I was back from being over at Max's and today was one of the days I could dress as Jessie and it wouldn’t be a surprise. Like Jessie, I wanted to shower and freshen up, as Jeff that didn’t make sense. I took one of Rachel’s old short denim skirts that is now mine and the new peasant blouse and my underthings to take a shower.

Jeff usually just gets in and out, barely taking the time needed to take a good shower. It becomes more of an event with Jessie: listening to music, singing and taking care of myself, hair, moisturizing my skin and whatever. I checked and turned my earrings. I was done, dressed and returning to my room when Rob was coming up to his room with Jacob, a close friend.

Not that it helped, but in Jessie’s voice, I said, “Rob, you should check or call up when you’re bringing a friend up!”

First Jacob just said, “Sorry but I don’t bite. I can go back down, Rob didn’t tell me a cousin was over.”

I said, “Sorry Jacob, it wasn’t your fault.”

Jacob took another look, a good look at me. “Woe!”

Rob was standing like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do.

Rob finally speaks, “Jess/Jeff, you were to be at Max’s”

It is registering with Jacob, “Whose Jessie? Jeff, wow you’re one of those what-you-call ‘em? I thought you were a cousin or someone. You make an awesome girl!”

Mom calls up to Rob, “You better let Jeff know you invited Jacob over for dinner.”

Rob yells back down, “Too late Mom! We have a problem!”

Mom is soon at the bottom of the stairs asking, “What’s the problem? She sees them still on the stairs looking up.

Jake laughs, “Mrs. Preston, I didn’t know you had another daughter.”

Mom takes a few steps up the stairs, needless to say, she too is surprised and not knowing what to say. Jacob presently is the one taking things the best. I quickly turned and wanted to run for my room slamming the door.

Mom says, “Let’s go upstairs and calmly talk this out.”

Jake says, “I’m sorry if I surprised or offended her. I know this is real life, but one’s not quite expecting it here in our town, or with one of my friends. You look pretty convincing as a girl but you should wear makeup.”

Mom suggested they go into Rob’s room and she’d visit with me. Mom says, “I’m sorry young lady. I didn’t expect you to be taking a shower.”

“What should I do Mom, he’s seen me?”

With a slight giggle she says, “As he said, some makeup would help. He’s already recognized you dressed as a girl and he isn't upset. We will visit over dinner and reach a good understanding. Jacob is good and dependable. You, however, are being found out about by enough people that we need to decide some things.”

I am still upset and ready to speak, Mom says. “He’s seen Jessie, and so be Jessie.”

I’m frustrated, “Mom, you expect me to sit at the dinner table with him? That is so impossible.”

“Jessie, we will be eating at 6:00 and I could use your help. It was you who decided to dress as Jessie, so finish doing so.”

“I’m going to change and while I will help you, I won’t be eating dinner if he’s here!”

Mom steps closer to me as to underscore how we are as a family and what she expects. “You will not change that would give the appearance of something wrong. You have been brought up in this family with more manners then not to come to dinner. You are a teenager, not a little girl.”

Jessie falls down on her bed crying, “Mom, I’m sorry but I scared.” Her mother left, feeling for Jessie and understanding as she too was worried. The difference being, she knew what seemed overwhelming, it too would pass. ‘She knew, she’d be there for Jessie. Jessie was very sensitive, but her mother believed that sensitivity would become part of her strength.’

Jessie had fallen asleep crying and now two hours later her sister had come to visit. “Jessie, wake up we need to talk.”

“I don’t want too, I’m so embarrassed.”

Rachel’s light giggle irritated Jessie, “Turn around and talk, it’s not that bad.”

Jessie spoke through her tears, “You don’t understand Jacob McCaulley saw me as a girl and I’m not going to be able to show my face. I wish I were dead.”

Rachel sits next to Jessie and places her hand gently on Jessie’s back. “Jessie, you know that Jacob is not only Rob’s friend. He likes you and wouldn’t intentionally hurt you?”

