The Guardian - 1

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Mother, I'm fine, everything's ok
It doesn't help to worry anyway
I'll be back before you know
You will be so proud to know
I was strong, I didn't let you down




Part One - Soldier


Al Shu’ala, Baghdad, 2008…

The Hummer seemed to be almost lumbering; due more to the uneven surface of the road than the vehicle. Still, it felt like she was sitting in the back seat of her father’s Suburban. She almost expected Danielson to turn around to them in the back seat with a ‘will you kids just shut up.’ The woman beside her grabbed her arm to get her attention.

“Don’t worry, I got your back, ‘kay?”

Even with all of her gear, Amani Fayzi still looked to be the prettiest woman she’d ever seen. She knew, of course, that Amani would have her back, but circumstances and regulations kept anything more from developing. The moment felt very awkward as the two exchanged disappointed glances, Danielson did turn around briefly, but only to ask for another bottle of water. Amani grabbed a bottle and leaned forward to hand it to him.

“Forget your still-suit, Jack?” She laughed; Iraq wasn’t Arrakis, but it was hot and dry. Danielson reached over for the water just as the Hummer hit a bump in the road. A very loud bang followed...


Queens, New York City, 2015…

Darla stood next to the police cruiser, leaning slightly on the fender with her right hand. She stared at the deli entrance, waiting for her partner to emerge. A moment later gun shots rang out. She was about to hit the switch on her radio when something whizzed past her ear. Mere seconds played out in slow motion as she reacted by ducking and a pain exploded in her left temple. And everything went black.

* * *

“Okay, sweetie, we’ve got you,” she heard a voice off to her left; lights seemed to flash, almost strobe-like as she felt something well up in her from the odd motion.

“Oh shit,” the voice said. She felt a hand grab her head; not too gently in fact, as she vomited even as a hand wiped her face with a wet cloth…. And then it all went black again.

* * *

Mt. Sinai Hospital, Queens, NYC…

“Hey partner,” a voice seemed to come out of the hazy dim light.

“Thought I lost you. Too fucking close if you ask me.”

“Ohhhhh…my head.”

“Easy…you took a nasty crease on your temple. Never thought anyone could bleed so much and not….well…just rest.” He laughed only a bit before stepping closer. His face was familiar…just.

“What …what happened? Alex?” A name. That’s good, right?

“Listen…you really don’t remember?”

“No… did you get my sandwich?”

“Yeah, but I sorta fell on it when I got shot.” Officer Alex…Petrovic? Subway… Eat fresh….

“Oh… shot?”

“Yeah… two guys tried to rob Mahmood's. You really don’t remember? Holy shit, kid. You saved my life. I got winged by one of the perps before I took him out. The other guy ran out of the store, and when I went to follow he turned and started shootin’ at me. By then I couldn’t even hold my arm up to fire back. Your shot got him in the shoulder. He turned a got off the round that hit you in the head. You actually stood there and shot back. Got him in the chest…those fuckers were wearing vests.”

A gasp.

“Yeah. Anyway, by then I’d staggered over where he fell. He was trying to turn around to shoot at you, but by then you’d already passed out. I still couldn’t lift my weapon, so I did the next best thing.” Alex started to laugh.

“W…what?”

“I kicked him in the head. He dropped his gun. By this time Stinson and Capaldi pull up and he ends up in cuffs like two seconds later.” Another laugh.

“What?”

“The other guy…mind you, he’s got a vest too. Who the fuck wears a vest to rob a halal deli? Anyway, he goes to try to stand up and follow his partner out of the store. Mahmood… God bless him. Hits the guy in the back of the leg with a Louisville Slugger and then pounds the shit out of the fucker’s arm when he reaches for the gun. Between the two of you, you should both get a medal.” Another laugh followed by a broad gesture.

“Best he could do without us all getting in trouble,” Alex said as he produced a bottle of caffeine free Diet Pepsi.

“Mahmood said any time you come in, the drinks are on the house.” And odd turn of phrase, but his partner was a recovering alcoholic.

“They say you're pretty much okay, but you’re here for the night.” I’ve got a shitload of paperwork to fill out. I’ll catch you tomorrow when it’s time to fly this place.” He stepped closer and offered a handshake.

“Not bad…not bad at all.”

