Gwen Brown

Ever Read Your Own Stories?

A story I was working on (Remember "Houston we have a problem"?) just flamed out and fell into the ocean. It is clear that I have different "writing voices", but I have a difficult time controlling that. I don't know what I am going to do with it now.

Today I read part of one of my first stories that was I published on Storysite first and then migrated it over to BCTS later. I now remember that Crystal was not that impressed with my writing at first, and I think she did some pretty heavy editing on both "MS Frankenstein" and "Desert Princess" though I don't know for sure.

Crossing unthinkable boundaries

Working on a story, I seem to have crossed an unthinkable boundary. In working out the details of a plot so that human colonists could flee Earth, I roughed in the idea that Israel attacked Iran again, and then the Iranians promptly detonated a nuclear weapon in Al Aqsa Mosque. Most westerners call it the Dome of the Rock. The Iranians had been quietly building the device for many years in preparation for such an event. When we toured Jerusalem, we were taken into tunnels said to honeycomb the area under that mosque.

Extremely ill and slow recovery

The counter thingie says I've been a pest here for slightly over 9 years or 2006. I first published at "Story Site" in 2001, probably after I returned from Kenya, completely shattered. My heart felt little dream of Christianity making the world a better place had been proved to be a vile, machiavellian. fantasy. I'd had shocking glimpses of the underbelly and droppings of the Missionary game. Then in a few weeks the 9/11 thing came, and the world came crashing in for so many of us, worst of all the occupants of the towers.

Shannara series

I know this is going to bump my other blog off but this is more important.

The new Series "Shannara" is OK but I think there are several authors here who could have written it better. It's a very loose combination of "Lord of the Rings" and Bailey's "15ft of Steel".

The thing is wound too tight for me and too much tension but the actors seem good.


Twilight vs Bike

Watching Twilight 2 for about the 4th time to keep the daemons at bay tonight when I was struck at the similarities between it and Bike. Simon and Cathy are saying the same things to each other as Bella and Edward.

Promise I'll behave, so no chewing me out, unless someone wants to spank me.

Everything is so dark and sad now taking these bloody Antibiotics. Too sick to even be snotty. 5 days left ...

FUCK !!!

Arabic and Drupal

Will Drupal take character sets other than western? I can see a "charset=iso-8859-6 - Arabic Alphabet (ISO)", but have no idea how to try it. The project I am working on would have very limited Arabic in it, but not being fluent in HTML or anything else, just don't know if it is worth the effort?

The Character would start out speaking UAE Arabic but when he realized that the other participants in the scene spoke only english switched to english. I think it would add a bit of eye candy and realism to the scene.

It will be some time before I get to that part.


Crossdresser bottom


It is embarrassing to admit that I have not figured this out, and the one opportunity to get it right, I ignored.

You see, I have no BUTT. And, that is exacerbated by childhood scoliosis that left my lower back with no "Lordosis" whatsoever. I did purchase a padded butt/hip panty but it was far too tight, and now I can not even get into it at all !

It was one of those Made in China, size L things. For those who have noticed, this year is starting off as the year of the bigggg butt. In fact, no butt is a dead give away. :(

Replacing a published story

The talk of Gor, and Gorean stories ignited an exploration of my own stories that are similar. I found one that was written back in 2007 when I was even nuttier than I am now and while reading it, found serious sentence structure issues. I have copied and pasted it back to Word for a tune up and plan to replace it at BCTS later today.

My plan is to cut and paste it above the existing story and then cut the old out of the bottom. This feels laborious, and knowing the level of my own "skills" feel there is an easier way. Any suggestions?


Story Character Research

In doing research for a story character, I am building a little boy, the heir of an Arab family, who was kidnapped from the UAE at age 4 and brought to the US, castrated, and raised as a girl slave by criminals. Her nanny, also kidnapped, but from Saudia, has raised her, teaching her Arabic, and the things expected of a woman. The child is very bright. This is still developing.

Stupid Woman


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I got read today, and it is my own damned fault. Most of the time when I am out in public I wear dress like a Muslim woman to include head scarf. I know it is so distracting that most don't think about my being trans.

Today I went in search of a dentist without Hijab and got rumbled. When you have something that works you should stick with it.


A Belated Epiphany


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I hope this will help some of you work things out.

Earlier I read an article that dealt with the idea of there being another "self" inside us. The author wrote about the fact that some twins are so close that they are almost linked at the hip and so on.

I think the article was on BBC/co/uk, but did I save the link? NO. Sorry.

My Writing and win10

I've been working to complete a story that I started years ago and trying to fight off the relentless win10 boogieman. With so many open projects, I don't want to allow that onto my desktop while not knowing how to use win10.

So, I have an aged Toshiba laptop that has been running the upgrade since 9:00PM last night. It is 9:33 AM and it seems to have finished.

What have I done?


Comment size limit?

This afternoon I notice that a comment I was posting on "Jenny's Story, Ch 6" was having the last paragraph cut off. Is this a temporary issue or is there a space limitation on comment sizes?

If so, a size limitation on comments seems reasonable, I just did not know about it. How about PM's, will they be limited also?



Shelly (Shalimar) called me today to say that they did the surgery she spoke of and it was benign. There has been an issue with getting her body to heal that has kept her there for three months. She is not sure when she will be discharged.

She's in St. Vincent Seton Specialty Hospital in Indianapolis, IN. Phone 317-415-8500. I am sure she would appreciate your good wishes, prayers, duas, or what ever it is that you do.

Her number is 516-749-8481

Much peace


Musings on "Vide Cor Meum"

Musing on “Vide Cor Meum”
Gwen Brown

Another relationship a complete disaster, so being completely shattered, listening to music seemed soothing. Men are so fragile. Once he knew, when I told him, his eyes grew vacant and he awkwardly left, saying he had things to do at 11:00 PM.

A little help, perhaps a prayer?


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OK, no drama here, no one gets excited. OK?

Probably like many of you, the events of the last couple weeks have made sadness seem ... common? With my Middle Eastern background, it feels impossible to hate. It is painful to be unable to resolve this. Yes, I know, life's a bitch and then you die, right?

Like most of us, there will be no partner to share the remainder of my life, and the doctor recently told me that I am likely to live another 32 years. What the hell? I so wanted to be a wife.

No SKYPE without makeup !


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So I left a skype message for one of my friends in old soggy this morning and when I looked at the screen the fowl image reflected there nearly caused me an episode of PTSD. Alas, said image was me !

To my UK friend, I promise not to get on skype again without spending suitable amount of time concealing the fact that I look like one of the ghostly Valkyrie. Good heavens, I even frightened myself. So, it's come to this has it? It's a wonder that I didn't char one of the undersea cables.

Too scandalous to keep secret

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So, I will admit that this story might be outside the scope of normal practice, but since I am still red faced and hot with embarrassment, I thought some might enjoy my temporary discomfiture.

So, last night I put a "certain movie" into my Blu Ray player and had watched it about half way when suddenly it was muted by Cinava, an anti piracy company.

Football Girl ...

Burly footballers are left reeling by rival's incredible skills on the pitch - when 'he' removes wig and make-up to reveal she's a woman

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Does this remind anyone of a couple of the stories on BCTS?



Construction Diva um Re-Constructed, edited, fixed

So, I didn’t like the old version of this story very well, so I reworked it, adding substantial content. A large part of this story is true. The bit about the E-coli happened to me. I spent 32 years working in industry and construction here in America. The way the construction guys treated me is authentic, and yes, some of them thought I was a woman and some thought I was gay. I hope that you enjoy this. Can you guess which feature of the story has become my de-facto “trademark”?

Found My Dream ...

It used to break my heart that I am not a popular writer here, and last night sorting through some old papers I happened upon the results of an old MAPPS test I took back in 2003 after I had become disabled from falling down a manhole that I was working in.

In reading the results of the test, it became clear that I have realized my dream, and am doing exactly what I am suited for. Briefly the results said that I am gifted in literary, and communication. Later the results say that I am an educator that loves to explain and teach.

Almost 9 years


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So, sitting here watching "Back To The Future". It's late at night and looking at my account it'll be 9 years soon. I was one of those poor bastards that had PTSD and a dozen other things so bad that the Docs would later say they doubted I would live. 7 hospitalizations later, I finally started to get better, but I won't say how except to mention that shrinks and medications were a waste of time for me. It took something else.

A warm surprise


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So, I have sort of lowered my shields a bit in public and public media and am pleasantly surprised to find out that many of the "Muggles" I know have TG and GBLT friends and seem to be on friendly terms.

Perhaps the world is getting better for T and Intersex folk? My references to it in public media are and shall remain very oblique. I do hope that does not upset too many of you. I never told you that I was a brave activist and nothing I ever learned in life taught me to be foolishly brave.

Perhaps the days of pain and rejection are becoming fewer? One can only hope so.

Boy Girl?


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I was sitting at a bench in Portland State University, waiting for Psych 204 to start. I am auditing it to help a blind friend get there and to study. I think I already hate the class.

In walked this very pretty 18 year old. No matter what clues I looked for I could not tell is he was a she or she was a he. Black hair with ponytail, T shirt with some symbol on it, Jeans, and runner shoes. Clear skin, small chin, upturned nose, no forehead boss, no visible beard shadow, no make up. I forgot to look for ear rings. Possible breasts but hidden by a light jacket.

Your Prayers Please

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My son has started another one of his emotionally abusive rants and it has been so severe that I will take what legal action that I can. Here in Oregon, what he is doing may be illegal, but he lives in Longview, Texas. So, there is probably not much that can be done unless he comes to Oregon.

It makes me feel really shaky and upset. I am sure that most of us know what it is to be attacked by relatives. He is a member of the same nutter Christian group that threw me out.

For those who pray, I would appreciate your prayers.


Let Reason Prevail


Recently I've spoken to two different Doctors who told me that surgical intervention at birth to correct "gender" irregularities is increasingly being abandoned. When possible, all things being equal, parents are being strongly encouraged to give the child a role in that decision at a much later age.

Here in America, this has been a long hard battle.

On another note, there is now discussion regarding combining Canadian and American Military into one on certain "police" actions. I would agree with this as long as the Canadians are put in charge.


What the Pope said about transgender folk

So, I was not vitally interested in the Pope's visit but did hear that he had something to say about transgender folk. Avoiding the hype and hate crowd, I didn't look it up until this morning. It seems that T folk were compared to be Atom Bombs. Is that all bad?

So, does anyone know what he actually said? I can't seem to penetrate the media fog to see. I did find one youtube video that seemed promising but it was the usual ignorant bile.

Tales of the Anari ????

Looking for a Science Fiction story whose title is worded something like "Tales of the Anari". As I remember, the author just did the one story and in my opinion it was one of the most excellent tales I have seen. I think it was published around 4-5 years ago.


Any other suggestions?


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I've been heavily involved in some activism for T folk in the Mormon church for some time and it feels like I am dealing with an unchangeable monolith. Perhaps abandoning what I've been doing is best? Sometimes no matter how many unimpeachable facts you give it is not worth the struggle since their agenda is not what I thought it was. Any who would like further explanation, you may PM me.

La La Land


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So, I get up this morning feeling pretty good having slept pretty well. Then there is this story about a 14 year old boy getting arrested and cuffed for taking a homemade clock to school to show his teacher.

What? Seriously? Oh, forgot to tell you that he's Black! And he's one of them Muslims! He got arrested for making a what? A clock you say? Really? Gosh, I've been off my meds since 2008 and have been doing pretty well ...

Files ! What to do, What to do?


I've finally lost my patience with the file arrangement on my computer. Had a HD crash three years ago and the rebuild is effing chaos! The HD is 1tb and has over 1000 Doc files in a half dozen random nested directories. I don't even know what lots of the files are.

This is like totally my own fault and if I had a husband, he would spank me and then make me fix it my own self.

The main concern is that while I move all these files around the disk might get so fragmented that it loses things.

Creating Again !

It is with great joy that I can say that words are once again pouring out of my finger tips and I hope that what results will please my two fans. As I once did before, the story will have lots of Middle Eastern culture, a bit of religion, and lots of scientific research in it.

I'm trying to explain things that people don't know along the way. Some of it will force you to use Google if you really want to know. Yes, there is TG/Intersex content, and is Forced Fem to a very limited extent. As to the FF content, just remember "What you meant for evil, came out to my advantage". :)

Writing The Truth

I've been working on a personal project for quite some time that is the pure unembellished truth. It is frank and brutal at times, and at other times it is happy and joyful. It is partially TG, but most of it is not even remotely about that.

To maintain complete ownership of the story, I will not employ an editor but perhaps a proof reader. The publisher will agree to keep the story intact.

Script Writing for Community Theatre

I read part of "Alien Investigators" in a writer's group I attend. They are all Muggles but have been very kind to me.

The reading included about 1000 words of the first part of the story, and at the end they were greatly amused, one even suggesting that doing it for Community Theatre could be fun. No one objected to the oblique reference to religion. It was my best effort at comedy.

Has anyone here experience with script writing?


Attacked by a Chealsea Tractor


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So, if I have misused the term "Chelsea Tractor" in this blog I am sure that one of the UK citizens will be more than happy to correct me after a sound flogging.

So, I was on my way to Ilwaco, Washington to pilot my brother's boat whilst he caught Salmon, gutted them and packed them away. Perhaps he has finally understood.

Frightening Medical Proceedure


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So, today I am having a 3 hour, total spine, with contrast MRI. "With contrast", means they will inject material into my spinal fluid. I am having increasing difficulty with coordination and things.

I have obligations to some of you, and I am sorry that I can not meet them right now.



Dangerous Discussion


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As you are all aware I have been snotty and snippy about discussing transgender issues in public, feeling that it is private full stop.

It feels like that in recent weeks I have been dragged kicking and screaming into very reluctant activism that feels frightening to me. Some of you will remember my recent blog on two Bible scriptures, and now somehow that is now plastered all over Facebook and elsewhere. I have opened my Facebook up to the public, and how long that will last is debateable. You are welcome to contribute.

This is Big for TG Folk


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OH My Gosh! Look what I just found? Look at Matt 19:12. Then look at Issiah 56:4-5. I am sure that you have heard of secret names. How about everlasting names? No matter what happens now, I can die knowing that Heavenly Father loves me, has a place in Heaven for me and has given me my everlasting name.

Even if you are not religious, this is a great deal of validation for those of us who are.




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Yesterday I terminated my relationship with my VA Counselor of 10 years. It's time I put my big girl panties on and run my own life. I am greatly reducing my relationship with Muslims and the Mormon church.

It seemed possible that there would be a relationship with"Transactive" here in Portland, but because I will not spout the PC agenda it seems like that is off. I was surprised. I will tell anyone that asks more but in a private setting.


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