Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 12

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Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 12

*Before…

“Later’s and Satori?”

“Hmmm?”

“Thanks for today, it really helped and the offer it’s amazing.”

“Hai-hai.”

I smile as she logs off chat and I’m just staring at her page and then smiling as Mom and Dad come in and whatever they have smells amazing.

I’m drooling as he passes me a thing of heat up yourself ramen noodles and with it a Chinese take-out bowl filled with Hot and Sour soup.

And some stuff for me to do.

Right now happiness is Hot and Sour soup and crayons and a coloring book.

*And Now…

It’s a good day.

I mean it’s like just sort of staying like that all day. My noodles in the cup were so good especially after the stuff I’d been eating and I guess they were alright by the staff since they didn’t really give us any grief over me having that or the soup.

I ate slowly and sipped at the soup from both things and I colored in my Tinkerbelle faeries coloring books and put on one of those new Tinkerbelle movies to go with it on my Nexflix.

I don’t know if there was a little Sarah, I can’t remember being a little Sarah and I don’t care if I’m a teenager right now I’m in the hospital for who knows how long so I watched cartoons and colored.

Dad read his paper and Mom watched and she colored with me and for while I got to see her stop being an adult too. I mean when she’s really taking her time and getting not just the color filled in but like she’s trying to get the colors in the right shade and stuff…or when she’s stopping doing that to watch part of the movie with me.

It’s more than a little cool and it sort of feels good.

I’m not that young or that brain damaged to get that there’s a lot of stuff that you have to do, that’s a lot of not fun stuff as an adult.

Sometimes you need an escape, a break or even just someone to like give you a bit of breathing room or something.

Yeah and that has me like all sort of curious about life at home and just our lives in general. I’m getting thoughts and I’m not sure if I always thought this way or it’s the me being really Sarah thing?

I mean I’ve read about being trans and in denial.

And I was hanging out with a bunch of guys as my friends when the accident happened.

So how did I act home?

Okay so the day wasn’t totally perfect with the questions and the what if’s that are in my head but it was still pretty darned close with the stuff with mom and dad and just hanging out and the coloring and the movies and I didn’t have to choke down stuff since I had lunch and I even drifted off or a nice nap after a while.

No poking, no prodding and no tests and no machines that will set me off.

Like I said it was pretty nice.

Mom woke me for supper and the food service people brought me tomato soup with crackers which wasn’t too bad and chocolate pudding which was okay…ish.

Mom was looking beat and I was getting stir crazy a little so we went for a walk through the ward and then out and around the lobby it’s a pretty small hospital. I mean it’s big but when you can only go in certain places because the rest are either with other patients or with places that are off limits like lab or medical imaging and outpatients and stuff.

And we stopped and we talked to some people that Mom knew. It’s a little strange but at the same time it makes sense in a way because I’ve been here for a lot longer than it feels to me and mom has had time to get to know and get to meet people and everything.

I have no idea it they talked before this or if I’m the in house rumor or something but there’s a lot of people that seem to be okay with calling me Sarah instead of Shawn and the few that don’t know and we tell them seem okay about it.

But there are some though.

I noticed it and if I noticed it Mom did too.

There’s some people that give us this sort of look like I did something to them or I’m a bad taste in their mouth and some of them look like they don’t even want to look at me and are having a hard time holding back from saying something.

It’s not everyone…it’s nowhere near everyone but it still makes me feel kind of eeew and really self-conscious.

But I wasn’t accosted and no one actually went out of their way to treat me like crap or say something at me or about me and compared to some of the stuff that I’ve read in the stuff said in my LJ page from the posts of people that are on my page…I’m going to consider that a good thing.

So all in all I’m going to call that a good day.

Sarah’s first good day.

It gets close to eight and Mom’s nodding off and Dad looks done in too and I look at them both. “You two can go home I’m okay.”

Mom looks at me and I smile. “Honestly Mom you guys need to get some sleep and I’m good. I’m just going to be online a bit and then crash.”

She sighs and stretches and I hear things popping…ugh…I hate that sound. “Are you sure, we can stay.”

“Mom, I’m sure I’ll be okay. I’m well looked after.”

Dad nods and says. “Okay…” He gets up and he leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek and a light hug and then Mom does the same. “Sleep well kiddo.”

“You too Dad, Mom….I love you guys.”

They smile when they leave and head home and I’m up for like another two hours or so having sort of read some more stuff in my LJ but mostly watching 13 Going on 30 which is sort of a pretty cute and kinda funny movie.