Alex walked out. With no one else to talk to there was nothing else left to do. Darla put her head back and closed her eyes. Visions of other times and places seemed to flood her half-dreamy state as she saw another skirmish. This time, she was hoping and praying instead of wielding any weapons, accompanied by complete and utter failure as the child who had just been given a hug and a chocolate bar had run off to tell her mother about a very welcome if unexpected kindness.

“NO!” she screamed as the little girl disappeared in a horrific explosion.

“NOOO!!!” A scream; quickly followed by a hand reaching out with soothing words.

“It’s okay….shhhh.” Darla looked up and saw her mother standing by the bed.

“Mom?” She stared into her mother’s face. The disconnect began almost immediately with her mother’s smile turning into a disappointed frown.

“You should have listened to me. You couldn’t handle it. I knew you couldn’t handle it. A fine one you turned out to be. Just like your father!” The curt words were accompanied by a head shake as the woman pulled her hand away. Her face seemed to dissolve even as another hand grasped Darla’s; the words of comfort returned as the nurse wiped her brow with a cold cloth.

“It’s okay….you’re right here and now and you’re okay.” The woman smiled with a look that said she knew exactly how Darla felt, which eased the inside pain enough to help her lower her outside guard as she laid back on the pillow and sobbed. The nurse smiled and continued to dab Darla’s forehead.

“It’s okay….shhhh.” Not the ‘shh’ that says ‘stop crying,’ but the soft, quiet assurance that gives permission to cry.

“Shhhhh,” the nurse smiled down at the officer. So many changes in the past three years, she thought. How could the girl’s mother be so obstinate as to stay away. How indeed when everyone else loved Darla, including her Aunt Jo.

“Dear god in heaven, how do I deal with this?” Jo Bianchi was determined to help her sister’s middle child. The child who served bravely a lifetime ago and a world away. She had followed her aunt’s footsteps at least during her time of service; in the medical corps. And while she had chosen only a few years ago to be a cop, she still was all about serving people.

And then, of course she took after her favorite aunt in a big way. HMC-3 Aldo Farnetti performed with distinction; but it was Officer Darla Farnetti, two years past her ‘first’ birthday who lay in the hospital bed. Jo held her hand as she passed finally into a restful half-sleep. She kissed her niece on the forehead and walked out of the room.

She smiled, recalling the other huge connection with her niece as she remembered her own surgery over two decades earlier; the fond if held safe in her heart memory of the day Joseph Bianchi became…or rather, allowed Josephine Bianchi to emerge after years of hiding. And the utter disappointment as her only sibling rejected her just as she rejected her daughter Darla…

* * *

“Your father would be so disappointed in you,” the woman huffed. That Aldo’s father would be disappointed was a foregone conclusion; nothing his son ever did was good enough. God knows he had tried, but every attempt was thwarted by the angry words that never expressed expectations but demanded satisfaction.

“I’m sorry, Mommy, but this is who I am.”

Aldo looked down at his body; the evidence of new change had yet to be seen, and the clothes he wore looked as out-of-place as his mother believed. Nothing spectacular in the reveal; women’s slacks and a blouse on a body that was only just beginning a long-delayed transformation. And a protracted conversation only two days before had ended in frustration. That her favorite Aunt had been the arbiter between mother and child did nothing to mitigate the near-casual dismissal from Louise.

“You’re a man. Stop it, Aldo!” she snapped. Louise turned her back but continued talking.

“I think you need to go. I’m too upset with you…”

“But Mommy?”

“You’re not a child any longer, Aldo.” She said the name almost as an insult.

“Mom?” Mommy had long departed in a way; leaving in her place a bitter woman who seemed to hate her child.

“No!” Louise walked to her bedroom. Standing at the doorway she spoke.

“Leave…Both of you!”

Jo had literally been ignored up until that point. She faced Louise and saw tears flowing freely from the woman’s face. It would have been better for the child if the mother had remained mean-spirited and cruel, but the tears indicated that somehow love, however misguided, still dwelt deep in the recesses of the woman’s soul; a teasing promise of sorts that would likely never be kept.

Louise stepped inside and closed the door firmly. A click indicated not only a locked door but a locked heart. Aldo turned away for the last time as Darla emerged; Jo there to witness a still-born birth in a way as the love between Louise and Aldo died, only to be replaced with resentment and sadness from mother to daughter…

Mother, I lied, this is not for me
I've seen so many people die and somehow I'm still here
And I don't know why I should be
The lucky one who gets to see
Another morning through these tired eyes

Next: Go!


