Gwen Brown

Which Endo is It?

I've had several notices from the Hospital that I should attend there to see the Endo department. It seemed clear to me that they were going to do an Endoscopy, which end, I have no idea. Their persistence led me to imagine that there was something emergent going on in my bowels, and that caused me to be nervous enough to not sleep well last night.

Any Guesses on The Average Age Here?

In the past, I know there were readers and authors here that were prepubescent, and that age ranged up to the very old, like me.

It is not likely that I'll be attempting anything of great length any longer, but short stories feel within my capabilities. I've got several things baking in the oven and I have concerns about the maturity of the stories because of the potentially young readers. Some write some really lurid stories, and some of them may be written by young authors, but that is their concern, not mine.

Russian Speakers

Recently I saw a Russian made movie about Aliens crashing (After they were shot down by a Russian Cowboy fighter Pilot) in downtown Moscow (?) It was a very good movie in spite of the fact that I do not speak Russian. I am hoping that someone can name the lead Military man, and the girl who fell in love with the Alien. Anything else would be a bonus. I'd rather not simply call them Boris and Natasha.

I am thinking of writing a short fan fiction sequel.



Agender and off to College

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I no longer have the patience to try to log onto Forums, but I did see a thread from someone that has my sympathy. They live in a state that wouldn't know what to do with a T folk if someone hit them with a ball bat.

I'd just like to suggest that there are places to live that are much more progressive, Oregon and California being two. It was about two months from the time I came out until my legal documentation was changed over, except for my Birth Certificate which is very easy and I still have not done.

Blessings to her.



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I go to a place called Religious Forums a lot. It has everyone from Atheists to Baptists there, and for some strange reason, two men, one a Buddhist, and the other a Baha'i are attracted to me, apparently because I'm so obsessive and broad in my research. I don't write worth a hoot, but love research.

What a strange feeling to have a man interested. I've already said there will be no sex.



Third Gender, Guna Yala

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On BBC, there is an interesting piece about Third Gender on Islands east of Panama. It seems that little boys who feel like girls just live that way, with full acceptance of the community. I guess going the other way is OK too. No word about any surgeries.

I remember reading another article about the Marsh people of southern Iraq who did the same way. Saddam all but exterminated them.

You see Virginia, there is some sanity in the world.

SRS Shell Game

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I was talking to another post op MtF woman the other day, and her experience was the same as mine. They did the surgery, let me convalesce for several days and then wanted another $3000 to finish the job. I had no more money, so came home with no Labial lips. The woman I talked to did the same thing. I don't want to reveal the name of the surgeon here, but I will if you PM me.

Traveling by bike

For the purposes of a story or perhaps real life, I am wondering how far a rider can push a bike in a day? For my purposes, my bike has been quite nice with the gear ratios being to my liking but perhaps a bit low. My tires are 700 x 32 (what does that even mean?) with a maximum inflation of 75 psi, which I routinely run at 80 psi. It's got a Shimano sprocket set. The frame is one of those crosses between a high bar and a drop frame. I'm very tender, so there will be no high bar frame.

Due to a past broken C-6, I ride upright. 9-11 MPH is fine for me.

Sex with your kitty ?

I've been trying to work out if I have any sexual attraction for a long time, with no luck.

So today I was driving along near the Res. and I saw this huge Indian with long black hair, a Police uniform, he was a Sergeant, and all the cop junk on his uniform. Something in me liked what it saw and went Rowrrrr.

No, wait stupid, haven't you been bragging about you're being Celibate?

I thought about it for a while and realized that I did not want to do the nasty with him, I just wanted to crawl up in his lap, curl up and sleep.

Now it all makes sense.

Aunghadhail, the many variations.

I have been reading Shadows blade's story about Rohanna and find it entertaining. There are, however some unanswered questions.

I think that several Authors have written about Aunghadhail, though I do not remember who. In one story, Aunghadhail is killed. I do not know who originated these tales about Aunghadhail, though in this story it seems possible that Rohanna and Aunghadhail may come to a truce of sorts.

Kneeling on the Ground Thankful

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Did one of my evening escapes to try to get my lil ole haid to screw on and went to a Red Robin hamburger joint. Things were busy but I sat with my pin and pad trying to work out a story idea. My food came and I had a bit of Hair of the Dog also.

Finishing up, there was one of those computers on the table to pay with. While I was trying to work out how to badger that thing into responding to me, the waitress came up and said that the people across the way had paid my bill. ??? My first response was, "why would they do that"?

Maybe a little help?

So, my latest story is out, and admittedly I should have split it in two. Perhaps, what I had thought of as my "style", should have had an editor fix it? I don't want my writing to be like it just came out of an English Composition class, so maybe somewhere between? I wanted it to portray speakers that were not English or US folk.

It is obvious that my High School English teacher would be having a fit.

Or can it be that the readership just did not want normal, nonviolent Middle Easterners?


If you are a Veteran of recent Middle Eastern Military action, this might be mildly triggering, but I doubt it. This story has Muslim, Middle Eastern culture in it, but it is not about Islam. Lots of Middle Eastern folk are Christian, Yazidi or not religious at all. This is about an American War Veteran, and a family of Middle Eastern descent. I am hoping that it is romantic and somewhat funny. It is set in the future, near the middle of the 21st century, and might be mildly prophetic. Sometimes the most fun and the greatest reward comes from the oddest places. Enjoy.

Yet Another Stupid Computer Question


I am ready to get rid of a computer whose HD is in the imminent failure mode but still sorta works. It seems that MS Word no longer allows you to straight up delete files. What should I do before I get rid of it? I'll likely give it to someone who wants to attempt to put a new HD in it. I am told that getting at the HD on this machine is nigh on impossible without breaking the display. Its got an INTEL i chip in it, so he wants to save it.


Spell Checker Dictionary Issues

My computer has been giving me fits for about a week, so, since it is largely free, the Microsoft Store, volunteered to look at it for free, and I accepted. It is horrible to move this All in one around, almost out of my ability to do it. On the second day, they say they found that my HD is failing, so I looked into putting a HD in, and found that on my HP Envy, this model has a screen that is glued into place. Subsequent models apparently started using screws to secure it. So, I decided not to change the HD, and also avoided all the formatting and software installation headaches.

21st Century

21st Century


Gwen Brown

This is sort of a briefing, or prequel for my next story, just to get people thinking.

When I was a child, we came from San Diego to Portland before I-5 was done. I can remember being halted in the Siskiyou Mountains, while crews were blasting to build it. We were the first owners after the original homesteaders, of a farm at Ladd Hill. That was the winter of 49-50 and first winter, we had about 3 feet of wet, heavy Oregon snow.

Word Processors


I have been thinking about how much I dislike certain weaknesses of MS Word. The last time that I had a word processor that I really liked, it was Word Perfect and had a blue screen with white type. I started to look at the cost, and a version that I might like is around $100. Then I began to wonder what sort of passive aggressive hijinks that Microsoft might get up to in retaliation if I jumped ship?

Can Not Wear A Bra.


In the last year, it has become painfully obvious that I can not wear a bra. To do so soon manifests pain in my rib cage like my ribs are broken, and that even with a very loose bra. I've even been fitted with a so called Transgender bra and it does the same thing. I'm a 42 b. Now, I just wear a T shirt under whatever top I'm going to wear and that seems to conceal my nipples enough. Because of my very conservative Christian and Muslim background, I am accustomed to wearing clothes a size too large.

BBC story

Still slogging away at a very long story, and I want it to be educational, culturally accurate and fun. I am yet uneasy about it, and the major reason is that some of the Characters are Middle Eastern. I do not want to trigger anyone's PTSD and hope that this won't. There is very little violence in it, and it is quickly dealt with. My own PTSD and anxiety issues won't permit it.

I Think It's Bollocks, Please Help

After my prediction that I intended to advance the "Hala" "story um Universe", if you will allow me to call it that, I realize that "I've Got A Fine Kettle Of Fish" here and nothing is going to work as I intended.

In my defence, When I wrote the first two Hala episodes, I had no idea that it would rewrite itself into a minor epic, or that is what it thinks it is.

I just finished reviewing Hala's Snow Day, and substantially rewriting Cowgirl Hala. The process added over 1000 words to it. Then, I discovered that I had actually published Cowgirl Hala back in 2016.

Time Running Out, But Not Ideas.

I'm up to eight long chapters of the "Hala" story and did not plan to publish it until I was done, but I'm getting really long of tooth and the ideas don't stop. In two of the chapters, some of it really did happen, but I'm not saying what. The events that might trigger PTSD, I've been very mild about, so I hope that everyone stays OK.

"Attraction" 2017

I know there are folk on this site from all over the world, and I am happy to know you all.

Recently I watched a great Sci Fi Movie called "Attraction" made in 2017. I think it is Russian, and the CGI and all the stuff was great, in fact outstanding. If you get a chance to see it, you won't regret it.

I want to see it again, perhaps even purchase it.


So discouraged


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I'm about as discouraged as I have been in a very long time, and it is arguable that most of what is stressing me is my own damn fault. There are a couple stories on here that are extremely moving to me, spot on regarding the issues that face post op, out T folk. Recently, my own T life has been more pleasant than at first, but these stories cause me to remember the really painful years.

TG Forum, What th' ...


So, saw something in "TG Forum" that interested me and I wanted in on the discussion. I thought that my BCTS username and password would probably work, but no. Then I tried to register but I kept getting "username" already in use, and the same for my email. My email is not reporting a temporary password from them ...

Maybe I didn't really want to get involved with it after all.


Goin Round The Bend.

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Pretty sure that Dementia is setting in on me. Things have been seeming increasingly bizarre lately. I don't know how fast this stuff moves, but if I make less and less sense as time goes on that's probably the reason. Yesterday, my eyes passed the test to keep my Driver's License, and I mentioned to my Doc that I am concerned about my cognition.

Taking up drinking?


So, I am thinking of taking up drinking on a limited basis.

I like yellow IPA Beer

I do not like Wine but once found 1972 Gewurztraminer to be pleasant.

The very few times I tried the hard stuff, Yukkk !!! Double Yuk. It tasted like cough syrup.

So, I like Licorice, and I like Molasses. Maybe something that is thick and nice and sweet and to be drank in a snifter? But not to get drunk on.

Finally decided that organized religion is for the simple, so just want to kill the pain a little. If someone wanted to bug me some ...?

MtF Transgender Endocrinology

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I would be very interested to hear what young transgender folk are experiencing in terms of Endocrinology. For the people in my generation and almost as old, some of us experience almost no breast growth, even post SRS. For me, breast growth has been rather generous, and I suspect that is due to variations in genetics ???

I just read a story about a young woman in Austrailia who has persuaded the authorities that only she and her Doctor need to be involved in her life and not the Judge.

Story Characterization

I was walking through a Safeway grocery store today, browsing for the ingredients to put in a nice stew. The store is in Clatskanie, Oregon, and I was on the way home from a sanity break at Astoria at the beach. It is a quaint little town along the Columbia River, in the center of Commercial Logging country. I've been living in the city for so long I must look completely like a city girl, like totally.

Perhaps there is hope for us ?

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I was at my little brother's house and we were talking about stuff while he had me trouble shooting his vacuum cleaner. Out of the blue, he stopped talking and looked lost for a minute. Then he said, "My Grandson is Transgendered". He then revealed that he (she) is 5 years old. He told me that the child's mother, my brother's daughter, said that they had been through the Doctor, Shrinks and endless sessions of telling the child that they were not going anywhere until HE put on the right clothes, until it became obvious that this was not just a passing fancy on the child's part.

Taking malicious advantage of others.


I started coming to this site around 2006, though did not publish until 2007. I was extremely shattered and emotive, but through the support of those at this site and the release of "Telling My Truth" somehow managed to avoid suicide. Many of those old souls that were here no longer are, for what reason I do not know.

The fact is those of us who remain are going to lose this site if we do not pull a finger out. I don't give two shits about any excuses.

Help out or lose this site.

No Seriously.

NO, Seriously, "You Sit Crazy", really is from a dream I had this morning and I woke up laughing about it! The only other time I woke up laughing was after a lovingly and properly administered spanking, and it took a couple weeks for me to get over it. :)

This is the fastest turn around from inspiration to publishment (is that a word?) I have ever had. Just a little under 5 hours! What a ride !!!

That chocolate cake must have been nearly lethal.


The BEST Movie

The Title is in Russian Cyrillic, with Chinese and bad English subtitles, so I can't interpret. I hope that there are enough Sci Fi fanatics out there that will have the persistence to work at understanding this movie. Human first contact with aliens will go something like this, I hope, but better perhaps?

SRS, The Saga Continues

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In my continuing reading about Sexual Reassignment Surgery and peripheral matters, I've had a rather astonishing revelation. I was reading an article in "theBMJ" , more correctly "The British Medical Journal", where one contributor stated rather matter of factly that the recipients of SRS surgery routinely had their Prostate removed. This statement illustrated rather conclusively that "professionals" functioning outside their area of expertise sometimes have rather profound gaps in their knowledge base to the point that it is laughable to me.

SRS, The Nitty Gritty

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A while back I got in a discussion about SRS on Youtube and a man commented on it. I wound up having an email exchange with him that led to a phone conversation. He was nice enough and said that he is a surgeon that has done the operation. He challenged me on one aspect of my operation. My Surgeon in Bangkok told me that he did the normal penile inversion technique, and attached one of my Vas Deferens tubes to the back end of my neo Vagina to provide Vaginal lubrication. My Neo Vagina is always moist and has the fragrance of Estrogen; sometimes leaving a white stain in my panties.



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I do a lot of reading in Anthropology, Astronomy, Psychiatry, Religious History, and other things equally as mind bending.

Really focused on where Homo Sapiens came from and why we are such violent pricks? And, coming from such uber conservative religious stock, life is anything but a "funny funny riddle". This time of year is really awful.

Illogical Creatures

Aside from writing, the central focus of my life is to fully understand what it is to be a woman, so I can more faithfully render them in my stories.

I was completely astonished to attend three functions over the holidays in which I was completely treated like a woman, a sisterhood member. At no time was the fact that I might be counterfeit as a woman mentioned and it felt really good.


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