Sometimes life can be cruel and then there seems no hope. Sometimes life isn’t fair and we feel we need a break. Sometimes life brings hurt and sadness. Sometimes it brings joy. Sometimes we are buried by grief and then an extraordinary act of kindness is needed to bring it back on track. Kindness is often reciprocated and most acts of kindness cost nothing and we get a return that we never expect. Often tragedy can happen by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes we are in the right place at exactly the right time. Sometimes we feel lost and sometimes we are found. This is a Christmas story of kindness.

It was a cold, wet afternoon, just falling dark outside and so the glow of the fire lit up the room, It was silent save the crackle of the logs burning in the grate and I was eventually disturbed from my reverie by my dog Arthur who had been laid on the rug warming his back that must have been getting quite hot. It was time to move so I stretched and put on a heavy coat and scarf.

It was a shock as I closed the front door behind me and stepped outside. Arthur pulled on his lead before I had chance to lock it. He was obviously keen to get his business done and neither of us wanted to be out even though it was Christmas Eve. Despite his warm jacket he never much liked damp weather but needs must. He had not been his usual self. I guess he was as depressed as I was since our destination was to look at the latest tribute placed at the scene of the tragic accident that took away my only daughter.

We’d left a nice cosy lounge in my cottage and a warm log fire and I guess I’d been dozing in front of TV catching up on lost sleep as dusk fell. There was an awful lot of noise that frightened Arthur who jumped from time to time or cowered behind my legs. Normally I’d have avoided the village and have stayed in a quiet grassed area close to my cottage but this was the route that Sarah had taken with Arthur just over two weeks ago. I’d had to take in what had happened and the grief that followed without showing my anger as I faced a lot of local media publicity as well as police enquiries whilst trying to deal with the routine formalities of a death. Sarah had only just been laid to rest in the village cemetery a few days before and I felt I needed to maintain contact with her so I had a daily mission to visit the scene of the accident and reach out.

Sometimes there were a few strangers present laying flowers or leaving a message who looked across and showed sympathy to us without the need to speak or touch. Perhaps I needed to grieve or to share my thoughts with someone but it was difficult to utter a word except to Arthur since I felt numb and had lost confidence in the world and had no desire to have contact with fellow human beings let alone communicate. I was always reserved whereas Sarah had been a very popular young woman who knew most people in the village since she’d grown up there. I was still an outsider from London who had bought one of the prime properties.

Sadly Arthur had to deal with the noise from celebrations and lots of strange bangs between bouts of singing and shouting that always upsets him and it’s not the norm in a typical quaint English village south of London. It seemed many revellers had started early in the morning and late afternoon it was ramping up ready for a long night. Even in this poor weather there we people drinking outside the main pub and younger ones were dressed as if it was a late summer day. I think Sarah might have been with them this year since she was a young adult and this was a stage of growing up we all go through. I shuddered at the thought of it and pulled down my hat to avoid eye contact since we needed to reach our destination on the busy crossroad.

It had taken an awful lot of courage to put on my overcoat since it was Christmas Eve afternoon and a time for giving thanks yet I felt so angry, alone and helpless. Why hadn’t I offered to go with her as I sometimes did. Why did she have to be in the village when a lunatic driver was taking a short cut? It would have been better if it had been me that stepped out and she who had had chance to live a life.

I guess I was lucky to have Arthur to help me carry on and he had nudged me to get up so he could water the shrubs. He had pulled on my sleeve until I paid attention and looked me square in the eyes that always worked. When I eventually said shall we go for a walk he jumped and barked his approval and ran around in circles. It was a rare chance to smile.

As I attached his lead he stood still and I looked at him with fond eyes with happy memories of him fussing my daughter who doted on him ever since I brought him home as a small pup. He was always Sarah’s dog since I arrived home with him from the kennels as a young pup but she was no longer with us to fuss and tease him. It was just two weeks ago she’d been sitting in the corner of the lounge trimming the Christmas tree and placing gifts in strategic positions with Arthur keen to know what was inside them. She’d been playing her favourite carols on her i-phone and teasing Arthur until he tried to sing along with his hound dog impression. They were so great together and I wondered why I’d not allowed her to have a dog for so many years.

Then tragedy had struck and she was taken away. She saw danger and jumped forward to save an elderly man who was about to step in front of a car. It seemed to appear from nowhere and the driver didn’t know the area. He was taking a short cut to avoid heavy traffic. It wasn’t his fault it was just a case of wrong place at the wrong time and apparently he was distraught and in shock. The police were still investigating and whilst Sarah was killed both the driver and the elderly man weren’t seriously injured. Sarah was knocked high in the air and landed awkwardly which is what killed her. She had taken the full impact of the car as she pushed the man to safety having let go of Arthurs lead.

I was contacted within 15 minutes of the accident and sensed it was bad news but nothing quite so terrible. The most difficult telephone call I have made in my life was with her mother who was naturally devastated and she’d screamed out blaming herself. We had separated since she decided to leave us to live with a younger man who’d been hired to do work at our cottage whilst I was away on business. Sarah had not forgiven her mother and wouldn’t speak to her let alone meet her and she’d opted to stay with me. Life is crazy sometimes and things happen that we can never dream would happen. In my life things haven’t always run smoothly but until now I’d had a good life with lots of great memories. I had no idea how I was going to cope. It made me realise I had been a lucky one.

I lost the sunshine in my life that awful night and the last two weeks have just been a blurr. Arthur saw it all and had stayed by her side. He wouldn’t let anyone near her and it took a Police Dog Handler to coax him away whilst the ambulance crew did their job..

Within a week we had laid her to rest and most of the village had turned up at the church. Flowers were left at the scene of the accident that became some sort of shrine. I felt it was a place where I could speak with her.

But as each day passed I felt more sadness and I was struggling to come to terms with the loss. I could hardly walk the journey and my legs were like lead weights. I finally reached my destination and knelt to say a small prayer and to speak to her. Arthur sat still at my side and it brought a tear to my eye. I looked at all the flowers that had been laid and the cards and small gifts. As I tried to stand I just fell back to my knees sobbing. I only ever recall crying like this once before on the day of Princess Diana’s funeral when the impact of the tragedy was felt by the whole of the UK. I remember how the UK came to a standstill and enough tears flowed to fill a lake. Diana was the People’s Princess but Sarah was my Princess.

Chapter 2 Found

Arthur remained by my side as a chill wind blew and the rain intensity increased. Hardly the sort of weather on Christmas Cards or on the old Christmas films that had been on TV that Sarah loved to watch. Arthur never once pulled once on his lead and I wondered if he realised where we were and the significance of all the flowers. I could see the sadness on his face. What can go through a dogs mind when their owner is killed in from of them and how to deal with it? He had been quiet around the house since that day almost looking for Sarah to come through the door as I would do. .

We stayed for quite a while and I was feeling really cold and my knees were numb from kneeling in the wet. It was Arthur who brought me back from my reverie when he suddenly pulled on his lead and I lost my grip. He had seen something amongst the display of flowers that adorned a public seat and lamppost. He went to explore lead dangling behind him and then he started barking. I stood up and saw what he had seen that was a bundle somebody had laid or left behind. He was pushing and pulling on it. He pressed his nose against it nudging and trying to move it that was nigh on impossible. It was much larger and heavier than him.

I took out my small torch from my overcoat pocket and shone it towards the bundle that showed signs of movement. On closer examination I jumped back in shock as I saw two bright eyes open and close again because of the beam. I saw a muddy face and I heard a muffled voice say ‘Please leave me alone go. Can you get this dog away? I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.’

I thought it was probably a homeless person trying to shelter from the rain but whoever it was had no protection. This was a young woman who’d possibly been attacked or might even be drunk but she was wet and covered in mud as if she’d been dragged through a ditch. I wondered if she had been hit by a car like Sarah had been but there was no obvious sign of injury. If she was drunk then why say she wanted to go to sleep and not wake up? I did recall feeling like that after one heavy drinking session and it took 3 days to recover.

I couldn’t ignore her and leave her like this so I tried to keep her awake. I lifted her head and saw how pretty she was. She was a little younger than Sarah by the look of it and her arms were thin and uncovered. I spoke softly in response ‘No come on you can’t it freezing and look at you have no coat and no shoes and you are covered in mud. Where on earth have you been? Come on to your feet off the cold ground and let me help you.’

‘I don’t need any help I’m not worth helping; I embarrass people so leave me and just go.’

Her voice was weak and broken with shivers so I could hardly hear the words. She was ice cold and she was soaked. I pulled her dress down to cover her legs as best I could. It was cold enough for me dressed in an overcoat over my thick sweater and I had a hat scarf and gloves.

She looked at me with sadness and helplessness and then her eyes closed and she seemed to lose consciousness. Arthur barked again as if he was trying to wake her. It was obvious that revellers had either deserted her or passed by ignoring her because she in clear view was on a path close to the main road through the village. The sadness for me was that she was close to where Sarah had laid as the medics arrived.

I checked as best I could use my training in first aid. She didn’t seem to smell of alcohol and there was no sign of her having thrown up. No sign of broken bones or cuts. No blood just mud. Whatever the reason for her current state she needed help urgently and so my first objective was to get her warm even though she was wet and covered in mud. I opened my overcoat and lifted her to let her feel the warmth of my body and I did my best to wrap my overcoat all around her. She was slim and very light so easy to pick up. She was like ice so I hugged her tightly. After a few minutes I sensed her stir and snuggle to me that was a relief. I looked around in vain for help and decided I should take her into the warm and call an ambulance but she didn’t want me to take her inside the village pub for some reason. Anyway it was full and not a good option.

Under the street lights I could see that her hair was covered in mud as was her thin dress and on further consideration I feared that she’d run away from an attacker or jumped out of a car because she wasn’t dressed for outdoors and there was no sign of an accident. She was very feminine and looked so pitiful. Her mascara had run down her cheeks and she wore heavy lipstick that was smeared. Maybe somebody had tried to rape her. Her feet were caked in mud as if she’d run away across the fields and lost her shoes. At least the mud provided some protection. I pushed her hair away from her face and I hugged her closely again and felt firmness of her small breasts on my chest. She wasn’t well endowed and I took care that she didn’t get the wrong impression. I gripped her hands that were lost in mine and covered them with my gloves to warm her fingers. No watch and no jewellery and no bag or mobile phone to give a clue about who she was. Had she been attacked and robbed?

Arthur barked again and I spoke to him as if he understood me. ‘I know Arthur we have to help her so you are a good boy for finding her. Just in time.” He liked the praise since his tail wagged. I felt the sooner I get her into the warm the better and my home wasn’t far so I unleashed Arthur and we ran as quickly as possible. Arthur ran slightly ahead as ever heading directly home across the muddy green rather than around by the footpath as if he understood the urgency. Whoever this poor girl might be she wasn’t very heavy so I was able to carry her quite easily.

It was like having my young daughter in my arms again and I looked back towards the place that she’d left this world now adorned with flowers and cards where she had sacrificed herself for another. I gritted my teeth and held back the tears quickly opening the gate to my cottage where Arthur was waiting. I was sure he’d have opened it if he could. Sometimes he jumped over it.

I placed her on my porch seat whilst reached for my keys and she opened her eyes again. We’d found her just in time and hopefully with a wash and a warm drink and a change of clothes she’d soon be on her feet again. I unlocked the front door, picked her up again and stumbled in to the hallway managing to reach out to turn on the lights. I saw a small smile and her eyes flickered. She was just as beautiful as my Sarah but no time to look since she needed attention quickly. I couldn’t worry about her muddy condition but she was wet so I needed to get her dress off as soon as possible.

I headed for my lounge where a nice log fire was burning and laid her on my sofa using my overcoat as a blanket reaching to unfasten the buttons on her dress but her hand moved to stop me. ‘We need to get you out of these wet clothes to get you warm, please trust me.’

