On a positive note...

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A little while ago, Jessica C (from Germany) posted that she was visiting a small town in Canada, near London, Ontario and asked if anyone wanted to get together. I corresponded with her and since I live near Detroit, MI, and London is only about a two and one half hour drive. We agreed to get together. There is a small town called Stratford that is also near London and is famous for their Stratford Festival during the summer where they put on first-class plays. I made arrangements and we agreed to get together and see Shakespeare's 'Much Ado About Nothing'.

I have never been out dressed up in a public setting like this since I started transitioning about 2 years ago at the ripe old age of 66. But I thought it would be fun and I have never met up with someone else from BC before either. But I must say, I had quite a bit of trepidation as this day approach.

After getting up early and dressed and makeup on, I had a drive of about an hour to cross the border to Canada across the Blue Water Bridge. I was praying that I didn't get stopped because my Passport and Drivers License both show me a male. But after waiting in the car queue for about a half hour, I got asked where I was going (Stratford Festival), how long I was staying (driving there and then back) and he sent me on my way. I was a more than a little pleasantly surprised, but was happily on my way to pick up Jessica.

We stopped for lunch at a quaint little restaurant called the Morrissey House in London. I have never been out to a restaurant dressed before but the hostess and our waitress were very friendly and we had a nice meal. Another hurdle passed for me!

We had an hour's drive to the Festival and found a place to park and walked to the Theatre. There were about 1600 people there for the show and this was another first for me. It was also the first time I have ever seen a Shakespearean play. The play was exceptional and I highly recommend both 'Much Ado' and the Stratford Festival to anyone.

The play was three hours long and had a 20 minute intermission halfway through. Jessica said she needed to use powder room, so I accompanied her as any good girlfriend would. When we were halfway there she asked me what bathroom we should use. We were both wearing dresses, so I told her I the ladies and to 'lead on McDuff'! This was another first for me, going to a ladies public restroom. There was a line of about 15 women in front of us, so we queued up for our turn. The line went astonishingly fast, we did our business and met outside the restroom with nary a comment or disproving look! We finished watching the play and joined in on the standing ovation at the end and then took a stroll through their magnificent gardens after the play.

We found a nearby upscale restaurant and decided to stop in for coffee and dessert. The young man who greeted us was charming and asked if we had reservations. I said no, but could we sit at the bar for a cup of coffee. An older woman looked at us and asked the young man if there was something wrong. I said we didn't have reservations but wondered if we could sit at the bar. I was expecting that this lady (who looked like perhaps an owner) was going to tell us there was no room, but to my joy, she said they just had a cancellation and they had a table for two. Amazing!

We were seated next to a 20 something young lady who was having dinner with her dad. When the dad got up to go to the bathroom, she leaned over and told me that she loved the color of my dress (sort of a yellow mustard color), I thanked her and told I had just got it this week to go the theatre. The three of us started talking about the Festival and the play and she said she goes to one each season with her dad.

I know there is a lot of unpleasantness going on all around us related to being trans. But I just wanted to share this with my friends here at BC as a positive end to the day. I really didn't know what to expect and although I am a naturally positive person, I was extremely happy for today. A special thank you to Jessica for reaching out and sharing a wonderful day with me. :DD

Comments

That's Canada for you

What a delightful story!
Of course I would have shamelessly flirted with the young lady's father and probably it would have ended badly.
Maryanne

I spent the better part of a year in Canada…….

D. Eden's picture

About eight years ago. It was due to business, and was shortly after announcing to my employer that I was transgender and my intention to transition. Although there was some time in Ottawa, as well as Regina and Vancouver as well, the vast majority of my time was in the greater Toronto area.

My experiences were not pleasant. I found that most of the people I interacted with were very prejudiced, and I was NOT treated well at all. I was surprised, as my impression in the past had been that I would be better accepted in Canada - but just the opposite was true.

Yes, there are many places in the USA where transgender people are ridiculed and even reviled, but my experience over the past seven years has been good. Even in the Deep South, I have found that the majority of people have either been indifferent to the fact that I am transgender, or have treated me very well.

