Peter volunteered to become Petra in his step-sister's band, not knowing how drastically this would change his life.
 

Band of Sisters
By Julie O

Edited By Amelia R.

Special thanks to Robert Arnold for his assistance.

 
Chapter 1

I slowly came to, fighting off a feeling of nausea and bewilderment. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was, but it looked like some sort of medical facility. I was on my back and when I tried to sit up I discovered that I was strapped down.

Glancing to my right I could see an IV coming out of my arm. My mind began to slowly clear and it hit me that something bad had been done to me when I looked to my right to see that my stepmother, Lena was looking back at me.

“What…the…fuck…did you do to me?” I croaked as I tried again to sit up.

“Don’t try and get up, you might hurt yourself. The doctor will be back in shortly,” she replied coldly. “He was very pleased with the results.”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out as I too shocked to speak. I reached up and touched my lips and could feel that they were swollen.

“The lips were done as a bonus,” said Lena.

I cautiously lifted my right arm and touched my chest. I immediately pulled my hand back as if I had been shocked. I glared at my step-mother. “How could you?”

“Look, when you turn twenty-one you can have them removed…in fact you can do whatever the hell you want, but for now I have legal guardianship over you and will decide what is best,” she continued.

“What is best? For me or for Lori?” I asked weakly, referring to my stepsister.

She smiled slightly. “Why for Lori of course.”

Chapter 2

I suppose I should give you some background information to better understand what was currently happening in my life. My name is…or was Peter Kensington, currently I am Petra K when I’m on stage, but I’ll get to that later.

My birth mother died when I was six-months old. My dad remarried when I was ten. In addition to getting a new mother, I gained a sister, Lori, who was two years older than me.

While I never really warmed up to my stepmother, I immediately hit it off with Lori, as we shared a lot of interests, mainly music. That’s partly what got me into my current circumstances.

While I had always struggled in school, music came naturally. I can never remember not playing music. By the time I was eight I could play both acoustic and electric guitar. I have a weird talent in that I can listen to a song and immediately pick it up. By the time I was in high school I had also mastered the electric bass guitar, which I preferred to play. Oh, I loved the guitar, but in a group that usually meant singing too, at which I was awful. In most bands, the bass player is in the background, which suited me perfectly.

Lori, on the other hand, has a great voice, and the body to go with it. She has a very similar look to Lindsey Lohan, although Lori has jet-black hair. Also Lori is more interested in rock than pop.

She enjoyed singing and unfortunately her mom saw this as a chance for stardom.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, Lori’s damn good, but the chances of her, or anyone for that matter, becoming famous are slim. Still, that wouldn’t stop her mom who would do anything to make her daughter a star.

Anyway, Lori was picked to be the lead singer in an all girl rock band when she was nineteen. They played mostly covers of other band’s music, and were fast gaining a fan base in the local bar and clubs. During the summer they played were booked solid thanks to the crowds that hung out at the beach. A major reason for their popularity was the fact that all the girls in the bad were very hot looking.

Chloe’s the drummer and had short spiky bleach-blonde hair, sort of suburban punk. She also had a great body, which she loved showing off. Jade is the lead guitar player and is a very sexy looking Chinese-American girl. Kiki was born in Yokohama and had moved to the states when she was six. She played bass. All of them were around the same age as Lori.

The last member of the band was the oldest woman in the group at thirty-two and she played a variety of instruments ranging from sax to piano. Her name was Sofia, and she had been playing in bands since she was sixteen. She was the one who put the band together, based on musical ability and sex appeal.

Sofia was a tall shapely woman with bright blue eyes. I would tell you her hair color, but it changed so often that I don’t think she even remembered her original color. It was currently a dark purple.

The band was called A Band of Sisters, and it wasn’t bad. They played mostly at local clubs throughout the coastal area from Groton to Kittery, but occasionally they opened for more experienced groups in Boston, Providence, and Portsmouth.

Even though they were all an all girl group, I sometimes helped them when they practiced. I usually filled in for Jade or Kiki when they couldn’t make it due to their classes, as both girls were attending college. Jade was enrolled at URI and Kiki went to Brown.

My ability to pick up on songs came in handy and I often found myself helping the girls with the arrangements. They sort of adopted me as an unofficial member of the band.

Anyway, I finally graduated high school the previous June, but really didn’t do much. I had no intention of going to college, partly out of desire and partly due to my poor grades in high school. I spent most of my time playing music and occasionally working part-time in a music store in Westerly. However, I was currently on a “sabbatical” from the music store and hadn’t worked in months.

I didn’t need the money. Basically, I was biding my time until I turned twenty-one and would get my full inheritance.

My dad, a corporate lawyer, had been killed in a car crash when I was ten. There had been a big legal battle and we were awarded a huge settlement. The lawyers had set it up so I couldn’t touch my half until I was twenty-one, and then I would get a yearly stipend for the next twenty years. The last time I talked to the lawyers they told me that I would be getting seventy-five thousand a year, after taxes.

This was perfect, as it would allow me to play my music and not worry about getting a real job. The only problem was that until I turned twenty-one I was dependent upon my stepmother.

Chapter 3

Lena Gordon-Kensington had met my father when they worked on a case together. Lena was a very sought after lawyer herself and was currently a partner in one of the top firms in Providence, Rhode Island.

She was a very attractive woman who could have been a model, as she had very classical looks. Lena never dressed down and always looked impeccable.

Her personal appearance was also always very neat. She kept her jet-black hair styled short and professional, and her make up always was perfect.

Lena knew she was attractive and I heard her telling her friends how she used this to her advantage when it came to her cases.

Her first husband had died from cancer, which left her well off financially thanks to the lawsuit she filed. Combined with what my father made, we had a very upscale lifestyle.

Together they bought a large house in the suburbs, and that’s where I grew up.

I guess she loved my dad, and he seemed to be in love with her. They seemed happy enough, but childhood memories can be deceiving. However, she mainly treated me with disinterest, especially after he was killed.

Let me explain that she wasn’t mean or that she mistreated me, it was just that it was obvious that she only cared about her daughter, Lori.

The legal settlement that followed my dad’s death gave her full guardianship over me. This wasn’t an issue until recently as she pretty much left me alone.

Anyway, I was basically counting the days until I turned twenty-one. I still lived at home, but had moved to the guest cottage out back. This allowed me to play my music and not bother anyone.

I guess the first thing you would have noticed about me back then was my hair. I can’t really remember the last time I had a real haircut. Oh, I got trims every now and then, but for the most part my brunette hair was halfway down my back. The only problem with this was that I was sometimes addressed as a girl.

As for the rest of me, I’m five-eight and thin, not skinny, or anything like that. I also have no facial hair of any consequence. I had tried for three years to grow a moustache and after all that time it was barely noticeable. What was more insulting was when I finally shaved it off no one even noticed.

Like I said, sometimes I was mistaken for a girl. It really didn’t bother me all that much as I sort of got a kick out of how people would get all flustered as they apologized.

The only other thing about my looks was that guys occasionally hit on me sexually. I guess you could say that I was open-minded towards trying new things.

This was what landed me in my current situation.

Chapter 4

It all started two months earlier. I was helping the band practice again, as Kiki was late due to studying and Sofia got a call on her cell phone.

She excused herself and talked for nearly thirty minutes before coming back into the room.

Kiki arrived while Sofia was on the phone and asked me to help her learn the chords for a new song the band was playing.

“I’ve got good news,” Sofia announced as she reentered the room. “That was Mark Long, he’s the booking agent for several clubs in Providence, and he’s offering us a long term deal. This means steady work and more importantly a steady paycheck.”

The girls excitedly began to pepper Sofia with questions, which she began to answer.

Basically, they would be in a rotation among three clubs. Once a month they would get to open for a big-time performer, usually someone on the way up or the way down. Still, it would give them a lot of exposure.

“We’ll need to sex it up a bit,” stated Sofia. “Musically we’re good, but we need something to set us apart and that means we should use our looks even more than we have before.”

“What do you mean?” asked Kiki nervously.

“It means we need to go shopping. Basically, we need to dress very erotic, show lots of skin,” explained Sofia. “I have a plan for each person’s onstage persona; I think you’ll like it.”

While the others nodded and talked, a frown grew on Kiki’s face.

“What’s wrong?” asked Lori, noticing Kiki’s change.

“My parents are already giving me a lot of grief over the band and they barely tolerate what I wear now. I don’t think they’re going to approve,” stated Kiki who was wearing a short skirt and a halter top.

“Come on, you’re a big girl,” said Jade.

Kiki shook her head. “They’re paying for my tuition. No offense, but this is just something that I do for fun. College is more important to me and there’s no way I can afford Brown by myself. I also want to be a doctor. I think you better look for another bass player.”

There was a lot of discussion and the other members of the band tried to change Kiki’s mind, but to no avail.

The remaining members of the band watched as Kiki packed up her bass and left.

“So what do we do now?” asked Jade, breaking the silence and gloom.

“Obviously, we need another bass player,” said Sofia. “That won’t be easy. Mark is basically hiring us because we’re an all girl band.”

“When do we start?” asked Lori.

“Three weeks,” replied Sofia.

“That’s not enough time,” said Chloe. “Even if we find someone, there’s not enough time to practice. Shit, this sucks! Does anyone know anyone who can play?”

No one said a thing.

Lori then looked at me. She ran her eyes over me as if she inspected every inch of my body. “I have an idea!”