She resisted again so I respected her wishes as she pushed my hand away. I picked up a blanket from the chair at the side of the fire that I expected would be warm and covered her as best as I could and respected her wishes. I moved the fireguard to one side so she could feel the heat of the fire and stirred it to increase the heat. She was quite pretty with greyish blue eyes, pouty lips and long eyelashes but she was quite a sight with a dirty face and mud in her hair. I hardly dare leave her but I had to fetch dry towels and a fresh blanket leaving Arthur to watch over her.

She was still shivering when I returned so I had no choice but to lay by her side and wrapped the towels around her to soak up the dampness and then took her in my arms pulling the fresh blanket over us. After a while I noticed some colour in her cheeks through the mud as I wiped it with a damp cloth. I saw her eyes open again and for a moment I was transfixed. I smiled and saw some response before she let out a small sigh before they closed again. Such beautiful lashes that Sarah would have commented on were she still with us. I know she would have wanted us to help and bring her home. Over the years we had looked after many strays and injured animals but this was the first human being. Somewhere under the muddy face there was a frown of worry or fear and I sensed a girl who needed help beyond the warmth of a fire.

The towels helped to absorb most of the damp so warmth was soon transferring through her body and as if to help Arthur snuggled at the side of us. He’d often lay with me and more especially since Sarah was gone. I looked around the room noticing things for the first time for a few days. The Christmas tree was exactly as Sarah left it and I’d not had the desire to turn on the fairy lights. There was a dish and a mug and an empty whisky glass on the side table and a half eaten sandwich from lunchtime. The gifts that Sarah had wrapped were under the tree where she’d placed them and my gift remained hidden at the back. I’d had strict instructions not to open it until Christmas morning...

After what seemed an age she finally opened her eyes and spoke albeit in a whisper that I took as ‘thank you’. I knew that was a positive sign and was pleased that she didn’t seem to giving up for the moment. My prompt action to bring her home seemed to have been the best option after all. Pity that others must have deserted her or passed her by on such a cold and wet night. I needed to get her properly dry and clean and offered her a sip of brandy that made her cough but it did bring her round.

She finally let go her tight grip on me so I decided to get up to make a warm drink for both of us. I moved to the kitchen instructing Arthur to stay and he moved to my warm place. I smiled as she reached out for him. A dog is a good friend and often a comfort. He was playing his part and always liked visitors.

I returned with two mugs of tea and a chocolate bar that I thought might give her strength. I managed to get her to sit up straight and put the mug to her lips as she sipped it. It was sweet and she turned up her quaint little nose but still came back for more. Before long she was holding the mug and she took her first bite of chocolate. She must have been hungry because the whole bar disappeared.

I asked her name but I couldn’t get her to answer. She seemed frightened. I asked if she was hurt and she shook her head. I asked if she wanted to stay and rest and clean up whilst she recovered and if she needed a lift home. She nodded and then changed to shake her head at my last comment. She had no belongings unless they were amongst the flowers where we found her so I asked if I should call anybody and her face became ashen and she shook her head. I waited and asked again saying somebody might be worried or might be searching for her. She spoke in a soft whisper ‘I don’t think so. Nobody loves me. I’m an embarrassment.’
‘Come on don’t be like that it’s Christmas Eve that is a time for kindness and forgiveness whatever might have happened.’
I looked across at this sweet young woman and wondered how anybody could make her feel like this. Something was worrying her to make her decide to lie down and give in. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of Sarah and how unfair life can be for all its pleasures and joy.

Arthur looked up with his head to one side and clearly had bonded immediately. She reached out to tickle his ears. He had missed her so much and been off his food this last two weeks and I’d been no use at all to him or to me for that matter but tonight we had a problem to handle that came from nowhere.

I asked her name and after a pause she answered ‘ Jo.’

‘Is that short for Josephine?’

‘It’s just ‘Jo.’

The tea and chocolate had brought her round by now and I wiped the mud from her feet with a towel. Arthur moved to her side and she cuddled him. Her arms were thin and she had small hands with evidence of nail polish but no sign of a manicure like Sarah. Her favourite shop in the village was the beauty parlour where she’d worked on Saturdays whilst at school.

I couldn’t help but stare. I was captivated so I offered my tea that was untouched. She took with a look of appreciation that melted my heart. There could be a beautiful young woman beneath the mud and dirt and somebody must love her.

