Easy As Falling Off a Bike pt 3227

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The Weekly Dormouse.
(aka Bike, est. 2007)
Part 3227
by Angharad

Copyright© 2017 Angharad

  
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“Ah, Lady Cameron, could you step into my office?” asked Sister Maria when I went to collect the girls. Usually when it’s this formal one of the little madams has done something they shouldn’t have and I’ll bet I can guess just which one.

“Please take a seat,” she said proffering the chair opposite her. “It’s about young Trish...”

“She’s not hurt is she?” my heart raced as I’d blithely supposed she’d created mayhem again whereas in fact she could be lying injured awaiting me to take her home.

“No no, nothing like that, no it’s Sister Euphorbia, who’s feeling the anguish.”

“Oh I’m sorry, would you like me to apologise to her?”

“No, that won’t be necessary.”

“Has Trish done so?”

“No—she claims she has nothing to apologise for.”

“Really? So of what is she accused?”

“Well as you know, we are in Advent and Christmas is fast approaching.”

“It would be very difficult to avoid some contact with the Christmas industry.”

“Quite,” she said knowingly. “Well, we usually teach the nativity to all our classes in the hope that some of the better qualities of the infant Jesus will rub off on our pupils.”

“What did she do?” I sighed having a pretty good idea.

“Sister was in mid class telling them about the nativity in the stable in Bethlehem, when someone mentioned the word cobblers.” I felt myself blush, still it was better than bollocks, which she has been known to use. “Thinking that someone had thought of the shoe repairer being possibly operating from the stable yard, Sister Euphorbia paused her narrative to see who had interrupted her and I’m afraid it was young Trish.”

Oh shit, “Really?” I’ll kill her. I felt myself growing warmer.

“Yes and it wasn’t to ask about shoe repairs it was an expression of disbelief.”

“She seems quite happy to accept her Christmas presents...” I said rather lamely. “Isn’t that supposed to derive from the magi giving the infant Jesus the gold, frankincense and myrrh?” I knew that was cobblers too, but it might appease her.

“You don’t believe that for one minute do you?” she threw back at me, “No the present giving is older than Christianity—which I’m sure you know all too well.”

I shrugged and blushed.

“Your daughter then quoted chapter and verse, including verse numbers of the discrepancies in the gospels about the birth of Our Lord and then told Sister Euphorbia, that the historical evidence doesn’t back it up either and there was no census and even if there had been, Joseph would not have had to return to his birth place to register.”

I wondered which book of mine she’d been reading this time. I’m fascinated by the truth about the period not the allegories or mythologies and therefore have several books by various historians some of whom believe and some don’t—in the story in the gospels.

“Where did she get the term, parthenogenesis?”

“Uh—I’m a biologist if you remember?” Oh boy she really did her research, the little monkey—the problem is I don’t know whether I should reprimand her or congratulate her on the job. “It means...”

“I know fine well what it means, Professor...”

“Sorry,” I felt the warmth surge through me again.

“I’m aware it only applies to a small number of vertebrates mainly fish.”

“Uh yes.”

“I’m also aware it would mean that were it to happen in humans, Jesus would have been a girl.”

“Probably.”

“But that doesn’t take account of divine intervention.”

Neither do I, so I sat silently.

“It’s a miracle story.”

“Yes I’m well aware of the details, even though I share Trish’s view...”

“That it never happened?”

I nodded.

“But it’s so important to Christianity...”

“Is it? I’d have thought it undermined it somewhat.”

She did a double take. “What d’you mean by that?”

“Christianity has some wonderful elements and some of those have supported the evolution of caring societies in many places, making the parable of the good Samaritan a reality. Sadly in recent years it seems to have lost its way somewhat as we seem to be more interested in satisfying our greed rather than the needs of others. Jesus also preached to anyone and associated with all sorts of minorities and spoke of loving our neighbours. We don’t need miracles or fairy tales just the will to be kind and caring to those less fortunate than ourselves.”

She stared at me for several moments making me wonder if I’d overstepped the mark again—can’t think where Trish gets it from—then she smiled.

“You’ve enlightened me again, Lady Catherine—thank you.”

I blushed furiously. “I have?”

“Yes, sometimes we need to be reminded about the essence of Christianity and the love of Our Lord for other people. Thank you.”

“And what would you like me to do about Trish?” I said having given her a moment to reflect on her insight.

“Please ask her to think about other people’s feelings before she shows her cleverness. Sister Euphorbia said she felt absolutely drained.”

“Euphorbia?” I queried aware of a glint in my eye which I was trying hard not to allow to form a smirk.

“Euphorbia, yes, why?”

“Euphorbia is the spurge family.”

“What of it?”

“They were used as purgatives—you said she felt drained.”

“Purg...Oh dear I see what you mean. I can see where that child gets her cleverness.” She smirked and shook her head.

As we were about to leave her office she said, “That blue in your jacket is like the colour Our Lady wears in all the portraits.”

“Well I have worn it once too.”

“You what?”