“It wasn’t intentional, but he saw me as a girl. Are you going to tell me he won’t tell others? You know better and so do I?”

“Jess, if he told you himself, would you believe it then? He thinks you make a pretty girl.”

There’s another voice, “Jessie, I have only known you as Jeff so far, but you should already know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Ugh, no, I’m so embarrassed,” Jessie pounds her pillow. Rachel puts several tissues in her hands. Jessie uses her other hand to hold down the hem of her skirt as she moves to sit up. Rachel scoots over to allow Jessie to sit up next to her. Jessie feels two hands reaching for her. She looks and it’s Rob and Jake both seeking to let her know they are there for her.

Jake says, “You still don’t have your makeup on. Rob and your sister both say you look a lot better when you’re not crying and have a little makeup on. If you want, I’d be willing to go home and missed dinner. I wouldn’t want you to cry any more on my account.”

Jessie looks up sheepishly to him, “You know that’s not necessary. I just can’t believe things are okay. I’m so embarrassed.”

Jacob laughs, “I can’t believe Rob’s younger brother is such an attractive chic. That makes us even…” He pauses, “If I leave you alone, would you be willing to dry your eyes and use some makeup?”

Jessie looks up trying to hold back from laughing with him. She only nods her head. Jake and Rob leave the sisters alone. “They’re going downstairs, so go wash your face and put a new face on.” Rachel nudges Jess, “For being a boy, you’re the luckiest girl I know. You keep getting yourself caught and yet come out smelling like a rose.”

It was five forty when Jessie made her way downstairs. Rachel took her to the front room where Jake was. Jessie felt embarrassed showing herself off to a boy. It was now Jake’s turn to be embarrassed or impressed. Jake, Rob, and Mr. Preston couldn’t help but be impressed with how Jessie looked and they all said so, one way or another.

The doorbell rang and Rachel checked to see who it was as Jessie made for the hallway. “You might want to turn around Jessie it’s one of your friends.”

Jess stayed in the hallway and asked, “Who?”

“Tami.”

“Tell her just a moment.”

Jessie walks over to the door takes a deep breath, opens the door, saying, “Come in if you dare Tami.”

Tami steps in and looks to Jessie, “OMG, I can’t believe how pretty, no beautiful, you are!” They hug and Tami says, “It’s even like hugging another girl.”

Tami stepped back seeing the others. “Oh, I just came to give you this ‘Thank you’ Mom thinks I owe you for helping me with my math homework.”

Mom had come into the room, “That’s sweet of you Tami, but I think it means as much to Jess, Jeff. Tami why don’t you join us for dinner, we have plenty?”

“I shouldn’t Mrs. Preston, my Mom would be upset. I'm not to stay unless I was already invited.”

Mom says, “Then I’ll call your Mom and I’ll get permission for you to stay. Rachel, why don’t you take the girls to your room and Jacob and your father can stay out here while Rob helps me.”

Tami couldn’t wait to get to Rachel’s room to speak, “Wow, Jessie, is it? You’d put Danny to shame and I don’t even know if he’d dress like this? Turn around please.” She looks to Rachel, “Are you the one who helps dress Jessie and do her makeup?” Tami turns back to Jessie, “Jeff how long have you been doing this, you look so good?”

Rachel says, “Slow down Tami, so we can answer. No, I didn’t do it this time; Jess’ is good enough now she did it. I might help if we're going out.”

Tami echoes, “Going out.” Jessie sits down on Rachel’s bed and her girl discipline of sweeping the skirt under her is not lost from Tami’s scrutiny. “I’ve been watching and listening, Jessie’s different than Jeff.” Jessie’s happy, she notices. Tami says, “So how long?” Jess became scared about saying too much and Rachel realized it.

“I caught Jeff just over two weeks ago in some of my stuff. First I forced him to let me dress him and make him up as a girl. When Mom came home his punishment got worse. She got him his own outfit and let me take him to see Cinderella.” Tami giggled at that. Rach continues, “A friend and her sister went with us. I didn’t realize her sister knew I didn’t have a younger sister. That I said Jessie was found out again. Susan treated him like a Ken doll she could dress up and that was the start of it.”

