Breakfast Brawl: A Whateley Parody

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This is a parody of The Breakfast Brawl in the Whateley Universe, as retold after several months. A link will be provided to Jade 4, where it occurs as soon as it's put up on the new Whateley site.

This is fanfiction, so it has nothing to do with canon, and should not be taken as such. I'm just playing in the sandbox they're nice enough to provide.

**

It's a day all remember well, the day of the Breakfast Brawl between the Crazy Kimba's and the evil Alpha's. Team Kimba was ready for combat to win back their teammate Shroud from the evil, and ruthless Tansy...

**

“Do we really have to skip breakfast for this?” Ayla whined. “The chefs are making me a filet mignon with cordon bleu sauce, escargot, caviar, a chocolate mousse, crepe suzettes, and Cuisses de Grenouille.” Her stomach started to growl and drool dripped down her chin. “Food, food, food.”

“Is this outfit sexy enough?” Fey asked, bending backwards to push out her breasts in the painted on leather armour. “Couldn't we fight in our pajamas again? That was sexy.”

“No,” Lancer, grunted, tightening the last straps of his military grade body armour. “I need more dakka,” he said, eyeing the mountain of guns, bullets, grenades, knives, tomahawks, missiles and a tank that were ready to be strapped to his back.

“We must get my sister back,” Shroud 2, moaned, her voice like that of the dead.

“COMEON! COMEON! COMEON! LETSGO! LETSGO! LETSGO!” Chaka shouted, zipping around the room, seconds before creating the Eiffel tower out of toothpicks, as she hung upside down by her feet, blindfolded, from the lights.

“Yes!” Ayla shouted. “The sooner we defeat the horrible Tansy the sooner we can eat! FOR FOOD!!!!”

“Who's going to get Tennyo?” Fey asked nervously.

“Generator of course. Who else can handle her?” Lancer said.

The cute little devisor walked to a big metal vault like door, and carefully typed in a long code. The big metal door opened revealing a blue glowing figure floating in the middle of the bare metal room that looked like it could contain a nuclear explosion. The figure looked up, smiling evilly, energy arced off of her body as she flew ominously towards Generator .

Making big puppy dog eyes, Generator tried to look as cute and helpless as possible. “Tennyo,” she whispered, “I need you help.”

“Why?” Tennyo asked, in a voice devoid of any type of kindness.

“A big meany stole Shroud, we have to go get her back!”

The laughter started off low, almost inaudibly, but it grew, louder, deeper, backed up by explosions that rocked Poe to the foundations. Team Kimba hid behind Lancer, as their secret weapon came out of the vault, the very air around her looked like it was on fire.

“Let's get Shroud back. I need a little fun today, it was getting boring,” Tennyo said, her eyes glowing with the power of the stars.

“Is this safe?” Fey asked, cowering behind a chair.

“Not for them,” Lancer said, polishing his tank.

**

Tansy and the Don walked out of Crystal Hall, followed by their sycophants, as Skybolt and Cavalier played the Imperial March and threw petals in the air before them.

The Don looked like a putz in his tight leather suit, with an oversized cod piece to make up for his small... you know. Tansy hung off his arm, wearing a black cape and what was basically a bikini that had been shrunk in the wash.

The first sign of trouble for them was the sound of thunder coming from behind Kane as Tennyo came into view, the grass and bushes shriveled and died for fifty yards all around her. She was followed by Team Kimba.

“Stop Evil Doers!” Chaka cried as she waved a hundred foot long chain over her head making it spell out the words as she spoke. “You have kidnapped our friend Shroud, we demand her back!”

Lancer got busy setting up an artillery piece behind her, carefully aiming it at the Don. Fey got to work darkening the sky with her magic. Generator threw dozens of devises to the ground that rose into the air humming dangerously. And Ayla looked longingly at Crystal Hall, as she pulled an Acme extra large Anti-Brick Canon, that was twice as big as she was, out of her belt.

The Alpha's looked at Team Kimba in amusement. Icer covered himself in ice and became twenty foot tall ice creature with his body in the middle. Kodiak cracked his knuckles and headed towards Lancer, a grizzly bear growled from somewhere. Aries picked up speed and pulled two big pistols out of his belt. Hamper and Damper clapped hands shouting “Wonder Twin powers activate!”
Cavalier and Skybolt stopped throwing petals in the air and with heavy hearts pulled out their weapons. While this was going on Tansy and the Don cowered together.

“ALPHA'S PROTECT ME! DON'T LET THEM HURT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!” the Don screamed in terror, his dark pants getting noticeably darker around the crotch.

**

Kodiak ran towards Lancer, who was still trying to aim his artillery. A thunderous punch rocked the young freshman back on his heels.

Growling Lancer hit back with his strongest punch to Kodiak's chin. The big bruiser yawned, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. “I think I need to shave,” Kodiak said. “Oh did you hit me?”

Ayla threw a big wad of bills at Kodiak as she flew past. “The power of MONEY compels you!!!!”

Kodiak bent down, counted the money, nodded, pocketed it and fell backwards holding his jaw like it hurt. “Oh! I am defeated! Ow! Agony! Agoooony! Ow! How did this happen to me! Oh what a world, what a world! I'm melting! Ouchie! The horror! The horror! Oh I'm DYING! Groan! Moan! Wail! Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.”

**

Aries ran at Tennyo, firing his guns uselessly. “I will not be defeated by a pitiful female like you!” he shouted.

Tennyo fired back, gouging huge, burning hot holes in the ground, but Aries was just a little too fast for her. “You DARE to DEFY me, you puny little bug! I will DESTROY you!”

As the Alpha desperately zigzagged to avoid becoming BBQ, he ran up Crystal Hall hoping to get some height advantage. “HA HA! I have you now my little pretty! Why is the ground shaking?”

He didn't see Tennyo firing into the support beams of Crystal Hall shattering the crystals and melting the metal. As the students who had been eating breakfast ran screaming for their lives, the building came down all around them.

“HELP ME MOMMY!” Aries screamed, jumping from one piece of falling crystal to another. Someone grabbed him from behind. “OH YOU SAVED ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” He twisted around to kiss his busty rescuer, only to wet his pants when he saw he was in the arms of Tennyo.

“Good bye Aries!” Tennyo shouted, throwing him high into the sky.

“BUT I'M SCARED OF FFFFFLLLLLYYYYYIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!”

**

Shroud 2 flew at the giant Icer.

He breathed out a plume of ice, trying to trap her which she easily dodged. Racing up to head, she began to pummel away at the ice with iron fists.

“HA HA HA!” Icer bellowed. “You'll never get through my solid ice. I am much too powerful for you! Give up now and I may let you live!”

“I will not be defeated by the likes of you!” Shroud yelled. Flying away just avoiding a giant slap, she grabbed a piece of shattered crystal and flew up out of reach of the ice giant.

“What are you going to do with that, stupid head?” Icer yelled. “Do you think some glass is going to hurt me. HA!”

Shroud held the crystal up so the sun shone through it. Focusing it like a laser beam she began melting away the icy armour. Within seconds Icer was left exposed with only the legs and butt of his ice shell unmelted.

“What are you going to do now?!” Shroud cried.

“Hey no fair! YOUCH!” Icer screamed as the impromptu laser landed on his butt setting his pants on fire. “OUCHIE! STOP THAT! OUCH! WHEN WILL THE HURTING STOP!” Icer yelled again, running around in circles trying to get awayuntil he ran headfirst into Kane destroying half the building and falling down unconscious, his pants still smoldering.

**

“Give me back my sister you bitch!” Generator demanded pointing her gun at Tansy.

“Don't worry Tansy!” the Don said loudly, his shoes making squishing sounds as he stepped forward. “I'll go get security!”

