More Than 2 Years Later

Over two years and all I feel I can do is apologize. I didn't mean to just disappear again, I'm not going to excuse the 6 months prior to 2016 but last year was the best and worst year of my life.

At the beginning of 2016, I made the biggest step in self-discovery by admitting I was trans and that I needed to transition. I went and got help, went and got the psyche evaluation, went and got hormones and T-blockers and everything. I got a job, lost a job, got diagnosed with severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and ADHD. I got hospitalized for a week because of a thing with my antidepressants, had to move back with my parents and I've spent the last six months recovering from everything. I'm still not well but I'm doing better and I'm feeling like I want or need to reconnect with everything.

I barely touched pen to paper after my gall bladder operation in 2013. That was a symptom of depression that I'd been living with for a long time. Most of you probably noticed that I would go off the rails in comments, particularly over criticism. Lot of factors involved there but I can see the depression and self-loathing at work now.

One year on hormones later and I'm different. I can tell, it's not just physical differences, it's mental too. I hit my emotional on switch and I'm glad I can feel things now, I'm glad to know when I'm happy but it also comes with feeling sadness too. Everything makes more sense to me as well, I don't have the conflict that I used to if that makes sense.

I don't know what the future will hold. I want to stay here, write a bit, maybe turn writing into a career. I've been able to write again this year, consistently, enough that I want to try NANOWARIMO this year. I don't think I can go back to Whateley, I can't get back to those forums. I only just worked out my password issues here at BigCloset. I've been throwing around the idea of a Patreon.

Hope to hear from you all soon, I'm going to stay logged in here as much as possible and add this to my daily grind.

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