Learn Something?

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know400.gif

by Erin Halfelven

 

"We come," said the instructor, "at last to epistemology. The study of knowledge itself. What is knowledge? How do we measure it? What are the sources of knowledge and how do we know -- that we know?"

"Sounds like angels dancing with a pinhead," Gail muttered sotto voce.

The girl across the aisle giggled.

Encouraged, Gail continued in the same low voice. "Who knows what epistemology lurks?"

Another giggle.

"Miss Davis," the instructor said, calling on the unfortunate giggler.

"Yes, sir?" she said, first glancing sideways.

"Uh oh," thought Gail.

"Miss Davis -- it is Miss Davis, isn't it?" the instructor asked.

"Uh, yes, sir?"

"How do you know you are Miss Davis?" He glanced at a sheet of paper on his podium. "Miss Sidney Davis. How do you know that you're you and not someone else?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Her voice squeaked a little.

"Yes," he said. "Seriously." A titter ran around the room.

"Well, because ... I am, who I am because I remember being me." Miss Davis gave it the old college try.

"But is that knowledge, or just belief? Do you know that you are Miss Sidney Davis because you are, or do you simply believe you are Miss Davis because you remember your name?"

She frowned. "I know I'm me!"

The instructor smiled. The titter ran through the room again. It wasn't what the instructor said that made him funny, it was how he said it (he had a faint British accent) and the way his eyebrows seemed to do calisthenics when he had someone on the hook. "Do you now? But you can't tell me how you know?"

Sidney sighed. "I'm me, because I'm here and Sidney Davis takes this Philosophy class every Tuesday and Thursday, from 1:30 to 3:00 p.m." She tried to look triumphant but managed only a slightly fatuous smugness.

"I see," said the instructor. "But other students take this class. Perhaps you are one of them? Perhaps you are actually Gail Miller, instead of Sidney Davis."

She glanced across the aisle and giggled again. "I don't think so."

Gail's eyes rolled toward the ceiling.

"You believe yourself to be Sidney Davis. Is that all that is necessary for knowledge? Just belief in something?"

"Uh," the girl tried to look thoughtful but could not acccurately have been said to be thinking anything at all unless it was, "I must not say, 'oh, shit' out loud!"

"If I believe that you are actually Gail Miller, then are you still Sidney Davis?"

"Well, yes!"

"Are you certain?"

"I ought to know who I am!"

"Yes," the instructor agreed. "You ought. But other than a memory, and a class schedule, what reason do you have for believing yourself to be this Sidney Miller person instead of Gail Davis."

Sidney held up her hands and moved her forefingers past each other. "Other way around," she said.

"Oh, so now you believe yourself to be Gail Miller?"

The titter had grown and raced around the room again.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a girl and Gail is a guy?"

"How do you know that?"

The titter graduated to a laugh. The instructor held up his hand for silence, smiling but firm.

"Well, I mean, I ...." Sidney trailed off, looking across the aisle at Gail.

"Don't look at me!" thought Gail, wanting to dive for cover under a desk.

"I mean," asked the instructor, "Have you checked? Lately?"

Another laugh joined the class.

Sidney shook her head.

"After all, Sidney and Gail are unisex names, either of you could be the other from that evidence." Something between a snort and a chuckle tried to escape from the back corner of the room. A snuckle?

"Can't you just look at us and see?" complained Sidney.

"Well, if seeing is believing, is believing knowing? That is the question, isn't it?"

The bell rang, almost drowned out by a sudden guffaw of relief that swept the whole class to their feet.

"Dismissed," called the instructor to the fleeing students. "Read chapter eight over the weekend and be prepared to discuss how we know that we know what we know on Tuesday."

Sidney and Gail gathered their books and headed toward the door, too. "That Mr. Martin sure thinks he's smart," complained Sidney.

"No," said Gail, giggling suddenly. "He knows he's smart."

"Ho, ho. Want me to carry your books?" he offered.

"Sure," she gladly gave them up, stacking them in his arms. They headed on out, she snuggling softly against his taller strength. "I think you're awful cute when you're flustered," she said.

"Ho, ho. Next time, you can be his frog and get dissected, no thanks." He bundled all of their books under one arm so he could hug her against him, pleased that she thought he was cute, whatever the circumstance.