I asked where she lived but she just shook her head as if she didn’t want to tell me. I didn’t press I let her drink the second mug of tea. She had dainty feet with painted nails. No cuts or bruises after I removed the mud that was a relief.

I offered that she take a nice warm bath and stay a while until she felt well enough to contact her family or a friend. I was getting more reaction now and she half smiled and then nodded. I moved quickly before she changed her mind. She moved slightly as I tucked the blankets and I was as discreet as possible but I was sure somebody would be missing her. I placed another log on the fire and she seemed warm enough now so I went upstairs to run the bath.

The bathroom was still filled with Sarah’s soaps and oils that I hadn’t noticed these last two weeks. I seemed to have just woken up from a nightmare. Sarah would certainly have been fussing around by now and I was glad I’d decided to help this poor girl and especially at Christmas time. Maybe Sarah had protected her and pointed the way. I felt a shiver of love through my body.

As the bath filled I went for extra deep and suds galore as Sarah always loved from her early years to the very last time I was allowed to watch several years ago before we lost her mother and she suddenly matured into a young woman. We helped each other through the sadness but now I had no-one to lean on. Whisky helped for a while but it was short lived and made me feel like shit anyway so I’d not replaced my stock and I was down to the last bottle. It was meant for sipping anyway not slugging.

The bath looked inviting and I searched for a clean dressing gown in my bedroom but the cupboard was bare. I was too big anyway and so I braved the entry to Sarah’s room that had been tidied by a friend. It was just as if Sarah would return with cushions spread on her bed and her pink dressing gown folded neatly. I picked it up and felt its softness and the memories came flooding back turning to tears on my cheeks. I couldn’t deny Jo the chance to have something warm and soft to wear as much as it held nice memories. She had only the clothes on her back that were ruined and ready for the waste bin. I opened her wardrobe to collect two large bath towels and a small towel for her hair that Sarah always stored neatly on her shelves. Pink towels were of no use to Arthur or me but I was sure Jo would enjoy the softness. One good memory from my marriage was the good habits I’d learned from my wife, a Catholic girl from Cork, who taught me a lot about considering others and giving. Had we still been together we’d all have been going to midnight mass a few miles away and had Sarah been alive I’d have taken her. My wife had been a generous person and had a big influence on my life and my career. I knew I was doing the right thing. I could never understand why she had left us. I just hoped she had remained strong as angry as I felt.

I searched the drawers for underwear and the wardrobe for something to offer for a change of clothes. I found some unused boy shorts and a sports bra that would have to do since I’d no idea of Jo’s bra size. At least they matched. I found some black leggings and a t shirt and a mauve sweater type top that I expected would fit and at least she’d be warm. I always thought mauve suited Sarah but this was a good cause and better it was used than attract moths.

I found a pair of new slippers from the stock of hotel slippers that Sarah gathered in her travels before she came home. I decided to let Jo choose some shoes after her bath if they fitted. Sarah always liked Sketchers or Pavers and there were plenty on the shelves. How many pairs of shoes do women need?.

I left everything in the bathroom and headed downstairs only to find she had fallen asleep with the warmth of the fire. I wondered if I should let her sleep but her dress was wet and she needed fresh clothes so I had little choice. I managed to wake her and help her to her feet but I had no choice but to pick her up again to carry her upstairs. Arthur followed and then squeezed past on the stair as always and wasn’t going to be left out.

She was awake by the time we reached the landing and a little embarrassed holding down her dress to protect her modesty. It wasn’t as if I was going to take advantage but I fully understood. I showed her Sarah’s bedroom where she could dry her hair later and get dressed. She apologised for imposing and for the first time she spoke out in a normal voice rather than a whisper. She had a voice much like one of my favourite actresses, Scarlett Johnsson and was similar in features. Apart from the bust that is. I never forgot the first film I saw her in that was a favourite of Sarah’s called the Horse Whisperer. I remember noticing the way Scarlett and her horse had been injured and how they’d helped each other recover.

I told Jo it was my daughters room but not to worry since she’d be pleased to help someone and there would be no need to return anything.

I saw she now had strength enough to tend herself so I closed the bathroom door and headed downstairs to tidy around. I wiped down the sofa and put the blankets in the washroom for my cleaning lady. I found a throw that would cover the sofa for now until it dried and tidied around. I looked at the Christmas tree that was placed in the window overlooking the front garden and I turned on the lights for the first time since Sarah had gone. She’d done a great job as usual and I looked at the gifts and her favourite baubles that she’d collected over the years. Then up at the angel smiling down on me. I hoped my little Angel was smiling down on us.

Arthur lay in front of the log fire and I sat in my TV chair and picked up the TV remote. I thought I ought to check to see the local news and headlines in case anybody had been reported missing. There was nothing and in all honesty it would be too soon to make the news.

I switched channels until I found one with 40 best Christmas songs. By now Sarah would have had her friends around for drinks and snacks whilst they sang along. I missed the joy it brought me. I’d expected to be alone with Arthur but I hadn’t expected a visitor who was in distress.

I closed my eyes and Arthur jumped onto my lap and as usual I winced due to his sharp claws in my groin area. I stroked him and praised him for finding this youngster and saving her from further pain. He wagged his tail as ever.

We must have fallen asleep with the warmth of the fire because when I awoke the last two songs of the top 40 were due and the burning logs were in need of stirring again. Jo was either still upstairs or she’d sneaked out that was unlikely or Arthur would have barked. He jumped down and I tended the fire and hummed to White Christmas. When I’d left the cottage earlier to walk Arthur Christmas was the last thing on my mind. It was strange but it did feel like Christmas and we had a task ahead of us to help this young woman.

I felt hungry so we went to the kitchen where I prepared Arthurs bowl and then looked for something that might be suitable for Jo and I for Christmas Eve. I had some fresh bread and olives and some olive oil and some Parma Ham and Salami. Then I found some cheese and some pickled onions and a tub of Russian Salad. I had some soups if necessary and a packet of mince pies if she liked ‘flies eye pies’ as Sarah called them.

If Jo wanted something warm I had some chicken soup that was probably as close as I would get to a turkey this Christmas since Arthur and I were alone. If necessary I had some things in the freezer in the garage but I didn’t expect to be de-frosting.

I headed upstairs to find Jo to find the bathroom door was open. It was spotless and no sign of suds or dirty towels or discarded clothes. How nice. Sarah’s bedroom door was closed and there was no sound from the other side. I knocked gently and heard some sniffs and then Jo’s voice saying to go in. The main light wasn’t on but the bedside lamps were and so was Sarah’s dressing table light where Jo had been drying her hair.

Jo was laid on the bed in tears. She was wearing a dress rather than the items I’d left in the bathroom with matching shoes. They were Sarah’s favourite high heels that she said made her as tall as me. In truth I used to bend my knees to make her laugh. Jo sat up and used a tissue to dry her tears.

‘I’m sorry I had no right to do this but I saw inside the wardrobe and I couldn’t stop myself. Your daughter is so lucky to have so many beautiful clothes. She has great taste. I hope she doesn’t mind. I felt an urge that I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t speak. What could I say? Words would spoil her moment and after all it was Christmas. It might explain the reason why she was wearing a summer dress in the middle of winter and no shoes. Maybe she didn’t have the income to buy many clothes and no soft dad to spoil her like Sarah had.

‘I’m sorry but what I did was wrong. I’m so terribly sorry. I think you made a mistake about me and now I’ve made things worse. It’s so rude of me. I don’t even know your name. ‘

‘Look Jo there is no need to apologise I’m just so happy that we found you in time and so glad we could help. You are very beautiful and there must be somebody extremely worried. I don’t think I’ve made a mistake. Looking at you dressed like that has brought tears to my eyes. The dress and shoes are yours if you’d like. They seem a perfect fit.’

‘But why are you so kind to me. You don’t know me and I still don’t know your name.’

‘My name is James or Jim to you.’

We shook hands and she looked at me.

‘I’m sorry Jim but I’m not who you think I am and this is not me. This is the woman I see in the mirror who makes me happy when I’m sad or depressed.’