“Woe Jessie, can I have a chance for you to be my Barbie doll? When I got to taste your lips, I didn’t dream there was a complete package?” Jessie still wanted to be Jeff with Tami but for now was glad to be comfortable with her as Jessie.

Rachel asks, “What do you mean ‘You got to taste her lips’?”

Tami squirms but confesses, “I got Jeff to wear some lip gloss when we were alone and we kissed. I thought lipstick should go with his girly earrings. I confess I thought he was delicious. But we didn’t go any further, I swear.”

Rachel looks to Jessie, “Speaking of lipstick, you didn’t use any when you made yourself up. You should rectify that. Jacob was told you look better with makeup that includes your lips.

Tami asks, “When did Jacob come to know Jeff dresses as Jessie?”

Jessie sighs, “A few hours ago, I showered and dressed as Jessie. I was going from the shower to my bedroom and Robby and Jake came bounding upstairs. Ugh, he’s the first boy to know about me.”

“So, I’m not the first girl outside the family,” Tami guesses?

“Margaret next door, my counselor and Susan the younger sister of Rach’s friend.”

Tami takes hold of both hands of Jessie, “Then, this is not just a case of dress up?”

Jessie starts to say, “It is but…” She pauses, “No, you’re right, it is more than dress up. You were correct before when you said Jessie’s different from Jeff. I’ve liked it when you’ve seen what you call my sensitive side. I’ve liked it when you encouraged me to wear pretty earrings and enjoyed being my friend.

“Rachel is an awesome big sister. I like being around her and it hurt as I grew up and they said I wasn’t to this or that with her. I think that is when I noticed I was attracted to her stuff. First, it was… Oh, TMI.”

Tami quickly chimes in, “Not really, you were just letting me be a real friend to me and Rachel the big sister you admire. …Somehow, it is okay for us to admire and emulate male singers or sports people. A guy can like Taylor Swift, but if a guy says he wants to be like her or sing as well as her; he’d probably be made fun of or questioned about what kind of a guy he was.”

Rachel says, “Exactly, when Jeff was a tyke and Carrie Underwood was just becoming famous, and Jeff went crazy over her. When he became eleven, I think he was told…”

Jessie speaks up, “I was told I was too old; I needed to quit collecting her stuff and writing fan letters… I didn’t realize it then, Jessie was inside Jeff. Jessie especially thought to admire Carrie was wonderful. I don’t know where Jeff ends and Jessie began with admiring her.”

Tami says, “I have a few ‘Carrie’ like dresses.” Jessie is shaking her head affirming that as she has seen at least two of them. “You know of the pastel blue and the white lace dress, I’m talking about don’t you?”

Jessie says, “You wore the blue one last night. You were so pretty!”

Tami says, “You know what would be really cute? If I wore the blue one again and dressed you up in my white lace dress. What do you think Rachel?”

Rachel giggles, “It sounds like something she’d enjoy, but I’m not sure Jessie should be…’

Mom calls everyone to dinner and the table has been extended with its extra leaf. The boys, Rob and Jacob are on one side; the girls, Rachel, Tami and Jessie are on the other with a parent at each end of the table. Jacob gives a little laugh as Jessie took a drink of water and set her glass down. Rob asks, “What is so funny?”

Jacob smiles, “I’ve not seen a guy leave lipstick marks on the glass before.”

Jessie quickly gets up and tries to run upstairs to her room, but Jacob felt bad and was right behind her. He caught her halfway up the steps. “Hey Jessie, please don’t run away to your room every time I put my foot in my mouth trying to joke.” They’re now on the same step, looking at each other. “It is kind of funny and kinda not. I’m kinda tempted to kiss you to let you know how much I like you.” They’re both a little embarrassed as he did lean forward to give her a light kiss. Jessie even closed her eyes and pursed her lips as he did.

