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I'm hurting a lot right now, not that lots of others on this site haven't been hurt as much.
Being the pessimist that I am, it is easier to believe I don't have any local, flesh and blood friends. I was invited to the 70th birthday of my brother's wife. He's a narcissist and can't exist for long without doing something to make himself better than others. There were 12 people at this party, and everyone was nice and very interesting to talk to. About half knew of my history, but they did not mention it and neither did I. The others were very interesting and nice whether they knew or not.
The party was winding down and having ridden the bus to get there, I was prepared to ride it going home. We were all standing around talking asI put my shoes on and gathered my pack. Taking me completely by surprise, my brother turned to me, in front of all these guests and said, "Gwen, you are a lot better Sister, than a Brother. In surprise one of the guests said, "How is that".
My Brother said, "As a man, he was an asshole". In shock, I finished putting my coat on and headed for the door. Then he came out and gave me a ride home. With my background, being treated badly is to be expected. I suspect that many of you know this also.
It's almost midnight and I'm going to bed soon. Rather than go to bed, I want to lay on my pillow and fill two of them with tears.
I feel awful. How can people feel entitled to be so mean to others? God, I hurt.
Gwen
Comments
Sorry about that
Hi,
Been there! I had an asshole brother. Did much the same thing. And, what could I say? "David, you're a real ass sometimes!"
My brothers and sister agreed, but that didn't help much.
My best advice? Just go with it. You're out! Be yourself, and others will either accept or not. But that's always been the case. So, nothing is really new on that. And, maybe they'll like the new you better, too.
Red MacDonald
Ass-hole Brother
Yep, my brother is one hell of a snob always going on about the millionaires that he is friends with (Yawn, yawn).
The best immediate response is:" Why thank you! By not pretending to be someone or something that I am not, at least now I am true to myself".
The way I read it here, he
The way I read it here, he wasn't deliberately being nasty, but trying to be nice. He said you are better than you were and he gave you a lift home. He wasn't prepared to have to explain what he hadn't liked about is brother, so blurted something out when pressed.
I guess that before you transitioned you were in too much pain to treat those around you as nicely as you are now able to.
Yes, he hurt you this evening, but it sounds like his incompetence not him being mean ?
My grandpa told me that those who insult or make snide remarks
to others do so out of their feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Since they can't raise themselves up they do what they can to pull others down to their level of misery. I've discovered his words are all too often correct. Instead of feeling the hurt he put on you, feel sorry for his ineptitude.
Boys will be girls... if they're lucky!
Jennifer Sue
Transgender as old news
Thanks for the loving comments and support.
After more than 15 years and post op too, talking about it seems unnecessary.
This is a reflection of him, not you...
I know it's painful when those around us: family, friends, co-workers... fail to live up to our hopes for them. That's what it is, though. Us projecting our hope and optimism that they will rise to being a better person, and them showing us that they are not ready.
Because that's what it is. It's not you. It's them, playing out their story using you as a prop. Showing you that they are so self-involved, so hurting, that they aren't prepared to consider your feelings, only their need to use you to assuage their own hurts.
So, acknowledge your disappointment and reach inside and hopefully find a little leftover charity willing to give them another chance. Because they are acting within their own limits as a human being. If there is none to be found, that's your own limitation as a human being, to which you are absolutely entitled. This is painful stuff and only the strong survive.
And know that for whatever small comfort it may bring, we're out here with virtual hugs and understanding, because while they obliviously and self-centeredly do what they do, we can understand that it still sucks, and it's still unfair.
love and hugz,
-- Mischief