I could tell Jo wanted to tell me something but I felt I should let her tell me in her own time.

‘Why don’t you just add a little make-up and join me for a Christmas Eve supper downstairs. You can come down like that and I’ll change into something a little more respectable and get out of these damp jeans. The dress looks really nice. The heels show off your legs.’

I used the bathroom to smarten myself and quickly removed the stubble from my chin. I put on a fresh shirt and black trousers and a smart pair of shoes like I’d have done if Sarah and I were celebrating Christmas.

I opened a bottle of red wine and waited for Jo in the lounge. When she entered she looked a picture so I couldn’t resist taking one. I poured a half glass of wine and offered it and she gratefully accepted.

I found some more Christmas music on the TV and invited her to the kitchen/dining area to join me for supper. We sat and ate and chatted and eventually I had the courage to tell her about Sarah. She shocked me by comforting me and put her arm around my shoulder. It helped me a lot to talk to someone about Sarah and probably it needed to be a stranger. Jo was still nervous when she talked and still had the husky voice that might have been the onset of a cold due to getting saturated.

I found out that she lived closer than I expected and had returned from university and argued with her father before running out of the house after an argument. I tried not to pry and eventually pressed her to let me call her family to let her know she was safe. At last she gave me a telephone number and her family name.

I picked up the house phone to make the call but she pulled my arm to stop me and said ‘Don’t. Wait please I have to tell you something.’

‘OK please do what is it? Is it relevant?’

‘Yes it is. I’m sorry but I told you that you’d made a mistake.’

‘No I don’t think so. You are a delight and a very sweet young woman. I wish you’d met my Sarah. She’d have liked you.’

‘The truth is I knew Sarah. We went to the same school and we were friends for a while. When you found me I had run as far as I could and I wished I could join Sarah. She was kind to me when I used to get bullied at school. I didn’t know you were her father until I twigged whilst in her room. I saw her photograph in one of the drawers.‘

‘Oh. I’m sorry I should have told you. It must have been awful to find out like that. No wonder you were in tears. But I don’t ever remember a Jo from school. Not that I visited much.’

‘That’s because my name is really Joseph. That was the mistake you made. I’m not a girl or a woman I’m a freak.’

‘Joseph? Joseph I don’t believe it. You are a woman not a young man. Are you joking?’

‘No I’m a freak. I want to be a woman and at university I dress neutral so I’m accepted as either. At school I was a freak and that’s what my dad thinks. That’s why we argued when he saw me dressed in my stash of clothes that I keep at home.’

‘But wait isn’t your father the Vicar of the church in Chiltham? Why would he be so cruel? He’s a religious man.’

‘Yes he is and he said I was bringing shame on the family and not respecting the Bible.’

‘Surely we are all God’s creatures and we should forgive our trespasses. Have you tried to talk to him?’

‘He won’t talk he is too angry. Mum is more understanding and she says I’m the daughter she always wanted.’
‘Look Jo you can’t leave it like this, it’s Christmas and they must be frantic with worry.’

‘I don’t care they can’t accept me so let them see what it feels like to be upset. I get upset every day. This is me and this is who I want to be.’

‘Well I can see that you’d turn a lot of heads and you project girl from head to toe. If you hadn’t told me I’d never have guessed in a million years. Did Sarah know?’

‘No she didn’t. We were too young anyway. Nobody knew. It was a secret from anybody until I went to University where I had more courage to be myself. I used to dress in my room and eventually I had the courage to go outside. I used to go on shopping trips and father used to complain that I was neglecting my studies. I spent a lot of my allowance on clothes.’
‘Let me help please. I think you need a friend and maybe some help with professional advice. There is no point you all being unhappy. Life is too short to fill it with anger or argument. I’m sure I could convince your parents to listen. I’d accept any situation if I could bring Sarah back.’

‘It’s kind of you but I’m not sure it will make a difference. But I’m in limbo unless I go home to get my belongings and I left my wallet and my i-phone. So I only had the clothes I was in when you found me. I’ve nothing to go home in even if I agreed.’