“I will try to behave,” said Jacob, “but please don’t run off again.”

Mom is at the base of the steps, “I want you both to behave and come back down here for dinner.” She hands Jacob a napkin, “Please wipe your lips before returning to the dining room.” She looks at me, “Jessie, what am I going to do with you? You and I will need to speak privately later.”

All I dare say is, “Yes Mom, thanks for being here.” I gently squeeze her hand hoping it conveys some kind of appreciation and understanding. I was comforted when she gently squeezed back and gave a gentle kiss to my cheek.

I was sitting between Rachel and Tami. As I sat back down, Rachel squeezed my hand and Tami tapped me on the other side. The rest of the meal went well. Rach and Tami both quietly told me, they’d teach me more about wearing lipstick.

I was quite reluctant to look at Jacob as we ate, but I finally did. I was a little upset to see Jacob taking interest in Tami. ‘Was it that I wanted Tami for me or was I jealous that Tami was getting his attention?’ I found myself asking, “Jacob do you have a girlfriend now?”

Tami took offense and turned a question back to me, “Were you be hoping for a date?”

“I’d date a girl like you if I could, but I can’t date until I’m fifteen.”

Jacob responds, “I was wondering if Tami can date, seeing I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.

“Pity me, I can’t date now, but maybe next year when I’m fourteen,” perks Tami. “If I could date, I would still prefer Jeff. We’ve become good friends.”

Dad changes the subject asking, “Who are people picking to be in the Final Four?” Though only Rob is picking them, everyone agrees Kentucky as the only undefeated team is highly favored. Mom and Tami have chosen Duke, Jacob and Dad are for Wisconsin as Jeff is too but Rachel and Jessie were rooting for Gonzaga. Dad even challenged me, “I thought you were rooting for Wisconsin?”

I try whispering to Dad, “That’s as Jeff. I like Rachel root for underdogs.” Dad shakes his head and everyone else with him laughs or is quiet.

Tami goes home shortly after dinner as Rachel and I are responsible for washing and drying the dishes. Usually, I wouldn’t have to, having a guest, but Rob too had a guest and had already helped earlier.

I couldn’t believe our discussion as we did the dishes. Rachel gave me tips on how to avoid leaving lipstick marks. It is kind of funny as Jeff thinks such a conversation is ridiculous while Jessie listens intently. I was always interested in cheap lipstick, I didn’t realize there were super-long-lasting lipsticks. Rachel would allow me to try one after we were finished with the dishes.

I had no sooner used Rachel’s dark red super-stay lipstick and let it set, and Mom called me to visit with her. “This young lady is what I am wanting to talk to you about. You are moving much too fast in trying to grow as a young woman. Today has been a full day and fortunately, tears and lipstick marks seemingly were the worst things that happened.

“You said you had a good time at Max Coulter’s, Jacob and Tami both have seen and accepted Jessie being part of who you are.” She pauses, “Would you like to tell me about your little kiss with Jacob on the stairs?”

Jess quickly says, “That’s all it was a quick little kiss that neither of us planned and it was done and forgotten.”

Mom says, “I accept most of that, but it shows how quickly things can happen and how natural it is becoming for you to react like a girl. Just as significant, is how a boy quickly reacted to accepting you as a girl he was attracted to. That should give you a reason to pause and talk to me.”

I want to breakdown and cry, “Woe, young lady/man don’t cry to avoid talking about this.” Mom lifts my head up and holds me at a comfortable distance. “In four weeks your Dad and I were going to take Rachel to Riviera Maya as part of her graduation present. Your Dad has wondered if you should be going with us. Rachel is very open to the idea. A friend of ours in government even says a special passport for you as Abigail Jessica Preston would be possible. Abigail was your great-grandmother on your father’s side of the family. Jessica was really going to be your middle name, in case you felt you needed a more familiar name. I always liked Abigail as a girls name in my generation.”

“Mom, are you really thinking I’m going to be a girl?”

Mom takes my hands and waits until I’m looking directly at her. “No, I believe you as Jeff that Jeff is who you mostly are and will be. But I will not be one of those Moms who would try to suppress who you are. I know you are very sensitive and that means working through your identity as Jessie. You will have our support in doing so. Dr. Beth thinks summer is a long way off and the short break come Easter could be helpful in learning some things.”

“Jessie, that is almost a full four weeks away. I am more concerned about the next few weeks and who you are. Though we said that Saturdays and Thursdays after school you can dress as Jessie. Well, we learned today, we even need to be ever mindful even of what you are doing.”

“Mom, I thought I was being responsible. You’ve been after me to make sure I wear a robe or am properly clothed. I did that today. Rob and whoever said Jacob could be here and didn’t warn me, they screwed it up!”

Mom says, “I apologize for that and Rob was just going by how we regularly do things. It is things like this that can just naturally unfold that will be the hardest to anticipate or be aware of.”

The following week was the most normal of the past few weeks. My visit with Dr. Beth included telling the hectic events of Saturday. It resulted in my next meeting being scheduled so I could change after school and come as Jessie. She took some blood samples again and gave me a testosterone blocker as we talked about the week before. “Your hormone level is lower than the average boy, but we’re also in the span of time it could change fast and drastically.” She said my parents’ had consented to a blocker and hormone shot. “Would you be open to taking a low dosage of female hormones? It shouldn’t change anything, but I’d like to see if your system has any response to them over the time you are meeting with me.”

Wednesday after school instead of walking home with Tami, I went with Max to his house. It was a colder day outside, so we spent the time inside playing video games. We weren’t there a long time when Max mentioned his friend Madden, “Madden said some eighth graders were going to give you a hard time when you went to the dance until he and another boy stood up with you.”

“Yea, I guess they were upset I had spoken up for Danny the other week. One said they were upset with how I wear my hair and the earrings I was wearing that night.”

Max said, “You know I like your ability to help style hair. It is upsetting to me that some people just can’t appreciate another guy’s thoughtfulness or his feelings on how he dresses. They make it about how they see him.”

He continued, “I feel compelled playing basketball and being a bigger guy that I’m expected to be aggressive but I’m more than that.”

Jeff speaks up, “I thought it was nice last Saturday when you were rather easy going in playing with me. It was like you didn’t mind I wasn’t at your level of play and that you were able to have fun in just being a friend and taking it easy on me.” Max smiled, I was sure he liked that I saw and appreciated that side of him.

Max says, “I like that about you.” Max excuses himself as he needs to use the toilet.

Jeff walks into the kitchen and says hello to Mrs. Coulter. She asks, “Jeff would you mind sitting down so we talk a moment?” Jeff takes a seat on a tall stool near the counter where she is working. She stops what she is doing and sits next to Jeff.

“I don’t know if you know that I work with our county’s LGBT community organization?” Jeff knew there’s a group at the school and another at the college nearby, but he had not known more than that.

“I mention that because of last week when I saw the cute earrings you were wearing. Well, I don’t mean to imply anything, rather to ask and be sensitive to you.” She pauses trying to decide how to say more.

“I’m… I’m not…, Does Max know about what you’re suggesting?” Jeff is nervous, “I’m not sure what to say. I’m not even sure of myself. I’m not trying to be or relate to Max in that way.”

Max is back and his mother asks, “Max would it be okay if Jeff and I talk a bit?”

“Mom, you didn’t upset him did you?” After Jeff said he was okay, Max left them alone.

Mrs. Coulter simply says, “Max knows that I observed your earrings and he knows all about the LGBT scene. Further than that is between you two.”

Jeff’s eyes widen, he gulps, “Is he, um; I like him, but I guess I’m not sure how?” He is becoming uncomfortable but trying hard not to lose his composure or go running off. However, his body is getting excited, fortunately, nothing more.

Mrs. Coulter asks, “If you don’t mind would you confide with me about how you see yourself?”

