Blog 9: I really need to be a girl right now! :(

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Lily Florette

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Autobiographical

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For some unknown reason in recent weeks I’ve really wanted to be a girl. I don't know why but the very thought seems more comforting to me than ever because at the moment I’m in a dark place in my life. Exams, stress, family and life in general. It all takes its toll! But the thought of being a girl seems more...alluring! :( I'm not sure why but I think things would be better. I usually fantasise about being a girl but not becoming one permanently for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm not thinking straight? Does or has anybody else ever felt the same when going through a bad patch?

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Oh God Yes!

Lilly,

I've got to go right now. I just signed back in to answer you. I will PM you my email. If you have an email you trust me with, it's so much easier than communicating on this slow, sometimes absent site. It's entirely your choice always, and you won't offend me.

I hope you find your answers,

Ole

We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!

Gender rights are the new civil rights!

There's an old song...

...welcome to my world...won't you come on in. I'd be willing to bet you'd be hard pressed to find many here who DIDN'T share that experience at least once. I know that no matter how far my gender pendulum moves from center, even when it's lying still it's more girl than boy...and being a girl is a refuge for me in so many ways...the part of me that has nurtured and protected my whole being all along. So feeling that way? Perfectly natural from where I sit.

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

At times I just wish to be

At times I just wish to be somebody else. I don't believe I was born in the wrong body I just go through phases. I have a strong hidden feminine side and at the moment its taking over because I hate me, not my body, but me for who I am! I don't mean to sound like a whiny emo but its just how I feel. Thanks for the token song lyrics! They're beautiful :')

Lily Florette

It's very tempting

to think things would be better or easier if they were different or if you were different. Perhaps they would, but deciding things when you're stressed is not the best time. If you felt the same when things were easier, then it might be worth doing something about it, but becoming a woman rarely makes things easier--ask those who were born to it--most of them will tell you it's a man's world. Becoming a woman won't make things easier, just different.

Angharad

Indeed

There is a temptation to move on when facing difficulties or stress, that the grass is greener, etc. Now, are you wishing that you had been born a girl or wishing to become one because 'the grass is greener'? That's a key question. There is an awfully wide range in transgender feeling, from those who have always known (and need to change over) and those who may or may not, etc, but some of the clothes are nice...

Transition is a dreadful and terrifying process, which is why I asked my first question. If you sre stressed before transition...

I know that there are times

I know that there are times when i find it hard, especially when I am reading something on this site that hits a nerve and triggers a memory from my childhood, for me I think hardest part of growing up was the first time that I dressed up, I was 8 years old and it had all started out as a big joke with my sister and her friend, but it wasn't a joke to me.

Something happened to me that day that changed me, I had never really been what you would call normal as a child i was pretty much a loner and never really seemed to fit into any kind of group. Throughout my childhood I dreamed of what it would be like to be a girl.

I knew deep down who i really was but in those days there wasn't much information available to someone like me and if you did see a guy dressing like a girl then is was always meant draw laughter and didn't really go beyond that.

Had I been born in this day and age, I would like to believe that I would have followed my heart and seen a doctor and transitioned but I was born in the late 60's and at that time people were not very liberal and growing up in a small town in Atlantic Canada, there wouldn't have been much sympathy for someone like me. I never made the transition but, do I still dream of being female... most diffidently.

Same here

And yes, stress does bring it out more.

Someone explained to me recently you don't have to go to a Gender Therapist just to transition. People like us have our own set of problems, mentally. It helps to see someone who has some understanding where you are coming from.

Me too

I sure don't think everyone feels the same... that some people would do anything to leave their birth gender behind, but I remember in the early days of the internet there was a very good sex discussion email list, and one of the regulars said that he wished he could change back and forth between genders.

And I remember my reaction: Can you do that? — which is obviously a silly thought, but I suppose what I really meant was is it okay to want that?

I spend a lot of time in Second Life, where you can be pretty much whoever you like and have whatever sort of life you please, and the variety I see there is surprising. There are people who change back and forth between genders every so often, or have two accounts, one male, one female. Some are women with penises, and others are men with vaginas. Some are effeminate men. Others are women who make it clear that they are men in real life.

We tend to think that things should be one way or the other... that you should simply choose and be quick about it, but there is a lot of room between the certainties on both ends of the spectrum.

I don't expect to always feel the same way about it. Sometimes being a woman is all I can think about. Other days I don't think about it at all.