My inner monolog started to hold a conversation on it’s own.
“Well think about it. You were at a party, fell down a hill and woke up as a woman.”
“And you think freaking out will solve anything?”
“No, I guess not, but I don’t want to loose the old me.”
“I’m still here, and not going anywhere. Just relax and go with it. It’s either that or end up in jail for killing someone and THAT would suck.”
“Deal.”
My dreams puzzled and worried me as my exhausted body lay in slumber. I kept seeing a woman who’s face I could not see. She and I appeared to be married?
“She is so beautiful. I’m lucky to have found her. Wait a minute... this can’t be! I’m a woman now, and New York State doesn’t honor same sex marriage. But it has to be real. I mean, I can smell, touch, and almost taste her. It’s not Sarah, who is she?
My mouth went to the cleft between her legs, and just as my tongue was about to part her lips, I was brought back to reality by my mother shaking me.
“Come on Toni, get up, we have to go to the Physical Therapist’s this morning.”
“Fuck” I mumbled under my breath and got up to make my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and the woman standing back at me looked like hell. Actually she looked more like someone who had gone thru hell, came back, then had to go thru more hell. (No shit right?)
I finally got a good look at myself as I washed the morning out of my face. For the first time since I woke up from the coma, and found out I was a woman now, I could see that I actually did look a lot like the old me. My cheek bones were softer and a bit higher like they would have been had I been born a woman. As I looked at myself I thought how much I looked like my mom, no, more like my mom’s late sister, my aunt Patty. Then I looked into my eyes, and started to cry again. I still had dad’s eyes. All the thoughts and pain came rushing back as I just stood there and looked. I thought of all the good times. Everything he taught me. I remember learning to ride a bike, and going fishing for the first time. I remember his surprise for me when he built me my first race car at age 4. (Yes kids that young race, www.QMA.com.) Him teaching me to throw a ball and how to hit a baseball. Learning to drive a car, and even having “the talk.” My daze was broken by a knock on the door.
“Toni, you alright in there?”
“Yeah mom, just have to pee.”
“Well hurry up and get dressed, we have to leave shortly.”
I finished the morning ritual and quickly threw on a pair of capri’s and a loose t-shirt. I put on my new sneakers and joined mom as we got in the car to drive to the hospital for PT.
I started to think about how the old me would never had worn something like this. I had on pink pants and a purple shirt. (Ok, my fashion sense still sucks so sue me.) The old me usually wore blue jeans, and most of my shirts were black, with either a bike shop or race team logo on them. But this felt right. I was comfortable in the outfit and it looked good on me. My inner monolog started to hold a conversation on it’s own.
“I’m taking this better then I should be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well think about it. You were at a party, fell down a hill and woke up as a woman.”
“And you think freaking out will solve anything?”
“No, I guess not, but I don’t want to loose the old me.”
“I’m still here, and not going anywhere. Just relax and go with it. It’s either that or end up in jail for killing someone and THAT would suck.”
“Deal.”
We pulled up to the hospital and made our way thru security, to the Physical and Occupational Therapy wing. Shortly after we got there a woman came over and introduced herself as Kristie my PT, and lead me away for some tests.
“So I’ve been reading your file since I got it this morning Toni. And I must say, you have an interesting medical history. Tell me, how did such a slender woman like yourself ever jack for a Nextel Cup team?”
“Uh... you don’t know what’s going on do you?”
She looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
I waved mom over and handed the therapist the photo book they gave me when I woke up. She looked at it with astonishment, and awe. Flipping back and forth several times between the male and female pictures.
“You mean this is you? YOU’RE the one I heard about from my sister in Hornell?”
I looked at her name tag. I saw her last name and realized her sister was my doctor when I was in my coma.
“Yes. And to answer your first question, THAT is how I was a jack man for a Nextel Cup team.”
She smiled and closed the book. “So tell me, what’s Junior really like?” (90% of the women I tell I was in the Cup ask about Dale Earnhardt Jr.)
“He’s a lot like his dad. A real down to earth guy who understands that the fans are what make the sport. Hell he even sat outside the Nascar office trailer one day and signed autographs for over 3 hours.” (I didn’t tell her that he did it as a form of protest against some of the officials who were trapped in the trailer for the entire time he sat there.)
“So what is it you do now for a living?”
“Well I WAS a fork truck mechanic in Oswego.”
“Ok, lets check your strength and see what we can do to get you back in the salt mines.”
She lead me over to a series of machines that would test my physical strength and endurance. I won’t bore you with the details of the tests. It’s just, lift this, push that, pull this, squeeze that kind of stuff. She took me into another room where another lady sat at her desk.
“Bonny, this is Toni. Toni, this is Bonny, our Occupational Therapist.” I held out me hand for her.
“Pleasure to finally meet you Toni.” As she shook my hand. “So what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a fork truck mechanic.”
Kristie chimed in. “Don’t forget to tell her you used to work in Nascar, Toni.”
I started to blush when Bonny smiled.
“Nascar huh? So, what’s Brian Vickers like.”
“I never had the chance to meet him. But that’s really in my past now. So what am I here for?”
“Well were going to test your manual dexterity, and see how well you can handle simple household tasks.”
I just nodded and she led me to a kitchen to open a can and then make a pot of soup. Then she had me fold laundry. Mom, always trying to be funny tells her that I was now doing something I usually never did at home. I just stuck my tongue out at her. The tests went on, with me working with smaller and smaller items ending with her having me make a paperclip necklace, which I did one handed to be a smart ass.
“Well Toni, I don’t think your accident has caused any harm to your fine motor skills, and I think you can return to work as soon as you want to.”
I smiled, and thanked her. Then she saw the book of pictures that Kristie had left on her desk, and started to look thru them. She really didn’t show any emotion as she flipped thru the book and then handed it to me.
“I was wondering how you were able to crew for a Nascar team. I guess that explains it, don’t forget your book.”
“Yeah, what a spring it’s been.” I took the book and told her the short version of what happened. Then I thanked her and we left for the lawyers office to sign the final papers to make my name change official. (Pretty standard stuff, “sign here, and here, and here.”) Then, we headed over to the DMV and got my licence changed over and had a new picture taken. I called work and told them that I would be in, in the morning to start my job again. They told me that tomorrow was just the safety meeting and I didn’t need to be in till 7.
I walked in the meeting room and you could have heard a pin drop as I took a seat with my crew and re-introduced myself. All the guys could do was just look at me and try to figure out which hidden camera show they were on.
As the meeting started the plant manager welcomed me back and reminded everyone that I was still the same knowledgeable person I was before and then pointed to my crew leader to remind him that no pranks would be tolerated. As the meeting ended some of the mill operators came over and shook my hand to welcome me back. Then Ed, my crew leader pulled me aside.
“You really doing ok as you look like you are? I mean, come on, that was one hell of an ordeal you went thru.”
“No, I’m fine Ed. I still have nightmares, but they say they’ll get better over time. We have night’s this week right? So tomorrow at 5pm?”
He nodded and shook my hand as I left to go get new work boots. I forgot about them when mom and I picked up new clothes. So on the way home I stopped at the mall and picked up and new pair of steel toes in my new shoe size.
I did the best I could to get on the night schedule, (working swing shift can suck sometimes.) and went in to work the next night a little early, so I could see if anything was waiting for me at my work table. There was nothing major going on so I just unlocked my box, and then went to the team briefing for the shift. I ended up in remelt for the night working on one of the 25000 pound trucks, so I loaded up my tools. I took a look at the work order to see what I might need, and drove my golf cart to the area of the truck and started to go thru it like I always did.
I was bent over the rear fender leaning into the engine bay, when I heard a rude comment and felt a slap on the ass. I jumped off the truck and there were two big guys standing there with shit eating grins on their faces, and there was me, with a big mag light in one hand and a big box wrench in the other.
“Alright, which one of you scum bags touched me?”
They both just smiled and started to close in on me. The ugly one made a lunge for me when I caught him straight in the nuts with the toe of my steel toe boot. The other one made a grab, but I ducked and connected with both the wrench and the mag light into his crotch.
I was looking around when I heard a beep from one of the scooters and looked up to see my boss.
“What’s going on here?”
“That bitch attacked us!” The first one said in a high pitched pained voice.
“One of these asshole’s wanted to play grab ass with me while I was looking in the engine bay, Ed.”
He instructed them to leave and then helped me finish the job. All it was, was a loose fitting on the hydraulic pump for the forks, and we had it fixed and back in action in no time.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”
“What isn’t Ed?”
“I mean you’re a great mechanic, but this is all just too weird. Maybe it’s best if you didn’t work here anymore.”
“How can you say that?”
“Oh come on. Tell me you wouldn’t be weirded out by one of the guys on your crew who you actually grew close to and considered a friend, suddenly changed into a woman?”
“You act like I asked for this to happen Ed? I’m not a trans-sexual, or a cross dresser. I’m still the same person I was a couple months ago. Just my body looks different.”
“I’ll say. Lucky for you I still think of you as Pat, and not a hot piece of ass.”
“You asshole! That’s sexual harassment.”
“Oh come on. Have you taken a look at yourself? I can’t say I blame those guys for doing what they did. I’d probably have done it myself if the thought of seeing you naked right now didn’t bring back memories of the fat bastard you used to be.”
“You piece of shit! I want a transfer, right fucking now!”
I stormed off to the managers office and found Helen, our department head there finishing up some paperwork.
“Can I help you?”
“Helen, it’s me. Toni?” I sighed. “Pat Trepasso? Remember I had an accident? I need to talk to you about a shift change.”
“Oh right. So how is your first night back going?”
“Shitty, thanks for asking.”
“Why, what’s up?”
“Well, lets see, I’ve been molested while trying to fix a truck. Then I found out my shift supervisor thinks I’m a freak, and then made a sexually derogatory statement about me being a, how did he say it? Oh yeah, ‘a hot piece of ass.’ I’m not working for that asshole another second. So either fire me, or transfer me to another shift.”
“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry that happened Toni. Can you please shut my door, and have a seat please?” I did and she offered me a coffee.
“So what are you going to do? Ed’s usually a good guy Helen, but I just can’t work for, or with him anymore after what he just said to me.”
“I understand completely. You see, you and I are a lot more alike then you think.”
“Yeah, like you changed into a woman and then got sexually Harassed by your boss.” I laughed.
“Actually when your dad worked here, did he ever talk about an apprentice he had named Harold?”
“Yeah, he said that kid was a lot like me. Only had to show him once, and he got it. Why?”
She just smiled at me, and pulled out a photo album. “That’s me and your dad when I finished my apprentice program.”
I looked at the picture and saw my dad with a young man. I looked back at Helen, and then at the picture and realized it was the same person, only a few years older, and A LOT more feminine looking.
“You’re messing with me right? What is this your brother?”
“No Toni, that’s me. You see, I had a sex change in 1973, right after your dad left for the chocolate factory. I was a trans-sexual. I always thought I was born in the wrong body. So when I could afford to fix the problem, I did.”
I was floored. I would never have guessed that Helen used to be a man. Granted, she always had a commanding presents about her, but I’d have never guessed this. I just looked at more pictures and there was even one of her with my parents at one of my birthday parties when I was a baby. This got me thinking.
If dad accepted Helen, why won’t he accept me? I know I’m his kid, but that should mean he should be more open minded, doesn’t it?
“I know this is a lot to wrap your mind around Toni. But I’ll do what I can to help you. What shift would you like to go to?”
Her question brought me out of my daze. “Huh? What? Oh, um, well how about ‘B’ shift? I’ve always gotten along with Rachel when I filled in on my days off.”
“Ok, let me call her.”
She dialed her phone and had a short conversation with the person on the other end who I could only assume was Rachel. She smiled at me and as she hung up the phone, she told me I could start on Monday, that shift had days that week, and were on their week off right now.
“So what do I do about Ed?”
“Oh, you let me handle him. Besides, I just traded you for Josh.”
“You mean ‘Mr. Fix It Again?’ wow, how does that guy still have a job with all the screw ups he’s had?”
“His uncle is the plant manager.”
“That would do it. Look Helen, thank you for helping me, and for sharing your story.”
“Hey, we girls have to look out for each other. So have you had any other problems since your change?”
“Well let’s see, my father won’t talk to me, or even answer the phone when he see’s my numbers on the caller ID. I got attacked by some asshole in a truck when I took my motorcycle out for a ride the other day. I got my ass grabbed by two thugs in Remelt. Then had to physically defend myself when they both wanted to touch me again. My supervisor, sorry, EX-supervisor, thinks I’m a freak, and told me that he’d like to jump my bones if he could ever forget what a fat fuck I used to be. His exact words mind you. Oh, and my big brother in my fraternity wants to date me. How’s that for the short list?”
“Wow, that’s a lot to have on your plate. Just know that I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.” she said as she handed me a piece of paper with some phone numbers on it. “That’s my cell, my pager, and my home phone.”
“Thanks Helen. By the way, do you ever get wicked cramps? I woke up this afternoon, and could barely walk.”
“That’s probably a sign that your going to start your cycle hun. Yes I do get them too. The hormones they have me on gives me some of the same feelings, but I don’t bleed. I suggest you stop at the store on your way home and pick up some pads. They sell a multi-pack so you can try different ones till you find out how much you’ll flow.”
“Um, thanks.” I offered blushing. “Wow, where did the time go? It’s almost midnight. You should probably get home, your family must be worried.”
“Nah, Rachel is fine, and she knows I’m taking care of some important business. You can take the rest of the day off with pay, and if you feel up to it, come on over for dinner tomorrow. We’re having Bosco and Geers sausage on the grill.”
“Wait a minute, you live with Rachel? I thought you told me once you were married?”
“I am, we got married before I had my sex change. You can meet my girls too. Maria, and Jen are home from college for the weekend. Hey, didn’t you used to go to Alfred State?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Well you said you go back to visit your brothers a few times a year. My girls are both in a sorority. Maybe you know them.”
“I don’t know until I meet them. I’ll call you tomorrow and find out what time, right?”
“Have a good night Toni, and have a safe trip home.”
I just smiled as I changed back into my street clothes to head for home. I hopped on my bike and started to put my helmet on when I saw one of the guys from earlier driving right at me. I quickly gunned it and stomped it into gear, just before he would have hit me, with his big new truck. Since I was parked next to the guard shack, and he just couldn’t stop that fast, the truck buried itself cab deep into the new building. I started thinking to myself “Why do people keep trying to hit me when I’m on my bike?”
The guard saw the whole thing, and called the cops. It was the same guy’s who had attacked me earlier and Helen had them fired for sexual harassment. Just as the cops were showing up, Ed was pulling thru the gate with his tool box in the back of his truck. The guard told me he was also being escorted off the premises and being dismissed. I called Helen’s cell and asked her to reconsider. I reminded her that Ed was for the most part a good guy, and he had saved me from being attacked by the other two guys. She informed me that the company had a no tolerance policy when it came to that sort of thing and as a manager he had just gone thru training again for it. Every manager had since my lawyer had pressured the company to hold my job, and had made sure they were well aware of my situation. I just sighed and gave my statement to the cops, then pointed my bike home. I managed not to wake up mom or Doug, and drifted into a good sleep.
Comments
My prayer for this story
I have the first 9 chapters of this story saved to my hard drive.. I hope Toni is planning to bring this love story to a conclusion now as I have been wondering what would happen for a long time.
Belated welcome to BC
I loved the original version posted at Sapphires and I hope this reworked version will take off where that one ended.
I love all three stories you currently have going here, Toni.
Welcome to BC.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
more
i have a total of 17 in the can so to speak. i'll post the "reworked chapters first in case anyone is reading them fom the first time.
Like John said,
a belated welcome to Top Shelf. I've been anxious to read more from you ever since I started reading "Becoming Antonia", at Sapphire's place, and I'm more than pleased that you've not only begun reposting that story here, but have posted two others as well! I'm hoping that you get to the point soon, where you left off at Sapphire's, so I can find out what happens next!!!
Happy Holiday huggles from,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
"the point"
Thank you for the warm welcome Catherine. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a couple of days. I had one hell of a day yesterday. You see, my mom and stepdad know about me being Toni, but neglected to mention anything to the rest of HIS family. I showed up yesterday and all hell broke loose. The last time I'd met any of them, I was my male self. They freaked out when mom introduced me as her daughter. The family knew mom had an only child, so I ended up being called every name in the book, that decorum dictate I not repete here. I never did end up eating dinner with them. I just gave my mom and stepdad their gifts and left... in tears.
Once back at my dad's home, he just looked at me. He hasn't said a word about it, but I have a feeling that he's less then happy about me showing back up yesterday, with my makeup all a shambles and I was in less then a "festive" mood when he and I ate.
I'm feeling better today though. Not really happy, but less pissed/sad then I was yesterday. That being said, I'll be posting the chapters regularly here for "Becoming."
I encourage those of you who've read the chapters posted elsewhere to please give them a look here, since some of the details have been changed a touch. Nothing major, but enough to make you ask "WTF?" if you haven't read the updates.
Anyone who doesn't want to wait for me to post the chapter a day, or so, that I've been planning to do, please send me a private message, and include your E-mail address. I'll send you the zip file I have of all the chapters that are ready for print, and the pictures I have of some of the people and places talked about in the story.
Much love.
Toni