nearby and my things are inside. She gets me inside and carefully closes the door and we start driving away from the hospital, away from Alex and my hopes.
And the radio’s playing…
"Why"
How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey... this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...
Why
Why
I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard is said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
'cause i don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel
Comments
NO.
Simply no.
You're not doing it like this.
Seriously.
I get sick and tired of seeing people give villains all the power in pretty much every freakin' story out there. No.
Melanie E.
It goes unfortunately like that in RL.
What Donna did, it's all too possible all too common when you really do look online.
But patience Melanie, there is the final of the story to come yet.
*Great Big Soothing Hugs*
Bailey Summers
No
You don't give villains power, they already have it. That's the way society is made.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
If I wanted so-called "realism"
I wouldn't try to get relief from my personal demons by reading TG fiction in the first place. I'd go depress myself by reading Charles Dickens or something.
That's just me, sure, and I know a lot of people for some unfathomable reason like to see characters get screwed over and never find happiness, but darnit, because "it's the way society is made" is specifically why I don't want to see it in books I read.
*sigh*
Shutting up now.
Melanie E.
I kinda agree with you Melanie
Life can be shitty just for being our true self. But it can also be very good!! I know!!
As to stories we have the power there. If it is not something we want all we have to do
is stop reading. But I know Bailey and she has a real sense of justice!! So I think Donna
is going to find out that being a bitch isn't always to your advantage. I feel for Jade
but she has to learn that Problems really belong to those causing them!! It is not her
problem and she is the one giving them the power. You would be surprised how quick someone
will back off if you stand up to them. Sometimes the best relief for a demon is to face it
directly. Good has a habit of winning out in the long run! At least that is how I live my
life.
Hugs,
Pamela
"how many cares one loses when one decides not to be
something, but someone" Coco Chanel
TY Pamela!!!
Thanks so much for the faith.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Realism?
I defy you to find any mention of realism in my comment. I did not imply or say there was anything wrong with Bailey's story. It was your disparaging comment that I replied to. And I quote:
"Simply no.
You're not doing it like this.
Seriously.
I get sick and tired of seeing people give villains all the power in pretty much every freakin' story out there. No." (Emphasis added.)
Neither you nor I get to tell Bailey how to write her stories, yet that is what you are doing here. You don't like the way Bailey's character behaves ("I get sick and tired of seeing people give villains all the power in pretty much every freakin' story out there. No."), here's your TS chit to the chaplain.
I know you are a writer of fairly good work, does Bailey tell you how to plot your stories or write your characters so that she is not bothered by what appears? I sincerely doubt it. I won't tell you what you have to like, but if you are bothered by the actions of a character in a story there is plenty else out there to read. A story is like a movie, if I don't like the movie I leave.
It's really none of your business how I was feeling or what I was thinking yesterday, I don't make a practice of crying about it online everyday. Nobody gets to play the 'Woe is me' card. If you want escapist literature to read, that's fine. But you don't have the right to dictate how another author's stories are written, nor to tell any reader of those other stories what she is allowed to think about any particular story. Obviously you disapprove of the character's actions, perhaps you should have said so in a PM to Bailey. Because there is not one tiny shred of positiveness in your comment, it is entirely negative in it's wording and phrasing. First comment on the story is you complaining, that must have made Bailey feel good about what she wrote.
And just for the record, I feel that Bailey is an excellent author, even the stories I choose not to read are well-written. I don't say thank you enough, I know, but often I'm reading on my smartphone or tablet and I just can't compose and write on those things, my fingers are too fat.
Bailey, I really do enjoy the stories you write, even the ones that don't go the way I want them to. The only problem right now is the lack of daily updates on SEE and Jem. Is asking for eight or so new chapters each week for each story too much to ask? Naaahhh, I have faith in you, you can do it! ;-)
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
I have a new Jem nearly finished too Omega:)
Thank you sooooo much for the very passionate defense. It's always very cool to see that people are willing to go to bat for another person.
SEE? I don't know that story's acronym?
Bailey Summers
Oops!
That's Penny's story! (Hangs head in shame. :-( ) I must have meant . . . uhhh . . . . Sweet Dreams! Yes, that's it, that's what I meant!! You believe me, don't you? Please?
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Penny's Somewhere Else Entirely is awesome...
for the little I have read of it and It's on my reading list. I consider myself in very good company then. I will try to get more Hunter out soon too.
*More Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Sometimes even in the happy stories real things happen.
I mean there's all sorts of it in all sorts of stories and even in cartoons there's some really shitty people I mean just look at Prince Hans in Frozen.
I know you're just frustrated, and that you're hurting right along with Jade and that's the whole thing I was going for with this chapter.
The ending is very much different and hopefully what we're ALL Looking for <3
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
I'm sure you'll do it right, whatever that may be.
And I think you know well enough that my intention was never to be disparaging toward your work, but to be upset at the idea that a story that had captured my attention so well and made me care about the characters should seemingly pull a fast one on me.
I'll eagerly look forward to the next chapter -- just expect me to skip to the end before reading it.
