It Does not Grow Easier

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Writing is a cruel mistress.

For years I tried to write. During that time I had numerous starts, but the stories refused to let go of their fierce grasp of my mind so that I could plunk them down on paper or pixelate them in a word processor. Then a couple of years back I discovered a new character, with a controlled size plot, and, wonder of wonders, I actually made it beyond an introduction all the way to an end.

It felt great. It gave me a boost of confidence and courage that carried me through most of the next year. And during that time I like to believe that I became a better storyteller and grew my writing skill-set.

However, the growth of knowledge came at the expense of shrinking courage and confidence. It has become easier to see potential problems in the stories that I try to write, more difficult to make the necessary leap of faith that I can tie it all together when it is done. And even if I can get started, I am more likely to put up a wall into which I can run, causing me to work hard (often failing) to convince myself it is worth the effort to break down or climb over the barrier.

So RoughDraft mostly stays buried behind other applications. Maybe, once a night, I will get a burst of belief and open up a story (one of 6 currently) and see if I can make headway. But unless it is an contained story (6 of the 8 stories I submitted in the last year), with little character or plot development, I find it difficult to convince myself to proceed.

It makes me grumpy, because I like the creative process. So it is idiotic that I am manufacture these road blocks and know that the answer is just to write, to believe in what I am writing, to finish stories so that I can see what I have and modify as necessary.

Bleh! Even this took me over an hour to write.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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