Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 25

*Before…

“You don’t seem like the sort of girl that’d be a fake friend even in stealth mode. This is why we still need to work Sarah…it’s still there, it surfaced in medical Imaging at least partway in a flashback.”

(Sniffle.) “This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does but you’re going to get through it.”

(Sniffle.) “I am?”

She points past my shoulder and Dad’s there in his jeans and his jacket and he’s giving me this look, it’s that kind of sort of look that you’d honestly only get if you were someone’s kid.

Yep more tears.

He comes over and he slides onto the bed and he puts his arm around my shoulder and he pulls me close and I sort of turn so I can hug him and hold onto him and start to cry.

“I love you Sarah, honestly and truly kiddo…and I will get you through this.”

His arms tighten and it’s suddenly me safe with my Dad.

Yep…sooo crying right now.

*And Now…

I’m hanging on to him for a while crying and start to get a grip. “Sorry Dad, it’s just that it all sort of just crept up on me.”

“That’s okay kiddo, I get it seriously your friend Nova and I had quite a talk.”

“Yeah?” (Sniffle.)

He nods. “I think the thing that got me was the fact that things she said being trans was like living on the emotional edge of a knife…that it’s why it’s there are so many sad stories of those who slip.”

“I just don’t want to be fake Dad? I hate the idea that I was that way even as Shawn.”

I wipe at my eyes…yeah smudges.

I stop and look at them and sort of weepy smile and show Dad. “Another first.”

He nods. “A good one I think.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, just be yourself.”

“I’m trying Dad; I really want to be just me.”

He hugs me tighter. “We’ll get there kiddo.”

I let out a shaky breath and just lean on him. It’s really kind of a powerful thing to be able to literally do this. I know at least three of the people on my LJ that can’t and two that are out on their own and I’m lucky.

God wow I’m really lucky.

“Thanks Dad, I’m a really lucky girl y’know.”

“Thanks Sarah that means a lot.” Again with the tight squeeze. “There’s a lot of what the heck am I doing with being a parent and a lot of am I doing it right too.”

I turn my head and I give him a kiss on the cheek. “Trust me Dad you’re doing it right.”

We hold each other for a bit and the doctor gets up and she smiles and starts writing on my chart.

“For the physio?” I ask her.

She nods. “It’s a good idea to walk and things Sarah even little trips right now and build up those muscles again to where they’re used to you being upright as you’re healing.”

“Okay, makes sense.”

She finishes. “Well I have to stop in and see my other charges before I get to enjoy the rest of the day. Listen to your dad he’s got it right and have fun with your friend too.”

I smile some more. “I will.”

I look at Dad. “So where’s Mom and Nova?”

“They’re back at the house and still sleeping when I left your mom needs the sleep more than she lets on and I think with the trip and everything last night your friend had a long day.”

I nod. “I’m going to go and fix my face.”

“Can I watch?”

“You want to?”

He shrugs. “Beats watching TV and besides your mother just sort of semi buys this stuff but you seem into it so I’d kind of like to know what to look for to buy you.”

I faux-wince. “That’s sweet Dad but please don’t buy my stuff yet I’m still working things out and really I might need professional help.”

Okay he looks curious. “Professional help?”

“Yeah for my skin tones and textures and what work in case of like breaking out and stuff. The women at the make-up counters in like some of the better places actually are really good at that and some are sort of like pharmacists a little.”

“Really so like no Avon?”

“Hey Avon actually has some okay stuff and some nice cute things and it’s important just like Mary Kay and Alouettes.”

I snerk.

Dad looks just like Danny with the ‘George look.’ “I’m so lost; you remember all of that stuff?”

“Sort of it’s more like stuff I took in so deep its part of stuff like me knowing how to read and write. I’m a girl so it’s pretty important that I learn things that other girls learn.”

I’m not getting into the gender stuff and the people that lose their poop over me needing to learn that stuff.

And as I’m wiping off my face and getting it washed I think I’ll let it stay clear and everything but it’s kind of settling in that. I have to not worry about those people, just worry about the people that are around me and in front of me and not what some university shriveled up old hag jabbers on about.

It’s not the seventies anymore then world’s changing a lot. I mean people hate social media sometimes but at the same time we’d never be seeing trans as often in the main stream or on the covers of magazines or on television.

Dad’s in the doorway watching me. “You’re not putting on a fresh…batch…look?”

“Naw, I’m going to let my skin rest and stuff for a while. It’s healthier that way.”

He nods. “That makes sense. Hey I have an idea.”

“What?”

“Shopping.”

“Shopping? I don’t think I’m cleared to leave yet Dad.”

“No like online, we can look at clothes if you like and we can look at other stuff too like for your bedroom.”

“Oh…Well okay but I really uhm…I don’t even remember what my…what Shawn’s room looks like.”

“Well it’s the attic actually.”

“Really?’

“Well when we bought the house we looked things over and we had the two barns so we decided to make one a loft and we just sort of ended up using it for storage and a couple of years ago you and they guys were getting noisy with all the DVD’s and videogames that we moved you to the loft and you and I turned part of one of the barns into better storage.”

“Oh…okay…wow, I was handy?”

“You did alright for your age.”

“That’s actually pretty cool.”

“It is?”

“Yeah I mean girls can like do anything right?”

“Definitely.”

“Well in my LJ I have a lot of art and house stuff and there’s a lot of stuff in there that I was saying then about wanting to like do both art and carpentry.”

“Really like what?”