Melanie E.
Auugh! No! You're one of those readers...
That, that misses the whole point of the books build up...wah!
I shouldn't complain my best friend does the same thing.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Not necessarily!
If I know I'll be comfortable with the ending then it often helps me get through parts that would otherwise be deal-breakers for me on finishing a book.
I know the buildup is important, but so is the payoff, and I like to know the payoff is something I want before dealing with the buildup :P
Seriously, though, I would only leave a comment like my first one on an author who I knew would take it the right way, such as you. Most authors I would simply stop reading, hence why I've kept responding :)
Melanie E.
12 pages in, and TY for the faith.
It really means a lot.
*More Hugs*
Bailey Summers
:(
I was so hoping that Jade would fight back. Unless Donna was lying about Alex's dad having a heart attack, I don't see him showing up at the airport.
I've got my fingers crossed for Jade.
~And so it goes...
Jade would have loved to have fought back but...
She honestly didn't know how. Self defense and fighting period's not all that common really in real life for a lot of us especially a young transgirl from smalltown Nova Scotia. And it can just happen so fast too.
Keep hope the finale is coming!
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
No offense, but...
I read your earlier comments.
There are times where I don't want RL. I want a chapter of a story that's like snuggling under the warm blanket on a cold, snowy day. I want that cup of hot cocoa on a cold windy day. I want that swallow of ice cold beer that follows a bite of the most awesome pizza in the world. I want something that makes me weep happy tears and purges some of the ugly RL that we all too often have to deal with.
ARGH!!!!!!
Okay, rant over. I know, intellectually, that this drama makes the story so much fuller, realer, and ultimately more satisfying, but...GOSHDARNIT!!!
Cicero2K
'Otium cum dignitate'
Cocoa, blankets, beer and pizza are on order:)
This was pretty triggering to write really but It was where the story took me.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Okay, I understand.
But I really, really, REALLY, hope that by having Donna carry out this much villainy and pain toward Jade that you give her a fate suitable to her evil Karma.
Cicero2K
'Otium cum dignitate'
Well I have no dought that......
This was a necessary scene to play out, but damn Bailey, still waiting for that magic of yours to kick in sweetie! I'd of bitch slapped Donna & company so bad! Now I'm jonesin' for a fight! The part I'm not understanding is why the be-otch was at the hospital for in the first place. Ms. Summers, I'm not really a fighter either, but I'd make an exception in this case! Loving Hugs Talia
There will be magic Talia.
I'm just hoping there's enough for everyone. Though Donna and Alex are neighbors, they grew up together amongst other plans.
Jade though has literally never been in a fight since she was like five or six.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Heavy Chapter ..... Good song though
Annie Lennox - Why
I thought it caught the driving away mood well.
Very good song though, amazing artist.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
well hell...
so how are you going to grow flowers from this pile of shit?
waiting to see, thanks
Flowers will now be added LoneWolf.
I really hope that you'll all enjoy this one coming up.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey Summers
Jade's song
Now, does she act on the regret dripping off that song, or does she slink on home, crying out the words ever after? I know my answer. We'll see what Jade does.
SuZie
Good, I'm glad that you will SuZie.
I'm hoping for a good turn out for this finale contest or not.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
I've heard an actor say
That playing the villain is more fun, you can see what they meant, from thrillers to panto. I guess it could be entertaining in a way sometimes to write them. I would write Donna with a long stick to the keyboard though. Helpless / hate / bully I can see is not nice to play out, too easy to see the receiving end. Bravo for seeing this chapter through Bailey.
"Reach for the sun."
Writing Donna's sort of like writing Adam.
Though you're welcome this was triggering for me to get through too as I can well imagine it is for a lot of readers. But people like Donna are far too common.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
ohh, darn it!
I actually feel like swearing at that evil girl
You're not the only one Dorothy.
It seems a popular opinion.
*Great Big Proud Angel Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Ouch.
Ouch. A painful but well done chapter. I liked (if that's the right word) that the real blows Donna landed weren't the physical ones but the verbal ones, using Jade's own fears and doubts and turning them against her. And then you add a wonderfully appropriate Annie Lennox song to build on the swirl of emotions generated by the fight. "This is the fear, This is the dread, These are the contents of my head" just encapsulates the mental beating that Jade took so perfectly.
There needs to be darkness in a story for there to be light. You need to have a darkness for there to be a dawn. And most of all, a heroine needs a worthy opponent to vanquish to underline the importance of the victory. The wrench that Donna has thrown into the romance is definitely a worthy opponent.
I was a little late to the party with this story but I'm glad I've caught up with it. :-)
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
TY Jemima :)
I was really hoping that the song was the right part of the formula for this sad, hurtful, dark chapter of things. Jade's fears are the same fears of so many people here that I think that Donna makes one of the darkest Villains I've done.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
A Heinlein character
Probably said it the best: "For every fine cat, a fine rat."
I was think of stringing Donna up by her hair and and seeing how long it would take for each one to be pulled out by it's roots. I don't want to hurt her, I'm a non-violent person. ;-)
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.