Never Meddle in the Affairs of a Woman, Ch 10

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***

Chapter Ten

“Got to Love the Autobahn”

***

Normally, I’m a light sleeper. I can count the times I’ve slept so deeply that it felt like I was climbing from a deep, dark, comfy, pit into reluctant awareness on two hands. This was one of those times. At some point during the night I’d rolled onto my left side, away from the window, so now I rolled onto my back and glanced at the curtains that diffused the sunlight streaming in.

For a time I just lay there, enjoying the comfort, not wanting to move. Then I felt a cramp and pressed my hand into my stomach. ‘What now?’ I thought, and then it hit me. I’d been laying here, enjoying the simple comfort of being warm and I hadn’t been consciously aware of my female body. Was I now so comfortable as Kristina that I no longer noticed the differences?

“Fuck, just two more days, and then I’m back to being me.” I said, although a part of my mind reminded me that Kristina hadn’t said that she’d swap us back, only that she’d meet me. I became aware that I needed to pee and was a little alarmed that my bottom felt wet.

“Ugh,”

I groaned and threw back the covers and climbed out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. Sitting down to pee was still annoying, but it had become a familiar annoyance. I did my business and patted myself dry, but when I went to pull up my panties I saw that the crotch was dark with blood. In horror I looked into the toilet and confirmed the impossible.

I was bleeding from Kristina’s pussy! For a moment I couldn’t think and then I just sat there and started laughing. Here I was, trapped in the body of a twenty six year old woman, running from some kind of organized criminal group, with magic issues, and to top it off my plumbing had picked this moment to start bleeding! My chuckle turned into a belly laugh that bordered on hysterical, as a comment from Jill popped into my head.

“How can you guarantee that you’ll have your period? Go on vacation.”

I pulled out a wad of toilet paper stuffed it into the crotch of my panties and pulled them up. I knew I’d seen feminine hygiene products in Kristina’s purse so I went in search of them.

It took me far longer to get ready than before. It was like my energy level had just been drained, I even blew off working out for the first time since I’d been in this body. Then when I’d tried to pull on a pair of jeans, they’d just been too tight, it was like my lower body had blown up like a balloon overnight. I only had one dress in my limited supply of clothes, grabbed more on a whim than anything else. It was purple and was made of some kind of soft material. I’d also grabbed a set of black tights to wear under the dress and much to my surprise, I discovered that this outfit was actually comfortable.

Still, I felt totally humiliated it felt like I was wearing a diaper! My male pride wanted to revolt at wearing a dress and then I felt another cramp and I realized I was in no position to even have male pride. When I made it to the lobby I was happy to see that it was empty with only a female clerk behind the counter. She looked up as I approached and gave me a bright smile, “Guten Morgen. Kann ich Ihnen helfen?”

“Ja, ich spreche kein Deutsch.” Then I continued, “Can you give me directions to a place where I can rent a car?”

“Yes, if you go to the train station, keep going straight the auto rental is on the far end of the station.”

“Thank you,” I said and turned in my key.

It was warmer now that the sun was up and I got a better view of the town. There was a part of me that just wanted to rush, get the car and get going. However, the part that was coldly logical knew better than to draw attention, ‘slow and smooth,’ I thought. As I walked I was also aware that my backpack was stuffed now that I also had the nun’s habit packed into it. I felt a little guilty about steeling the clothes and had left a handful of euros in the hanging bag. I’d also considered leaving them at the hotel, but who knows, they’d proven a good disguise once, so I might need them again.

I spotted the train station I couldn’t help taking another look around, this was where I’d ditched the thugs and if they were smart they’d go back and start checking their back trail. Of course figuring out the stop where I’d jumped off would be tough, but they obviously had some resources, they’d found me despite my efforts to keep a low profile.

The most likely reason was they were monitoring my credit cards and saw that I bought a ticket on that train. If they were even more powerful then they’d be monitoring my cell activity. Even worse was the possibility that they could access government records and see where and when I’d crossed a border.

Then I froze for a second as a new thought hit me. What if it was none of the above? What if they were using magic to track me? How would I even know? My heart started racing and I took a deep breath and resumed my walk. I had to be aware of that possibility, but since I didn’t have a way to counter it, I dismiss it for now.

“Focus on what you can control.” I told myself.

Just as I passed the busy main entrance I saw a sign for ‘Hertz’ auto rentals.

“They’ve got a Hertz?”

I couldn’t help grinning at the company’s familiar name. As it turned out renting the car was both easy and frustrating. I had all the necessary identification from Kristina’s purse and I filled out the paperwork. However, even though I wanted to pay with cash, they insisted on running a credit card. If the Syndicate had the ability to monitor my credit activities they’d know in a few minutes that I’d been in Hagen, Germany.

Once again I felt like I was on the clock. The only good thing was that I could use the GPS to calculate a route for me to Berlin. It was after 13:00 by the time I got on the road and even though I was hungry I wanted to get a few miles between me and the rental agency. I spent a few minutes to study the route. The most direct route was too obvious. According to the GPS I’d be there in just under four hours. However, I was betting the Syndicate would be watching that route soon. So what if I took a roundabout way?

***

The more roundabout route took me through Leipzig and then up to Berlin from the south. It would take me about six hours to get to Berlin but a long drive was nothing new to me. By 16:00 I was getting close to Leipzig and feeling a little light headed from low blood sugar and I was sitting in what felt like a soggy diaper. I saw an exit that looked promising and got off the highway.

Leipzig is a good sized city and the signs showed plenty of places to eat and then I spotted a sign for a Raststätte. As I pulled off I saw what reminded me of a combined, rest area-truck stop in the States. There was even a Shell station for gas. Once I filled up I parked my car by the restaurant/store and headed in looking for the restroom. By this time picking the ladies room over the men’s room was almost an afterthought and when I got into a stall I wasted no time in taking a look.

“Ugh, this is disgusting.”

The damn pad attached to the crotch of my underwear was completely saturated, ‘I guess I needed to change them more often.’ Luckily only a little blood had leaked. I peeled the pad off and wrapped it in a thick wad of toilet paper and attached a fresh one.

“This is gross enough, but I had no idea it also smells bad.”

As I sat there I realized that I had a headache and the cramps I’d been ignoring while driving were worse. I’d needed to find something to help with the discomfort. I’d seen what reminded me of a drug store when I’d come in, hopefully they’d have something I could buy. I finished up in the stall and dropped my messy trash in the bin and then went to the sink to wash up. I was sure that somewhere out there God must hate me. I felt another cramp and my dull headache felt even worse.

I left the restroom and went into the restaurant marked “Serways” and looked around. It reminded me of a cafeteria. Instead of getting a young perky hostess take me to a booth, I had to get a tray and pick food off the line. I got a cup of soup and a salad and then dragged my exhausted body to a booth where I slumped, feeling totally drained. Then I thought to check Kristina’s purse. The only thing she had was aspirin, but at this point I was happy to have it. I took two and then slowly started eating. Between the food and the psychological effect of having taken some medicine I was starting to work my way up to human, by the time I finished lunch.

Just then an older man, wearing shabby clothes, and surrounded by the sickly sweet aroma of body odor slid onto the bench across from me. He gave me a yellow toothed grin and before I could ask what the hell he was doing he said, “Morning, James, how they hang’n. Well, I guess, you wouldn’t know, at the moment. Hehehehe.”

“Kristina?”

The old guy nodded, “Yup, I got up a little early and when you’re phone went to voice mail I decided to try contacting you this way.”

“Do you know what you look like?”

“I saw the guy before I touched him, why?”

“You must not be able to smell in astral form, cause, you stink!”

The guy got a strange look and then he lifted an arm to take a whiff. “I don’t smell anything.”

“Maybe that body’s sense of smell is broken. Hey, I thought you couldn’t just possess people?”

“I normally wouldn’t be able too. But one of my instructors, after I explained what happened with Lana, told me that the weaker willed a person is the more susceptible they are to being influenced. Then he went on to say that over use of drugs and alcohol increase the risk of becoming a victim of a Spiritual predator. So I saw this truck driver sleeping in his rig and wondered if I could possess him. He was a lot harder to get into than Lana, but once I got inside, I’ve got full control.”

“Is his mind, sleeping? Like Lana’s was?”

The guy nodded. “Yeah, so how goes the trip? I was surprised that you weren’t at Jenny’s place. I thought, you’d be in Berlin by now.”

“I ran into a bit of unpleasantness on the train and had to get off in Hagen.” I could see Kristina take a breath to ask me what happened so I lifted a hand to stop her. “But I’ve got a more important issue.” Then I glared at her, “Why didn’t you warn me that I was going to start?”

At this, the man looked confused, “Start? Start what?”

“Yes, start! As in, I’m having your GOD DAMN PERIOD!” I said, it softly but my voice held a good deal of intensity.

The man’s mouth fell open, then in a distinctly feminine move he clapped a hand over it to keep from laughing, although his eyes sparkled and danced while his shoulders shook with suppressed mirth.

“It’s not that funny! Damn it! Stop laughing.” I felt like punching him in the nose, or crying.

“Actually, it is pretty funny,” he said. “I don’t mean to be a bitch, but do you know how many times I’ve wished that the man in my life could go through a period, just once, so he’d understand what I have to go through? Now, here you are, having my period for me.” Then he broke into another fit of giggles. “Awfully . . . kind . . . of you.” he said between giggles.