“When I was in junior school I got drafted to cover a girl who was playing the Virgin Mary and who went sick at short notice.”

“I’m sure you made a very lovely one.”

“Uh—I was a boy at the time—or they thought I was.” * I blushed again.

“Lady Catherine, you were never a boy and perhaps this was God’s way of showing both you and the others that this was the case. Now go and repossess your girls and take them home—I’m sure they’re all starving by now.”

We shook hands and i went off to find my children. They were sitting in the corridor by the door to the playground waiting for me and chatting quietly.

“Oh there you are,” said Trish, “we wondered where you were.”

“I’ve been talking to your headmistress, I wonder if you can think why that was?”

“She wants you to present the prizes again?”

“No,” I said sharply.

“She wants a loan from the bank?” Trish was beginning to colour up.

“I think Mummy knows about it, Trish, you’d better ‘fess up,” advised Livvie and Hannah agreed.

“Well the old bat was spouting all these fairy tales and I knew they were wrong, so...”

“So you just had to put her right?”

“Yes, exactly that.” Replied Trish and I saw Danielle purse her lips and shake her head.

“Did it occur to you that those stories were important to your teacher?”

“But they’re just stories.”

“To you they may be, to her they are part of her faith and what right do you have to challenge that?”

“But it was all cobblers.”

“To you maybe. Tomorrow you will go and apologise to Sister Euphorbia and give her a letter saying why you are sorry. You will write that letter tonight and you will show it to me when you’ve done so. If I don’t deem it suitable then you will rewrite it until it is—do you understand?”

“But you tell us to challenge misinformation,” she began to sniff.

“It’s the manner in which you do it, young lady and it isn’t just an excuse to show that you are better read or cleverer. She may well have done the same research and still held to her beliefs.”

“She’d have to be stupid then.”

“Trish, that is your opinion you have no right to state it publicly. She is your teacher and you owe her some respect.”

It was a subdued group of schoolgirls who entered the people carrier as we went home. Sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if they weren’t so bright—but then—they wouldn’t be them, would they, any more than Sister Euphorbia would be without her beliefs and we have no right to tell her that she’s wrong.

* https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/41235/nativity-play - One I did earlier but worth another look.

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Comments

Right On

littlerocksilver's picture

I mentioned to someone on Facebook that I was an atheist (meaningless word to an atheist, by the way), but that I felt that I was a far better Christian than the current occupant of the WH. She replied that she was sorry for me. I replied that I was very comfortable with my concept of reality, and that I was happy with her being comfortable with her imaginary deity. Never heard a thing back. I love the Euphorbia explanation. I guess she dug up that name because it sounded like a glittering generality.

Portia

Shrug

Atheists have been known to have a chip on their shoulder too.
Frankly they have not proven their case either.
So that is why I am agnostic.

Being Agnostic

littlerocksilver's picture

is the cowardly way out.

Portia

Hardly

I live with no certainty. I cannot truly take sure comfort in any one religion.

If anything it is the ultimate in personal faith.

If anything, many hard core atheists are merely as extremely arrogant as the religious extremists in their certainty of their views and will attack any one who disagrees.

You are not the first atheist who has looked upon me like I was something she has stepped on. I've met one before.

Your comment is uncalled for. I hope that Erin bans you.

Nothing Personal Intended

littlerocksilver's picture

I am hardly arrogant, unlike many Christians, and followers of other deity based philosophies. Your attack against me is as vitriolic as those you blame other atheists for perpetrating against you. I do not attend anti-religious demonstrations, nor do I advocate the destruction of religious edifices. That is part of human history, and it cannot be denied, nor should it be destroyed. We should learn from all, and realize how destructive many (perhaps most) deity based philosophies become. That's all.

You are just hedging your bets. I see no different behavior there than those who declare their deity or deities as the only true way. If you are happy, that's fine. I do not like conflict, and it certainly has no value when discussing religions as to their validity. It's a moot point and a waste of energy.

Portia

Hey I am agnostic too

Julia Miller's picture

I don't think believing or disbelieving in something you cannot prove like the existence of God really makes any difference. I neither believe nor disbelieve in God, I just don't really care anymore. If he's out there and wants to contact me, he should already know where I live. Show me a sign and maybe I will believe. lol

OK! You've asked d for it!

persephone's picture

RIGHT!!!!

Ang!

If you don't stop writing episodes like this, without proper warning, you will be liable for prosecution under Section 110 of the Serious Crimes and Police Act 2005. Such action can be avoided by displaying appropriate warnings such as "Snorting is inevitable", "Wine free area", and the like.

To be honest I'm fed up of the dry cleaning bills every time you post like this dear.

Please at least give me a tiny bit of notice ...please?

Persephone

Non sum qualis eram

Come on already!

Julia Miller's picture

After 3227 episodes, you haven't yet figured out that you shouldn't be eating or drinking anything while reading these things. Shame on you! lol

Privately Held Beliefs

I'm pretty quiet about it these days, feeling fairly certain that there is a great deal that both non-believers and the "faithful" do not understand about the pitiful amount of historical evidence that we possess. One day, perhaps the one (s) who started all this will come set us straight. My own private belief is that there is a balance between the religious documents that we have and "The Foundation Trilogy" by Arthur C. Clarke.

