Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 4

I pounded the last couple of laps of the running track, stepping over to the rail I bent over clutching my side breathing in the sea air. It was a lovely sunny morning not too warm but bright with a light breeze which gently moved my pony tail. My pony tail I thought just a few days ago I was plain Michael McWilliams and now here I was on a cruise ship with a girls tee-shirt and shorts and very girly white trainers with pink flashes. I had got used to the bounce my fake breasts made as I ran the feeling of my pony tail swishing and the one inch hooped earring’s bumping into my cheek in such a short time it all seemed so natural now.

I looked across the water at Cadiz our port of call for the day the ship was already in the final stages of docking. I could see several cruise ship workers busily readying us for tying up and the disembarking of the passengers for a day’s shopping or sightseeing. In truth Cadiz looked really lovely an armada of small boats in a bay the city spread out into the water on a narrow peninsula. Domed building’s reflected the sun. It all looked so picture perfect and I was looking forward to our day ashore.

Picking up my water bottle and towel I took a sip of water and wiped some small beads of sweat from my forehead. Another couple of passengers pounded past me on the track a breathless “Good Morning” came from them as I walked back towards the entrance back down through the gym and onto the decks below.

As I left the gym Mhari was on her way in.

“Morning Tracey”

“Hi babes, ready for our day ashore” I asked.

“Yip, is your Mum and Avril coming as well”

“Don’t know I was up early this morning so I’ve not seen them”

“Your date tomorrow getting you all excited” she playfully asked.

I blushed “Yeah ok, but your still coming” I replied as she passed me.

“See you around 11” she called back as the door swung closed behind her and I walked back to my cabin.

Back in my cabin I took a quick shower and dried my hair. I slipped on an underwired white lacy bra with matching panties. I sat down at the dresser and worked on my makeup, just light day foundation a dusting of powder and a little pale blush. I dusted my eyelids with a cream eye shadow with a darker brown in the corner of the eye. A quick application of some mascara and then a nude lipstick on my lips and I was ready to finish dressing.

I picked a gypsy style white skirt it was wide and flowing with an elasticated waist. It had a laced pattern panel across the hem of the skirt and a narrow line of sequins ran in a hoop around the whole skirt about 3 inches above the hem. For my top I choose spaghetti strapped top which had pleats running down it in a rather nice coral shade and slipped it over my head letting it fall over my body. I tucked the top into the skirt and finished off with a plain white bolero type shirt which I tied in a neat bow across my midriff. I anticipated a bit of walking around today so I slipped on a pair of flat sandals the strap fitting snuggly between my toes I was ready for the day’s adventure.

Leaving my cabin my first stop was back to the mall to replenish my stock of VS cigarettes, that task completed I headed to the gangway to await my fellow companions for the day. Mhari was first to turn up in a rather nice yellow sun dress with flat sandals like mine with a leather strap across the toes decorated in little yellow and pink flowers.

“Good run this morning” I asked as we kissed each other on the cheek and had a short hug.

“Yeah it was good not busy nice and quiet and not too warm either, no sign of the others” she asked.

“No I’ve not seen them all morning I skipped breakfast and never went to their cabin so no idea what they got up to last night” I replied.

“Their relationship seems to bother you” Mhari asked.

“It’s just well you know mum’s a married woman, Avril’s a single party girl, and I just don’t want her leading mum astray” I said pulling a cigarette from the pack and lighting it I blew a cloud of smoke to the sky.

“Married women can have fun as well, look at my mum she’s has friends they all enjoy a good night out once your married you don’t have to become a nun” Mhari said a bit sternly.

“I suppose” I replied taking another draw on my cigarette and looking aimlessly across the dock.

“Anyway here they come” Mhari said casting a glance down the deck she waved.

I looked along the deck my mouth dropped a bit, just what the fuck did Avril have on or more importantly what was she not wearing!!

“Morning girls sleep well,” mum said as they reached us, “Never saw you at breakfast “she went on looking at me.

“Eh no I skipped breakfast” I somehow said while my eyes sort of trained on Avril.

“Let’s go” Mhari said as we began to disembark the ship.

I let them pass and followed on in the rear, my eye’s still trained on Avril, she had a cropped top on just a band really across her chest the jiggle of her breasts as she moved confirmed for me without checking that there was no bra under there. Her shorts well how can I describe them they were black leather so tight around the crotch and the back had a lace panel in pink and white nothing could be seen but that didn’t matter too much as they were so tight part of her arse cheeks popped out one side at a time as she walked down along the shore. There’s a saying in my country mutton dressed as lamb this was definitely one of those cases and while a teenager might have got away with such a get up Avril was a bit too old for such an outfit, today might be a long day, Avril was out to get attention I thought, just as the first wolf whistle from the dockers split my eardrums.

