Cancer

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Ingrid sort of pushed it a bit too hard and she’s hit that whole wounded animal mode and she just curls up on the couch and Giselle just sort of watches and she likely wanted to climb in there with her but Ingrid literally has her back to us and herself buried into the couch.
Giselle’s world weary little hurt sigh’s kind of heartbreaking.
I pick her up. “C’mon sweetheart you come with me and we’ll take a nap.”
She gives me this sad and hurt and sleepy nod and plants her face in my shoulder.
Her little fingers are wound into my shirt just too hard.
I use my phone and I text Holly to tell Tay because he’ll never look at his phone right now and I set the alarm and slip into bed with my daughter and roll to my side cradling her and pull the sheets over both of us into the best snuggle I can manage.
I love my daughter...I love her so much it hurts when she hurts.
I really want to be the best mom that I can be.

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*Before…

Ingrid actually comes down too during it all and she takes over just doing the cash for me actually doing a good job and knowing how to use the debit machine and all that stuff and I smile at her.
“You okay to do this?” I ask.
“Yeah, I need to do something to get off my ass instead of just feel sick and being stoned to get by.”
“That’s helping you though.”
“I want to try okay, I don’t want to be a freeloader and I’m lonely.”
Taylor says. “Good, welcome, you have customers!”
She and I laugh and we keep going.
We have to get her a stool after a bit but she’s good after that and Giselle ends up sticking close to both of us and out of the way. She looks at me and at her mom like she’s trying to get what changed, what got better or how.
I know Iggy sees it, feels it too and I can see her trying.

Trying’s all I can ask for.

It’s a start.

*And Now…

Images 37

Images 37

Chapter 37

Ingrid was the last person that I had been expecting to just show back up in my life…oh she was still around, she was still in Edmonton but to actually have her here in the diner.

Wanting to talk to me.

I look at her and she’s changed a lot too. I mean we’re older both of us but she looks…hurt…tired…drug out like she’s been haunted by something.

******** Holly Update ********

I spoke with Holly today. She's running marathons in the hospital (well, walking around the nurse's station). She is in good spirits. The doctors were able to remove the tumor with much less damage than anticipated to the pancreatic duct that joins with the bile duct. It appears her outlook is good (I'd be tempted to say Great!).
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Holly is down to one IV. She is also on the PCA (personally controlled analgesic), but seems to be keeping ahead of the pain.
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