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We see so many "blonde" jokes that when I saw these I just HAD to share them:
.......
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt (for the first time ever).
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
"Liverpool." he yelled back.
And they say blondes are dumb!
........
A couple are lying in bed. The man says,
"I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
She says, "I'll miss you."
........
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," he said as he stepped out of the shower.
"What do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn naked?"
"That I married you for your money."
.........
Q. What do you call an intelligent, good-looking, sensitive man?
A. A myth.
..........
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They're practicing to be men.
.........
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
.........
Q. Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A. To remind themselves which end they need to wipe.
.........
Q. How do you keep your man from reading your email?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
.........
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
.........
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man,
I pray for Love so I can forgive him,
I pray for Patience to endure his moods,
Lord, do not give me Strength or I'll beat him to death.
I think they're funny,
Joanne
Comments
Why did the blond...
have a bruised bellybutton?
Because her boyfriend is blond, too.
Why so many blonde jokes?
Know why there are so many blonde jokes?
They are made up by all the brunettes sitting at home by themselves, dateless, on Saturday nights.
Bar-rump - Ting!
KJT
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Sooooo ... what
do you call the ugly growth at the end of a penis ?
A: A Man.
I think this was an old one circulated in the Lez community.
^_^
Kim
Here are a few more...
Q: Why are there so few men in Heaven?
A: Because if they let too many in, it would be just like Hell.
Q: Why do men love the instant replays on TV sports?
A: Because they can't remember what the announcer said twenty seconds before.
Q: Why does psychoanalysis work so quickly for men?
A: Because when the psychiatrist asks him to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: You can barely fit your finger between his neck and the rope.
Q: Why does it take millions of spermatozoa to fertilise one ovum?
A; Because none of them will stop and ask for directions.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. He holds in the air and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring.
Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So men can understand them.
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
Oooh! Forgot one...
Q: Why do blondes have so much trouble parking?
A: Because men keep telling them that (hold up thumb and forefinger separated by the width of a walnut) this is nine inches.
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
Hey! I resent that remark! ^_~
I'll have you know I am an intelligent*, good-looking**, sensitive*** man!
Faraway
*intelligent - I am practically perfectly bilingual, and I visit TVTropes!
**good-looking - all of a three days in a few months, but hey, it's the thought that counts!
***sensitive - I don't go out on people who wronged me with either a club or a harassment lawsuit. :)
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!