Jeff is quiet as he tries to decide what to say. He is surprised to find himself comfortable about trusting Mrs. Coulter and possibly talking about himself. “I’m not sure where to start, it’s just the past four weeks or so that I stopped hiding. Actually, I got caught, first by my sister, then my brother and Mom knew and well it kind of came to the surface.”

“I guess I like dressing up and being like a girl. Dr. Beth Hunt has begun to meet with me, even she isn’t saying anything more than acknowledging I have some gender issues different from others. I don’t think I’m attracted to other boys. I hope you won’t be offended if I say I was confused last week and again now. I feel somehow close to Max in ways I shouldn’t. I am working to just be friends, I won’t be bad with him.”

Jeff becomes quiet hoping Mrs. Coulter might say something. She does, “I really appreciate you trusting me to talk as you’re doing. Can I ask, if your parents and family are being at all supportive of you? I think it is especially important to know if you are being abused or forced to do anything you’re not comfortable with!”

Jeff kind of giggles, “No, they do worry about things going too fast. Some others have come to know about me as Jessie. I still have problems feeling guilty or that I’m a sissy. I don’t like the idea that I’d even like boys. It is like, I’m not sure of anything right now.”

Mrs. Coulter looks at her watch, “Max’s sister and brother should be coming home soon and I was getting ready to prepare dinner. If you’re wanting to continue talking, I don’t want to stop you. We just need to make a decision, and maybe you would want to talk to your parents.”

Jeff looks at the kitchen clock, “I probably should be getting home soon, but if you don’t mind I should talk to Max. I don’t want to run off without saying goodbye." And I ask again, "Does he knows about me?”

She smiles, “Yes, I think he knows about you and he likes you. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Jeff finds Max pacing in his room with the TV on. “I’m sorry that I took so much time with your Mom. Please don’t be upset with her. I guess you probably know a little of what we talked about. She was pretty certain you know I’m different. I like being your friend and hope we can continue to be friends.”

Max opens his arms to hug me in acceptance. It is kind of neat because I’m kind of calm about it. Somehow I don’t feel like a small kid in comparison to him. Max says, “I don’t know about you but it is kind of nice that another guy knows and we can be friends.”

I look to him, his tender face and warm smile tempted me to want to kiss him. He wets his lips, and I kind of did the same. “We should just be friends,” he says.

I reached and touch his face. When his hand rose to touch mine, I bring it back to touch my cheek. We are just young teenage boys and I don’t think he has any more idea of what he is doing as we gently kiss. It was just a short moment, but it felt longer. I hugged him longer, “I would appreciate if we can be friends. I better get going home now.” Max was saying something but I was in a hurry to leave and rushed out of the house.

It is some twenty blocks to my house, I had only walked about five when Max’s Sister Olivia drove up and said she was sent to give me a ride. It was nice not to walk the whole way. “Max said it might be helpful if you knew I care. Some people can be cruel in relating to you. Not getting upset is easier said than done, but their actions say more about them, and not you.”

When we drove up to my house she said, “I don’t think you’re quite like my brother. Do you have another name?”

I look at her, not immediately saying anything but “Thanks for the ride.” I paused before getting out of the car. “My name is Jessie, but only my friends know it.”

Olivia smiles, “Jessie, I consider you a friend.”

“I do too!” Olivia is a junior at the high school so I ask her, “Would it be okay if I told my sister about you?”

She grinned, “I’m no one special; I’m just another big sister like her.”

Jeff says “So is Rachel. I just thought it might be helpful if she had someone to talk to if she wanted.’

Mom came home from work as was I waving good-bye to Olivia. I tried talking to Rachel, but she had school work she needed to get done as the high school had an evening event. I’m sure she heard that Olivia too was a big sister to a brother with issues. Her only comment was “It’s good to know, but I need to get this done, sorry.”

I waited for Mom to start dinner before I tried talking to her. “Mom did you know Mrs. Coulter is on the LGBT county organization?”

Mom turns her head as she’s thinking, “O Caroline Coulter, is that Max’s Mom. Did Max share that information or did she say something to you?”

