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What are peoples idea of seeing a girl of 13 hanging out with a boy 16? Would you consider it taboo, even if the two are like friends? This is a question for a possible story.
Thanks for all the comments I greatly appreciate it. No new ones is required as I have the gist of my answer.
Ibi
Comments
Just don't.
It's normal for girls to get married at 13 for like half of the world. And that were ages for Romeo and Juliet, AFAIR.
But it's taboo if it happens in US.
If a man smiles at woman - it's sexual harrasment. If a man or boy smiles at girl more than one year younger (while girl is under 21) - it's p-word.
It's crasy, but... I think that age of consent should be 55. Anyone younger have no idea what they are doing. (And yes, I'm still more than 10 years from proposed age :-) )
So just say that a boy is 14 buy very mature for his age.
I disagree - STRONGLY!!!
Hi Racer,
I COMPLETELY disagree with your statement about people under 55 not having any idea what they are doing! I'm over 60 now and I STILL don't know what I'm doing.
with love,
Hope
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
Taboo
I raised three children. A girl 13 is in the 7th grade in America. A boy 16 is in his second year of High School. NOPE, no way in hell would I have permitted it. The point is that a boy 16 is close to his peak year of Testosterone, and it is just going to get worse. Most girls now days can get pregnant at 12 or 13, or shudder even sooner. It is way too much risk.
G
Grade 7? I don't think that's
Grade 7? I don't think that's quite correct. I was 13 in grade 8 and turned 14 in grade 9. I wouldn't expect parents to be happy with this though. It's their job to make sure their kids, boys or girls, don't mess up their young lives with premature pregnancies.
I can say that High School kids would judge that 16 year old negatively. At my High School there was an 18 year old boy dating a 14 year old girl. That was cause for some judging and negative gossip. Aside from that nobody did anything or cared.
It's certainly not illegal (in Canada, at any rate). When I was in school the legal age of sexual consent with an adult was still 14. At least that's changed. Something as minor as a three year difference, at a time when some mature faster / slower than others, I don't know that it's cause for too much concern. Other than the parents reacting, I don't think most adults would pay attention.
Raised two daughters
I raised two daughters and have a 14-year-old granddaughter. My oldest girl had and still has a thing for older men. She always liked her boyfriends to be older. If she dated a guy the same age, it didn't last long. I tried to be "neutral" about it, but couldn't. She and I had problems until she was old enough to move out. She ended up not having a successful relationship until she was 40.
The other girl chose not to date until she was 19 and then married her first boyfriend. She's been happily married now for nearly 20 years and has the 14-year-old. The granddaughter is not at all interested in boys at this point. When asked how old a girl should be before dating she offered, 21.
I've always said that when a guy shows an interest in a girl who's significantly younger than he is, there is something wrong with him that he can't get a girl his own age. 16 is significantly older than 13. It would not be all that unusual for a 13-year-old girl to begin having crushes on older boys, and it may be considered cute. But for an older boy to have a crush on and/or return the interest... well all responsible adults would question his motives.
First of all he's old enough to drive. That gives him the ability to get them to a very private place and she's no where near old enough to handle the kind of pressures that could arise at a lover's lane.
You're walking on really shaky ground setting up that kind of condition.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Half plus seven rule is a good yardstick
There is an old saying that for a successful relationship one should never date anyone less than half your age plus seven years.
Generally anything outside that is considered with a degree of suspicion (under 21) or with amusement (over 50).
Persephone
Persephone
Non sum qualis eram
I once
had a relationship with man ten years younger than I was, mind you I was forty at the time. Still meets your magic formula Seph.
Angharad
IMO: From what i see....
I am going to try to give a more generalistic response to what you are asking then the answers I see so far. The question almost begs the assumption that something more is likely to be going on and it seems to me most everyone is answering with that in mind in the first place.
-
I seems pretty common from what I see though not the norm either. Most strangers probably wont notice off hand. Now some people who know them may or may not wonder if they are boy friend & girl friend and that may bring other worries into the story on behalf of those characters. As friends and playmates it doesn't matter to much. For dating purposes a few years does mean a bit more at younger ages since the younger person may not be ready for an advanced relationship(fill in your own details).
The setting will make a difference, rural and not to many friends to choose form. city with lots of similar aged in neighborhood and school. What activities they are doing and where will make difference to. Many may simply assume they are siblings or cousins or just grew up together(close families or proximity). Those who are not very familiar with them wont 'know' their ages, growth and maturation spurts vary greatly. on the other hand those who know them personally should have a some what better idea what their relationship is, some will accept them as just friends, others may assume boy friend girlfriend, some may care, some may not. Parents will worry in any case, but in most cases should have a better idea weather they have something actual to worry about.
Now if they are tending toward dating then that brings other questions into it. Their behavior would likely imply that they may be, if not make it 'out & out" obvious. Other people's reaction will depend on several things, such as, that they know their age, that they see the possibility of the romance(or sexual) side of the relationship, and what they know them as people, plus the observers personal attitude on such things. Also, If they just met those who only know one of them will be less sure of the other ones motives so may suspect something more.
People who know them as individuals will know their behavior and something of the relationship and react accordingly. Do they think something is going on or is likely to.
If its more then just friends then some who know them may have a problem with it.
To sum up:
I don't think just hanging around together will cause much of a stir.
I simply think casual observers wont even notice one way or another, they do not know enough.
People who know them will react according to what they know of them and the relationship.
The Taboo
should be set by both sets of parents. If the boy has a bad reputation, NO girl should date him.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Nope... sorry!
...a thirteen year old girl may be more mature in some ways, but emotionally, a girl that age is in no way capable of managing an exclusive relationship with a boy three years older; even if the boy might be trustworthy. Even with boys her own age, an exclusive relationship isn't very helpful when she may be smack-dab as they say in the middle of puberty.
It's not a matter of morality so much as it is a matter of expediency. Why would a sixteen year old boy, likely a Junior in High School, be even attempting a relationship with a girl barely into Middle School. The expectations and demands and challenges for a thirteen year old girl seem almost contretemps to a sixteen year old boy.
Even if one set of parents objects, that should be reason enough to intervene. I just don't see anything beneficial to either kid for an exclusive relationship, and from my point of view, a thirteen year old probably would be better suited to group activities, but that's just my opinion as someone who has a son who was once sixteen, aye?
Love, Andrea Lena
Not Judging Either Way
It's just that in my experience, a girl of 13 might have completed her puberty; she is not completely developed, but her high estrogen level (and probably other genetic factors) have closed the growth plates at the ends of her long bones. She will not get any taller.
Girls can have late puberties, but I think the average puberty starts about 2 yrs earlier in girls than in boys. A 16 YO boy might not have started puberty. Mine started at about 16 1/2.
What if they are friends, like they've lived near each other for many years? They could have played together well before puberty for either of them.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee