The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2560 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

---

“By the way,” said Simon as we were snuggling down in bed, me having difficulty staying awake, “I got Steve Campbell to check your accounts.

“What accounts?” I muttered nearly in the arms of Morpheus.

“Your departmental ones.”

“Oh right.” One moment I was milliseconds from sleep and the next moment I was sitting up in bed wide awake. “You did what?”

“I got Steve to look them over, he said they’re okay.”

“You have no right to...” I felt as angry with him as I did the university parasites the other day.

“I asked Tom, okay?”

“But you went behind my back...”

“No, you were busy with Danielle.”

“I’ve got a phone.”

“You’d have said no.”

“I might not have.”

“Yes you would, you’d have thought I was interfering.”

“You were.”

“Look I spoke to Tom and asked him if it would help if we let Steve look at your accounts, to make sure they were correct.”

“They were, I did them myself.” He didn’t say it but I know he was thinking, ‘That’s why.’

“So who’s this Steve whatever?”

“He’s a certified auditor, does forensic work for the bank. He’s one of the best in the country.”

“How much did that cost?”

“I popped it on the bank’s account, but hey, for my wife nothing is too expensive.”

“Prove it,” he’d annoyed me so I was going to annoy him.

“Okay,” he was hot and bothered, I couldn’t see it in the dark but I could have made toast on his face.

“Did you know that Jaguar had brought out an XE class.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to change down to a smaller car do you?”

“No, I want you to buy one for Julie and she can give her Smart car to Phoebe.”

“You want me to spend twenty five grand to say sorry, when I was acting in your interests?”

“You could have phoned.”

“Promise me you’ll never negotiate against me.”

“Promise Julie the car and I’ll promise that as long as we’re still together, I won’t.”

“Odd sort of wording—you planning on splitting us up then?”

“Not as long as you don’t go behind my back again, but if we were then I’d have to fight my corner, wouldn’t I?”

“I said I’m sorry, look Tom said he was concerned they could find a mistake and invalidate your position financially. I told him I had a friend who could help. He’s emailed you a certificate of audit.”

“Thank you.” I lay down with him cuddled into my back, then I sat up turned round and pecked him on the cheek.

“What’s that for?” he asked I turned back and lay down again.

“For making Julie’s year.”

“Oh that,” he said, “I’ll probably go for a lease hire one, that way she won’t have any bills as long as she doesn’t bash it or overdo the mileage.”

“Fine, providing you get her another when the lease runs out.”

“All right, I’ll buy her one, an ex-demonstrator.”

“Fine, night night,” I closed my eyes and I slipped into and exhausted sleep. I half expected it to be white the next morning but it wasn’t. It was frosty and the sun tried to peep through the clouds.

I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower where a momentary fall of cold water made me squeal but certainly woke me up before the warm wet stuff washed away my tiredness. I dressed immaculately in a business suit, a Versace one and did my makeup and hair to complement it. My hair was up, so was my dander, meeting the accounts team put me on my mettle. Given the chance they’d do me or my credibility real damage; but then I wasn’t looking to take prisoners either—part of me wondered if I should have worn plaid and painted myself blue—but that would have warned them of my intentions. I was going to harry them every step of the way, you might say even off-woad. Well you try to fit it into a conversation. ‘I have a blue bike,’ ‘Oh yes, a racing bike?’ ‘No an off-woad one.’ See what I mean?

I called the girls for school, Danni was still asleep—too bad, if she wants to be a superstar, she’ll have to develop a bit of stamina. I told Trish and Livvie to get her up, I heard the squeals and imprecations from the kitchen.

Amazingly, we were all ready for departure on time though Danni did her makeup in the car. For someone who’d only been doing it about a year, she was fast and competent. She kissed me on the cheek and then applied her lip gloss before leaving the car. “Sorry I was tired this morning, Mummy, I did appreciate you taking me yesterday.”

“Okay, off you go or you’ll be late for registration.”

She sniffed at me, “Chanel?”

“No 5,” I said.

“Thought so, byeee.”

“The financial meeting was for ten, which they switched, asking us to come to them for half past nine.”

I decided I wasn’t going to get upset by them today and I had my certificate of audit safely tucked away in my computer bag.

I rang Tom to inform him of the change of time and venue. “Och, they want tae fecht dirty, dae they? Alricht, twa can play at that game.”

We met outside the finance department and went in together, clutching our files. We were led into the manager’s office. They’d brought out the big guns and there was another man sitting at the table.

“This is Dave Fellman, from the auditor’s office.”

We exchanged nods. I looked around, they were all neatly dressed in their M&S suits and shirts, my handbag cost more than their outfits put together. I sent a silent thank you to Simon, this auditor chap was presumably here to frighten me with some alleged discrepancy. I would give him a chance to recant, if he didn’t a possible prosecution could occur. The courts don’t like bent auditors.

“We have found a discrepancy in your accounts, I’m afraid Professor Watts, I’ll let Dave explain it,” opened Tony Long, the finance department manager.

“Before he does, I should explain I’ve had the accounts independently audited and they found nothing out of order. I should therefore offer an opportunity to Mr Fellman to withdraw his allegation as I’m sure he’s well aware of the consequences of impropriety.”

“How dare you?” snapped Long.

“I’m just trying to prevent Mr Fellman from going up against my independent auditor in a court or tribunal,” I smiled sweetly, “I suspect he’s heard of Dr Stephen Campbell, who did the audit for us.”

Dave Fellman suddenly went an ashen colour, “I think I’d like to check the figures again, Professor, I did them in a bit of a hurry.” I smiled and he left the room like it was on fire.

“How the other half live, eh John,” Long said to one of the two trolls I had the scrap with earlier. “Not that it matters, the University Council yesterday instituted a two per cent cut across the board.”

My tummy flipped, “How could they? I’m a member of the council and no one informed me of a meeting.” My dander wasn’t just up it was out in space somewhere.

“I was told they tried to contact you but you were off-site.”

“Sorry, but I’m suspending this meeting.”

“You can’t, Professor, you can’t overrule the council.”

“Don’t bet on it—oh and be prepared for redundancies in this department.”

“You can’t threaten me, Lady stuck up Cameron, my mortgage isn’t with High St.”

“I’m not threatening anyone, I’m going back to my office to call the police I suspect financial impropriety or equivalent. Watch this space, but check your mortgage payment insurance—oh and if you touch my budget for any reason whatsoever until this is sorted, I’ll prosecute you for fraud or theft.” With that Tom and I stormed out of the room leaving them all gaping like goldfish.

Sometimes it pays to be a rich bitch!