You Couldn't Afford It...

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You Couldn't Afford It
by Roland and DiMaggio

In a very exciting development, Movin' Dirt Productions has discovered a lost copy of Captain Roland: The Global Explorer, the first in the series of motion pictures from that beloved comedy duo, Roland and DiMaggio. Recently restored to its brilliant black and white, monaural luster; Movin' Dirt has made this available in a Two-Disk DVD Set.

Here's an excerpt from the film; that beloved riotous (ostensibly; you'd have to determine for yourself it this is actually funny to you) skit,

"You Couldn't Afford It!"


Our scene takes place at a dinner party in honor of the Grand Re-re-re-re-opening of the noted transgender fiction site, StoryHysteria, which now has begun to financially compensate contributors... It is hosted by Ms. Jennifer Brock....

Joanne: (dressed in French Maid’s Uniform)

Announcing Ms. Kristine Roland

Kristine: (sings)

My name Kristine Roland, the tired Global Trotter...I'm never where I ought to be 'cause I'm always on the road!

Joanne:

Announcing Signora Andrea DiMaggio


(Fanfare)

Andrea:

How do you do?

Ms. Jennifer Brock:

How do you do?

Andrea:

Where's the chat room?

Kristine:

Say, I used to know a woman looked exactly like you, by the name of...ah... Andrea DiMaggio Are you her sister?

Andrea:

I’m Andrea DiMaggio!

Kristine:

You're Andrea DiMaggio

Andrea:

I’m Andrea DiMaggio!

Kristine:

Well, no wonder you look like her...But I still insist, there is a resemblance.

Andrea:

Ha, ha, ha, ha...hey, she thinks I look alike.

Kristine:

Well, if you do it's a tough break for both of you.

Ms. Brock:

You are one of new proofreaders? But you were not due until tomorrow.

Andrea:

Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.

Kristine:

Say, you're lucky they didn't come yesterday!

Andrea:

We were busy yesterday, but we charge just the same.

Kristine:

This is better than globe-trotting! What do you girls get an hour?

Andrea:

Oh, for proofing we getta fifty dollars an hour.

Kristine:

I see...What do you get for not proofing?

Andrea:

One hundred dollars an hour.

Kristine:

Well, clip me off a piece of that.

Andrea:

Now, for editing we make special rate. Thatsa two hundred dollars an hour.

Kristine:

That's for editing?

Andrea:

Thatsa for editing.

Kristine:

And what do you get for not editing?

Andrea:

You couldn't afford it...Heh...you see, if we don't edit, we don't proofread. And, if we don't proofread...That runs into money.

Well, let's see how we stand...

Kristine:

On platform sandals with open toes and cork soles….

Andrea:

Yesterday, we didn't post at all. You remember, yesterday we didn't post?

Kristine:

Oh, I remember...

Andrea:

Yeah, that's seven hundred dollars.

Kristine:

Yesterday you didn't post, that's seven hundred dollars?

Andrea:

Si…. That's seven hundred dollars.

Kristine:

Well, that's reasonable. I can see that alright.

Andrea:

Now...today, we did post That's uh...

Kristine:

That's a hundred you owe us.

Andrea:

Say, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal...Tomorrow, we don’t visit the site altogether. That's worth about...

Kristine:

Fifteen hundred dollars. (laughs)

Andrea:

Yeah, thatsa about alright for me, but I gotta partner!
 

Kristine just looks at the camera as the scene fades to black!


based on the movie Animal Crackers
by the Marx Brothers....

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Comments

good for a giggle or three

thanks for bringing a smile to my face

Dorothycolleen

DogSig.png

Gave a Kudo, BUT >>?? Hungerdunger and McCormack

RAMI

I read this, and I gave it a kudo. But I did that only because its from Andrea, and because, if I did not, I might get sued by Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger and McCormack. That would be devastaing. ;-). i need a cigar after this.

RAMI

RAMI

silly

Delighted to have been included!

Hopefully, real life should slow down soon and I can get back to writing.

Thanks 'Drea,

ALISON

'but the Marx Brothers (or sisters) will never be dead with you two on the loose!!What a giggle!

ALISON

Okaaaay...

...but why a duck?

Janet

Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
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To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.

Janet

Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
TracyHide.png

To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.

Always good to be your

KristineRead's picture

Always good to be your partner!

So I'm Groucha to your Chica?

Hugs,
Kristy

Oops!

Oops!

I 'Ave A Golden Shervelle

joannebarbarella's picture

For movin' ze dirt. I lurve to be ze MC for zese mad ladies. Zey are so funnee,

Joanne