And it’s the first sort of chick flick that I’ve watched that I know of.

*……………….. It starts the next day just after Mom and Dad get there and after breakfast we’re headed down to my doctor’s clinic where the two doctors are at that save my life the ER surgeon and the McDreamy that saved my brain from becoming a lump of pink cauliflower. McDreamy’s from Grey’s Anatomy the show and I call him that because it sort of fits. Not that he’s Patrick Dempsey but he is a neuro-surgeon and he does have that kind of look that says I’m great at what I do.

And well he is actually kind of cute.

Kinda old for me and everything but late thirties or early forties, really well groomed and nice clothes and a nice watch and a nice pair of shoes too.

There’s a lot of stuff talked about and there’s screens with my x-rays and stuff and then pointing out stuff that I don’t really understand a whole lot of but Dad sort of repeats them with his own sort of boiled down version.

The car accident tore me up, there was damage to my back, to the discs but to the muscles too and there was a large gash along my back going from my right shoulder to left hip. And seeing the stuff the pictures and al has part of me feeing all quavery about my scars and yet there’s part of me glad to be alive.

The rest is talking about my physiotherapy and things like range of motion and me adding in my experiences in how it feels waking and standing and what my back feels like as I get more and more tired and the hurt and the pressure that it feels like.

Then I get a break and the neuro guy has me in another room and there’s tests but stuff on his computer. It’s like an IQ test but with other stuff like pictures that I have to tell differences in and then picking out things and some of them have this time clock and stuff and there’s stuff that I don’t really get.

….Aaugh…missing questions and stuff really messes with my zen. Well if I had actual zen and stuff like that. It’s hard for me…there’s a few questions I know are likely above my grade level and there’s some that I know that I should know or get but it’s not there…or it’s there but I just like get there in my head.

That’s so frustrating I want to scream.

And the more that I feel that way, the tenser I get, the more my back hurts and after awhile I’m crying partly of pain and frustration and I’m wiping at my eyes with the back of my hands and Mom comes over looking at me worriedly.

“Sarah? Look you can stop I asked the doctor.”

(Sniffle.) “No…no Mom, I can’t I got to do this.”

“You don’t have to prove stuff to anyone honey.”

“I wanna know, I need to know.” (Sniffle-whine.)

“Don’t push yourself, you’re still healing.”

“Mom please!” Okay…I kind of sort of shouted at her…my arms are doing this frustrated sort of wave thing and my fists are balled up. I want to hit that damned computer.

She looks like she’s biting her tongue, she looks mad but I’m not sure about what exactly…and I hate it I really farking (LJ swear lite.) hate it.

Dad comes in and to the rescue with two of those flannel sheets from the heated thing he wraps one around Mom and he does this big hug and hold thing for her like he’s squeezing her back together and she grips his forearm like she’s hanging onto him…(Sniffle-wow…) and he unfolds it and sets it on the back of my chair and the heat…oh god it feels so good and there’s this relief-care-sob that comes out and Dad gives me this big hug not a hard one but just big and he holds me a few moments before kissing the top of my head.

“Breathe Kiddo, Breathe…it’s just a test, just an arbitrary thing it’s not you. It’s not a big thing.”

Breathe and breathe…oh…I can seriously breathe now…

(Sniffle.) “Thanks Dad, Thanks for the spoons.”

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Comments

It can take time

She just woke up, stuff will flow. But I bet it's frustrating.
Good chapter, thanks

It likely will start flowing.

But she did suffer brain damage and there will be some stuff that she'll just have to adjust to now. But Sarah will likely be a typical teenager about that.
*Hugs and Howls*

Bailey Summers

Good stuff, Hon <3

Good stuff, Hon <3

*hugs*
Jenna

Thanks Jenna:)

Lots of stuff here in this one, lots to adjust to.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

spoons

Teek's picture

two weeks ago I was reminded of the Spoon Theory. It had been many years since I was first introduced to it. I have had a chronic health condition for 29 years and constantly struggling with the number of spoons available to me at any one moment. Thanks for the story, reading this story when has helped me get through some times when I was short on spoons.

For those that do not know about the Spoon Theory, here is the link: The Spoon Theory

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

TY for the link Teekabell, Spoon theory is really helpful thing.

I've seen it very much applied from it origins in chronic illnesses to dealing with other things like mental/emotional issues like CD and other things that effect you everyday of your life. Even more amazing is getting to show people that don't have to get it what you're going through.

Love those lightbulb times.

*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers