Gwen Brown

Be Careful What You Tell Your Shrink

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I sat with my Counselor of some 11 years today talking about some Meyers Briggs testing that was done on me in 2003 and a similar test done on me in 1966. In records that were with the 2003 tests was a test that said that I am an INFP (Meyers Briggs Personality Type). I can say that the assessment describes me perfectly and as she read the information, she somehow interpreted it to mean that I could react violently to certain situations. At the time I thought nothing of it but upon reflection simply can't figure out where she got that.

The Symbiont

"The Symbiont" was just in Random Solos, and I had just started reading it and I had to leave for a moment and when I came back the page was closed and now I can not find "The Symbiont" again and I am feeling quite cranky about it and I tried using Search but the confounded thing will not find it for me so would someone please help me find it again? On the verge of a good sob.

Gwen

Insanity at the VA

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A couple weeks ago, I went to the VA to get a Doctor to look at a spot on my back that never heals, so I wanted to see if it was Cancer. Spent about a half hour with the doctor and left, and then in about a few days I get a call from another Doctor that said that she was told that I wanted to start living as a man again. What ?!? The!

Plagarism

Close Hauled On the Edge of the Winds of Plagiarism

Gwen Brown
5/21/2016

As I have said enough times before that it is likely getting tiresome, I have been working on a story for years, perhaps fifteen of them. It’s been an off and on project and I’m not sure why I didn’t just sit down and finish it. Perhaps the answer is that the fates had not completed parts of it.

How many people are you?

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As authors, if we are going to be any good, perhaps we learn to sort of "be" other people since we must develop characters as we write a story and most often our stories have more than one person in them. As I have been thinking about this, perhaps lots or even most T folk learn to be more than one person in our real lives and each of them are very real. Then I thought about a police officer who must be an authoritarian figure at work, and when he gets home he is dad, hey you, or some such.

Languages: spoken

I did not wish to completely derail Julia's thread so decided to start my own.

Another aspect of languages, dialects and such is our ability to adapt to, even adopt the speech patterns of those around us. I am from Oklahoma Dust Bowl stock and when I get around them quickly begin to sound like them.

4%

Lots of T folk, even post op ones, seem to feel the need to rat themselves out, even the ones who pass impeccably.

I have just been through a couple very tough and bruising weeks dealing with the Bathroom thing. It's very difficult to establish a balance between forgiving those who hurt us, and being very mad, incensed even at their ignorant and stupid position. In my case, having come from one of those groups, I feel quite qualified to beat them about the ears with their own clubs.

I'm feeling quite knackered now so will try to stand down for a while.

Bathrooms

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Lots of good conversation going on in the news and on places like Facebook, where Target, the American Family Association and other sites feature homophobes.

Though participating in the commerce is exhausting, I think a lot of good is coming of it. I'm just too snotty and sassy to let some of what the ignorant are saying just go by. Though, the time will come when I need to step back and take a break.

Many on the news and in Facebook are sympathetic to our plight, something that surprises me.

So crazy, so insane

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Life is bigger, too bigger for me right now. Why is it that the "50 Shades" trilogy makes so much sense to me; that I see myself in Anna, Christian and his subbies? Why do I vainly hope for that good ending? Why do I inwardly "rage against the dying of the light"? I've been tasked with writing a letter, my final appeal to a group of men that I have little respect for, and further my friends ask me to not be insolent and sassy, and disrespectful. They tell me that even if this last effort fails, at least it will benefit those behind me.

Our own stories are mysterious

Having gotten to what feels like a secure place in my own estimation personal identity, it is quite nice to not worry about it.

Lately I have seen the use of simile and metaphor in stories that I feel is quite clever. There are likely other literary tools that I don't even know about. I smile at the thought that some of you simply thought you were writing something that appealed to you, or you thought you were just writing out your pain, and along the way some of you have become very skilled at wordsmithing.

Explicit Sex Scenes

There was a time in my youth that I could not determine which was better, great sex, or a full dump. Miniature Ectomorphs tend to have issues with getting their digestive systems to work. As to the sex these days there is desire about once or twice a year. When I write about the 'act', it tends to be in the most vague of terms, since it is just much more important to me to hold or be held affectionately. Perhaps it is a bit of the XXY creeping in?

Hyperviolence

A few writers have approached me about their new stories and I do not know why anyone would seek my approval. I like reasonably well written stories but excessively violent stories and and those with sad endings are not likely to be read by me. I've seen just so much violence and sadness in my own life that I just don't want more. This should not be a reflection on any one's stories.

The Curtsey

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A story in Harper's Bazaar about celebrities meeting the Queen has a bit of a ruction going on Facebook. I've been around the world a bit and see no harm in respecting the culture of another country. If I went to Saudi Arabia, you can bet I would wear Niqab. If I went to the Jungles of South America, I am not sure I would run around in a few leaves, but not out of disrespect. If I went to Japan, I would try to find out about their usual greeting, and bow and say hai as is proper.

Your True Name

Joseph Campbell was a very well known philosopher and studier of comparative religion. Nowadays a significant number of the stories here are right out of mythology and lots of that interacts with ancient Jewish themes. I am intrigued by a story on the front page now where there is reference to one's True Name, and I am fairly sure that it originates partially from a book in the Old Testament of what Christians call Isaiah 56:4-5

Big Closet Top Shelf; a purpose should you choose it.

New authors here can make of this site almost what they choose to make it. The first sites I published on were cranky and one even altered some of my stories such that I almost did not recognize a few. Still they published me and I was grateful. In the 90's I wrote a lot and got chewed out, but improved a lot. The scope of my spelling and grammar errors was legendary.

I am most thankful that even in my early years here, starting around 2005, certain people still massaged my stories and the other day someone told me that I am doing much better than in the beginning.

Teaching in Saudi Arabia

In the last week or so, I corresponded with someone who is teaching school in Saudi Arabia, Maths I think. Was that someone here? I had hoped to talk with them further. I worry that accessing BCTS from KSA is very high risk and hope they are OK.

I'm taking a lot of pain meds right now, so my memory is a bit foggy. I want to say this now in case things go badly. I have felt loved and accepted here like never before in my life. NO drama, OK? I'll probably live but I just wanted to make sure I did not leave anything unsaid.

Gwen

"Peaches" Revisited

I believe I read "Peaches" the first time when it was just out. I was likely in the middle of my own very traumatic emergence and likely did not enjoy it as much as I should have.

So, yesterday I downloaded it to my PC Kindle and read it again. It is a lovely and uplifting story and I enjoyed it very much indeed.

Ever Read Your Own Stories?

A story I was working on (Remember "Houston we have a problem"?) just flamed out and fell into the ocean. It is clear that I have different "writing voices", but I have a difficult time controlling that. I don't know what I am going to do with it now.

Today I read part of one of my first stories that was I published on Storysite first and then migrated it over to BCTS later. I now remember that Crystal was not that impressed with my writing at first, and I think she did some pretty heavy editing on both "MS Frankenstein" and "Desert Princess" though I don't know for sure.

Crossing unthinkable boundaries

Working on a story, I seem to have crossed an unthinkable boundary. In working out the details of a plot so that human colonists could flee Earth, I roughed in the idea that Israel attacked Iran again, and then the Iranians promptly detonated a nuclear weapon in Al Aqsa Mosque. Most westerners call it the Dome of the Rock. The Iranians had been quietly building the device for many years in preparation for such an event. When we toured Jerusalem, we were taken into tunnels said to honeycomb the area under that mosque.

Extremely ill and slow recovery

The counter thingie says I've been a pest here for slightly over 9 years or 2006. I first published at "Story Site" in 2001, probably after I returned from Kenya, completely shattered. My heart felt little dream of Christianity making the world a better place had been proved to be a vile, machiavellian. fantasy. I'd had shocking glimpses of the underbelly and droppings of the Missionary game. Then in a few weeks the 9/11 thing came, and the world came crashing in for so many of us, worst of all the occupants of the towers.

Shannara series

I know this is going to bump my other blog off but this is more important.

The new Series "Shannara" is OK but I think there are several authors here who could have written it better. It's a very loose combination of "Lord of the Rings" and Bailey's "15ft of Steel".

The thing is wound too tight for me and too much tension but the actors seem good.

Gwen

Twilight vs Bike

Watching Twilight 2 for about the 4th time to keep the daemons at bay tonight when I was struck at the similarities between it and Bike. Simon and Cathy are saying the same things to each other as Bella and Edward.

Promise I'll behave, so no chewing me out, unless someone wants to spank me.

Everything is so dark and sad now taking these bloody Antibiotics. Too sick to even be snotty. 5 days left ...

FUCK !!!

Arabic and Drupal

Will Drupal take character sets other than western? I can see a "charset=iso-8859-6 - Arabic Alphabet (ISO)", but have no idea how to try it. The project I am working on would have very limited Arabic in it, but not being fluent in HTML or anything else, just don't know if it is worth the effort?

The Character would start out speaking UAE Arabic but when he realized that the other participants in the scene spoke only english switched to english. I think it would add a bit of eye candy and realism to the scene.

It will be some time before I get to that part.

Gwen

Crossdresser bottom

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It is embarrassing to admit that I have not figured this out, and the one opportunity to get it right, I ignored.

You see, I have no BUTT. And, that is exacerbated by childhood scoliosis that left my lower back with no "Lordosis" whatsoever. I did purchase a padded butt/hip panty but it was far too tight, and now I can not even get into it at all !

It was one of those Made in China, size L things. For those who have noticed, this year is starting off as the year of the bigggg butt. In fact, no butt is a dead give away. :(

Replacing a published story

The talk of Gor, and Gorean stories ignited an exploration of my own stories that are similar. I found one that was written back in 2007 when I was even nuttier than I am now and while reading it, found serious sentence structure issues. I have copied and pasted it back to Word for a tune up and plan to replace it at BCTS later today.

My plan is to cut and paste it above the existing story and then cut the old out of the bottom. This feels laborious, and knowing the level of my own "skills" feel there is an easier way. Any suggestions?

Gwen

Story Character Research

In doing research for a story character, I am building a little boy, the heir of an Arab family, who was kidnapped from the UAE at age 4 and brought to the US, castrated, and raised as a girl slave by criminals. Her nanny, also kidnapped, but from Saudia, has raised her, teaching her Arabic, and the things expected of a woman. The child is very bright. This is still developing.

Stupid Woman

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I got read today, and it is my own damned fault. Most of the time when I am out in public I wear dress like a Muslim woman to include head scarf. I know it is so distracting that most don't think about my being trans.

Today I went in search of a dentist without Hijab and got rumbled. When you have something that works you should stick with it.

Gwne

A Belated Epiphany

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I hope this will help some of you work things out.

Earlier I read an article that dealt with the idea of there being another "self" inside us. The author wrote about the fact that some twins are so close that they are almost linked at the hip and so on.

I think the article was on BBC/co/uk, but did I save the link? NO. Sorry.

My Writing and win10

I've been working to complete a story that I started years ago and trying to fight off the relentless win10 boogieman. With so many open projects, I don't want to allow that onto my desktop while not knowing how to use win10.

So, I have an aged Toshiba laptop that has been running the upgrade since 9:00PM last night. It is 9:33 AM and it seems to have finished.

What have I done?

Gwen

Comment size limit?

This afternoon I notice that a comment I was posting on "Jenny's Story, Ch 6" was having the last paragraph cut off. Is this a temporary issue or is there a space limitation on comment sizes?

If so, a size limitation on comments seems reasonable, I just did not know about it. How about PM's, will they be limited also?

Gwen

Shelly

Shelly (Shalimar) called me today to say that they did the surgery she spoke of and it was benign. There has been an issue with getting her body to heal that has kept her there for three months. She is not sure when she will be discharged.

She's in St. Vincent Seton Specialty Hospital in Indianapolis, IN. Phone 317-415-8500. I am sure she would appreciate your good wishes, prayers, duas, or what ever it is that you do.

Her number is 516-749-8481

Much peace

Gwen

Musings on "Vide Cor Meum"

Musing on “Vide Cor Meum”
By
Gwen Brown

Another relationship a complete disaster, so being completely shattered, listening to music seemed soothing. Men are so fragile. Once he knew, when I told him, his eyes grew vacant and he awkwardly left, saying he had things to do at 11:00 PM.

A little help, perhaps a prayer?

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OK, no drama here, no one gets excited. OK?

Probably like many of you, the events of the last couple weeks have made sadness seem ... common? With my Middle Eastern background, it feels impossible to hate. It is painful to be unable to resolve this. Yes, I know, life's a bitch and then you die, right?

Like most of us, there will be no partner to share the remainder of my life, and the doctor recently told me that I am likely to live another 32 years. What the hell? I so wanted to be a wife.

No SKYPE without makeup !

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So I left a skype message for one of my friends in old soggy this morning and when I looked at the screen the fowl image reflected there nearly caused me an episode of PTSD. Alas, said image was me !

To my UK friend, I promise not to get on skype again without spending suitable amount of time concealing the fact that I look like one of the ghostly Valkyrie. Good heavens, I even frightened myself. So, it's come to this has it? It's a wonder that I didn't char one of the undersea cables.

Too scandalous to keep secret

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So, I will admit that this story might be outside the scope of normal practice, but since I am still red faced and hot with embarrassment, I thought some might enjoy my temporary discomfiture.

So, last night I put a "certain movie" into my Blu Ray player and had watched it about half way when suddenly it was muted by Cinava, an anti piracy company.

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