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Cadiz was lovely a maze of narrow streets, it seemed as if they had tried to pack as much as possible onto the small peninsula. The “Old Town” in particular had a typically Spanish charm about it packed with little shops, café’s, bustling with people. I had tried to put Avril’s attire out of my mind but with locals and tourists alike casting frequent glances at her as we walked along the narrow street’s it was hard to do. Mhari by this time had sensed my disgust at Avril,

“Just ignore it” she said as Mum and Avril checked out a small shop.

“I’m trying” I replied “But I mean”

“She does have a good figure” Mhari said as she looked across at them.

“I’m not saying she doesn’t but there is a limit” I replied pulling a cigarette from my bag and lighting up. “I mean even I wouldn’t wear shorts like that so at her age” I asked gesturing towards her my cigarette clasped between my outstretched fingers.

Mhari laughed a bit “Jealousy is a wonderful thing” she said shaking her head at me as I pulled a face and took a draw from my cigarette.

With Mum and Avril back in the group we decided we had seen enough of “Old Cadiz” and grabbed a taxi down into the “New Town.” The shops were larger and more fashionable lots of what were probably chain stores in Spain as well as a few more high class designer stores. Strolling along we reached what looked like one of the more exclusive fashion boutiques. All four of us going inside for a look around we mingled among the rows of dresses and skirts, shirts etc. Each one of us moving around, looking at items that took our eye.

The silence was shattered by “Tracey come here a minute dear” it was Mom calling from somewhere near the back of the shop. I looked around spotting her and Avril and walked over.

“That would look absolutely stunning on you” my Mom said pointing to a dress on a mannequin just in front of her I looked at the dress, it had a black top with one shoulder strap on the right shoulder at first it looked like the top was latex but then I realised it was just a shiny soft leather. The leather ran to the waist where it joined a straight skirt with what I later realised had a split up the left leg to about mid- thigh.

“Go and try it on Tracey it’s just your size” Mom said.

“I think it looks more like Avril’s type of thing” I said with an edge of sarcasm.

“Don’t be silly dear, Avril’s taller than you it would be too short for her” Mom said flashing a smile at Avril as I squirmed.
“Yeah Tracey try it on I’ve not treated you to anything yet” Avril said looking me right in the eye.

“No it’s ok” I said

“Nonsense” Avril said picking up one from the rail beside “Here try it on” she thrust it towards me; I looked for help glancing at Mhari she just raised her eyes a bit and left me to squirm.

I took the dress from Avril and looked around spotting what I assumed was a changing room I headed over and stepped inside. I hung it up on the hanger and looked at it. Mom and Avril were right it was stunning in fact if I had been back home it is just the type of dress Michael McWilliams would have dreamed of owning if not even getting the chance to wear it.

I undressed and quickly got myself into the new dress carefully smoothing it down as I looked in the mirror I could feel a stirring in my lower loins, not now I said trying to calm my heart rate as I closed the last half inch of the zip. The soft leather felt exhilarating against my skin as I moved out of the changing room and into view.

“Oh it is absolutely just gorgeous and fits so well” my Mom said as I stood like some sort of prize animal on show. She fussed around me straightening a bit there tugging a little there in the background I could see Mhari and Avril exchanging a couple of words a smile creeping across Avril’s face as she watched me suffer a bit more.

“We will take it” my Mom announced to a middle aged shop assistant who had edged into view.

“No Mom really I saw the price it’s quite expensive” I said as I tried to get out of it.

“Don’t be silly Avril’s buying” she said “It’s not often she opens her purse” My Mom said winking at a laughing Avril “Now go and get changed” she said as she edged me back to the dressing room.

I walked back in not only was I now the proud owner of a stunning dress I also had that bitch to thank for buying it sometimes life just sucks.

Several minutes later having kissed Avril on the cheek, and expressed my thanks, we were heading along the main shopping area. Me of course I’m in rather a foul mood having to kiss Avril and thank her got under my skin, it’s just a matter of course now everything Avril does gets under my skin.

Avril and Mom caught up with us “Hey what about a spot of lunch and a drink before we head back to the ship” my Mom asked.

“Eh think I’ll skip lunch” I said.

“Skip breakfast, skip lunch that dress will soon be too big for you,” Avril said.

I drew her a look ignoring the dig I went on “No really I wanted to see Santa Catalina Castle, it’s in one of the James Bond films” I said. I wasn’t lying I did really want to see it and it seemed an ideal opportunity to get away for a bit.

“It’s ok, I’ll go with her” Mhari said looking towards the others.

“You sure” mom said.
“Yeah I’ll see you back at the ship for dinner” I said turning away from the group.

Me and Mhari found a taxi I asked the driver to take us to the castle, the journey was silent with me looking out the window trapped in my thoughts still a bit upset with Avril and her constant digs at me.