I didn’t know what to do, all of a sudden, more than anything else I just felt like crying. I knew this was my body’s reaction to the situation, but it felt so real to me. Then there was another part of me that could see how this might be funny, but at the moment I failed to appreciate it, and had no intention of admitting it! Finally there was the cold, professional side of me that saw this as a big distraction from what was really important.

“If you aren’t going to give me any advice dealing with your body’s cycle, then we should move on to business. Four thugs tried to kidnap me from the train. I think I lost them, when I jumped off in Hagen, but then I had to rent a car. I should be in Berlin by seven.”

The laughter left the man’s face and there was suddenly a sympathetic look. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, of course I’ll help you. Are you using a tampon?”

I shuddered at the thought, “Are you asking me if I’ve stuck a sponge up YOUR vagina? No, it seemed, I don’t know, kind of gross. I’m just using a pad.”

The guy nodded, “I normally prefer to use a pad. It’s a little messy, but putting a tampon in can hurt. Although, if you have to run, or do anything physical, it would be a good choice.”

“What about medicine?”

“I usually just use aspirin.”

I nodded at that and looked down into my empty coffee cup.

“What do you mean four thugs tried to kidnap you?”

“On the train. The Syndicate had arranged for four guys to grab me. They even had some kind of potion they intended to use on me to get me to do what they wanted.” With that I leaned over and opened up my backpack and pulled out the hanky. I passed it over to Kristina, “Don’t smell it, one whiff and you’ll sort of zone out and do whatever I ask you too.”

The old man poked it with a finger and stared at the hanky for a minute before looking up at me. “I can’t tell you what spell is on it, since the spell has mostly dissipated. It will be totally gone in the next couple of hours.” Then the guy shook his head, “I’ll ask my teachers about this. Anything else?” The way Kristina asked the question made it sound slightly accusatory.

“I didn’t kill anyone if that’s what you’re asking.” I said feeling a little annoyed. There was a long moment of silence. “Are you on your way to Berlin?”

Kristina shook his head, “No, I don’t fly out until tomorrow morning. I’ll send you an email with my itinerary so the next time you log on you’ll have it.” Then suddenly he reached out with a rough hand and grabbed my arm, “Look, James, I didn’t mean to make your feel bad earlier. Going through your first period is a big deal, it’s the moment you truly become a woman. Congratulations.” There was a small quirk at the corner of his mouth.

I couldn’t decide if I wanted to hit him or hug him. I certainly didn’t want to ‘become a woman’ and I didn’t really want to be welcomed into the ‘sisterhood’ particularly if it meant bleeding from my bottom. Instead, I just let it pass, “I should get back on the road. Do I need to call Jenny?”

“No, I sent her an email. She’s expecting you tonight.”

“Oh, any progress on the spell to swap us back?”

For the first time the old guy looked embarrassed, “Uhm, no. Apparently what happened to us is really, really uncommon. In fact, the Society was very upset about it. I guess the Syndicate figuring out a way to swap bodies is considered a major magical breakthrough and an escalation in the shadow war. Then add in the fact that they’ve figured out how to freeze a complex ritual magic into a crystal and it’s another major escalation. The Society was very upset with me for using the crystal to swap with you.” Kristina looked down, “If I’d have known then, what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have done it. I screwed up by not bringing them the crystal.” This last part was said softly and I could hear the pain in Kristina’s voice.

“Do you think they’ll figure this out?” I asked the question quietly but for the first time the idea that I might be stuck in Kristina’s body hit me. It was not a good day to be thinking about being stuck as a female!

“Yeah, actually, I do. James, these guys are really good, they know what they’re doing. It might just take some time.”

I stood up, “Alright, well, it’s time for me to get back on the road.”

Then a thought hit me, “Oh, I was wondering, whatever happened to Lana? Did you get her home safely? Is she alright?”

“Yeah, I managed to get her home and in bed before I lost control. Going by how hammered she must have been the night before I'm pretty sure she slept it off for the rest of the day. I wrote a note in my own handwriting saying that the company had called me off my holiday in order to go to the Continent for a conference, replacing an ill colleague. That should hold her off for a while. Before I left I saw that her aura was restored, so she’s going to be okay.”

“Alright,” I said with a nod and started to turn away.

“Oh, and James,” I looked back at her, “for the moment, it’s your vagina.” Then Kristina burst into a fit of unmanly giggles.

***

Driving on the Autobahn was different, and similar to driving in the States. Speeding down the highway was nothing new, but because everything was in kph instead of mph my sense of how fast I was going was thrown off. Instead, I just tried to flow with the traffic around me and hoped that I was doing the right thing.

By 18:30 I started seeing that I was getting close to Berlin based on the signs and the fact that the speed was now limited to 120 kph. I used the GPS to help me navigate toward Stirnerstraße 33b. I was a little late spotting the exit and had to jump across two lanes to make the turn and then I was on the off ramp. The suburb just south of Berlin was busy and prosperous. At seven thirty at night there was plenty of traffic and the lights from restaurants, businesses, and shops spoke of a lively neighborhood.

Suddenly, the lights in my rear view mirror sent my heart racing. ‘What the hell,’ I thought, as I pulled over. For a minute I wondered if the Syndicate had found me, but then I dismissed the idea as unlikely. I could see the door open and close as the cop got out and made his way toward me. My mind was racing, the last thing I needed was a ticket or anything that marked my location within a computer system.

I glanced down thinking furiously and my eyes locked in on my cleavage. Almost as if watching someone else’s hands I reached up and undid the buttons at the top of Kristina’s dress. I quickly brushed it back to display the swell of Kristina’s breasts and then pulled the ponytail out of my hair letting it fall lose around my shoulders. A second after I finished there was a light tap on my window and I hit the button to lower it.

“Guten Abend, die Dame. Führerschein und Fahrzeugpapiere bitte.”

I glanced up at the officer, ‘good lord, he’s tall!’ I thought. “Ah, Entschuldigung, ich spreche kein Deutsch. Sprechen Sie Englisch?” I said, stumbling through my limited German. I couldn’t help notice that he was about Kristina’s age and that his eyes were glued to my chest. Then his blue eyes caught mine and he smiled.

“I speak, Englisch, ein bisschen.”

“Uh, just a second,” I said and dug into Kristina’s purse. “Here’s my license and rental agreement. I believe insurance was included in the rental.” I said handing him Kristina’s driver’s license and the paper work that came with the car.

“Danke, I be right back.” With that he took my documents and returned to the patrol car.

“Okay, Jimmy-boy, what did you do? You weren’t speeding, you’ve got all the paper work.” I said to the empty car. What if there was an arrest warrant out for me? I needed to keep him as distracted as possible.

Just then I heard the crunch of boots on gravel and looked up to see the cop’s short blonde hair moving in the breeze. He’d removed his cover when he went to the patrol car and now he was smiling at me.

“Frau Curtis, your papers.” His white teeth flashed as he handed me back my license and rental agreement. “Do you know why I stop you?”

I ‘accidentally’ brushed his hand with mine as I took the documents. I took a deep breath, pushing up into my bra and looked at him through Kristina’s lashes.

“Uhm,” finger twirls in hair, “I really don’t know.” I let go of my hair and allow my hand to brush my cleavage before dropping it to my lap. I could see his eyes tracking my hand as I spoke.

There was a pause and then it was like his brain kicked into gear. “When you left the Autobahn you cut across three lanes without using signal. You must use turn signal for each lane change. Safety. Is very important.”

He stumbled slightly and I wasn’t sure if it was my flirting or him struggling with English. I tried to will up some fake tears but nothing happened so instead I went for contrite.

“I’m sooo sorry officer. I was just in a hurry, I’m visiting a friend and I almost missed the exit. It won’t happen again.”

At this the cop leaned in, his eyes locked onto my chest, “Yes, I can see how it would be . . . confusing for a stranger.” I nodded in agreement and I wondered if I pushed my chest out any farther if I’d lose a button.

“I let you go this time, but no more leichtsinnig . . . uhm . . . thoughtless driving.”

I nodded and raised my hand to draw an X over my exposed bosom, “Cross my heart. I promise.”

For a minute I thought he was going to ask me out on a date but then he nodded, “Drive safely.”

Taking this as my signal to leave I rolled up the window and put the car in drive and slowly accelerated away. I could still see him in my review mirror and for a minute wondered how the real Kristina would have handled that situation. Then I dismissed it from my mind. I needed to get to Jenny’s place and get off the grid.

It took another fifteen minutes to find her house and as I drove up the street I couldn’t help noticing that I was in one of those neighborhoods like you see in the movies from New York. Every house was built right against the next and each one was identical. Four to Five stories, thin, and indistinguishable from its neighbors.

I found a spot to park on the street and grabbed my stuff and walked up to the house looking around. The area looked neither rich nor poor, just a solid, city, middle class, a working neighborhood. I got to the door and saw that there were buttons with each flat labeled. I saw the one for Jenny and hit it.

“Hallo?”

“Jenny? It’s me Kristina. Can I come up?”

“Kristina!? Of course!” I heard a buzz and the door clicked open.

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Ah, Kristina's brush with the

Ah, Kristina's brush with the German police officer, brings back memories of when I was stationed in Germany and had to give newly arrived personnel "driving in Germany and Europe lessons". Crossing over to another lane without using your signals, is a real NO NO, and actually now-a-days in many US states it is that way as well. Another was NEVER stay in the passing lane after you have passed a vehicle, as you just might have a Mercedes or BMW or Porsche up your tail pipe.