The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3040 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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“I’m on board, boss,” Diane announced bringing me in a cuppa as I arrived with my customary laptop case bulging with papers.

I looked at her in bemusement, my body may have been awake but my brain was still about two hours from surfacing.

“You asked me to be your PA, I talked to hubby and he said, ‘Yes’.”

Enlightenment struck, “Oh good, let’s have a biccie to celebrate.” As I’d not had time for breakfast, the hem on Livvie’s skirt started to come down, so I had to quickly sew it.

“You don’t usually eat biscuits this early in the day.”

I explained what had happened at breakfast time and she nodded and disappeared. I wondered where she’d gone until she reappeared ten minutes later with two pieces of toast. Did I explain we had a toaster in the little prep room we have, she’d run over to the refectory to get some bread. I didn’t know whether to hug her or tell her off, in the end I thanked her, then told her off but ate it before she killed me.

We did a visit to where our new office was going to be. My new office was a lovely room on the first floor with a bay window and view across the campus. It was light and airy, with a further smaller window at right angles to the bay. I decided I would have my desk positioned so I could see out of both windows but not be blinded or baked by any sun that might be shining. I also instructed the estates manager that I needed a meeting table and a dozen or more chairs. I also wanted bookshelves and at least three filing cabinets. We’d also need two computers for my room, plus two in Diane’s room, and one for the secretary.

The other two rooms were smaller but light and we also had a toilet and small room we could use as a tea making room. I asked them to provide a small fridge and kettle, we could bring the toaster and other bits and pieces over when we moved. We’d also need to sort through my books and journals which were my personal property and I’d want to retain. I left Diane arguing with the estates manager and went back to my old office. I’m not a nest builder sort of female, though I do know what I like and given the opportunity will achieve it.

The room already had a sofa and easy chair plus a coffee table, so that would be fine for informal meetings—a lot of what I’ll be doing in the future will be holding meetings—not my favourite activity, but a necessary one and unlike the adage, that it beats working, my meetings will be working ones or people will find themselves in deep doo-doo.

Having escaped Diane for a few minutes I returned to my office and called Alan, my film co-conspirator, or do I mean collaborator?

“Hello Cathy, got a schedule for pine martens?”

“That might be delayed by a decade or three.”

“Oh, what’s happened?”

“While I wasn’t looking I got promoted to Professor of Science.” I explained what had happened and he laughed, telling me I should have known better. I didn’t have the nerve to say I’d voted for it as well—it was just too embarrassing.

“Need the names of someone who could do a documentary promotional film for physics and chemistry, but they need to be good.”

“I’ll need to make a few calls. I’ve got some ideas but would need to check that they were capable of doing a film and willing to speak to you about it. I’ll get back to you either later today or tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Alan, you’re a brick.”

“Look if I can get enough footage of pine martens would you do the narration?”

“On or off camera?”

“I’d prefer on camera but I might be able to negotiate with you on that. So you’re professor of science, don’t they usually have a dean for that?”

“Yes but Tom wanted a super-professor so that’s what he got.”

“Well I think you’re super, anyway. Talk to you later.” He rang off as Diane returned looking quite harassed.

“You don’t look very happy?”

“That man is a total and complete moron,” she said flinging her arms about.

“What, the nice Mr Horton?”

“Nice? The carpet in my room has holes in it and is clearly dangerous, he said he’d get some tape put over it.”

I smirked.

“I mean I’m going to be PA to the second most important and powerful person in the university and they expect us to have holes in our carpets? How is that going to look to visitors?”

“Tell him to speak to accounts.”

“We’re also going to need half a dozen new electrical points in each room, how have they managed with computers in there before?”

“I think it was a meeting room but make a list of things we need and I’ll sanction it and send a copy to Tom. It’ll happen. I’ll try and borrow some large cardboard boxes to load my stuff in, especially my books and journals and my specimen cupboard as well.”

“You’re taking that with you?”

“Yes, all those things are mine.”

“What an old bird’s nest and that scrap of fur.”

“That is a dormouse nest, one of the best ones I’ve ever seen, the bit of fur is a dormouse tail which got detached while one of my assistants was doing a check and grabbed the dormouse. It worked, he was so shocked by it the thing escaped from his hand. The other things are my collection of bones from owl pellets, some shed adder skins and various galls with a few insects as well.”

“That’s a big wasp,” she said pointing at the hornet.

“That’s because it isn’t, it’s a hornet, same family.” Technically, she was correct, it is a wasp but most people see it as something of more legendary strength and size and they are big compared to a common wasp. I found it nesting in a dormouse box.

“That’s from an adder? Really?”

“Yes, they shed their skin every year.”

“Wish I could, might rid me of some wrinkles.”

“Wrinkles or winkles?” I asked mischievously.

“I’m sure even super-professors could get murdered for asking questions like that, especially so called biologists.”

“It’s funny but occasionally my daughter, Trish, ends some sort of discussion with me, usually as she’s leaving me, with the expression, ‘Some bloody biologist you are?”

Diane found that hilarious for some reason and she left my office sniggering. Sometimes I think I do a little too much self disclosure. I suspect she didn’t think the same judging by the way she laughed at me—and I’ve just promoted her—doh.

Just then the phone rang and Daddy’s lilting voice asked if I was going to lunch with him. As I saw it as a chance to blackmail him for the office furniture and fittings, I agreed to go.

As I left I announced as a theatrical aside, “Yes, Cinderella, you shall get your new carpet.” I’m sure she thinks I’m completely bonkers.