Last night, I posted the following text in a bulletin:

I finally reached 50 friends on my new profile!! !!!

And, oddly enough, I don't feel threatened/blarged out/etc by the fact that I even have 2 guys on my friends list. I guess I am finally progressing enough that I don't feel my [insert cool psychobabble term here] requires me to freak out that any guys would want to be on my friends list.

Oh no, I feel a blog entry coming out of that last statement!!

I don't think it will even register on the Richter scale, this time, though [shrugs].

Here is the deal: I don't like men. Now, that could be read several ways. So let me clarify (though I might actually be making it clear as mud!)

I used to be militant about it. Men were good only for women crazy enough to put up with them long enough to breed in order to carry on the human race. (And most of them weren't even good enough for that!!)

Later, I mellowed. I realized that women, for the most part, were hard-wired to prefer men because GOD wants it that way. I felt very bad (and still do) for heterosexual woman after that.

So, at that point, I had to admit that heterosexual women weren't crazy simply because of their sexual preference. However, even though I no longer hated men simply because they were men, I still disliked them.

I'm sure many of you that know me personally are horrified that I'd actually hate approximately half of the human race just for being the wrong gender. But I did. I am not sorry for that or ashamed of it. At the time, it was the right thing for me. Quite a few will be upset that I even went so far as to dislike all men just for their XYness. I still don't feel shame or remorse. I've been judged far more harshly for less. I still am.

Now, though, I simply don't care. I don't like men. I don't hate them (usually). I have pretty much stopped actively disliking them (most of the time). I simply don't have any "like" left over for the male population.

It took me years to reach this point. I'm not saying that certain men are not useful. But of all of them I can think of that rank that with me, it has to do with what they do rather than who they are. And, in fact, in every case, a woman could do what they do every bit as well (if not better). I will even admit there are some men who are easier to not hate than others.

Now then, how did all this come about, and why? I have no clue. As I mentioned before, it probably is just a case of mellowing due to increased maturity. Also, over the last several years, I have learned to hate myself much less then I ever have before. And finally, hate uses up a lot of personal time and energy. I guess I just don't give those up as easily as I used to.

I am definitely happier and more laid-back than I used to be. Did that occur because of fewer negative emotions in my life? Or do I have fewer negative emotions in my life because I am happier and more laid back? Which is the chicken and which is the egg?