I tell my Mom, “The last time I went over I had worn a pair of my girly earrings, so the holes wouldn’t close. That and I guess she was wondering. When Max went to use the toilet; she asked if she could ask me something that was personal. She first told me that she works with the county’s LGBT program. She has a way about her Mom as I wasn’t scared in sharing with her. I actually felt a sense of peace in confiding in her. She told me she knew Dr. Beth and agreed she was very good. She said if you wanted, she would be happy to visit with you. I didn’t realize it before but Max is gay and we’re not sure about our feelings for each other but we mostly want to be friends.”

Mom asks, “I don’t understand did you say or do you think he might have feelings for you?”

“You might not like to hear it, but it’s not just Max. But don’t worry, I know I’m only thirteen. I’m not ready to have Tami as a girlfriend or a boy… I can’t even believe I could think that.”

Mom and I hugged as I don’t think either of us wanted to look in the eyes of the other. “Honey, it has been hard enough to see you pretty up yourself and that you and Tami like each other. And it is even more so thinking of you and another boy. I know in my heart I need to be supportive and take these things one step, one day at a time.” She pauses, “Can you promise me that you’ll remember you just turned thirteen, and are much too young to… How do I say this …I don’t care if you’re my little girl or my youngest son. You’re not going to be dating or getting more deeply involved with anyone. Do you hear that?”

Jeff/Jessie says, “You know Mom, Dad has put off for over a year that father/son discussion with me that he gave Rob. Now I’m not so comfortable having it with him being Jessie too. I’m pretty sure the feelings that I’m having that now seem normal to me, might not be normal for most kids my age.”

Mom is sitting next to me, shaking her head, part in worry and part in wonder. She says, “Can I ask, can you tell if it is Jeff or Jessie who has feelings for Tami and um Max?”

My voice changes to Jessie’s, “Jeff and I are both attracted to Tami and other girls. I think it’s mostly me with Max though I’m not sure how Max sees it. I only have my boy body to respond with when I get excited. But when I felt the desire to kiss Max it was Jessie’s eyes that closed and my lips as well.”

“You kissed Max,” Mom asked excitedly?

“I didn’t mean to, it was short and sweet. Just before I left to come home. We’ve agreed to only be friends.”

“Young lady,” she hugs me, “what am I to do with you? Your emotions and feelings, I can even see them on your face as we visit. In one way you are so innocent and new to all of this and in another way, you seem to be developing and maturing way too fast. What do you think?”

“I know my nipples never tingled before, and Dr. Beth said the medicine would take time for anything to be noticeable. Otherwise, I think I’m just growing up. Some friends had acted like boyfriend and girlfriend even in fifth grade. I knew Tami and other girls were cute last year, but I can’t say I had the feeling I do now.”

We were back to preparing supper and agreed we could talk more another time.

Friday was fairly cold so I took the opportunity to wear a woman’s tee underneath; the top was white so it would be safe even if they saw it. The only problem was that the art classroom was especially hot. I complained and asked if I could open a window and move closer to it. Ms. Towers said, “No if you have a good shirt underneath you can take off your top shirt. Girls don’t have that luxury, they need the places near the window.” She later came to ask why I didn’t take off my sweatshirt.

When I looked up from my drawing and sat up, she whispered, “I guess I can see why you might not do that.” I looked at her with a puzzled look, she invited me up to her desk before she said anything more. “You do realize that some women’s tops have a scalloped border around the top and straps or short sleeves? It appears you are wearing one. I am more than willing to make sure no one would tease you in my class if you took off your bulky top.”

“O’ I guess I should say thank you.” I would have tried to explain or make an excuse, but I was afraid I’d only make it worse.

Ms. Towers smiles, “You’re not the first boy to experiment. Too bad we don’t have a drama class where you could get into playing different characters. I do suggest you be careful as some of the teachers might not be nice if they figure out what you’re wearing.”

