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Chapter 26 Finale?

I gave a summary of the morning’s discussion with Mum and my feelings of resolve and optimism for the future to the Bunnies whilst we were getting ready for the show that evening.

‘I know now that with determination on my part I’ll be able to complete my transition from an unhappy and conflicted young man to a reasonably stable young woman,’ I said.

‘Does your mother see it that way?’ asked Carol.

‘It seems as if we’ve reached some kind of a truce. Neither side has won in the battle of wills between us but at least she now seems willing to accept the reality of my transition and realises that there’s nothing she can do to stop me.’

‘Well that’s something,’ commented Beth.

‘Yes, but she’s still some way from welcoming me as her new daughter or wanting to boast to her friends about my achievements.’

‘That’s something that she and Uncle Jim will have to come to terms with over the next few months, if they don’t want to risk losing contact with you altogether,’ said Carol.

‘But why does it have to be such a struggle? Surely one’s parents should want what was so clearly the best outcome for their child?’ I asked.

‘I guess she’s worried about you; that you might one day come to regret your decision.’

‘I realise that I’ve been extraordinarily lucky with the way that things have worked out for me over the past few weeks and I’ve no illusions that it’s going to be all ‘plain sailing’ from now onwards. There are bound to be problems and setbacks, but I'm certain that I would have far more regrets if I didn’t take this opportunity. I couldn’t continue the way I was, getting more and more depressed.’

‘Well if nothing else, you’ll have Mum and me back you up.’

Maria had been fixing my hair during this conversation and then said something which surprised me.

‘I met your mother this afternoon. She asked for me to cut and style her hair for her. She told me that she liked the way that I had done your hair and asked for my advice about her own. I think she was happy with the result as she left a good tip for me.’

‘What did you talk about?’ I asked, intrigued why Mum should have sought out Maria in this way.

‘I tell her that I was sorry she was so nearly robbed and that she needed to be more careful in Barcelona. She asked about my family and I told her that you have had lunch with my parents who wanted to thank you for helping me learn English. I told her that you are a very good teacher and that you have helped me so much that I am no longer worried that I will fail my examination in September.’

‘How did she react to that information?’

‘She said that she’d always known you were clever but had not realised that you had so many talents.’

‘Did she refer to me as ‘Ally’ and ‘her daughter’?’ I asked.

‘Yes, of course she did! I would not have known who she spoke about if she had said Alex. I told her that you are fortunate with your looks and that you were learning how to make the best of them. She agreed and said that you always seemed to look smart.’

‘It seems as if she’s making an effort to understand you better,’ commented Beth.

‘I hope so,’ I replied although I wasn’t entirely sure about that.

I decided that we’d said enough about me for one day so I looked around for a new topic.

‘Now then Maria, what were you doing holding Tom’s hand last night?’

‘Yes, Maria, you saucy wench, I thought that you’d decided to abstain from men and devote your life to learning English for the summer,’ said Carol.

Maria smiled and shrugged.

‘Ally has taught me well so maybe the time is right to have (how you say it?) a ‘fling’ for the summer. Also it will improve my English conversation to spend some time talking with Tom.’

‘He’s not the most talkative of guys but maybe you can bring him out of his shell,’ suggested Carol.

‘Shell? What shell? He is not un caracol.’

‘Carol means for you to help him to overcome his shyness - timidez. So long as you don’t get hurt in the process,’ I cautioned.

‘So says the girl who had her tongue in George’s mouth at the magic fountain, last night,’ commented Beth.

I blushed and smiled at the same time, not realising that it had been so apparent. I really enjoyed these sessions whilst we got ourselves ready as they provided an opportunity for us to bond together as a group, to discuss clothes, boyfriends or any problems that we were encountering in a way that never would have happened between guys. I really enjoyed my life as a girl!

As promised, both Mum and Aunt Emma came to our show that evening. Mum looked especially smart with her new hairstyle and always knew how to dress well. We’d been performing in our bunny costumes and (in my opinion at least) were looking good, although I was a little anxious as to what Mum was going to think about them. I was however pleased that both the Bunnies and the musicians had lost none of our recent good form and again we gave an excellent show that was well received by the audience. Mum and Aunt Emma came over to speak to all of us all at the end of the show. After the initial congratulations regarding our performances, Carol and Beth began speaking to Aunt Emm, leaving me once again to face Mum.

‘I do like you hair, it really suits you,’ I said before she could make any comment about my costume.’

‘Thank you, dear. Your friend Maria did it for me.’

‘So I understand; she’s a good hairdresser, even though she’s studying for a course in business management.’

Mum then proceeded to change the subject.

‘I must say that all six of you gave excellent performances this evening. I just wish your Dad could have seen you.’

‘Really? Do you mean that?’ I said, involuntarily.

She was trying her best to be nice.

‘Of course I do! But now I want to thank your two friends for their help in Barcelona, would you mind introducing me to them.’

By this time the guys were beginning to pack up their instruments.

‘By all means, come over and have a few words with them.’

Tom was quite gracious, saying that he hoped that both Mum and my aunt had recovered from the shock of the night before and was pleased that he’d been able to help. At first George seemed a little embarrassed by the encounter.

‘I’d like to thank you for returning my bag. It would have ruined my holiday if I’d lost everything.’

‘Yes, of course, but really I did nothing it was all due to Tom’s fast reactions.’

Mum smiled.

‘I understand that you’ve been seeing my daughter, George.’

This time there was no hesitation and no awkward inflection, with her use of the word ‘daughter’.

‘Yes, Ally and I have been working closely together on some of the musical arrangements and we’ve also been out together on a couple of occasions,’ he replied. ‘She’s great fun to work with. You’re lucky to have such a talented daughter.’

I coloured slightly, and restrained myself from kissing him on the spot.

‘So it would seem,’ Mum replied.

He smiled and they said goodbye to one another. There was no awkwardness or embarrassment on his part. For the first time I felt truly accepted by all present and so as Mum turned to go I slipped my hand into George’s and gave it a little squeeze. Mum and I then rejoined the others.

‘Are you three allowed to join us for a drink in the lounge,’ she asked.

‘Yes, but you’ll have to give us time to get changed first,’ said Beth.

‘Alright, Emma and I will find us all a table and order some drinks and you can join us as soon as you are ready.’

It proved to be an enjoyable evening. Mum was on her best behaviour and there was no awkwardness, no reference to Alex.

‘Why can’t she always be like that?’ I asked Carol as we made our way back to the crew quarters afterwards. ‘It would make life so much easier to have her on my side.’

‘Give her time, I’m sure she’ll come round eventually,’ my cousin replied.

The following morning we docked at Cadiz for a few hours. Mum and Aunt Emma had signed up to go on a coach tour of the main sites, and were unlikely to come to any harm during the day. Carol and Beth and their respective partners were planning to spend some time on the wonderful beach at La Caleta, which gets crowded at weekends but is normally alright mid-week. Maria was working; I remained on board as I’d been invited to attend a discussion with the guys about our future plans. Tom began the proceedings with an account of the longish telephone conversation he’d had with Frank Johnson when we were in Barcelona.

‘I’ve arranged for us all to see him when we get to Southampton. Apparently they have continued to receive excellent feedback about our performances to date. He is quite willing to discuss our future employment beyond the end of the summer but as usual there are some matters that will need to be resolved.’

‘What sort of matters?’ I asked.

‘The most important one, as far as we are concerned, is the issue of vocalist or vocalists. I think we’ve been very lucky the way the two groups have fitted together so well over the last few weeks and we don’t want to have to go looking for new singers if we can avoid it.’

‘You may have to, I understand that Beth and Carol will both be returning to University in September,’ I replied.

‘But Ally might be interested in continuing as a soloist,’ added George.

‘I’ll be available and looking for work for the next year but am planning to go to University in September 2015. I would be interested in staying as long as it’s also understood that I might have to have the occasional day off to attend interviews,’ I replied.

‘I did raise that possibility with Frank but he would have some concerns about that.’

‘Oh,’ I said somewhat surprised. ‘I thought I’d been doing quite well, and there have been no issues with any of the other staff regarding to my gender.’

‘His reservations don’t relate to the quality of your performance as a singer, in fact he said that he was most impressed with all the additional things that you’ve done.’

‘So what’s the problem?’ asked George.

'He’s increasingly anxious about your legal employment status. As things stand, if you had an accident at work or were taken seriously ill overseas you may not be covered by the company’s insurance. He took a risk by employing you for the summer as he was desperate, but if he were going to take you on longer term you would need to regularise your employment situation with the Department for Work and Pensions.’

‘I’d already thought about that myself,’ I replied. ‘I intend to visit their office to notify them that I am transgendered and intend living as a woman full-time so that I can get a new National Insurance account and sort out my existing pension contributions. I’ll also probably have to undertake a registered legal name change so that I can apply for a new passport.’

‘So you’re planning to continue as Ally, long term,’ commented James.

‘No, not just long term, I’m beginning a permanent transition and have begun taking female hormones. By the time I’ve completed my first year of University I hope to be legally recognised as a woman.’

The guys didn’t look particularly surprised by the news. I was fairly sure that none of my friends would have told them, but maybe they’d worked it out for themselves. After all I’d made no secret of how much I enjoyed my life as Ally and it was some time since any of them had thought of me as anything other than a young woman.

‘If that’s the case I’m fairly sure that Frank will have no further reservations, and I’m certain that we’d all be happy to have you as the solo vocalist with the band,’ said James.

The other two grunted in agreement.

‘Thanks guys, and I’ll be delighted to sing with such good musicians.’

The last full-day at sea before we returned to Southampton was exceptionally busy for me and although I caught sight of Mum on several occasions I didn’t have much chance to speak to her other than to say hello. After our final Bunny Hop of the voyage I had to dash away for an extended choir practice as we would have our debut public performance later that evening. Neither Mum nor her sister came to our afternoon show but Aunt Emma did come up and speak to me afterwards.

‘I was wondering whether you were planning to come back to Waterlooville with us when the ship docks tomorrow, Ally?’

‘No thanks, you won’t have room to put me up if Mum is staying with you for a couple of days. In any event I’ve a meeting with our boss in Southampton and need to go and see the Department of Work and Pensions,’ I replied.

‘Maybe you could come over for a family meal on Friday evening before your mother goes back home, and I’ll drive you and Carol back to the ship afterwards.’

‘Yes, I’d like that, as long as Mum is happy with the arrangement.’

‘She won’t have any choice about it if she wants to remain under my roof. But she’s already beginning to recognise that you are happy and successful in your new life, so I’m sure she’ll come round in the end.’

‘Carol said that to me last night. I hope you are right.’

‘Carol tells me that you’re planning to continue working on the ship after she and Beth return to University in September.’

‘Yes, I hope so, but that’s why I need to sort a few things out.’

‘In that case you’ll always be welcome to stay whenever you return to Southampton.’

‘Thanks. I’m sure I'd like to do that as I’ll probably get a little stir-crazy if I have stay on the ship all the time. In any event it’ll be nice to see you and Carol.’

(Carol attended the University of Portsmouth and so lived at home during term time.)

Aunt Emma now appeared to be on the point of leaving.

‘By the way, are you two planning to come to the show this evening?’ I asked.

‘We were intending to do our packing after dinner. We have seen the Bunnies perform on several occasions this trip.’

‘It’s just that the ship’s choir will be performing for the first time tonight. I’ll be conducting.’

‘I’m not really a fan of choral music.’

‘No it’ll be pop classics, the Carpenters, Abba – that kind of thing. Tell Mum that I’ve included, ‘We’ve only just begun,’ just for her.

I knew that was the song that had been played at her wedding and remained a favourite.

My Aunt smiled.

‘Alright, I’ll tell her and we'll see what happens.’

It is probably getting a bit repetitious for me to keep saying that the performance by the Bucks and the Bunnies went well that evening – but it’s true - although I promise that this will be the last time I ever say so. At one point we were each taking it in turns to lead with a medley of Queen songs (‘The show must go on,’ ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ ‘Under pressure,’ ‘We Are The Champions,’ ‘Somebody to love’ and ‘I Want It All,’) as this gave the guys a good opportunity to show off their skills as instrumentalists. I noticed Mum and Aunt Emma in the front row looking appreciative of our efforts. They must have deliberately finished their dinner early, sacrificing their desserts in order to have secured such good seats.

As soon as we were finished, before the applause had entirely died down, George and I had to leave the stage and execute a quick costume change. In my case I had to shed the bright pink body-hugging mini-dress that I’d worn for our performance in favour of the uniform provided for me by the company for when I was undertaking other duties on board. Carol helped me to get changed as Maria was busy helping the other ladies in the choir with their preparations. Richard (Carol’s boyfriend) was doing the same organising the guys in the choir.

When we were all ready, George took his place at the Grand piano and I led the choir on to the stage. I began by explaining to the audience that the ship’s choir had only been formed recently and this would be our first public performance. I cracked a few jokes about the difficulty of getting such a diverse group of men and women incorporating seven different nationalities to sing in tune, which seemed to go down fairly well. I then became more serious and said that earlier that month Médecins Sans Frontières had described the Ebola crisis in West Africa as ‘totally out of control’ and requiring ‘massive resources.’ We would therefore be leaving buckets near to the door and hoped to collect some money for a charity helping Ebola orphans in Sierra Leone. We then began our performance.

We weren’t by any means perfect in our performance, but we weren’t bad and much better than I’d feared we might be earlier in the day. I had my back to the audience and so couldn’t really judge their reaction, although there seemed to be appreciative applause after each number. We finished with ‘World in union,’ the theme used for the Rugby World Cup and adapted from Holst's ‘Jupiter’ from ‘The Planets.’ By the time we reached the last verse the members of the choir were really beginning to ‘up their game’.

It's the world in union
The world as one
As we climb to reach our destiny
A new age has begun.

This time the applause was really loud. As I turned to face the audience and take a bow, I noticed that Mum was crying in the front row. She was still crying as I gestured first to George our accompanist and then to the choir so that they could share the applause. I suspected though that they were not tears of unhappiness or frustration so much as of pride and joy in what we’d just achieved. At that moment, I felt that given the slightest excuse I might just do the same thing. However, I managed to hold things together to enable me to congratulate and thank the members of the choir afterwards and receive a bunch of flowers from them. It wasn’t until I was alone in our dressing room that I eventually succumbed and began to sob. Sometimes music can affect you in that way.

Many thanks to Angharad and to Bronwen for their comments and corrections to my chapter drafts and to everyone who has commented, kudoed or contacted me directly by PM about the story.

Louise