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To the people who care about me: I'm sorry. See, caring about someone is always risky. There is a chance you will get hurt by them. I'm not just talking about being disappointed, or betrayed, but hurt because the person you care about is hurting. So if you care about me, you've been hurt when I have hurt, and I'm sorry. And I'm afraid the hurting isnt over. See, I've been, so to speak writing checks my body cant cash for a long time, and it looks like nature is going to collect. And therefore I can see a lot of hurt in my future. And even if I manage to make a 180 and totally change my habits today and going forward, its likely that at least some of the consequences of my bad choices will hit me, hurt me, and you, who care about me, will hurt as well.
So I am sorry.
Comments
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Being a diabetic with a sweet tooth, I definitely understand. I'm praying for your health and happiness. Hang in there as much as you can. If you can hang in there long enough, we will have the technology to fix your ills.
Hi, Dorothy! We’ve never met
Hi, Dorothy! We’ve never met or conversed, but I feel that I’ve gotten to know you a little through your writing, especially your blogs. Like Ray, I am diabetic, and know what it’s like when the check bounces and you hear from the bank. Damn. I think what’s important is, that we DO get a wake-up call. Up until then, we’re usually all pretty versed in hiding in the bushes and ignoring the situation (“Situation? - What situation?”. . . Monty Python lives!). For me, when the call came, the only thing that worked for me doing the “180”, was writing reasons and strategies down on paper –having to write it out somehow cut through the BS my inner self was trying to project and really made me concentrate on what I was going to be doing! Up to that point, it was: “I could do this, or I might be able to, but how – OH LOOK, A SQUIRREL!!!”. My doctor was helpful in giving me some goals and even helped a bit with the strategies, but mostly the goals necessary.
I do hope that you can help yourself with the situation – even 160 has a BIG influence on the “interest” on that “check”. So get ON IT! You’ve got a lot of friends here on BC, and we’re all rooting for you!
Hugs,
Miriam
Hey Dorothy
Apology not required, but thanks for alerting us. Hey now, the fact that you posted this means you have seen how serious you need to get. People do take hold of their lives, you can too.
"Reach for the sun."