Having actively participated in several belief systems, the biggest impediment to a solid faith is believers themselves; who seem constantly bent on violating the tenets of their own sects.

For myself, I keep it simple, choosing to wish to know God, and to love others as myself.

Issac Asimov wrote the Foundation Trilogy

Julia Miller's picture

Arthur C Clarke was a great science fiction writer as well, writing " Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Lessons In Tolerance

joannebarbarella's picture

There is a reason for the acceptance and promulgation of "faith". Like grease on the wheels it enables a significant part of the population to function in the manner that they deem to be acceptable.....as long as it does not diminish the ability of those who do not believe to function in what they believe to be an acceptable manner and both parts can get along with minimum friction.

Let's not forget that the "Lady" part of Lady Catherine is a similar fiction which just means that her husband's ancestors were bigger and meaner bastards than those of their neighbours in times gone by.

Just Read The Nativity Play Episode

joannebarbarella's picture

That is a lovely hilarious/whimsical counterpart to the chapter. Had me chortling all the way through.

Who is Right??

Christina H's picture

I'm with Trish on this one but she should show some tolerance and respect to someone who holds a belief no matter what that
belief is
Personally I will believe in something other than myself when someone explains to me in a rational manner why god exists and more importantly which god exists as there seems to be a plethora of religions that claim that they are the true religion and everyone else is
wrong and will face eternal damnation is whatever version of the afterlife they believe in - it's sure going to be crowded with
everyone eventually ending up 'there' ---------- wherever 'there' is!

I am fully with Tricia

and have been for a very long time! But even more, I am with Cathy on the importance of not upsetting others especially the poor sister. I am surprised that after her children have been so long at a sectarian school, that Cathy had not managed to persuade her tribe on the importance of swallowing their rationality in the face of religious zealotry!
Incidentally, thanks for the pointer to the non-bike story of the early life of Charlie Watts. I think I had read it before, but the episode is referred to sufficiently often in regular "bike" that I had forgotten the details.
Merry (unbeliever's) Christmas to one of my favorite authors

Oh God

I am glad that Cathy is still able to show Trish the error of her ways,despite agreeing with the logic she used.
Hopefully Trish will learn that other people have their own beliefs, either religious or political, that even facts cannot sway.
It is far better to 'agree to differ' and move on. She may find other areas where the nun agrees with Trish and the mutual respect is restored.
Once again Angharad, you keep your saga fresh and stimulating. I know that I shouldn't say great writing, but it is.
Love to all
Anne G.

One of the key tenets to any enlightened society.......

D. Eden's picture

And especially one of the often stated inalienable rights we base our system of government on is the right of each person to their own beliefs, their own version of faith if you will, and their right to espouse it freely.

Unfortunately, we seem to be in a cycle of denial of those rights to many. Even here and now, in this land that prides itself on those rights and freedoms, people are oppressed and ridiculed, beaten and killed, for being different; for believing differently than the group which currently holds just enough controlling power to push their version of reality on the rest of us.

I am always amazed how a group of people (a group which I technically belong to, having grown up in an upper middle-class WASP family) can profess to be the people that made this country “great” in one breath, and in the next attempt to tear down what we are and deny those rights to anyone not like them. The so-called “greatest generation” and their children are tearing at the heart and lungs of our society.

Diversity is what makes us great - not mindless agreement with one philosophy, not mindlessly following one idiot like a herd of lemmings.

It is those differences which have made us what we are today, and it is embracing them that will push us into the future.

One needn’t agree with what others believe - but we must protect their right to believe it. When we stop doing that, we have lost who we are.

D

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

The Nativity (Or Naievity)

There's so much myth and fantasy wrapped around this story that it's quite impossible to determine fact from fantasy.

The only useful stuff I draw from Jesus's preachings are 'Love thy neighbour' and 'do-as-you-would-be-done-by'. This only because those philosophies work for me. I don't believe I need scriptures to teach me those philosophies, I believe they are essential human characteristics that have evolved genetically because of the need historically for those feeble savahnna apes to hang together in union against the perils of predation.

bev_1.jpg

Always good to

see an update on the lives of the Camerons, Especially when like this little gem of an episode its so topical, I'm not going to go into the rights and wrongs of Sister Euphorbia and Trish's respective arguments, There are many more on this site far better qualified to do that , All I will say is if this is the last episode before the Christmas break is Ang have lovely Christmas .And thank you so much for all your wonderful writing throughout the year...

Kirri

Long time no read

Nice to see our little dormouse again Ang. Knowing the time of year, and how Lady C feels, this was done nicely. I recently watched a program on the History Channel on cable television in the US, that put forth the the Nativity story was better explained as visitation by extra-terrestrials.They put forth it actually made more sense. I am not taking sides !

Can we look forward to another chapter next week ?

Karen