‘How about we phone your mum and tell her you are safe and that you are staying with a friend. Then stay here and I’ll drive you home in the morning. Your father will be at church won’t he so maybe we could get you home whilst he is busy if it is easier but to be honest I think you should be open with both of them about your condition. It’s not a disease that needs treatment. It’s how you were born. I have a friend who can help if you wish. We could go meet him in London early in the New Year.’
Jo’s face brightened. The light had come on and I gave him the phone and left him in private to make his call. He was nervous but he did it and I’m sure it was the best gift his mother would receive for Christmas. I didn’t really refer him as male after that since it seemed strange.

We shared more wine and chatted for ages and Jo told me all about the problems she’d had growing up and how sad she was to hear about Sarah. I shared some stories and Jo told me some from his time at school with her. As she sat on the sofa in the dress with heels she looked like the young woman she wanted to be crossing her legs and sitting up straight. She moved her hands like a conductor in an orchestra as she talked.
Around midnight I took Arthur outside for a short walk whilst Jo got ready to go to bed. It seemed appropriate to let her sleep in Sarah’s bed and wear a nightdress so I gave her a free choice.

By now the rain had stopped and the clouds had blown away. The stars were shining brightly and I stared at them whilst Arthur relieved himself. I was sure one star was brighter than the rest and perhaps it was Sarah shining down. I could finally breathe comfortably and the stress of the last two weeks was eased considerably. I thought I’d lost her but maybe not.

Jo looked just as lovely in a nightdress as Sarah used to look as I wished her Merry Christmas and turned off her light. I was sure that I would sleep tonight and was thinking how I might find something to wrap for Jo before she got up. What do you give someone for Christmas that you don’t know or someone like Jo who is special. Maybe a necklace or a bracelet or maybe some perfume or some nice clothes. Maybe just a hug would be better and that would certainly do for me.

I did sleep well and found Arthur at the end of my bed. How does he do it? I was sure I’d closed my bedroom door as I switched off the light. I put on my dressing gown and went to make a pot of tea. I’d let Jo get up when she wanted.

When I entered the lounge it was clear that Jo had already been up and I could smell toast and coffee. I met her in the kitchen and she ran towards me and grabbed hold and hugged me tightly.
‘You are the sweetest, kindest man. Merry Christmas and thank you for helping me. Would you mind if we went early to my home before my father leaves for church. I’d like to meet him as Jo and talk to him. Then maybe I’d like to go to church. Will you come with me and I’ll ask mum to come too. ’

‘Sure let’s have some toast and coffee and I’ll forgo my tea if that’s your preference. How about you choose something appropriate for church from Sarah’s wardrobe and use one of her jackets.’

‘Oh thanks Jim that would be so special for me. You’re so kind. ’

Whilst Jo was getting ready I went to the Christmas tree to find the gift that Sarah had hidden for me. I’d not bought hers that made me feel a little sad. I opened her gift carefully. It was an album of happy memories including an array of photographs and short stories about things we’d done together as a family and her take on them. I set it aside to look at it when I returned home after I helped Jo.
I took Arthur for a short walk and then showered and dressed and returned to the lounge and prepared logs in the fire. Finally Jo made her entrance. Wow. How could her father not be impressed and her mother would see the daughter she always wanted.

When we arrived at Jo’s home I let her walk to the front door alone and sat in the car with Arthur. Jo went inside and 10 minutes later the three of them came out hand in hand. I was beckoned to join them and then Jo’s father and I had a private chat.

After our chat and exchange of opinions about life and the life beyond and the happiness that children bring to our lives I gave him a small gift that he unwrapped in front of me. It was a plaque that had never had any real meaning to me until recently and it brought a tear to our eyes. He hung it on the wall above his desk and thanked me for my kindness and the inspiration for his sermon the following week.
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It read simply:-

‘In the blink of an eye, everything can change,
So forgive often and love with all your heart,
You may never know when you may not have that chance again.’

I told him that I'd been very grateful for the opportunity to meet Jo because I’d lost a daughter but found someone rather special and she’d brought Christmas to my home and she was welcome to visit anytime.
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JuliedCole