My almost 15yo son found my breast forms.... or did he?

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Last Wednesday was my 45th birthday.

At 12:30 in the morning, after saying goodbye in the chat room, I went into my closet to get my breast forms, and I grabbed a form that was wrapped in plastic wrap. I looked at it and said, "what?" and the light bulb caption above my head turned on as I realized these were my old forms, they had developed a leak and I had wrapped them in plastic whilst waiting for the replacements, and had not thrown them out.

So, why were the boxes for my old forms in the spot where the new ones belonged... Again, lightbulb in the bubble goes even brighter as I think to myself, "Oh, s****. Max has been in my closet."

Happy Birthday Kristine.

I had a restless sleep after that. For those of you that have read some of my blogs in the past, Max has enough of his own problems that my TG issues are not something that we have chosen to burden him with. Now, some of you might say, you didn't do much to hide it, if your forms were that accessable in your closet. And you would be right, but they were on a shelf and not obvious.

Some others might say, "what was he doing in your closet, he should know better." And you would be right, but unfortunately impulse control is not his strong suit. It is one of those issues that we are working on, wrapped up in ADHD and Aspbergers Syndrome.

So the morning came, I had to get him up to go to school, which was certainly not the time to discuss it with him, so we let it go. My wife and I had time to discuss a plan of attack on it after that. That evening, before we went out for my birthday dinner, we sat him down for a chat.

We began by telling him that we knew that he had been in our closet and that he knows better then to be going through our things. After establishing that and of course repimanding him for that, we then said, "Would you like to tell us what you found in the closet?"

He did not wish to, but we tried to insist. He said he was not comfortable discussing it with my wife. Ok, so he and I went into the study. He still would not really discuss it, claims he didn't find anything, acknowledged moving the four white boxes, looking for his Mauraders Map (a replica from Harry Potter) which he believed we had confiscated from him. (We have not.) He said they were too small to hold the map, so he did not look inside them.

I don't believe him, but without forcing the issue, which I don't want to do if he really is not ready to discuss it, I am at a loss. On the one hand that is sort of a relief, on the other I was disappointed, because believing it was finally out in the open was also a relief.

It is now a week later, he has not treated either me or my wife any differently. (It occurred to me that he could have also assumed they were her's and that she might have had breast cancer. He has had health classes. I would not want him to think that and worry about my wife, so if there were any indication of that we would definitely have cleared that up immediately.)

Tonight we met with his therapist. We asked to meet with her privately first. This is not that unusual. A week of soul searching, and discussion, and we had decided that either way it was time for her to know about me. We weren't sure how that was going to go, though we suspected she would be okay.

So we go up, and all sit down, and she asks, "What's up?"

I say, "We had an incident last week, and that has shown us that it is time that we talk to you about something."

"okay.."

"It's about me."

"Oh..."

"I'm transgendered."

"Okay... Let me close the windows..." She got up and closed the windows in the office. From there, the conversation went fairly well. She was certainly accepting, and at no point did she make either of us feel that there was any thing wrong with me or us. She asked alot of questions, and we answered. She confirmed that my wife was comfortable with the situation. She acknowledged enough to let Kristy be content.

I had printed out Two Roads, and I gave her a copy. I told her while I am not Kevin, there is a lot of Kristy in Kevin. She said she will read it, both for her own knowledge but also because when we finally do discuss this with Max, that story is one that he should read. It should reaffirm my love for my family, that I made my choices willingly and gladly and that he and my wife are more important to me than anything else.

I don't know yet, what we are going to do about confronting this issue. We still believe that Max has enough to deal with, but we know that sooner or later the questions will come, and the only question is do we wait for him to decide he is ready to ask, or do we force the issue. Right now we are waiting to see. If we see signs that he is troubled, or confused by things, that may change.

"What a week I'm having."

Comments

I am so glad you have a good therapist

Andrea Lena's picture

...someone who has already formed a strong alliance on behalf of your son that has incorporated your needs as parents. This is excellent news that you've gotten past the first and most difficult hurdle; telling someone to involve their trust, which she is displaying already. And that it is your decision as to the time and place of discussing this with your son. This is absolutely wonderful news, and I stand with you and your family. What a week!

She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Dio benedica la mia bella amici

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

couple of questions

1. do you currently have the new breastforms?
2. Maybe he is using them and might be transgendered. I have a form of asperger's syndrome and many other transgender individuals have add or adhd and also have some form of asperger's syndrome. In talking with many other transgender individuals online they all seem to have some of the same mental and other health issues. you should be checking your other clothes and see if they are out of place. Also may be say you are going for five or six hours then come back 1/2 hour later to see if he is maybe dressing up when you are not home (this is from my own life experience and others).

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset
It is a long road ahead but I will finally become who I should be.

Thanks Jenna

KristineRead's picture

Yes, the new forms were where the old forms were supposed to be and vice versa, he put them back in the wrong places. This actually fits what he was saying as if he wanted to take the forms, he would have stopped with the good ones.

We have kept an eye out for signs, but have not seen any signs of transgendered behavior or inclinations in Max. We have raised him to be open and accepting, and have made it very clear that we accept people that are different, so I would hope he would not feel a need to hide it.