“Bedroom sets and cabinets and like maybe vases and bowls and platters? It’s just it looks cool and it looks like something that maybe I’d like…I mean I liked it before the accident.”

“You do know that’s sort of what I do right?”

“Mom said you’re a contractor.”

He nods. “I’ve done some interior stuff too and a bit of furniture as well.”

“Oh cool can you show me?”

“Actually I’d love to.” He has this look though…

“Dad?”

“Yes kiddo?”

“Shawn wasn’t into this?”

“Not really, not that I ever really knew.”

“Sorry?”

“For?”

“Just sorry I could’ve tried harder maybe?”

“No Sarah, you were trying heck kiddo you were trying your hardest to live with being someone you never really were. We’re good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

I go over and I hug him again and we head over to the bed but instead we get the wheelie tray and we go and we sit in the chairs with them pushed together and it feels actually pretty good instead of me going back to my bed.

It’s soothing and stuff lying down but honestly I’ve laid down enough and the chairs have decent back support so that helps a lot.

We go online and we look at stuff for like Sears and Walmart and Ikea and The Brick and mostly we’re looking at some things for my room and it’s more like online window shopping but with me opening up a page in my word processor and linking things that are stuff that we like and what I think might look good in my room and things. We leave off the bed and the mattress because we’re pretty sure that I might need a special one for a while at least with my back and it might be a good idea to see what physiotherapy says about stuff like that.

And it’s fun too because we’re getting to know each other a little better as we’re doing this and we are buying a few things actually or well day is and he has his credit cards for some of these things and it’s not like big stuff and he tells me twice we can afford it through the insurance money so we get some things.

He gets me somethings that are kind of spoiling me things like a couple of teddy bears from the Sears online catalog and I get some of those like really long sleep shirts and some nice pajamas sets that are from the woman’s section and not the girls because they just sort of look nice and as much as I like the girl-me-stuff I’m going to be sixteen soon and there’s stuff I want that looks like nice and I kind of want that and not just that but then fact that I get to have this stuff hopefully for a while and not wear it out so it’d be good to have some stuff that’d be for like eighteen year old me or twenty two year old me.

Hey clothes are expensive things and really I do want stuff but it’d be smart if some stuff I could seriously get a lot of use out of.

The rest though we’re waiting on getting with Mom when we actually go shopping because I’ll want to see my room and we can see things better in the stores and then there’s like some other things that we just might find in the shops.

It’s still a good way to kill several hours and Mom calls Dad and we go down to meet her and Kaitlyn downstairs with Dad and me doing it mostly for another walk.

They have food.

It’s a picnic basket so maybe food from home and Nova has a box of doughnuts from Tims and we head upstairs and she drops those off from the folks and us for the girls at the nurse’s station and Dad went and told the food service ladies that we have my food covered.

Actually once we get to my room we sort of decide to take it all back downstairs to the patio for the cafeteria and eat out on the picnic tables.

I take my one of my blankets with me the one that Danny grabbed from the night before and we eat outside but with borrowed dished from the kitchen and we have dinner outside.

It’s really, really nice to get out of the hospital as great as it was that they saved my life and do so much for me.

Oh wow it’s good too.

It’s chicken legs with the things on that Mom rubbed with cream of mushroom soup and then rolled in shake and bake and did until crispy…and then some. They’re really well done and stuff but I still like it because it’s really, really crunchy and she got it like not greasy.

Then she has scalloped potatoes to go with that with sliced potatoes cooked in milk and cream of celery soup? But there’s bits of like green onion through it and bread crumbs on top and those are really good too and she did like sautéed sugar snap peas and baby carrots.

Okay it’s really good but I can’t eat all of the serving and only the thigh part of my chicken leg because after so long it’s so good and so heavy though compared to the other things I’ve been having or rather not having.

On the plus side though Mom’s a really good cook aside from the chicken being well done. That’s a plus since I didn’t know that and we talk and I talk about the stuff Dr. Johansson said and then Dad and I are talking about the shopping stuff and me maybe when I’m up to it making some money by helping him out in his shop and stuff which actually leads into us talking about furniture making and stuff and Nova…Kaitlyn talking about some of the cool things that’d I’d share on my LJ page with like cool looking dishes or like cool houses or cabins and stuff even.

And I’m getting some surprised looks from Mom and I blush and smile a little shyly. “Yeah I know, Dad said it wasn’t really a Shawn thing.”

She nods. “I think it’s cool actually there needs to be more women doing stuff like this.”

And I’m like. “I know right! I’d love to run a shop after a while that takes in girls from schools in like a co-op ed. program and some from the community colleges and give them this whole safe shop space where they can actually learn a trade and not get like shit on for it.”

And Nova…Kaitlyn and I both say at the same time. “An LGBT and others shop where they can just be themselves!”

And we’re both like looking at each other and the feeling of remembering or like déjà vu is like so super strong.

We’re both totally doing the mouth drop stare at each other.

And we both do the Jinx thing…twice.

And we both do. “You owe me a Tim’s.”

And my…my heart is breaking in a good way from the familiarity thing.

My heart is breaking in this amazing way because…because she and I we just did this…it wasn’t a fluke.

This is something that we did!

I…Sarah have like real history with someone and she’s doing the same kind of freaking out in a good way as we’re looking at each other and she’s getting it…and tearing up over it and my hand’s coming up to my mouth in that happy sobby thing and Kaitlyn’s doing that happy waving crying arm flapping thing.

“Oh holy crap Sarah it’s there! You’re there!”

(Happy double sobs.)