Finally we reached the Castle we got out and headed inside I pulled out my camera and began taking a few shots while Mhari held my bags. Once I had taken my fill of pictures I went back to Mhari.

“Want to talk about it,” she said

“What”

“Come on you’ve been antsy since we left those two behind. Here let’s get a seat over there in the sun and you can have a cigarette to cool off or something, I’ll get us a coke or something from that little gift shop we passed.”

I walked over and sat down on my own pulling out my cigarettes I lit one and inhaled trying to let the smoke invade my brain and wipe out Avril.

Mhari was back just as I crushed out the ciggie.

She handed me the can and I opened it taking a swig of the cool liquid a single drop running down my chin.

“Look here’s the way I see it” Mhari began, “You have been on board since Sunday, right” I nodded.

“Ok so we are now at Thursday, we are at sea tomorrow and in Barcelona on Saturday and Sunday. We are back at sea on Sunday night and dock on Tuesday when you leave the ship on Tuesday, right?” she asked again I nodded.

“Ok so given that you will probably need Monday to revert then why are you letting Avril ruin your last three days?”

I heard what she said but it didn’t quite register at first.

My heart was beating so fast it felt it would burst from my chest.

“She told you didn’t she” I shouted a slight tear coming from one eye. “The bitch I knew it back in the shop that little snide conversation the fucking bitch” I shouted.

Mhrai grabbed my wrist “Calm down Tracey look people are watching” she said.

I glanced around a couple of tourists looked over at the two British girls having an argument.

“Sit down” she said again.

I sat reached for my bag and pulled out the cigarettes my fingers trembled as I pulled one out and put it in my lips I fumbled for the lighter tried to get it to work a tear tracking it’s way down my cheek.

“Here let me” Mahri said taking the lighter from me she flicked it into life and lit my cigarette.
“Can I have one?” she asked.

“You don’t smoke” I said as I exhaled.

“I do sometimes” she took one out and lit it.

“How did you know then” I asked.

“Well I was on deck when you came aboard I saw Avril and your Mom and low and behold there was a boy pushing their luggage”

“So you’ve known all along.”

“Well not really the first morning I met you in the gym I just took you as Tracey it was only when I saw you all together I put two and two together” she stopped taking a draw of the cigarette.

“So why did you not say anything, and did it not scare you here was a guy dressing up as a girl, bit spooky is it not” I asked.

“It’s your life, so tell me then do you do it all the time?”

I went on to tell her about my arrival on ship with only girl’s clothes my first day transformation and how I had been caught by Mom and Avril before.

“I can see why you maybe hate Avril so much” she said taking out another cigarette and lighting it. “But this must be a dream come true for someone with your feeling’s” she said.

I smiled “I suppose it’s more than that, it’s been the chance of a lifetime but don’t you find it strange does it not shock you” I asked.

“You’ve not travelled much have you” she asked blowing a cloud of smoke to the floor.

“Not really this is just me second time abroad the other was when I was seven”

“Well my Dad’s travelled most of his life sometimes we stay at home other times we go with him, your what 18” she asked I nodded.

“Well I’m 23 soon and when I was about 17 he had a year in London, I spent about 6 month’s down there with him, trust me you see it all in London there’s clubs gay bars you run into a few Crossdressers or Transsexuals from time to time. Then when I was 21 he was posted to Thailand, Bangkok, I’m sure you know all about that place with your interests.” she asked, I nodded.

“Well I met hundreds of Lady Boy’s while I was out there I even slept with one, one night.”

This time it was me to look shocked I grabbed a cigarette and lit it.

“You slept with one, are you gay or what”

“No I’m most definitely bi-sexual I mean after all the Lady boys have a cock, but they are so stunning some are far more beautiful than the women out there and a lot more available.” She went on “Anyway I like women I like guys I like both” she said squeezing my arm.

I tensed a bit “Look its ok I’m not hitting on you, you’re not my type Tracey or oh what is your real name anyway?”

“Michael” I said softly.

“Ok Tracey Michael you’re not my type, well maybe Michael might be, but I doubt it as I usually go for big muscular Rugby playing types or guy’s with really big cock’s and I guess no insult intended that you are neither as you seem so flat down there.”

I blushed a bit “Well I’ve played rugby but you might be right about the other thing.”

She laughed a bit “Anyway if I wanted anyone in your party it would be Avril she is so hot she could have her head stuck between my legs anytime”

I blushed again “Too much information” I said.

Mhari looked at her watch “Look I think we better head back and it doesn’t matter you secret is safe with me and I just want you to relax and enjoy the rest of the trip after all as you said it’s the chance of a lifetime.”

I smiled and looked at her I reached in and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thanks for that” I said.

“No problem, we still friends” I nodded “Ok let’s get going”

We stood and walked towards the exit to the castle as we did Mhari took my hand and squeezed it I looked at her and smiled as we walked hand in hand to the taxi rank.