I travel a lot for work, and for pleasure, and although there are those who still insist on misgendering me, it has been few and far between. I find the biggest issue is people staring when they figure out I am transgender, which is rude - but the impression I get is that it is more out of curiosity than anything else. In many cases, I may very well be the first openly transgender person they have seen. I pass pretty well, but I am tall (5’10”) and usually wear heels - especially when dressed for work - which generally puts me around 6’1” or taller. Between that, and the fact that my speaking voice is still lower than most women, I quite often get the “is she or isn’t she” looks when out in public. But I also find that the vast majority of people I have had occasion to interact with in this country have been pleasant and accepting.

Canada - not nearly as much.

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

Maybe times have changed or

Dee Sylvan's picture

Maybe we found an accepting setting. I wouldn't say that we weren't identified as transgender. I am smaller now after losing weight from by fight with cancer a couple of years ago. I'm about 5'8" and 140lbs. Jessica is a bit bigger than me. We were dressed nicely for the theatre, and I had wig (mpb) and wore makeup, Jessica has her own hair and little makeup.

Maybe times have changed or we were in an accepting crowd or maybe something else, who knows. As it was my first time conquering a lot of fears of mine, I was ready for snarky comments or looks. Maybe my next time might be entirely different, but my confidence was given a shot in the arm and I drove home with a wonderful glow.

I know we are in challenging times, but I thought I would share our experience to encourage others. Thanks for the note D. :DD

DeeDee

Acceptance

Lucy Perkins's picture

Despite the ravings of the media moguls, I have found that most people are pretty dam accepting.
Here in the UK I transitioned in the smallish village where we have lived for nearly thirty years. I'm absolutely sure that I fed grist to the rumour mill, but equally I have been accepted ( and sometimes sought out for advice) I know there are people who don't like me, but since I don't like them, what difference does it make? Thankfully I have never been questioned about using a ladies loo. Good job, really.
Your description of Canadian small town is so lovely, Dee. I wanted to fly over for the festival.
Lucy xx

"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."

Thank you

Dee Sylvan's picture

Just like the play, my fears were 'much ado about nothing', but until we confront our fears they occupy a place in our brain. :DD

DeeDee

Hugs to you

Dee Sylvan's picture

Thanks for the kind words Sammy! :DD

DeeDee

In my little corner of the world

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

I've found where I live that if I act like I belong there and comport myself in as I see other women doing, that people could care less what the doctors opinion of my gender was at birth.

I remember my first encounter with a line in the restrooms. I was at a shopping mall and needed to go. All the family restrooms were full (where I'd been going prior to this) so I stepped into the ladies room only to find I was sixth in line for the stalls. I was behind a woman in her thirties who had a teen and a tween girl with her. Two stall opened and the left me and the lady with two girls in line. quickly two more women came and got in line behind me. The woman's tween took the next open stall and when the next two stalls opened the woman in front off me turn and said, "You go ahead I'm just waiting for my daughters." I nodded my thanks and took my turn in the stall.

Restaurants, grocery stores, fitting rooms and restrooms have never been a problem. I don't think I pass well, but you'd never know it by my experience.

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann

Thank you for sharing

Wendy Jean's picture

Both Jessica and you are friends of mine, it's always nice to hear folks getting along well.

What a wonderful post!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Dee, thank you so much for such a lovely post! A real-world meet up with a BC friend, a nice dinner, a little Shakespeare, and positive responses from everyone you met! Wow!!!

If you enjoyed Much Ado and haven’t already seen Kenneth Branagh’s movie version, I highly recommend it. Seeing a play in person is always better (especially if you can go with a friend, all dressed up!), but the acting is superb, the cinematography is breathtaking and the musical score is magical.

Lots of hugs, woman! As always, you’re an inspiration!

Emma

You're my inspiration

Dee Sylvan's picture

I'll definitely have to watch the movie, thanks sis! Maybe you and I can meet there one day to take in another play. Stratford is a delightful small town, and the restaurants I visited even had versions of poutine (thanks to Jacob and Kez's reaction, I didn't partake!) Three hours seems like a long time for a play, but the two main actors portraying Benedict and Beatrice were outstanding and it was over before we knew it.

With my surgeries coming up soon, I have come out to family and friends and the world hasn't ended, but some friendships have. Thanks for commenting Emma, you've got me hooked again with Matrix! :DD

DeeDee