I wanted to say, ‘but the school wouldn’t allow it.’ She said, “Most won’t openly attack you for being different, they’ll just make things ugly and difficult trying to get you to switch classes or to mess you up.” What she said was something to think about.

Before class ended she handed me a note: “I coach the girls’ freshmyn volleyball team. If you want, next September you could help as a volunteer manager.”

During lunch Tami and April told me in definite terms, they wanted me to go with them to Tami’s house after school. I guess I should have understood what they meant when they said they wanted to play dolls. It had been years since I played with dolls and never with a girl since I was five or six.

I saw Max several times during the day, he too was hoping I would come over to his house. He looked disappointed when I said I couldn’t. The last time I saw him, I said, “Don’t feel bad, I still want to be friends. It is just I am busy.” He seemed to be happier but asked when we could get together. I had to get to my next class so we didn’t agree on anything.

I was looking forward to being Jessie on Saturday.

When school was over for the day, yea for the week. I was anxious to walk home with April and Tami. I liked the fact they were extra happy to see me. We stopped at April’s house long enough for her to drop off most of her books and get her overnight bag. I wished aloud that I could be part of their overnight. Tami and April giggled, “You’d have to be one of us.”

I was surprised to see Mrs. Johnson already home from work. She let the two girls go up and change before she sought to say more than hello. “I talked to your mother on the phone yesterday about Jessie staying here for dinner tonight, maybe longer. This morning she dropped off some clothes, in case you’d be open to staying. My husband and our son are gone for the weekend so I thought you might be comfortable being here as a girl. Neither April nor I have seen Jessie, but we know you exist.”

“Tami has asked about the possibility, but she doesn’t know I am asking if you would like to do it now. If you decide ‘no’ that will be fine. You could just help and do your homework together. If you decide to stay, you should call your mother later and let her know.”

She pointed to an overnight bag that looks like belongs to Rachel. I go over to it, unzip it and gently look inside. There is some of my makeup on top, an outfit for Jessie as well as some clothes for overnight. I look up to Mrs. Johnson, I’m both nervous and excited. It is hard to decide what to do, Tami has seen Jessie. It would be new to dress as Jessie away from home. April and Caroline, Mrs. Johnson, only know of me.

Tami comes down the steps and finds me going through the overnight bag. “What are you doing, let me see?”

I try to block her from looking in, saying, “Your mother says I’m invited for dinner and to stay overnight if I want. …My Mom brought over some of Jessie’s clothes just in case I said yes.”

Tami giggles, “That is funny because April and I intend for you to become our Barbie doll while you’re here. Let me see, did your mother put in one of your bras?” She begins taking things out of the bag, neatly placing them on the sofa. One pile is my makeup, hairbrush, hair clips, earrings, toothbrush and more. She giggles as she lifts out and sets aside a pair of teddy bear pajamas. Neatly folded at the bottom are a skirt/blouse outfit, pantyhose, bra and two pairs of panties. Tami says, “There is even an extra top. Are you open to going shopping with us tomorrow?”

I did not see April come into the room, “So did our Barbie come with her own clothes? I thought we were going to sneak her to your room to do this.”

Mrs. Johnson speaks up, “Jeff didn’t know and hasn’t decided…” With that Tami grabs Jeff’s hand pulls him along with her. April is picking up the clothes. Mrs. Johnson speaks louder, “Let him decide.”

“It’s Jessie and she says yes,” Tami said as she continues taking Jeff to her room.

Mrs. Johnson follows, “You need to let Jessie start on her own to change clothes and get at least panties, a bra, and a skirt on to be decent. Jeff/Jessie are you comfortable doing this or do you want me to put a stop to this? It is your choice, not Tami’s.”

“I would like to stay for dinner. I think Jessie can start on her own but I think playing dolls might be enjoyable with April and Tami helping me.” Mrs. Johnson realizes it is Jessie’s voice she is hearing.

Everyone smiled as Jeff pulled off his sweatshirt in front of everyone and his girly tee was revealed in its full glory…

To be continued…