What I said to my husband… And what I couldn’t say.

Lots of stuff going on since I last posted.

I haven't written anything for a while, I've been dead busy with a new job, transitioning and having a great life. As the title of this blog suggests, I should have known it was all too good to be as perfect and wonderful as it seemed.

I went and got a fresh tire and innertube yesterday and just now I went to install them, preparatory to going grocery shopping. The tyre wasn't a problem. The tube, however, had some sort of newfangled valve that I've never seen the likes of and that my tyre pump won't fit.
Oh, and I can totally tell you that using american tools on a bike with metric fittings is a recipe for scraped-up hands and lots of rather inventive cursing....

Anyway, I'm bruised and scraped and I still don't have a bloody working bike.

I thought this was worth bringing up.

http://www.metroweekly.com/feature/?ak=3712

Watching this video reminded me of a time when the world was new and bright and I was young and hopeful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QP-SIW6iKY&NR=1

The wall had just fallen a couple of years before and it was a time when we all wanted something better than the clusterfuck we've got...

2 songs that meant a lot to me then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDSh5wUtXt4&feature=related

I wanted to give yawl the 1989 video, the one that gave me hope for a better world back then, but I think this one is more appropriate. Sadder, wiser, but still hopeful.

There are lots of things to say about Afghanistan's plains, but I think Metallica has done something really important here and I wanted to share the video with yawl.

I might write a story to go with this, but honestly, I think anything I might add would be a pitiful effort beside the story they tell. This is something worthy of Kipling.

http://www.youtube.com/user/MetallicaTV#p/a/u/0/mRitfbhITLM

I was gonna do this as a comment on another blog post, but I figured it was important enough to have it's own spot.

At the link below is a website telling the history of Bikini Atoll. It is not a happy story.

http://www.bikiniatoll.com/history.html

A few months ago I remember responding to someone who asked would people be willing to post a photo. Nothing Salacious, just a sort of "Hey, this is me!"

Well, at the time, I didn't have any photos of myself, but I did state my willingness to post one, so here it is. Now whoever asked has to look at my face every time I comment on something. Serves ya right!

That was when my sis visited at the end of Novemeber '09. Great visit, horrible picture. Now let the making fun commence!

I just mailed this letter to my parents. I figure it's my birthday, why not?

I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just get right to it. Mom, Dad, I am a transsexual. I am transitioning from male to female now and should have done so 25 years ago at least. I debated bothering with telling you, I know that I am dead to you per your religion and have been for 23 years. You disapprove of me for simply being gay, so I’m pretty sure you’ll think this is worse. I actually wish I were just gay, it would have made things so much easier.

I didn’t feel good about what I’d done. Strike that. I felt absolutely awful about what I’d done, what Jimmy and coach Morrison had encouraged me to do even when I knew in my soul it was wrong. I‘d damn near killed that poor girl. Her punctured lung and compound fracture were entirely the result of my insanely hard hit, a hit I knew I should have pulled because I saw the kick go clean…

Another musical interlude.....

Halftime was over and we were down by 10. I gave a quick shout out to Karla who relayed it to Geoff. I had a hard time getting the guys to wait, but when they heard the opening strains of the song I’d asked for, they changed somehow. A batch of somewhat dispirited football players turned into a team of… Geee, I don’t know, but definitely something predatory and very nasty. They were stomping in unison and charged onto the field as the bleachers shook beneath the crowd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk

Okay, I have some interesting info to share today. It turns out you can get a beauty consultant to come to your home and do a full makeover on you in private and then sell you the products!

I had no idea this was an option except on the very high end, but I was talking with my sister a while ago and she sells Mary Kay cosmetics part time. I wound up asking her if she had a problem doing the home makeovers for TG people and she replied "Of course not!".

I didn't lose any friends on 9/11, but a friend of mine was there(in NYC)and sheltered a lot of people when it went down. I have lost friends in the subsequent wars.

I will not make any political commentary of any kind here, and I would ask yawl to please follow suit, but I would like to ask one thing, that we all take a moment to remember our honored dead.

That, I think, is only proper.

Thank you.

The same old argument raved again.

“Look, how can you not understand that I have always needed to be a woman?”

“You stupid fuckin faggit, all I ever wanted was a man with a dick! I told you 20 fuckin years ago that if you wanted that, you need to go be a whore or find yourself a rich man to do that for you! You sure as hell don’t fill my needs! All you are is a goddamned fag that couldn’t accept the fact that he was gay so he thought he had to be a female!”

Sean walked into the store, nervous about her bicycle. There wasn’t anyplace outside the store to tie it to, so she was left with nervously watching her bike through the window while she stood in a line at least 20 people long. She fretted while the line proceeded slowly toward the counter. Just as she was about 5 people from the front of the line, a guy just walked into the line in front of her. She was completely dumbfounded and had no idea what to say to him, but after about five minutes of nervously eyeing her bike through the window, she decided she had to say something.

“Like it or not, you are our only hope. I just thank my lucky stars you aren’t as homely as Obi-Wan Kenobi.” If they hadn’t both been so exhausted, that would have triggered another round of sex. As it was, they snuggled into each other’s embrace and fell fast asleep, not without some giggling.

Vasily was plainly nervous, fidgeting in the back seat as they approached the glass and steel edifice that was CareGiver’s Orlando facility. The heat as they stepped out into the sun was an oppressive blast in the face even though it was still early in the day and He found himself adding to his nervous perspiration with genuine sweat as the foursome entered the building and strolled across the lobby to find Anne at her usual post.

“I know what you’re thinking of doing!” She hissed the words into Sean’s ear. “I just want you to know that every single one of us backs you. Just make sure you hit the right target!” Sean broke their embrace and looked into Anne’s eyes, searching for something, some sense of the other woman that would tell her how to respond. In the end, there was only one thing she could say.

Today was the first day of the rest of my life and I hated it. I bade goodbye to my husband the night before. He looked into my eyes and told me he loved me before he died.

I'm so angry right now.