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the season of joy they call this, not much joy to be found for me this year.To use another over used phrase physician heal thy self, sometimes my gods you cant over the last two weeks i have managed the grand total 4 hours sleep in 14 days and have tried all i can to sleep but the images and nightmares are always there. A raised fist, a loud voice, the scorn, the words all eating away at me from the inside out. I prided myself on having a tough outer skin being there for others helping them through. Inside I am that child trying to avoid another strike or another trip to the dark place and the hurt again. the dark face sneering at the cries and taking pleasure at them. So many years of hurt still there and the child still there hurting lost and alone. The child who put her trust in to keep them safe, I sit here my limbs shaking an empty pit in my stomach dreading the night and the return of the images.It has got worse over the past days and I write this to try and work through to try and get a hand hold before I fall apart.
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You have to see this as the past
as such it exists as a memory, an electrical contact between two brain cells, nothing more.
You are now an adult, use that adult to protect the injured child, make sure you see you as a strong adult before you include the damaged child. Then allow the child to be absorbed by the adult, to be protected and guarded from any danger future or past.
If there is a particular abuser from the past, let the child see your adult neutralise them, lock them in a cage or banish them. Make your adult more powerful than the abuser.
Promise the child you will always be there for them and therefore will enable the child to grow emotionally.
There are loads of people who do inner child stuff, either do some reading or get yourself a therapist, it can work well with NLP as well.
I hope this helps.
Angharad.
Angharad
Angharad
If you've only managed 4
If you've only managed 4 hours sleep... you need to get some help. Medical help, at least something to make you sleep without dreams. And then look into getting long term help from somebody to help lay the demons to rest. We've all got demons in our heads, some worse than others. And anyone who thinks they 'deal with it by themself' is full of bullshit. It's not 'weak' to get professional help to deal with the demons.
Good luck and may your gods bless you.
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
A little help here?
I am so sorry for your pain.
If it will help you to write about it then please do. Of course there will be those insensate people will try to discount you by telling you that their hurt is worse than yours. Au Contrare, your hurt is your hurt and no one knows the depth of it.
I was a very effeminate child and was beaten most nights of the week because of it. That was just his excuse though. He was nurturing his own hurt and I was his scape goat.
I was on some very strong Psych meds for a number of years, but have stopped them. However, I still take Trazidone to help me sleep. You must not try to continue with no sleep. I am surprised that you have made it as long as you have. You must seek help to sleep and I believe that a sympathetic professional ear could give you a place to ease your pain.
Please do feel free to write back. PM me if you like.
Inshallah, you will be comforted.
Gwen Brown
thank you all
have finally managed sleep 6 hours in total today and its helped. to put it in context i have recieved help fot this in the past. what happened this past 2 weeks is unfortunatly episodic PTSD from my past. thank you for your kind words and support i dint blog it to get replies but it is appreciated.
a happier holiday to you all and again a big THANK YOU!!!
to hug is to be and to be is to be hugged
view the world through the eyes of a child and relearn the wonder and love
Allie elle loved and cared for and resident of the kids camp full time
Good to hear you got some
Good to hear you got some sleep. Hope you will follow up on getting help for your PTSD. I've been there myself and still have (fortunately rare) periods where I don't dare go to sleep. Professional help does help control it. Hey, I'm 'living' proof. *grin*
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue