Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 126

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Cathy plays a googley and promises to love, honour and bake cakes....read on.

Easy As Falling Down A Hole.
by Sir Isaac Newton & Bonzi.
part:126.

I was getting myself packed to pop in and hopefully kiss and make up with Simon and then dash up to Bristol. The throb down below had practically eased off but I wondered if I needed to find something more comfortable.

I went onto the internet, most of the gaff type thingies look horrendous, mind you, you can even get one with pretend menses blood, how gross! That would have blown Simon's mind! Don't think I'll bother.

I wondered about a different sort of glue and after a bit of Googling found some silicon glue used for prosthetics, they also had latex adhesives. I looked on their list of suppliers and found one in Bristol near the BBC in Whiteladies Road. I phoned them and asked if they had the product and remover, you need a solvent. They did and the cost together was going to be under twenty five pounds. I would try a different sticker next time. For good measure, I also packed the superglue.

Arriving at Simon's ward, I could see he was busy with the physio, doing breathing exercises to help his injured sternum, I presumed. Anyway, I didn't scream at him because some young woman was running her hands all over his body, even though he was obviously enjoying some of it.

I apologised to the Ward Sister for my hystrionics the night before saying I had just started my period. She glared at me for a moment then smiled, giving me a knowing nod. I blushed, not only because it was embarrassing but also because I was lying yet again.

The physio finished with lover-boy and I strolled in, and almost before he could look up, I planted a very suggestive kiss on his lips. He stopped struggling very quickly.

"I'm sorry about last night, I don't know why I was so emotional."

"Time of the month, I expect."

"Yeah, probably," I agreed it was easier than brain storming for answers. "So am I forgiven?"

"What for?"

"Last night, shouting at you and storming off."

"Yeah, why?" He shrugged his shoulders and winced as the movement involved his chest muscles.

I began to wonder if Stella was right and should I commence puppy training? Instead I said, "Thank you, you are the sweetest man I know." Then proceeded to tongue wrestle with him. Once I won by two falls to a submission, I explained that I was on my way to Bristol.

"How is your dad?"

"I don't exactly know, I presume because they haven't called he's still alive, but otherwise, search me?"

"Okay, take all your clothes off."

"What?"

"Take all your clothes off."

" I will not."

"How am I gonna search you then?"

"Search me, what for?"

"You just asked me to."

"When?"

"Just now, when I asked about your dad, you said, 'search me', so I'm only doing what you asked me to do."

"You are as crazy as your sister."

"No I am not," he said firmly, "no one is as mad as Stella."

"I mean she keeps trying to marry me off to you. Only because she bought herself a new hat."

"I hope she succeeds."

"In what, finding the outfit to go with the hat?"

"No, in marrying us off, together."

"Sure you do. What did you say?"

"I hope she succeeds...."

"The bit after that."

"In marrying us off together."

"Does that perchance mean, to each other?"

"Yes, precisely that."

"You are as crazy as her. Wait here, I'm just going to ask them to section you."

He lay back and roared with laughter.

"I don't think this is funny. If it's just a tease it's rather cruel if it isn't, then it's probably ill conceived to the point of foolishness."

"It may be foolish, but it isn't a joke or game."

"I hope that wasn't a proposal."

"No, would you like one."

"No I do not. Please Simon, I am going to shout again. Look we agreed we would wait to make this a full relationship and we both know why. I accept my responsibility for that."

"You're not responsible for nature's short-comings."

"That's very kind of you Simon, but I'm happy to accept some responsibility for it. But until we have a full relationship and coincidentally, I am legally available too, if you take my meaning." He understood immediately about my legal status. "Then, if we are still compatible, or we think we are, then I would consider a proposal from you as serious."

"You should have been a lawyer, not only would you earn better money than those furry varmints get you, but you'd also be in your element, doing word games."

"I'm in my element when I'm outdoors in the countryside or on my bike."

"When is your birthday?" he asked.

"Why?"

"I wondered what star sign you were."

"I thought it was sun sign."

"Okay, friggin' sun sign, bloody Virgo I expect."

"No, I'm Sagittarius."

"Remind me not to let you near a bow and arrow."

"I have fired them, did archery for a bit in school."

"Any good?"

"I could have made the school team, the girls one."

"Oh!"

"But I could probably hit something the size of a man from thirty or forty metres." I was exaggerating a bit, couldn't hit a barn door from that distance but he didn't know it.

"I think I'll keep you away from bows and arrows."

"Yeah, putting a recurve bow together is quite good fun, can take your finger off if you get it wrong."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You should try it, quieter than guns, just as deadly. If those two poachers had been after us with bows, I suspect we'd both be on cold slabs now."

"Can we talk about something else?" asked Simon checking out his current injuries.

"Yeah course. Oh, Stella asked me to bring my bread machine when I come down on Saturday."

"Oh good-o," he smiled, "at least I won't starve then, soup and bread at weekends. Will you bake me some cakes as well."

"If you want me too." I could see myself spending the whole weekend in the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, brilliant. Can you do an almond slice?"

"I suppose so, it isn't that difficult if you have the ingredients."

"Can you bring them with you?"

"I suppose I could." Suddenly, this twenty something scion of the commodities section of his bank, was like a schoolboy. I felt more like his mother than his girlfriend.

"Doesn't Stella bake?"

"Not very often, well the odd sponge, and usually when she makes them they are odd."

"My first attempt cost about a thousand pounds."

"Wow!" his mouth dropped open.

"It caught fire and they had to redo part of the kitchen." He looked at me with astonishment, then the sides of his mouth wrinkled slightly and I started to laugh. He joined me, and we roared together. "When I took him the first cake in hospital, I had to reassure him I hadn't burnt the house down, before he would eat any." The tears were rolling down my cheeks, but this time with laughter. What a difference in a day.

We kissed and cuddled as best we could for a little while and I told him I had to go.

"You drive carefully."

"I always do."

"That's what Stella says."

"Compared to her Lewis Hamilton drives carefully."

"True, but that doesn't give you license to go bananas."

"I shall be a good girl Uncle Simon."

"Don't you Uncle Simon me, you minx. Go on, push off before I lose my temper."

"Not again, I only helped you find it the other day, bloody men. Which drawer do you usually keep it in?"

When he picked up his pee-pot and aimed it at me, I decided it was time to leave. I did.

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Comments

Easy As Falling Off A Bike

Nothing like a good dose of what you're addicted to to brighten up your day. Thanks Angharad. Continued best wishes on your speedy recovery.

Nothing in Life is Free; if the cost is not monetary it will be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Rachel Anne

Nothing in Life is Free; if the cost is not monetary it will be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Rachel Anne

Googly **

hehe that should confuse our American friends. Good job Cathy's not left-handed or it'd be a Chinaman.

Thanks for the extra dose of fun.

Geoff

** clue: It's a cricketing term ;) Not that I'm interested in cricket but over here you absorb cricket lore with your mother's milk, like it or not.

Preservation Act

laika's picture

I first heard the term "googly" in an old early 1970's Kink's album,
the context made it seem like some kind of curve or knuckleball.
The song is nothing if not inspirational (as Geoff gnashes his
teeth!), though I suspect a bit tongue-in-cheek...

Cricket (by Ray Davies):
Some people say that life is a game, well if this is so
I’d like to know the rules on which this game of life is based.
I know of no game more fitting than the age old game of cricket
It has honour, it has character and it’s British.
Now God laid down the rules of life when he wrote those ten commandments
And to cricket those ten same rules shall apply.
Show compassion and self-righteousness and be honest above all
And come to God’s call with bat and ball.

Now the devil has a player and he’s called the demon bowler,
He’s shrewd, he’s rude and he’s wicked.
He is sent by sinful satan and he’s out to take your wicket
And you know that that’s not cricket.
He’ll baffle you with googlies with leg breaks and offspin
But keep a level head and don’t let that demon in.
So keep a straight bat at all times, let the Bible be your guide
And you’ll get by, yes you’ll get by.

All through your life he’ll try to bowl you out
Beware the demon bowler.
He’s crafty and deceitful and he’ll try to l.b.w.,
And bowl a maiden over.
The devil takes the weak in spirit and so we must always be courageous
And remember that God is on your side.
So keep old satan in your sights and play the straight and narrow line
And you’ll get by, yes you’ll get by...

Cricket

As we're still in 2007-era entries, I'll wait until I reach a more recent story - or perhaps have caught up completely before commenting properly - other than saying enjoying it all so far, love the twists, and especially our Welsh Writing Wonder's Wit :)
Of course, it may take me a while to catch up - there have been 709 chapters posted so far, and there'll probably be at least 744 (obligatory dozen multiple reference!) by the time I reach the end!

Ah, cricket. Reminds me of this (poached from elsewhere on the 'net, author unknown, it's an oldie but a goodie!)...

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

Simple!


As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Sounds

Angharad's picture

like the plot line for Bike.

Angharad

Angharad

You my fine author make me

You my fine author make me giggle incessantly with the story, your little headers, chapter numbers and comments. Much love. Jenn.


I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Lewis Hamilton update

"Compared to her Lewis Hamilton drives carefully."

When Angharad wrote this line, Hamilton was a rookie on the Formula One circuit and had come within a single point of winning the title. Hedid win it in 2008, then had to wait six years before winning his second Formula One championship in 2014. The man may be a speed demon; but I think it safe to say he does drive carefully!

Jenny

curve

A recurve bow Ang. I've heard this before. I though we'd move to a pitch and toss a googlie. You guys do this just to get back at us Yanks. Thanks to the French we showed you twice., I can see the top gallant masts of the USS Constitution from my kitchen windows. Those are the skinny sticks at the top
All is calm ..................
Cefin