Excerpts from
The Soldier’s Song
Words and Music by
the performer,
Sarah Bettens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOBO4aUNDt0

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Comments

Very Powerful

and beautiful story.

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

Thank you Andrea,

for repeating these words:

I've seen so many people die and somehow I'm still here
And I don't know why I should be
The lucky one who gets to see
Another morning through these tired eyes."

I have watched helplessly as so many of my friends, people I went to school with, people I served with, fall from life to whatever comes after. I too have wondered, why? Why am _I_ still here? Surely they had more to live for than I do?

And yet, here I am. Wondering what is next for me. Which of my friends will be the next one to fall? Why them and not me?

There MUST be a reason, but I'm damned if I can puzzle it out. I guess, like so many of us, the answers will only come at that last moment when we face whatever comes at that time. Whatever it might be, all I can do is mourn their deaths and carry on so as to make them proud of me.

Thank you for posting this little piece that reminds us all that we ARE mortal and that there IS a reason why we remain while others fall.

hugs and love,
Catherine Linda Michel

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

You always know how

to hit my buttons. Good story!
Hugs
Grover

Hmmm

Hmmm...

Interesting setup. Have to wonder where you're going with this.

Thanks,
Annette

How can a parent turn her back on her child?

Ole Ulfson's picture

Mother, I lied, this is not for me
I've seen so many people die and somehow I'm still here
And I don't know why I should be
The lucky one who gets to see
Another morning through these tired eyes

We've all, I'm sure, asked ourselves variants of this question. I've been asking it a lot lately. I can only think that I'm still here for some purpose. There must be something I have yet to do. If only I knew what it was...

This is a wonderful opening: Classic Andrea!

Please don't keep us waiting long,

Ole

We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!

Gender rights are the new civil rights!

Great Chapter

littlerocksilver's picture

I know I am going to really enjoy how you are going to bring all this together. I am getting the tissue boxes ready.

Portia

Hi Andrea!

I always enjoy how your writing reflects real life. I look forward to reading more of this one hon. Loving Hugs Talia

You do it Again, and Again and ...

I'd like to make some insightful comment on how you touch the psyche of the soul.
Or perhaps comment on parent-child dysfunction and how that colors our understanding of one another.
Or perhaps I could write something about the rhyme and meter.
Or Something that would help you in your writing.

I can't.

I just, can't.

Maybe, I could ask how you get in my head, and even more profoundly, into my heart.
Maybe, I could study how you chose the correct letters to make words, and words to make sentences.
Maybe, I could copy your style.
Maybe, I could diagram the sentence and analyze how the scansion changes without being maudlin or jarring to the reader.

I can't.

I just, can't.

You do all those things. It's not your choice of words, it's not your style; somehow I doubt anything I could say would help you to be better. So, I settle for affirming you. You understand the brokenness of the human heart, the terrible void in our lives because we are different. You do it simply, without demonizing our loved ones who can't understand on one hand, or turning us into some "Rebel without a Cause" anti-heroes on the other hand.

Thank you 'Drea. You make my heart ache and my soul rejoice!

Darla, Mom and Aunt Jo

laika's picture

Mom locks the door. Lets it be know that she's never going to accept her daughter. She just wasn't raised in a world where things like this exist. It's too big, too strange,
it overwhelms her. Accomplishments, having always been a responsible, dutiful child, a combat veteran for god's sake, don't count for anything now. She had a son. Where did he go? Who was this crazy person he had turned into? Not realizing this is who her child always was. Her daughter, who at this point in life needs her more than ever; and can't believe she's been shut out by someone who probably always talked big about how important family is and that blood is thicker than water. Which it is, right up until it isn't...

That door closes but there's another one opening. An Aunt who understands her on the deepest level, doesn't try to have to figure her out, because it's something they share. For all the pain of that ruined relationship, Officer Darla Fibonacci is way luckier than many in her situation.

A great and very moving start. And it's also a NEW YORK CITY POLICE DRAMA (I always liked Jamie Lee Curtis in Blue Steel), so there's lots of potential here for all kinds of powerful stuff. I got my Kleenex in a fast draw holster and I'm ready to ride along with this one...
Hugs, Veronica

(Fibonacci? Fanculli? I forgot...)

A potent first chapter! 1800

A potent first chapter! 1800 words, it felt like only 100. Great writing, I'm jealous.

Karen