“My hero,” Tansy said dryly as the Don ran away screaming like a scared little baby. Looking at Generator she smiled as sweetly as possible. “Look can we talk about this? This has all been one big misunderstanding.”

“Never! Give her back right now!”

“Well you see, little girl, there's a prob-”

Generator shot Tansy with her Taser 9 million, lighting the evil junior up like a Christmas tree. “Give me my sister!”

“My hair,” Tansy moaned, touching her hair which was standing on end like the bride of Frankenstein. “My beautiful, beautiful hair! WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Help me Donny!” she screamed running away.

“Come back here you evil person you!” Generator shouted, running after her.

**

The wonder twins, Hamper and Damper looked around trying to find the best person to go after. They saw Lancer coming at them, leaving the still moaning Kodiak on the ground. “Wonder twin powers activate!” the shouted, clapping their hands together in a complicated form of patty-cake.

Lancer fell to his knees as their powers activated.

“Yay! We got him!” they shouted, hugging each other. “We really, really got him!”

As they were celebrat-”

**

Teri looked up from her audience as the wonder twins scowled at her from the end of the table. “Oh hi, do you want to listen to my story to? It's getting to the best part where Tennyo sends you guys into orbit with a single kick.”

Hamper and Damper pushed some of the listening freshmen out of the way. “We're going to talk to you alone for a few minutes.”

“Oh really?” she asked, stepping towards a plate with a slice of pie on it. “What if I don't want to?”

“You don't have much say in the matter.”

Nodding, she grabbed the pie and threw it as hard as she could at them. It went about five inches and fell. “Huh, you're damping my powers aren't you?” she asked.

They didn't answer her.

“Well just so you know,” she jumped up and started flying straight up to the very top of Crystal Hall, “I don't need powers to fly! Bye bye!”

They ran after her.

**

Tennyo looked over at Jade, they'd been listening to the very loud story with very mixed reactions. “You're going to insist we help her aren't you?”

“Pretty please. She did make you and Shroud sound really cool,” Jade said using her best puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. But only because I really don't like those guys,” she said.

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Comments

Too much!

Well, almost.

You should go watch Ben-to right now and add its insanity to Ayla's foodie madness!

What's Ben-to?

Domoviye's picture

What's Ben-to?
Anything I can use to add to the madness is good.

Ben-to

Alecia Snowfall's picture

lunch/lunch box

quidquid sum ego, et omnia mea semper; Ego me.
alecia Snowfall

Thanks

Domoviye's picture

I read enough manga to know, but what it had to do with the story had me confused.
The link looks interesting, I think I'll read the manga if I can find a copy of it.

Funny.

Funny.
If this actually did take place between the two groups, I can see Team Kimba kicking "A" and taking names.

There was a brawl

Domoviye's picture

And Team Kimba won the fight but lost the battle. It was a big influence on them improving as a team. However when they fought they did it in a serious fashion, this was the exact opposite of it.

You do know, I hope...

That you are certifiably insane? That was hilarious.

Maggie

Not officially.

Domoviye's picture

And I'd like to keep it that way.
However my muse is definitely bat-bleep crazy.
And I've decided that every time Tink tells a story, Crystal Hall is going to be destroyed. I'm not sure how she'll manage it when she tells about the fights in Boston, but it's going to happen.

What a hoot

Jamie Lee's picture

The way the fight was going, I should have realized Teri was embellishing another story. But what embellishments she added.

Others have feelings too.

Thanks

Domoviye's picture

Just wait until you hear her retelling of the Boston Brawl.

Still like this

Still like this 7 years later :D

Thanks.

Domoviye's picture

Thanks.

Tink is officially cannon now if you're interested, with her own stories.
Her first story, A Strange Fairytale Part 1 is HERE.
I'm currently working on part 3 of A Strange Fairytale.
A bit darker than what I have on this site, but it's still funny.