"Have a good weekend, kids," Mr. Martin called from the front of the class.

"We will," they called back and got the heck out of there.

"Don't be anyone I wouldn't be," added the instructor, smiling as the door closed behind them.

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Comments

Brain blown

Well, *I'm* confused now. I mean, even more than I was.

Knowing

We can never truly know, we can only believe that what we know is true.
Hilltopper

Gina_Summer2009__2__1_.jpgHilltopper

Oh! Oh! Me! Choose Me!

terrynaut's picture

I want to take that class! My name is unisex. :)

This is good stuff. I just hope I can sleep tonight. My brain is going to be churning for hours now. Thanks a lot! Heh.

Epistemology indeed. :P

- Terry

I know simply...

regardless of any outside influences, that I am Barbara. How do I know that I am Barbara, instead of that awful name my mother picked out at birth? Simple.

When I was very little, I knew that when people called me a good boy, or young man, I simply wanted to hide in embarrassment. Why?

Because my body though male at the time, was in conflict with my soul, that was telling my brain that I was female. That my body simply had a birth defect that needed surgical correction. But how do I know this?

Well, because I am the one that emerged the stronger, even though society demanded I be what my body indicated I should be in their minds. But my mind was making is own decisions, even at 3 years old.

My soul was telling my brain that even though this body is "male", the person living inside of that body is "female". I have always acted the way a girl would act, and not the way a "male" would. I have always thought about having a pretty party dress, and my hair long, and just being the girl that lived inside of this body.

I demanded to be who my soul was telling me I was, and not what society demanded. So with this background I know myself to be Barbara and no one else. Why? Because it is Barbara that emerged from the ashes like the phoenix, to be who she is today. That is my knowledge of why and who I am. Confused? Well, life IS confusing, and all we can really do is make the best of it.

Thank you Erin for making us take a real good look into ourselves.

Be strong, because it is in our strength that we can heal.

Love & Hugs,
Barbara

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

I love the twisted logic of this, Erin

The shirt says it all. You are very wicked and silly, Erin. I swear that has to have been on a T-shirt for sale in a college bookstore or an alternative records/pop art/paraphernalia store at one time. Far out dudette!

But then it has several examples of gloriously flawed logic, relationships that are not absolute or even necessarily true are stated as proven thus the funny conclusion at the end.

This is in part how we get ourselves in trouble in the real world, how companies screw up and how the government gets f**ked up, when we push a fact or relation of facts too far. *The free market* is an efficient way to distribute goods and money.* As someone with a degree in economics, two degrees actually, I can tell you that is true.

BUT what that doesn’t tell you is that when there is imperfect information, when there is potential for monopoly or oligopoly power or where there are one or more *distortions* or externalities – the *cost* of pollution is a classic externality – existing in the market then the *free market* may well not achieve the best and fairest result and may archive a bad result.

So much for a quick and sloppy lecture in economics.

But stretching these *truths* to the extreme is damned funny. I’ll have to get my Joanie one like that, in pink with the word highlighted on rhinestones maybe?

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

I am who I am...

I am me, I don't need to know this, nor does anyone else. Just don't go trying to tell me who I am because no-one else knows it quite the way I do.

I feel there should be a song in this somewhere... like the Sunscreen Song (Baz Lurhman - Be Sure to Wear Sunscreen) or maybe Eminem... :D

Me (JC)

The Legendary Lost Ninja

The best move is ... not to

The best move is ... not to play,

An unwinable argument in circle logic...

but always fun to watch

Gail is a girl's name

Angharad's picture

according to the Oxford dictionary of first names, a shortening of Abigail. Other than that, I enjoyed the logic inversion, I think.

Angharad

Angharad

Sort of

erin's picture

Gail, Gale and Gayle have always been variant spellings for either sex in the USA. But I picked the one that is more often given to girls on purpose. :) I've known people of both sexes with all three spellings, it was a popular name in the 30s and 40s. More girls than boys spell it Gail, more boys than girls spell it Gale and it's about even to be spelled Gayle.

Sidney is almost always spelled Sidney for a guy but sometimes Sydney or something even odder for a girl. The names and spellings are not accidental.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I even knew a girl...

named Timothy. And, yes, it did cause her issues. Seeing her, folks never questioned though. I also knew a guy named Bunnie.

Names are like first impressions... They say something, and not necessarily what we would want.

Annette

The other English language

The other English language Ang. Use one of our dictionarys

Karen

I am the Walrus

This is like my job application. There was a place for sex and instead of selecting M or F, I put OFTEN. Then there was the block, requested, but not mandatory, asking for Race, I usually put in 100 yard dash. Oh and the question I like is 'How high is up?'

in the words of Red Skeleton....May God Bless

"Don't be anyone I wouldn't be,"

But how could I know who you would be, or wouldn't be? Giggle. I loved this, and finally got around to leaving a comment.

Dorothycolleen

DogSig.png

Great short story, but...


Sidney and Gail gathered their books and headed toward the door, too. "That Mr. Martin sure thinks he's smart," complained Sidney.

"No," said Gail, giggling suddenly. "He knows he's smart."

"Ho, ho. Want me to carry your books?" he offered.

"Sure," she gladly gave them up, stacking them in his arms. They headed on out, she snuggling softly against his taller strength. "I think you're awful cute when you're flustered," she said.

"Ho, ho. Next time, you can be his frog and get dissected, no thanks." He bundled all of their books under one arm so he could hug her against him, pleased that she thought he was cute, whatever the circumstance.

Great short story, but I got lost toward the end. Wasn't Sidney the one who got flustered under Mr. Martin's questioning? A "she skowled" would have explained Gail's "Ho, ho." better than no reaction don't you think.

Nevertheless, it was a great short story I believe, not getting into knowing.

*

I am a grain of sand on a near beach; a nova in the sky, distant and long.
In my footprints wash the sea; from my hands flow our universe.
Fact and fiction sing a legendary song.
Trickster/Creator are its divine verse.

--Old Man CoyotePuma

I am a grain of sand on a near beach; a nova in the sky, distant and long.
In my footprints wash the sea; from my hands flow our universe.
Fact and fiction sing a legendary song.
Trickster/Creator are its divine verse.

--Old Man CoyotePuma

I agree

erin's picture

The ending confused you. :) But then, it was supposed to, that's the point of the story. :)

Thanks for commenting.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Hm... It seems like they

Hm... It seems like they switched their gender, or their bodies ;)

Funny little story, but the correct answer is that you can't really know anything except the fact that you are. The rest is just what you decide to work with.

As someone put it, reality is the part of fantasy everyone agrees with.

Thank you for writing this funny story,

Beyogi

Neat

I used this very argument with my kids when they got too cocky about things.Love it.XXX Frank

In the words

Haylee V's picture

of a VERY FAMOUS Navy gent from the late 1930s, "I yam wot I yam, and that's all wot I am..."

Now, someone please pass the spinach...I'm hungry..

Haylee V

*Kisses Always*
Haylee V

Spinach good

WillowD's picture

and so is this story. I really love the way this professor challenged our perception on knowledge that is "unquestionably" true.

OK, Erin

WillowD's picture

This is proof positive that you are more than just an awesome web mistress.

You certainly got me giggling.

Edit: So much for my memory. It looks like I've already read this story before. :)

Just as well the Germans are restricted to their country!

Monique S's picture

They actually have a list of names that are legally allowed, and the law states that a persons first name has to be a clear and unmistakeably certain indication of the persons sex at birth. That really makes the name change for trans people fun, as you have to challenge the compliance of the law with the constitution in court, before you can even demand en exception to change your name.

The law about transgenderism (Transsexuellengesetz) from 1982 of course happily ignores that fact. People have complained about that and changes have been demanded in parliament ever since, but a catholic majority in the Bundestag (independent of party policy) have made certain, that there never was a change in the law.

Monique S

Restricted

No, I'm NOT restricted to my country. I could catch the next plane and fly to, let's say, the Bahamas. >:->

Sorry, couldn't resist. :-)

Knowing and certainty and all

Iolanthe Portmanteaux's picture

Yes, we can't prove that we even exist, can we? I haven't found a viable alternative to that idea, though.

Nice vignette!

- io

Thanks for commenting

erin's picture

This is an old story so it's bonus.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

In the UK

Angharad's picture

Sidney is a male name and Gail is a female one. Why do Americans have to complicate things?

Angharad

Because...

erin's picture

Most Americans have British ancestry? :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.