I myself told my parents when I was in 5th or 6th grade, and I would hope that he would feel just as able to tell me. But who knows. One thing the therapist did suggest was to set up something so that we would know if he went into them again. I believe I can do that as he is not very careful to cover his tracks when he does somethign wrong.

Hugs,

Kristy

parents

My parents caught me wearing my mother's panythose when I was five and then caught numerous times by my mother when I was teenager. I know when dress at home (live with her, since we are both handicapped) and my mother tolerates it but still does not want to fully accept it. The funny thing is that my mother dressed me in girl clothes when I was baby , then took me zoos and places. She showed the pictures to me about nine years ago after my dad died. I will be attending the Southern Comfort conference this fall and plan to be dressed enfem at the conference with others in public for the first time.

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset
It is a long road ahead but I will finally become who I should be.

I told my parents when I was

KristineRead's picture

I told my parents when I was in 5th or 6th grade. They handled it fine, made sure I knew they loved me. They took me to see my pediatrician and then to a psychologist. Unfortunately, 30 years ago treatment of TG was very different, and he "cured" me, or at least I surpressed it for a while, until I started dealing with depression, and accepted myself.

Mom and Dad still believe I was cured, though I suspect Mom suspects.

Hugs,

Kristy

A caution about Southern Comfort expectations.

I was at Southern Comfort last year. My purpose for going there was to meet some folks that I had been coresponding with for several years, and had become good friends with. I had a time when I was extremely suicidal and they helped me immesurably at that time.

However, I couldn't have cared less about what happened there, though one night at dinner, I met this guy who if he had showed any interest in me at all ... Yes well, back to the subject.

I sometimes fear that attending that conference had a very negative effect in the lives of someo of the folks, and it was extremely hard for them to return home and to their boring and mundane lives. It has been hard for me to watch and I am at a loss to know what to do to help them. I have given all I have.

So, please if you attend, see it as the fantasy that it is. I wish it weren't so.

Gwen

What are these? Yuch!!

RAMI

Perhaps Max in doing what he said he did, it is plausible, somehow saw the what was in the box and his reaction was not any of the two you thought of, your wife having cancer or that they are yours.

Perhaps his reaction, was surprise! What the heck (no profanity here) are these! These squishy things are disgusting! YUCH! I better put them back. Runs out of room, hoping not to be discovered! Or, if he senses what they may be, maybe he does not equate them with being for mom's use for cancer, but for, enhancement of mom's as he might say boobs. Maybe he thinks mom wants them bigger. If he is an early teen, perhaps he is fixated on them and likes staring at the girl in class with the biggest set.

I am not a mental health professional, but for the time being, unless something happens, I would leave well enough alone.

If he does question you about them, then you, your wife and therapist need to think of an answer. Is it time to tell him about you? I can not answer that. Is a plausible lie okay, in my opinion, not all lies are bad.

At 15, and other then your brief description of his problems, his mental capacity, some of what I said is off base. If he is young enough maturity wise he may not even worry about it too much.

RAMI
A

RAMI

Max is a freshman in high

KristineRead's picture

Max is a freshman in high school and is definitely into puberty and girls.

I believe and my wife and his therapist agree that he is mature enough and that he is capable of understanding that this is a family matter, and since there are no siblings we don't have to worry about that.

My main concern right now iscthat we don't know what he is thinking if anything. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but we have to live in the real world if predjudice and bias crimes. We have kept this secret for security reasons, not because of guilt or shame.

We have discussed LGBT issues with him generically and regarding my wife's gay uncle and he has always made us proud that he accepts peoples differences.

It comes down to what is right for him. And for now we will play it by ear. I will not lie to him though when he asks. We believe that will be the signal he is ready, unless he shows signs of being upset or overly curious about my closet going forward.

While I can't deny that having it out in the open would be nice for me personaly, my sons needs will always come first. Period.

I have my time and it is enough for now.

Kristy

Captain Kangaroo

When I was about 9 my younger brother and I came across my mother's breast "enhancers" I can still smell the foam they were made of. Tim was playing with them. Placing one on top of his head, and wanted me to put one on top of mine. The reason? One of his favorite kid shows was Captain Kangaroo. On CK there was a cartoon character called Tom Terrific. Tom had a funnel on top of his head and could change into anything with his "magic thinking hat". Tim, in his innocence thought they made him look like Tom T. My mom of course blushed seventeen shades of red when she got home. She took the forms from him, quickly putting them away. Tim was screaming for his "magic thinking cap." I don't think she really gave a reason, but it was chaos. But I do remember Tim running through the house shouting "I'm Tom Terrific!" ROFL

Many years later I had bought my own foam breast forms. They smelled the same. That triggered the memory, and I never was able to use them. Somehow I was afraid if I went out, at some point I'd wind up yelling "I'm Tom Terrific!" I was laughing so hard, I settled on rice in pantyhose for forms.

The point is, of course, your son may have found them, but don't assume he totally understood what they were for. You might consider placing some of your clothes in your wife's closet, and some of her's in yours. Then there is little to identify them as being absolutely yours. Misdirection is a wonderful thing.

I know it's been hard for you. And I certainly wouldn't like to be in your shoes right now. But I have to tell you it brought a smile to my face. Once again I was nine, watching my brother run around the house shouting "I'm Tom Terrific."

What a life...

With affection,
Beth

For information on Tom, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Terrific