Chapter 5

“Come on, Peter, this could work,” stated Lori after she told us her plan. “Look, it wouldn’t take much to make you into a girl, you’re a much better bass player than Kiki anyway and you know all our songs!”

I turned to look at the others, who I expected to see either laughing or sharing back in disbelief at my step-sister’s plan.

Instead they were all looking at me. Sofia appeared to be inspecting me.

“You know, she’s right, this could work,” said Sofia as she rubbed her chin. “I mean, until we find another bass player.”

“You can’t be serious,” I stated.

“I am, Peter…or should I say Petra,” replied Sofia as she ran her fingers through my hair. “I have a great look in mind for you; of course you’d have to dress fulltime as a girl.”

“Oooo, I love that name,” cooed Chloe.

“Yes, but we’d better give her something less obvious for when we’re playing. I mean, the last thing we want to is get caught, we’d be the laughing stock of the area,” said Lori.

“Come on, Petra, this will be fun. I mean you can play fulltime and get paid for it,” said Jade.

“It would only be until we get another bass player,” added Lori. “Besides, it’s not like you’re doing anything right now. I mean, if it wasn’t for playing with us you’d be sitting back in the cottage playing your music with no one to hear it.”

I thought about it for a moment. “And you’ll all keep quiet about this?”

They all nodded.

“Promise?”

They all nodded again.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” I said.

Chapter 6
“No peeking!” ordered Sofia.

I was sitting in a salon chair getting a new hairstyle and makeover. The woman who was working on me was Sofia’s girlfriend, Ava.

“You’re going to look so hot, no one will suspect that you’re a boy,” said Ava.

I nodded not knowing what else to do. Ava had been working on me for several hours.

She stared by waxing my legs. Next she did my nails, followed by working on my face.

Sofia had come up with the idea that each girl in the band would have a distinctive look. Lori would be the soft feminine type, dressing in lace. Chloe would be Punk, which wasn’t far from the way she normally dressed. Jade would wear short silk oriental type dresses and high heels. Sofia would be Goth, but sexy.

My look would be the leather rock & roll girl. I was currently dressed in a short leather dress, fishnet stockings and thigh-high boots.

I wasn’t sure what Ava was doing to my hair, but I suspected that it would wild. Ava had already pierced my ears with several additional piercings. She had also put a stud through my nostril. She told me that they would heal up quickly when removed.

I ran my tongue around my mouth as I tried to get used to the stud in my tongue. That one had been Chloe’s idea.

Looking down at my nails I could see that while they were still relatively short, they were styled and painted a liquid maroon color. It was surprising how feminine my hands now looked.

“You know, a tattoo or two wouldn’t be bad,” said Ava. “Just on the arms, what do you think?”

“Maybe later,” said Sofia. She ran her hand down my arm and smiled. “We can always use a temporary one and see if you like it.”

I just nodded.

“Okay, let’s let Petra see herself,” said Ava.

They turned me towards the mirror and I gasped. I really looked like a woman now. My hair was now slightly shorter and layered slightly. The color was now a deep crimson color with dark streaks through it. It was a very dramatic look.

My eyebrows were very thin and highly arched.

“Well?” asked Ava.

“I… can’t believe this is me,” I stammered.

“My god, you’re hot,” said Chloe licking her lips.

“I agree,” added Lori. “Petra, no one will suspect that you’re a guy.”

“I just though of what we should call her on stage…how about Scarlet?” suggested Jade. “I mean it goes with her hair.”

“That’s perfect!” exclaimed Sofia.

“I wonder what Lena is going to say,” I said as I stared at myself. I had to admit that I looked like a girl.

“She’s totally cool about it. I told her what you’re doing and she’s pleased. In fact, she gave me some money to buy you a whole new wardrobe,” said Lori.

“Speaking of which, we better go shopping,” said Chloe. “This outfit is great for performing, but I doubt you’ll want to dress like this all the time.”

Chapter 7

I was dressed more mainstream by the time we arrived home in a short leather skirt and black sleeveless top.

To my surprise, Lena was waiting for us as we unloaded the car with my new wardrobe. She didn’t even wait for us to get inside before commenting.

“Very impressive, I would never have guessed you were a boy…Petra,” she said with a sly smile. Her dark brown eyes studied every inch of my body.

“It’s only until the band gets a new bass player,” I replied.

Ignoring me, she turned to Lori. “I think it would be best if your ‘cousin’ took the guest room next to yours for now. Since this is supposed to be a secret, it wouldn’t be smart to have her staying in your brother’s cottage.”

I was about to argue, when Lori spoke first.

“That makes sense. Also this will allow me to help you with your hair and makeup,” said Lori as she turned towards me.

“Exactly! Oh, I took the liberty of telling some of our neighbors that Peter is spending the next few months out in California and that your cousin Petra will be staying with us,” explained Lena.

We carried my new wardrobe upstairs and into the guest bedroom.

“Sofia, how long do you think it will take for you to get a new player?” I asked as we began to unpack my things.

“It could take a few months. Kiki was one of the few decent players I knew of in the area,” she replied.

“Even if we get someone quickly, she’ll still have to learn the sets,” added Jade.

I nodded. It was becoming obvious that I would be Petra for a while.

Chapter 8

The next few weeks flew by while we got ready for our shows. The rest of the band seemed very pleased with my playing. Sofia said it seemed to give us more of a harder edge than before.

In addition to playing covers of other bands, we began to practice some original songs written by Sofia.

While Lori was the lead singer, it was Sofia’s band and she shaped us into her image. Her years of experience playing with other bands were paying off, as she didn’t seem to miss anything.

By the time of our first show we were really playing and performing well.

Lori was very helpful in my adjustment to living as a woman. In fact, all the girls in the group were very cool.

I was surprised how quickly I learned to do my own makeup. I also got used to wearing women’s clothes.

What really helped was the fact that I was kept busy. Sofia had us practicing often and by the time we had our first real show we had worked most of the bugs out of our performance.

When we played, I felt really free and at ease. No one recognized me and I was accepted as Petra.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Now, the agent who hired us was quite a character. His personality was very outgoing and I liked him immediately.

Mark Long was a large, somewhat chunky looking man in his early forties. He had long prematurely graying hair and a full neat beard.

According to Sofia, Mark was a veteran of the New England rock scene for over twenty years. He had initially played drums in a garage band, but moved to being a soundman. Later he managed a few clubs, and several bands. Eventually he became a fulltime agent. While he never reached the big time, he was well respected and had lots of connections. He told Sofia that if we gained a following he might get us to open for some big groups.

Sofia had known him for years and as a favor he agreed to work our soundboard until we found someone else. Because of this Sofia, with my approval, let him in the truth about me. He said that as long as I maintained a feminine appearance he didn’t care. After our last practice, he came up to me and told me that if rumors got out that I was transgendered it could increase our following.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“The clubs you’ll be playing in have a mixed bag of followers. We get a lot of LGBT people at our shows,” he said.

“Well, for now, let’s not make this a promotion, okay?” I asked.

“Sure thing, babe. Don’t take this the wrong way, but with your looks you’re not going to blend in. I mean that the good way…. you’re a very hot looking woman. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you gain quite a following.”

I ignored the babe comment. “You’re kidding, right?”

He shook his head. “Babe, you’re not only a damn good bass player, but you’ve got real sex appeal. Don’t get me wrong, Lori is definitely the best looking in the band and she’ll bring them in in droves, but you’ll also get attention. Hell, I know the truth and I still find you sexy.”

“You’re kidding,” I replied.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll be strictly professional with you, but I have to admit that you’ve caught my eye. If this wasn’t business, and the fact that you’re half my age, I would have asked you out by now.”

I don’t know what bothered me more about this, the fact that Mark was attracted to me, or that it excited me.

Chapter 9

The first show went off with only a few minor glitches. Jade’s amp shorted out for a few seconds, and Lori’s microphone went dead for a moment. We were all a little nervous, but the crowd in the club didn’t seem to notice.

Just as Mark said, Lori was getting he majority of the attention. Yes, she had a great voice, but it was her looks that most of the guys seemed interested in.

I was caught off guard by the cheering that I got when we were introduced during the show. The guys in the club really though I was a girl! Granted, my outfit was a short leather skirt and high heel boots, which greatly helped my appearance. Mark commented that the only thing that would have been better was if I had real boobs to show off. Yes, he was a pig, but no one in the band took him seriously.

After the show, the owner of he club came up and congratulated us. He said that if we could put on similar shows that he would reward us generously.

While I had just turned twenty, I was served a beer after the show, no one even bothered to check my ID. Lori told me that I looked older than my real age and not to worry about it and to enjoy it as one of the perks of being in the band.

Sofia congratulated me personally after the show.

“I know you must be nervous, but it didn’t show. I really want to thank you for saving the band,” she said before kissing me.

Jade and Chloe followed her example. Lori and I just hugged. Yeah, I know we’re not really related, but it didn’t feel right to kiss.

“Girls, you keep this up and we’re going to get some attention,” stated Mark.

“You mean a real recording contract?” asked Chloe.

“Maybe,” said Mark. “In the meantime I have a partial solution.”

He had arranged for us to work in a studio of a friend to make some CDs that we could sell at the shows. They weren’t very good, but they were better than nothing and they did sell. It might have been that picture of us in our stage outfits on the liner notes.

I saw Lori’s eyes light up when he said this. I knew it was her goal to get a recording contract. It was also the goal of Lena.

Before I had joined the band, Lori had confided with me that she planned to use the band to give her an opportunity to move to a solo career. Sofia and the others seemed to be aware of this and actually tolerated it.

However, on the way home, Lori told me that she thought that the band could actually make it.

“I had my doubts before, but we’re starting to sound really good,” she said. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I hope we don’t get another bass player anytime soon.”

I was shocked by what she said. “Look, I enjoy helping, but this isn’t my lifelong goal to be a woman. If he band moves beyond playing local places you’ll need a real woman. I mean what will happen if everyone finds out? Yeah, I know what Mark has said, but there’s a huge difference between playing clubs and being a real touring band.”

“I know,” she replied. “But it would be fun to tour with you.”

Chapter 10

By the end of our first month, we had gained a regular following. The club owners were pleased that we were selling out the venues. We had added several of Sofia’s songs to our sets and the crowds seemed to like them. Mark told us that good things were coming down the road.

Not only was Mark managing us, but he also took over the audio board fulltime after the last guy was too stoned and couldn’t work. Mark took this part of his job seriously and I had to admit that he was damn good.

I had gotten used to being a woman fulltime. I was also getting pretty good at doing my own makeup. If anyone suspected that I was really a guy, they never said a word to me or anyone else I knew. To the world I was Petra Kensington or Scarlet on stage. By the way, I hated my stage name; it made me sound like I was a striper.

Lena was very pleased with the way things were going for the band…or rather for Lori. She told Mark that if the band needed anything to call her.

Looking back, I guess I should have suspected that Lena was up to something. Since I became Petra, she had been very nice to me. At first I just thought she was happy to have another female in the house. I’ve never been a very suspicious person and I didn’t suspect that anything was going on until it was too late.

The first sign I had that something was happening seemed innocent enough. My nipples were becoming sensitive and slightly swollen. I shrugged this off as an effect of having to wear breast pads and a bra all the time.

I had also lost around ten pounds since I became Petra. Part of this was planned as the outfits that Sofia picked out for me where sometimes too tight. But I started to notice that I was losing muscle too. I didn’t say anything to anyone, thinking it was all in my mind.

Lena had helped with my weight loss by providing me with special diet protein shakes. She started doing this when she overheard Lori talking to me about dropping a few pounds.

By now I was fully accepted as a woman by the people we played for. One of the effects of this was that I constantly had to turn down men who asked me for dates. In a way I was flattered that they thought I was really a woman although at times I was tempted to take them up on the offers. However, that was too risky, if they found out that I was a guy it could get dangerous.

It was strange, while I still considered myself a guy; I was becoming very comfortable as a woman. I liked the fact that I was playing music for a living and was very good at it.

By now the others also accepted me as a member of the band. They even started adding songs that I suggested. We soon had several Warren Zevon songs as part of shows, much to my personal delight.

Chapter 11

“Good news everyone,” announced Mark. He then proceeded to tell us that a top female rock singer had heard us play and wanted us to open for them for eight shows. Stacy Black was a singer in the mold of Pink and had several best selling CDs. This was a major break for the band. She liked to have local bands open for her and several had gone on to get tours of their own.

“This is the break we’ve been hoping for!” exclaimed Sofia. “How did you manage this?”

“Stacy’s a local girl originally from Westerly. I knew her years ago before she became a star when she was playing in bars down around Misquamicut Beach. I also know that she likes to use local bands to open for her, so I told her about Band of Sisters,” explained Mark. “She was at our last three shows to listen to you play.”

“And you knew?” I asked.

He nodded.

“And you didn’t tell us?” asked Lori.

Mark grinned. “Hey, I didn’t want you to be nervous. It worked! She really loved the way you sound.”

“This is so cool,” added Jade as she began to high-five the rest of us.

“Before we get too excited, there’s something I need to discuss before you all agree,” continued Mark. “She gave me glowing reports on all of you. Then she asked if the band was set in terms of who is in it. I mentioned that Petra was only in the band until you got someone else. Stacy then said that she didn’t want any changes. If anyone left, the deal was off.”

“No problem,” I stated immediately before anyone could say a word. This was a big break and there was no way I would cost the others their shot. “I mean when are the dates?”

Mark sighed. “That’s the other problem; the first two dates are in two weeks. No problem there as you’re ready. Then, she’s taking her band to Europe for three months. The other six dates are when she gets back. It’s all or nothing.”

The others in the band all looked at me in silence. They didn’t need to say a word and I could easily read their thoughts. This was a once in a lifetime shot. Even if the band didn’t last, this could be the start of contacts for them. If I pulled out they might not get another shot.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” I said. “I mean, we’ve being trying for weeks to get another bass player with no luck. Once the word gets out that we’re opening for Stacy, we’ll be overrun with applicants,” I announced. “I mean this is a big deal. So you can count me in.”

“You mean that?” asked Lori.

I nodded. “I wouldn’t let you all down. Besides, what are a few more months as a girl?”

I was immediately hugged by the rest of the band.

Chapter 12

“This is a great opportunity for you, Lori,” said Lena over breakfast.

“It’s not just for me, Mom. The whole band is going to benefit from this,” said Lori.

She was getting annoyed with Lena’s attitude towards her career and how little her mother seemed to care about the rest of the band.

“I know that, dear,” said Lena. “But as the lead singer this could be your chance to be discovered.”

“We owe it all to Petra,” said Lori looking over at me.

Lena nodded. “Yes, that was very generous of you, Petra. So that means the earliest you could return to being a boy isn’t for what three or four months from now?”

“That’s right,” I replied as I sipped my shake.

“I think you should stay in this role for a while after the second group of concerts with…what’s her name…Stacy?”

“Why, Mom?” asked Lori.

“Well, if you make a positive impact on Stacy, then she might call you all back. I just think that what’s the harm in spending a few extra months as a woman? Don’t you agree, Petra?” asked Lena.

“I suppose,” I replied.

Lena smiled back as if she knew something I didn’t.

Chapter 13

The first concert was in Boston and we all were nervous. Thankfully, Stacy was very cool and made us feel all at ease.

“What’s the largest group you’ve played in front of, Lori?” asked the tall woman with short violet colored hair. She was wearing a low cut black top that showed off her amble breasts. Her bare arms displayed several intricate tattoos.

“Maybe two thousand, Stacy,” Lori replied. “That’s what Mark said anyway.”

“Well, the arena will be holding fifteen thousand tonight,” said Stacy. “Don’t worry about it, as you won’t be able to see them anyway due to the lighting.”

We all laughed.

As we finished our practice set, Stacy came up to me after everyone else left. I was packing up my gear.

“Who taught you to play, Petra…or is it Scarlet?”

“You can call me Petra, I prefer it to that stupid stage name anyway,” I replied.

“Stage names can be helpful as they keep the freaks from calling you at home,” said Stacy.

I smiled back. “That’s what Sofia said. Anyway, I sort of taught myself. I can hear a song and just know how to play it.”

Stacy nodded. “Can you read music?”

I shook my head. “Not too well. I mean I know the basics, but I mainly play by ear.”

“That’s the way I was when I started playing,” she replied. “But I taught myself to read music. Trust me; it will make you a more rounded musician.”

I cocked my head. I couldn’t ever remember her playing anything in her concerts or videos. “What do you play?”

“Piano,” she replied. “I still play for fun, but nothing good enough to put in the show.”

I nodded again.

“So why do you want to quit the band?” she asked. “Watching you play it’s obvious you love it.”

“It’s a long story,” I said.

Stacy glanced around and then leaned over. “Is it because you’re transgendered?” she whispered. “Don’t worry; it doesn’t matter to me.”

My eyes opened up wide. “How…how did…how do you know?”

“I’ve known a few t-girls over the years. One thing that gave it away to me was that as I watched you play, I noticed that while you have a great body, you always wear high tops, both today and the night I saw you in Providence. All the others in the band show more cleavage than a FOX TV show, yet you don’t.”

I told her about why I was with the band.

“That’s incredible, Petra…and very generous of you. I doubt many guys would have done the same thing.”

“It hasn’t been so bad. I mean, I mostly play and practice, I really don’t do much else.”

“So do you consider yourself transgendered?” she asked softly. “I mean you’re a beautiful woman, and I doubt if anyone else suspects what’s between your legs.”

“To be honest, I’m not sure anymore,” I replied. “I love playing in the band, and I’m accepted, but I could also go back to being Peter.”

Stacy smiled. “Don’t rush into anything. While I understand what’s going on now, I do expect you to hold up your side of the bargain. If you aren’t with the group when we get back from Europe the deal is off.”

I nodded again. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Good. While your sister is obviously the star of your band, I think you’re the glue that holds it all together musically. You seem so free and easy when you’re playing. Your confidence helps the others.”

“Coming from someone like you that’s quite a compliment, thank you,” I replied.

“Well, I mean it. You know, I think the fact that you’re in a different role allows you to be so open and free on the stage. I mean, it’s like you’re playing a role.”

“It was that way at first, but I’ve been doing this for several months now. To be honest, I forget sometimes who I am,” I replied.

“I know the feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I love performing, but I have trouble separating my stage persona from real life,” said Stacy. She then looked at her watch. “Time to get ready. Good luck and have fun.”

Chapter 14

I took Stacy’s advice and passed it on to the others. We went out and played as relaxed as we could considering the stakes. The crowd was great and was very supportive. I later found out that we had a lot of local fans in the audience.

After we played we watched Stacy and her band play. It was a rare opportunity to watch a true professional at work. I could tell that everyone was making mental notes as we watched our counterparts play.

After the show, Stacy invited us to their post-concert party. I tracked down their bass player; a guy named Stu and asked him about some of the riffs he had played.

Stu was originally from England, but had spent the last ten years living in Seattle. He was pretty cool and gave me some good advice, while at the same time trying to proposition me. I politely turned him down and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” he said.

I later ran into Stacy.

“I caught the end of your set, you played great,” she said.

“We try. Thanks again for the opportunity,” I replied.

“No problem. What did you think of our show?”

“Tight,” I replied. “Your band really seems to know what everyone else is doing. I mean, when the lead guitar player broke two strings the others stepped in seamlessly.”

Stacy laughed. “That’s just part of what happens every night. It’s always something.”

I really liked her, and I didn’t mean in a sexual way, although she was really hot looking. For someone who was a big performer, she was really down to earth.

Chapter 15

The swelling in my nipples seemed to getting worse and it made wearing my bra and pads uncomfortable. I told Sofia about it.

“Do you mind if I see?” she asked.

I showed her and she shook her head in disbelief.

“That’s strange, Petra. It almost looks like you’re a young girl undergoing puberty. Well, the bra being too tight might cause it. Let’s go get you a larger one and some new pads.”

We were in Providence and we went to a store that Sofia shopped at often. The salesgirl was an old friend of Sofia.

Sally measured me and had me try on a larger bra, which did feel better.

“You know, if I didn’t know better I would say that you’re taking hormones,” said Sally.

I shook my head. “Sorry.”

“Then you might want to see a doctor. It could be a reaction of some kind,” said Sally.

I nodded. “We have a break coming soon and I’ll do it then.”

Sofia and Mark had arranged for us to have three weeks off. Personally, I would have preferred to keep playing, but Jade requested the time off for college finals.

Chapter 16

The second show was better than the first. We knew what to expect and the fact that we were playing in Providence put us at ease.

As with the Boston show, we all watched Stacy’s show after our set was over. I had a notebook this time and busily scribbled down notes as I watched them play.

We were a good band for the venues we normally played, but after watching Stacy’s band play, I realized that we had a long way to go, but at least we were headed in the right direction.

In some ways I was almost relived that Stacy’s offer was forcing me to stay in the band a little longer than I had planned. I loved playing and also enjoyed being part of something that appeared to be going places.

When the concert was over, Stacy took us all aside and talked to us. The first thing she did was to thank us for working with her. Next, she gave us come constructive criticism on how to improve our band.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you all again in a few months,” she said. “Oh, Petra, do you have a moment?”

I nodded and we walked to the now empty stage. She handed me a piece of paper that had several lists of songs on it.

“I think these are some songs that would work with your group. I didn’t want to look like I was telling you all what to do and I figure that the others will listen to you,” she said.

I scanned the list and noticed that several of the songs were ones done by Stacy.

“Thanks,” I replied. “Have a great time in Europe.”

“It’ll mostly be work, but I scheduled some free time. You take care, okay?”

We then hugged goodbye.

Chapter 17

“Mom’s starting to worry me,” confessed Lori as we drove home the next day.

Lena had been worrying me for a long time, but I held my tongue and didn’t say anything sarcastic. “What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s really concerned…no, make that obsessed with the idea that you might leave the group before our next concerts with Stacy.”

“I told everyone that I’m not leaving, isn’t that good enough for her?”

“I don’t know. She has never really accepted you as family. I know it hasn’t been easy for you since Dad died. Yeah, I’ve noticed how she’s treated you and I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said.

“I know, but you could blame me,” she replied.

“Lori, I’ve always liked you. I feel sorry for you sometimes. I mean she has such big plans for you,” I said.

“I just want to play music. I could care less about being a star. Mom keeps asking me when I’m going solo. Petra, I love the band. I don’t want to be by myself.”

“I know that and so does everyone else in the band,” I replied.

She glanced over at me and then back at the road. “You’re too good to believe. I mean I was the one who suggested that you dress up as a girl. You should hate me.”

“Don’t sweat it. I mean I got to meet Stacy Black because of your idea.”

Lori laughed. “Are you going to be okay?”

Lori was flying to LA for a week with Sofia.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I?”

“Are you going to see the doctor? Sofia told me what happened. You know, we’re siblings or sisters or something like that, you can trust me.”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I’ll think about it, especially if it gets worse.”

These were some famous last words.

Chapter 18

The day after Lori left for LA I was having breakfast with Lena.

“You got a great write up in the local paper,” she said.

I nodded as I drank my shake.

“It looks like the band is on the way up,” she continued.

I set the glass down. “Look, you don’t have to worry. I promised everyone that I would stay in the group until after the concerts with Stacy. I’ll stay until they get a good bass player to replace me and I’ll help train her. Is that good enough for you?”

“Of course it is, Petra. I know that it sometimes appears that I only care about Lori, but I care about you too. Speaking of which, Lori was worried about you. She said that you might have some allergic reaction to your breast pads, is that right?”

“There’s some swelling,” I replied. I was a little annoyed that Stacy had told Lena about my problem.

“Well, I took the liberty of making you an appointment, just to make sure.”

“Um, thanks,” I replied.

She looked at her watch. “The appointment is at ten.”

Chapter 19

I was a little nervous about the appointment. I mean, I was a guy dressed as a girl. What if the swelling was something serious?

I had to admit that I paid little attention to where we went. I just wanted to get the appointment over as quick as possible.

We were the first ones there and were taken right back to the examination room. The nurse handed me a gown and told me to change into it.

I did as I was told and waited with Lena until the doctor arrived. The doctor came in and started up a conversation with Lena. It was obvious that they knew each other. It must have been professional as he was not an attractive man, and especially not the type of man Lena liked. He was slightly overweight and had a cheesy looking comb over that wasn’t fooling anyone.

His name was Dr. Freiberg and he seemed more interested in Lena than me.

I was a little surprised that the nurse came back in with him. I know that a female nurse is sometimes required when a male doctor examines a woman, but he had to know my real gender.

“Okay, Petra, let me examine your chest,” he said.

I opened up the gown and he ran his hands over my chest. He nodded and turned to Lena. “How long have you been giving her the solution?”

“Several months now,” replied Lena.

I glanced over at Lena and wondered what she was talking about.

“Very nice development,” he said as he felt my chest. “She’s progressing ahead of schedule. I’m very pleased.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded.

Dr. Freiberg smiled at me. “My dear girl, you’ve been on a new form of female hormonal treatment that I invented. The swelling you’re noticing is your breast development.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

“Oh, the breast growth is just part of what’s happening, your skin is becoming softer, you’re losing muscle mass, and your body fat is redistributing. I would say that you should have quite a nice feminine figure over time,” he continued. “The formula you are on works much faster than conventional treatments.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I exclaimed.

“Your nipples will also become more sensitive, I’ve been told this is one of the nicer side effects of the treatments,” he said.

Ignoring the doctor, I looked over at Lena. “Did you do this to me?”

“Yes, Petra I did,” she replied.

“Why?” I begged.

“Think about it, dear, the band is Lori’s shot at stardom and the band needs you…as a female,” she continued. “This way you don’t have to leave.”

“This isn’t legal, I’m leaving!” I shouted and started to get off the examination table.

Dr. Freiberg immediately grabbed me firmly and held me in place. I struggled, but he was too strong for me and I couldn’t break free. I started to scream when I felt the nurse wipe a swab of alcohol on my arm and then immediately insert a needle. It was the last thing I remembered until waking up in the recovery room.

Chapter 20

So, back to where I started telling you my story. Dr. Freiberg came into the room and checked to see how I was feeling.

“You bastard, how could you do this to me,” I uttered as I came out of my stupor. “They’ll take your license when I tell the authorities.”

He just laughed.

“Petra, it’s all legal, as your guardian I approved all the procedures that were done on you,” said Lena.

“What kind of a doctor just gives someone breast implants without at least talking to them first?” I asked.

“The kind that owes me a huge favor,” continued Lena with a snicker. .

I looked at the doctor who shrugged his shoulders. “Your mother cut me a break in a recent legal misunderstanding. To show my gratitude I volunteered to work on you.”

“She’s NOT my mother!” I exclaimed as I tried to get up again.

“Please don’t struggle, you need to rest,” he said. “I performed several procedures on you.”

He was right as I was again feeling fatigued. It then hit me. Did he just say several procedures? “What…what else did you do to me?”

Dr. Freiberg looked at Lena, who nodded. “I’ll tell her, doctor, after all, it was my idea.”

I glared at Lena, as a feeling of dread filled the pit of my stomach. “Tell me what? What else did he do to me…besides give me breasts?”

“He performed an orchiectomy on you,” she stated in a very matter-of-fact way.

“A what?” I asked as I searched my mind for the definition.

“It means he castrated you. Your tesicles have been removed and thus your body will no longer be producing that nasty testosterone. The female hormones you are on will now have a greater effect on your body. Combined with the paperwork I’ve submitted, you are now legally a woman. So Petra, you no longer have an excuse to leave the group.”

I gasped. “You castrated me?”

“It just sped up the process, Petra. The hormones you are on would have chemically castrated you in a few more months anyway. I just had the good doctor speed up the process. It was such good fortune that your band is on break,” said Lena. “Besides, you weren’t much of a male anyway.”

Before I could reply, the doctor began to talk.

“You should be well enough to start playing again in less than two weeks,” he interjected. “I used some very new procedures that will minimize your down time. The other plus is that the scars are very tiny, in time they won’t even be noticeable. Of course, you’ll need to stay on the hormones from now on…basically for the rest of your life. I’ve taken the liberty of providing Lena with a large supply. When you run out you can shift to Premarin.”

This was worse than any nightmare I had ever had. I felt waves of panic growing, but I held it in as I didn’t want to give Lena any pleasure. “Was Lori in on this?” I asked as I fought back tears.

Lena shook her head. “No, this was entirely my plan. Look, what is done is done; there is no reversing it. Life will be much easier for you if you just accept that you are now legally Petra Kensington and that you are female. In time we can finish the surgery so that you’ll be completely female, although there’s not much maleness left to you.” A small smirk appeared on her face.

“Fuck you,” I said as I glared at her.

“That’s it, let your anger out, but keep in mind, I’m still your guardian. When you turn twenty-one you can do whatever you want, but in the meantime you will play by my rules. Changing your name and gender was very easy; imagine what I can do to you if I put my mind to it.”

“I can call always the police,” I threatened. “I doubt they will find what you did was legal.”

She laughed. “No you won’t. Think what it will mean to Lori and the band? You can hate me, but you can’t hurt me without hurting them,” countered Lena.

She was right. I was totally fucked.

“Besides, I covered my tracks and have plenty of documentation that you wanted this. The good doctor has the records to prove it, in addition to the legal paperwork I submitted. You have a very easy signature to forge; I doubt anyone could tell the difference.”

“How can you sleep at night?” I asked.

“Very easily, Petra, I don’t feel any guilt over what I have done,” she replied calmly.

“How do I explain to the others…what has happened to me?” I asked.

“Tell them what you want, I suspect you will anyway, but remember you can’t expose what I did without hurting the others. I can also hurt them too, you’d be surprised the skeletons that they have in their closets.”

I nodded. For the time being she had won, but I would get my revenge somehow.

Chapter 21

I stayed in the loving care of Dr. “Freak-berg” for three more days before going home. At least he was right about the surgery, as I recovered very quickly and with little discomfort, all things considered.

It was strange feeling the new weight on my chest. My bra size was now 34-D for real. He said that it was very likely that I could gain one or two cups sizes over the next three to six months.

I looked at my face and ran my fingers across my lips. They were now thicker and almost pouty in appearance. It really made my face appear more feminine.

Dr Freak-berg told me that I could expect to see additional changes in my looks, thanks to the hormones and the fact that I no longer was producing testosterone. He said my overall looks would continue to soften.

I also overheard him tell Lena that I would gradually become more accepting of my situation and if she pressed the point, more compliant, possibly even submissive. That truly scared me, as the last thing I wanted was to be dominated by Lena.

From strictly a health point, I would continue to take the hormones in a liquid form in the shakes. It was the easiest way to take them. I was wary about them as I wondered if there was something in them besides hormones, but for now I had no choice.

With each passing day I accepted that I was now, for all practical purposes, a woman. Lena was right about that. That fight was lost, and I knew I had to look to my future, as Petra.

The only reminder of my old life was a small, limp penis. Dr Freak-berg told me that I there was the possibility that I could still have erections, but that overall I would have a much-reduced sexual drive. He said if I had sexual reassignment surgery, and had a vagina constructed, that I could achieve orgasms. This didn’t make me feel any better.

When I returned home, I told Lena that I wanted to move back to the cottage. I couldn’t stand living in the same house with her. To my surprise she didn’t argue.

Upon entering the cottage I could see why she was so agreeable. She had the cottage redecorated so it was more appropriate for a woman. The furniture had been replaced, and the walls were now painted a soft lavender. The bed was now a very feminine canopy bed. My rock posters had also been replaced with landscapes and portraits of flowers. All my male clothes were gone too. She had erased the last pieces of my male life.

“What do you think? This is much nicer for a young woman,” she stated, with a tone of arrogance.

“You won, you don’t have to rub it in,” I replied meekly.

“That was never in doubt, dear, the strong always control the weak. Oh, I took the liberty of getting this for you,” she stated as she handed me an envelope.

I opened it and looked inside.

“How did you manage this?” I asked as I took the card out.

“I have a client who has access to the DMV,” she replied.

It was a Rhode Island driver’s license that stated my name as Petra and my gender as female.

“I’ll soon have your new birth certificate and social security card. In a few more months Peter will be just a fond memory…at least in legal terms,” she continued.

“You killed him,” I said softly.

“I’d prefer to think that I’ve given birth to you, Petra. Now, while I don’t mind you living out here, I do expect you to eat all you meals with me,” she said. “I need to ensure that you take your hormones. Now that you have been…altered…you need to take your hormones regularly.”

I just nodded.

“Don’t worry, everything will be out in the open now,” she said, as if that would make a difference to me.

“Fine…what else can you do to me?” I muttered as she left.

Chapter 22

Lori came home the next day. She tracked me down in the cottage.

“What’s going on? Mom said that you moved back out here,” she said as she entered the cottage. She looked around at the new décor. “Whoa, what happened in here?”

I didn’t answer at first; instead I just stood up slowly and opened my top to expose my breasts.

Lori stared back in disbelief. She slowly walked closer. “What…what did you do?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything... Lena did this to me.” I sat down on the small couch and closed my top. I then told her what had happened in the past week.

A horrified look appeared on my sister’s face. “My god…I can’t believe it!” She sat down next to me and slipped her arm around me.

“Don’t you believe me? Do you want me to show you the rest?” I replied, as my voice began to crack.

“I…I didn’t mean that, Petra…oh dear god I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed. “Um, is it okay to hug you?”

I tried to answer, but could just nod as I stared to cry. Thankfully Lori didn’t wait for me to compose myself and she hugged me.

Now, I had cried a few times since Lena violated me, but I had fought back letting go. When Lori hugged me I broke down and starting sobbing.

Lori didn’t say a word. She just hugged me as comforted me. I mean, what could she say? I suspect that she was in shock by seeing what sort of things her mother was capable of.

Chapter 23

“So what now?” asked Lori as she handed me a cold wet washcloth.

“I move on,” I said as I placed it against my face. It felt so nice.

“You don’t mean you’re still going to stay in the band?”

I continued to wipe my face with the cloth. “Yes. Look, Lori, the band is all I have now. If I quit, I’ll go crazy.” I then told her what would happen if I exposed Lena.

“Don’t do this for me,” she said as she shook her head.

“It isn’t just for you. It’s for Jade, Chloe, Sofia, Mark, and for me. I have nothing else now. So let’s make the band as good as we can. When the time is right, I’ll get back at Lena. I need to think of a way to get her, without hurting anyone else. She said that she had dirt on everyone, and I wouldn’t put anything past her now.”

“Well, I’m with you,” said Lori. She looked around the cottage. “This is big enough for two people, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s no way I’m leaving you alone and there’s no way I’m living in the same house with HER. She won’t say a thing as she’ll think that it will be a passing phase. She underestimates me. When you turn twenty-one we’ll move out together, okay?”

“Thanks,” I replied.

“You turn twenty-one in less than a year, we can survive until then,” she said.

Chapter 24

The rest of the band was both shocked and equally supportive of me.

“If you want to turn that bitch in to the cops, don’t worry about us, I’m proud of all my past misdeeds,” stated Chloe. “Hell, doesn’t she know that having a reputation is an asset in rock and roll.”

“I have to agree with her, Petra. You don’t have to be a martyr for us,” added Sofia.

I shook my head. “I plan on getting back at her, but if I go to the authorities they might not believe me. I mean, she’ll point out that I’ve been dressing as a woman for months. She’ll also say, and rightfully so, she had nothing to do with the idea for me to play as Petra.”

“So what are you going to do?” asked Jade.

“I don’t know yet,” I replied. “I just know that I’m going to need your help to get through this.”

“Well, from now on, you’re just not Lori’s little sister now, Petra, consider us all your older sisters,” said Sofia.

“I agree with Sofia,” said Jade.

“Count me in,” said Chloe. “Of course that also means we want in on your revenge plans.”

I looked at them. “Are you sure?”

They all nodded.

“Petra, not to make light of what has happened to you, but this is truly a band of sisters now, and we’re all in it together,” said Lori.

I felt my emotions building up and all I could do was start crying as we hugged.

Chapter 25

Mark was also furious with Lena when we told him what she had done to me. In fact, he was all for turning her into the cops. We convinced him to wait.

“Trust me, I’ll think of something appropriate,” I promised

“It’s just not right, Petra. You didn’t deserve this,” he stated angrily. “You’re such a sweet person.”

It was the nicest thing that he had ever said and I hugged him for it.

So, we went back to playing. It felt great to back on the stage again. Sofia and the others helped pick out a new wardrobe for me. While I tried to keep my breasts covered up off stage, I had no problem wearing more revealing things while I played. Like it or not, this was my life now and I might as well make the most of it.

Our popularity continued to grow, thanks in part to the publicity of opening for Stacy.

We also began to play more and more original songs. I even helped Sofia by writing the music for some of her lyrics. Okay, I didn’t write them, instead I just played them and Chloe and Sofia put them down on paper. Still, I was given credit and keeping busy kept my sanity.

Off the stage, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I had periods of elation alternating with depression. I don’t think I could have survived without my sisters.

The worst times were when I was alone. That’s when the pain and anger came. I started drinking to ease the anger and pain. I sometimes smoked some weed too. I never had any trouble getting what I wanted. I also didn’t worry as I only did it when I was alone.

I also dropped the stage name. It seemed rather pointless since I was now officially Petra Kensington. In fact I used the name Petra K on stage.

Mark was able to get us into the studio again and we were able to produce a decent CD that we could sell at our shows.

Meanwhile, I was counting the days until Stacy returned. I hadn’t yet told her what happened to me, as I wanted to do it in person.

As for Lena, I kept my promise and ate breakfast with her, although I refused to speak to her. She didn’t seem to mind as she figured that she had won.

Chapter 26

I was so happy to see Stacy again. She had flown back to catch one of our shows and had snuck in wearing a long black wig.

Of course I told her what had happened and like the others she was very supportive.

“I know how it feels to be betrayed,” she told me later that evening when we were alone. “My step-father sexually abused me.”

“I’m so sorry,” I replied.

“In many ways, Lena did the same thing to you,” she continued.

“What did you do?”

“I was twelve at the time and thought no one would believe me. That’s when I threw myself into my music to get away from him. He was later caught trying the same thing on my younger sister. Thankfully I was able to get proof. I was sixteen at the time.”

“Where is he now?”

“Prison,” she replied. “I hope he rots there. So how do you plan on getting your revenge?”

“I’m not totally sure yet, but I’m working on an idea, but I’m still working the details out in my mind.”

“Let me know if I can help,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied softly.

“Now, tell me how you are handling all this…and don’t bullshit me,” said Stacy.

“I do okay when I’m performing or practicing with the band. It’s when I’m alone and have time to think that it hits me. I mean she stole my gender,” I replied.

“Are you self-medicating?” she asked. “Be honest, Petra.”

I nodded. “Nothing serious, just some wine…or sometimes some vodka… or whiskey… or a little dope…sometimes all of the above.”

She shook her head. “I’ve been there, Petra, it doesn’t help.”

“It takes away the pain,” I said.

“But it doesn’t last,” she countered.

“It doesn’t have any affect on my playing,” I said.

“That’s what I used to say.”

“I only do it when I’m alone,” I continued.

“That’s what I used to say.”

“It’s not like I’m going to shift to anything harder,” I explained, almost as if I was trying to convince her…and convince myself.

“I said the same things…before I shifted to painkillers and harder things,” she said. “It only makes things worse. Petra, when you hurt too bad, call me and we’ll talk. I also think you should see a therapist.”

“You think so?” I asked softly as I wiped away a tear.

Stacy nodded. “You’re what, twenty?”

I nodded. “And a few months.”

Stacy smiled at that comment. “You’re got you’re whole life ahead of you, Petra. Don’t be thickheaded like me. Therapy helped, I just wish I had started it sooner. If you want I can give you the number of my therapist.”

I could sense that this wasn’t as much an offer as it was an order; still I was glad to accept her help.

“Okay,” I replied.

Stacy pulled a business card out her pocket. “I figured you could use some help.”

I read the card. The woman’s name was Dr. Angela Sullivan and her office was in Providence.

“She only sees women…of all kinds,” added Stacy.

I just nodded.

“If it means anything, at least you look nice,” she continued.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“She really did a number on your chest.”

I looked down at my breasts. I was still in my performance clothes and was showing quite a bit of cleavage. I was now up to a 34-DD bra. “I’m gradually getting used to them; although it they get much bigger it will make playing difficult.”

“I know all about that,” she replied with a giggle as she cupped her own large breasts.

We were soon laughing uncontrollably.

Chapter 27

We were back on tour with Stacy’s band. The tour would start in Baltimore and work up to Boston, with stops in Philadelphia, New York, Harford, and Providence in between. The Baltimore show was the first time we would be playing outside of our fan base.

Stacy was very supportive as always and told us she knew that we’d be great.

We also got along great with the other members of her band. In many ways they adopted us and helped us get better.

The Baltimore show was great, although I almost exposed myself as my breasts came close to popping out of my top. Thankfully, I was in the shadows when it happened and only Chloe saw it. She told me that she almost lost it when she saw it happen.

I wish I could say more about the shows, but they were a blur. The good thing was that the crowd liked us.

In Harford we were doing our sound check, when Stacy came out on stage.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to ask Petra a favor,” she said.

“What is it?” I asked.

“How well do you know our sets? I mean you’ve watched every show from off stage,” she said.

I nodded. “I guess I know all the songs, why?”

“Stu just quit,” she announced.

“Why?” I asked.

“He said it was personal and he had to work some things out in his life,” she continued.

“You’re kidding,” I exclaimed.

“Anyway, we have a show tonight and no bass player, you want to try it?”

“Do it, Petra,” urged Lori.

I turned and could see everyone in the band was nodding in agreement.

“Can you handle playing two shows?” asked Stacy.

I nodded. “That’s the easy part; I’ve been doing that for several months. But do you think I’m good enough?”

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be asking you,” she replied. “So?”

“I’m in,” I said.

“Great, when you get done here, I’ll run through the songs with you and the rest of my band. Thanks, Petra.”

She left the stage and then it began to sink in. It was one thing playing in the warm up band, but to play with a star like Stacy was amazing.

“You can do this, Petra,” said Mark. “Stu’s a hack compared to you.”

“Thanks, but Stu is a lot better than me,” I replied.

“Maybe, but this is your chance,” he said.

“I’m so excited for you, Petra,” said Lori excitedly. “It will also burn Mom’s ass to know you got a break before me!” She started to laugh.

I nervously laughed too, but I was too worried thinking about what I was about to do.

Chapter 28

Stacy did her best to ease my fears.

“I know you can do this, Petra. Follow our lead, and don’t be afraid to have fun with this,” she said as she reviewed the evening’s play list.

“Fun? I just don’t want to make the rest of you look bad,” I replied with a nervous laugh as I reviewed the list. I looked over the songs, there was nothing new and that made me feel better.

“You’ll do fine, kid,” said Greg, her drummer. “I’ve watched you play a few times and you’re damn good. Besides, at least we’ll know you’ll be sober for the show.”

“He’s kidding. Stu never got drunk until after the show,” interjected Kenny, one of her guitar players. “Afterwards…that was a whole other story.”

Jack the other guitar player, and who never spoke shook his shaved head in disagreement.

“Not so much lately,” said Greg.

“Yeah, I have to agree with Greg,” said Kim, the brunette saxophone player. “Stu was drunk last night. Not falling down drunk, but he was drunk.”

“Stu was too professional to be a falling down drunk,” said Lenny, the keyboard player. “He was just sober enough to play, but drunk enough not to play well.”

“It’s not the first time he’s let a band down,” said Nelson, who played sax and several other brass instruments. “I was with him ten years ago and he was a lush then. I thought he had changed.”

“Enough, what’s done is done, Stu is gone. So is everyone okay about Petra playing with us for now?” asked Stacy.

The musicians looked at each other. No one initially said a thing.

“She’s in,” said Greg with a grin.

Stacy and her band then gave me a crash course on how to perform with them. The acceptance by her band also made feel at ease.

When we finished, Stacy motioned for me to follow her.

“Come, on Petra, I want to show you something.”

We walked into her dressing room and she pulled a dress out of her wardrobe. It was a short black leather dress. It had a halter-top and laced up back.

“This should fit you perfectly,” she said as she held it front of me.

“This is really nice, thank you, Stacy,” I replied as I held the dress. It was made of very soft leather.

“You’re welcome. I bought it for you to wear at your next show, but I want you to wear it tonight. You look fabulous in leather.”

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Try it on,” she said.

I hesitated.

“Come on, we’re both girls,” she said with a grin.

I nodded and began to undress.

“Wow,” said Stacy softly. “Your body has really changed.”

“I know,” I replied. “The hormones have really done their job.”

“The only part that they operated on was your breasts?” she asked.

“As far as plastic surgery is concerned yes, oh Dr. Freak-berg puffed up my lips too,” I replied.

Stacy laughed. “Sorry, but that’s a good one.”

I smiled back. “There’s nothing to apologize for. The guy is a fuckin’ freak. I think he got off on what he did to me.”

“That’s possible,” said Stacy as her eyes moved down my body. “Looking at you right now I would never suspect you were born male.”

I looked down. My panties were flat and didn’t give away the truth about my gender, as my tiny penis was tucked away.

“Um, Petra, can I ask...”

“It’s okay,” I said as I pulled down my panties to expose my minuscule penis.

“Wow,” she said. “I had no idea it would be…”

“So small? I know, it continues to shrink. I still have some sensation in it, but I can’t really get hard. I have more sensation in my nipples,” I replied as I tucked it back between my legs.

“I wish I knew what to say,” she said.

I smiled back at her as I slipped on the dress. “Just you being here helps.”

Stacy got up and helped adjust the back laces.

“How does it feel?” she asked.

“Great, it fits perfectly,” I replied.

“It will look great with those boots you have with the sliver plated heels,” said Stacy.

I looked at myself in the mirror and nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Can you play in it?”

I moved around and nodded. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Good,” she replied. “Well, you better head back to your dressing room and do your makeup.”

“Thanks for the dress…and thanks for everything,” I said.

She leaned over and gave me a hug.

Chapter 29

“Are you ready?” asked Stacy as I stood next to her off stage.

“As much as I ever will be,” I replied nervously.

“You’ll be fine,” she said.

With that, I was given my cue and I headed out on the stage with the rest of Stacy’s band.

I was an emotional wreck and was fighting off panic as I took my place. I had no right to be on the stage and I knew that I was about to make a colossal fool of myself.

However, as soon as we started playing a sense of clarity swept through me. All self-doubt melted away and it was as if I was playing with my own band.

The show flew by and I was shocked when we finished the opening set.

“Great job, Petra,” said Kim as she hugged me.

The rest of the band also congratulated me. Stacy was especially pleased.

“I think we found a replacement for Stu,” said Greg.

“I think you’re right,” she said.

The rest of the show was so much fun. I have to admit that I got a rush as Stacy introduced us during the encore.

“Last and definitely not least and making her debut with the band is our new bass player, Petra K!”

While the spotlight blinded me, I could hear the loud cheers and applause, especially the cheering from my sisters standing off stage.

Chapter 30

The post-concert celebration was fantastic. I was on such an emotional high that I felt was if I was walking three feet off the ground.

I was talking to Lori and the others when Stacy walked over.

“How do you feel about finishing out our tour?” she asked.

“You mean through Boston, sure, that would be great,” I replied.

Stacy shook her head. “No, I’m talking about our next forty-five shows. It will last another three months, maybe longer if we add more dates. Before you say anything, this was a group decision; the rest of the band loves your playing.”

I looked at my sisters. This was a great opportunity, but it would mean leaving them.

“Don’t worry about us,” said Sofia.

“You can’t pass this up…especially after everything you’ve been through,” said Chloe.

“I agree with them, Petra,” added Lori. “Besides, this will really piss Mom off.”

“Oh, I forgot to mention that we want Band of Sisters to open for us for the rest of the tour, if that’s not a problem,” interjected Stacy.

“You mean that?” I asked excitedly.

Stacy nodded. “We weren’t happy with the sound of the other bands we had auditioned. Your sound complements ours very nicely.”

We all turned and looked at Mark.

“I’ll make the calls to cancel our local shows. I don’t expect any problems as I’ll promise to do some shows when we get back,” he said.

“Great,” replied Stacy. “I’ll work out the details with you Mark.”

Chapter 31

Stacy pulled me aside after the show.

“Can you handle this?” she asked. “And I don’t mean just the playing.”

“I think so,” I replied.

“Now that you’re my bass player I won’t tolerate you being messed up. The truth is Stu didn’t quit; I let him go as his drinking was getting out of hand. He’s currently going through rehab. I love you like a sister Petra, but I take my career very seriously,” she continued.

“I won’t let you…or myself down,” I said.

“Have you made an appointment yet with Dr. Sullivan?” she asked.

I nodded. “When we’re in Providence.”

Stacy smiled. “Great. Look, Petra, you’re only twenty and have your whole life ahead of you. I know you can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

Chapter 32

“My god, we’re really going on a national tour,” said Lori.

We were changing into our street clothes for the ride back to the hotel.

“I know,” I replied.

“Do you mind playing both shows?”

I shook my head. “I like the challenge. Besides, playing is when I feel free.”

“Are you going to see that shrink Stacy recommended?”

“Yes, I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon in Providence. Dr. Sullivan had an opening; I suspect that Stacy called her.”

“I’m glad you’re getting some help,” said Lori. “You’ve been worrying me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

“I know about your drinking,” she said.

“Oh. Well, it’s not that bad,” I replied.

“Really? You’re going though at least a bottle some nights. Yes, I have seen the empties, you’re not very good at hiding them” she said. “Oh, you’ve also been smoking a lot of pot. The air freshener you’ve been using doesn’t work all that well.”

I nodded.

“Hey, we’re sisters remember, you can’t hide anything from me,” she continued. “I also care a lot about you. I don’t want to see you hurt any more.”

“You’re so nice to me. Are you sure that Lena’s your mom?” I asked.

Lori laughed. “I have my doubts sometimes.”

Chapter 33

“Is this the place?” asked Lori pointing to the building.

I looked at the printout from Mapquest and then at the house again. “I think so. Dr. Sullivan said it was a three story redbrick house. Oh, there’s the number, this is it.”

We found a parking spot a half block away.

“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to,” I said.

“I don’t mind,” she replied.

Dr. Sullivan met us at the front door. She was much older than I expected, but then I remembered Stacy telling me that Dr. Sullivan had been in practice for over thirty years.

She was a thin woman, who was wearing a tailored suit. What surprised me was that she was holding a small orange colored kitten.

“Please come in,” she said. “I’m afraid that Pumpkin IV will scoot out if I give him the chance.”

Once we were inside she placed the kitten down. He immediately darted down the hall.

“I’m Petra and this is my sister, Lori,” I said as I extended my hand.

“Pleased to meet both of you, I’m Dr. Sullivan, but you can call me Angela,” she said. She had a very calming smile and I immediately felt as if I could trust her.

“Lori, you can wait in this room over here,” she continued.

Lori gave me a quick hug and whispered good luck.

I followed Angela into her office. She pointed to a large overstuffed chair. “Please sit down, Petra.”

I was dressed in a tan skirt and a green blouse and, as I sat down, I made sure my skirt was straight.

She then sat down across from me. “Feel free to start from wherever you feel comfortable.”

“What did Stacy tell you?” I asked.

“Just that you’ve undergone some rather traumatic events,” answered Angela.

I crossed my arms over my large breasts. “Did she tell you that I was once a guy?”

Angela just smiled. “That seems likes a good place to start, Petra.”

Chapter 34

We talked for nearly two hours and I told her my story. I was wiping my eyes from the numerous times I broke out in tears as we finished.

“Since you’re going on tour we can do our sessions over the phone until you get back,” said Angela.

“I’d like that,” I replied.

“Look, Petra, you have been violated; it will take time for you to adjust.”

“I know what you’re going to say, but I can’t turn Lena in for what she did. It would hurt too many others. I’ll be twenty-one soon and can move away from her.”

“Okay, I’ll respect your wishes for now. But if she does anything else to abuse you I will report her,” said Angela.

“I’m not going to give her the chance,” I replied.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself either,” she continued.

“I’ll be okay. Between Stacy and Lori, I’ll be watched after. I have too much to live for now.”

We stepped out of her office to find Lori playing with the kitten. She was sitting on the floor dangling a cat toy in front of Pumpkin IV, who was attacking it with vigor.

“What an adorable kitten,” squealed Lori as she scooped the kitten up into her hands.

“He’s a little terror,” said Angela. “Unfortunately, I have a thing for orange cats.”

Lori stood up and handed the kitten to Angela.

“I think he’s sweet,” said Lori.

“He is,” said Angela as she stroked the kitten that purred contently.

“I’ll call you next Tuesday,” I said.

“I’m looking forward to it, Petra,” said Angela.

We hugged and left.

Chapter 35

We stayed at a downtown hotel instead of going home. Lori had told Lena about the tour. Lori said that Lena asked her if she would get a chance to perform with Stacy.

“That’s when I hung up on her,” said Lori as we sat on one of the beds.

“Wow, maybe you should start seeing Angela too,” I replied.

“Might not be a bad idea,” said Lori. “I’m so fed up with her meddling in my life. I mean she changed you just because she thought it would help my career!”

“I know,” I replied.

“When we get back from the tour we should get a place together…away from the house. Mark says we’ll be making good money on the tour, combined with your money we should be able to get away from Lena.”

I cocked my head. “You called her Lena.”

Lori nodded. “She doesn’t deserve to be called Mom anymore after what she did to you.”

We immediately started hugging.

“I need to grab a nap before the show,” I said. “Thanks for talking.”

“No booze or pot, right?”

I nodded.

Chapter 36

I kept my promise and stayed sober. The show in Providence was very special for me as it was our hometown.

The easiest part of life was when I was on stage, then everything made sense and I knew I could trust the people around me.

It was when I wasn’t playing that life became difficult. Thankfully, both bands kept an eye on me. In many ways they were my family now. While Lena was still my legal guardian, for all practical purposes I had disowned her.

Stacy was wonderful and really helped me.

We drove to straight to Boston after the Providence show and I woke up after only a few hours of sleep. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost five in the morning. The pain and anger over what Lena did to me began to grow. I was a little hesitant to call Stacy, but I could feel the urge to drink growing.

She immediately came up to my hotel room.

“Sorry to wake you,” I said as she stepped into my room.

“Nothing to apologize for, Petra. I want you clean and sober, but more importantly I want you to be happy,” she said.

We sat down on the bed and talked.

“I have a new worry,” I said.

“A new one? What’s the matter with all the old ones?” she asked.

I smiled. “No, seriously, as we tour what do I tell people about my past? I mean, it wasn’t a big deal when I was playing bars in Rhode Island.”

“How about the truth…or a version of it?” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re legally female now, right?”

I nodded.

“And if some one checks deep enough they’ll find that you were born male, right?”

Again I nodded.

“Tell them you’re transgendered. We’ll all support you. I will truthfully tell anyone who asks that you’re my bass player because you’re really good, not because of your gender. It might be a big deal initially, but after a while it will fade,” she said.

“That sounds easier than it actually will be,” I replied.

“Oh, I didn’t say it would be easy. But the best defense is a good offense. They will tire of it after a while,” she said.

“So do you expect my secret will get out?”

Stacy nodded.

I sighed.

“Petra, this isn’t going to be easy, but you have a lot of people you can count on. My band and staff all know and are supportive, and your band…well they’re wonderful.”

“I know,” I replied.

“So you okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“No self medication, right?”

I raised my right hand. “I promise.”

She smiled and looked at her watch. “Let’s go get some breakfast. I know a good diner down the block.”

Chapter 37

Stacy was right, as the food was very good.

“The one good thing about touring is that you know where the 24-hour places are,” she said.

I was eating scrambled eggs and bacon. Stacy had an omelet. We both had coffee.

The waitress was a young woman with short black hair with purple streaks, probably in her twenties. Her nametag said her name was Vikki.

“Do you need anything else?” she asked.

“Just the bill, please,” replied Stacy.

Vikki leaned over and whispered. “Excuse me, but are you Stacy Black?”

The only other people in the diner were businessmen and women and I doubt they listened to Stacy’s music.

“Yes, I am, are you a fan?” asked Stacy.

“You bet! I have all your CDs,” she replied excitedly. “This is so cool! I saw you play last year in Wooster. I tried to get tickets for your show tonight but it sold out so quickly. I even tried to buy them online, but the prices were too high. I can barely afford tuition, that’s why I work here. Sorry, you don’t need to hear all my problems. But can I please have you autograph?”

Stacy smiled and asked for a pen. I was very impressed by the way she handled herself in public. She signed her autograph on the back of one of menus and then passed the pen and menu to me.

“This is Petra K, my new bass player,” said Stacy.

“Oh yeah, I know you, you’re in Band of Sisters. I saw you play earlier this year, you’re good,” said Vikki. “I read online that you’re playing in both bands for the tour.”

I nodded as I signed the menu. It was my first autograph.

“This is so cool,” said Vikki as she held the menu. “Now my friends will believe me!”

“What’s your last name, Vikki?” asked Stacy.

“Marsh,” replied Vikki. “Why do you want to know?”

“I’ll be leaving two tickets for you at will call for tonight’s show. Just show your ID,” said Stacy.”

Vikki’s eyes opened wide. “Oh… My… God!”

“Have a great time,” said Stacy as she paid for our meal.

As we started to leave, Vikki came from around the counter and hugged both of us. “Thank you so much!”

“Enjoy the show,” said Stacy as we left.

“I will,” she squealed.

“That was so cool,” I said after we left.

“The perks of being a rock star,” replied Stacy with a laugh. “You have to be nice to your fans, always remember that.”

“I will,” I replied.

“You’ll also learn that being on tour is a lot of work. All the stories you hear that bands forget where they’re playing are true. I mean after a while all hotels start to look the same…and sleeping on the bus really sucks. You need a distraction every now and then to keep yourself sane,” she continued. “What I’m saying is that you need something to fill the off time…and avoid temptation.”

“I understand,” I replied.

“Just so you know, I’ve put the word out that no one is to give you any booze or pot. If they do I’ll fire them. First off, you’re underage; second, you’re carrying a lot of emotional baggage that you need to resolve, and lastly I don’t want you to repeat the same stupid mistakes I’ve made.”

“Thank you, Stacy,” I said. In a way I was glad that I was being watched and protected. It filled a void that I had had since my dad had died.

“I like you a lot, Petra, but I want to remind you again that the same rules apply to you too. If you can’t stay clean then I’ll let you go,” continued Stacy.

“I won’t let you down,” I promised.

Chapter 38

After Boston we headed to the Midwest. We had two buses that took us to the various cities that we played. Sometimes we slept on the buses and other times we got hotel rooms.

I loved performing in both bands, even though it was tiring at times. Playing was so much fun and I was growing as a musician. With each show I was becoming more confident in my playing.

As far as my off-stage life went, it was trying at times. Thankfully, my friends and my own growing willpower kept me sober. Additionally, I talked to Angela twice a week, sometimes more often.

It was in Columbus Ohio or it could have been Indianapolis…or maybe it was Chicago, that I borrowed an acoustic guitar from Jade.

She gladly loaned it to me, but she insisted that I tell her why I wanted it.

“I have an idea for a song, and I need to work out the cords,” I replied.

“Cool, what’s it about?” she asked.

“A vent on what was done to me by Lena,” I replied.

“Very cool,” she said.

“Can you keep this a secret for now?” I asked.

Jade nodded. “But you know how nosey everyone is. Don’t count on keeping this a secret for long.”

“I know,” I replied. “I’ll need help later anyway as I’ll need you musical types to write it down for me.”

Jade shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re as good as you are and you can’t read music.”

I began to strum the guitar.

“Is that the melody?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Good start,” she said as she got up to leave. “Let me know when you need help, Petra.”

“Thanks, Jade.”

Chapter 39

As the tour progressed, I had my good days and bad days. I nearly gave in to temptation the afternoon I got a call from Lena.

“I was just checking in to see if you’re still on your medicine,” she said.

“That’s a nice greeting,” I replied flatly. “I’m fine thank you.”

“Come now, Petra, I know you don’t like me. I however don’t want you to get sick,” she said.

“I know, if I get sick it could have a negative affect on Lori’s career,” I replied sarcastically.

She ignored my comment. “Are you continuing to change?”

My bra size was now 36-DD and my hips were an inch larger too. I had to admit that I had a very shapely figure now. I had just studied my body the previous morning when I stepped out of the shower. There was little masculinity left. In some ways I looked more like a girl who was growing a penis.

“Yes,” I replied without details.

“When you get back home, I would like to spend some time with you. I think mold you into a more polite person,” she said.

I bit my tongue. I had no intention of spending any time with her. I just wanted to stay with the band, and when I turned twenty-one get my money and never see her again. “Anything else?”

“I want you to use your influence to get Lori some time on stage with Stacy,” she ordered.

“That’s out of my control,” I replied.

“Try then. You know dear, I’m still your legal guardian. I can pull you off that tour if I wanted to just like that.”

“If you did you’d hurt Lori too,” I countered.

“That’s the only thing that’s saving you. You know what I am capable of. I changed your gender, and I can take other steps to control you. I’ve made it to my position by knowing how to use and manipulate people. You have a very submissive personality and I will use that against you. You crave control don’t you?”

“No…no I don’t,” I replied.

She laughed. “Please! I can hear your submission in your voice, so meek and weak. You’re such a pathetic little girl, you need someone to control you, and if not me you will seek out someone who will do it. You’ll meet someone who will sense how weak you are and they will use that against you, and who knows what will happen to you.”

I began to wonder if Lena was losing her mind. Granted, I did feel less aggressive since Dr. Freak-berg operated on me, but she was wrong if she thought I would give in to her.

“Stop it!” I snapped. I wanted to be strong but I was on the verge of crying and it showed in my voice.

“Stop it! Are you going to start crying?” she said in a very mocking tone. “How precious. Now, Petra, you need to think about your future, my dear. I mean, you’re not very smart, and you know that. You barely passed high school, and there’s not a lot that a girl like you can do. I can guide you into an appropriate career choice, nothing too difficult or taxing mentally. You need me, Petra.”

I was trembling from anger… and fear.

“What if I call the press and tell them what you are?” she continued. “Oh, one more thing… don’t forget, I can also hurt the others around you, Now promise me little girl that you’ll do what it takes to help Lori, I expect to hear that she is getting her chance soon or I’ll have you working as a waitress in some dive in Fall River or something EVEN worse. You know that I’m not kidding.”

“I…I’ll see what I can do. Good bye,” I said as I ended the call.

It was a good thing that I was being watched like a hawk; otherwise I would have gotten so ripped. What really scared me was that the idea of ending it all flashed through my head. It was one thing to hurt me, but the rest of the band? I couldn’t live with myself if she did something to hurt them.

“Fuck it!” I screamed as I threw a pillow across the room. “I fucking hate you!”

Lori was staying in a room next to mine and she must have heard my outburst. She knocked and entered my room. By the time she came in I was lying on the bed sobbing.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she sat down next to me and began to rub my back and shoulders.

“Lena!” I cried.

“Shit! What did she do now?”

I looked up at my sister with tears rolling down my cheeks. “She won’t let go of me. I think she actually enjoys hurting me.”

“Tell me what happened, Petra.”

“Do you have anything to drink?” I begged meekly. “Please?”

Lori shook her head. “Christ, was it that bad?”

I wiped my eyes as I nodded. “Worse.”

Lori pulled out her cell and called Stacy. I was too much of a wreck to argue.

Chapter 40

Stacy stopped along the way and brought Sofia, Chloe, and Jade.

They all sat around as I told them about Lena’s call.

“I should call her up and tell her to mind her own fucking business!” exclaimed Lori.

“I’ve never met her and I hate her,” said Stacy.

“Join the club,” I said softly.

“Petra, it’s obvious that she thinks the fear of you being exposed against you. Why not beat her to it?” said Sofia.

I shook my head. I then looked at Jade, who nodded.

“I have an idea, but it’s not ready…not yet,” I said.

“What do you mean?” asked Stacy.

I got up and retrieved the guitar and my notes. “I’ve been working on this song…it’s a vent on my feelings towards Lena.”

Lori began to read the lyrics that I had been writing. “Wow.” She then passed them around.

Stacy nodded as she read them. “These are very powerful. What’s the tune like?”

I started to play.

Lori started to sing the lyrics along with Stacy.

The words came out telling of my rage of being abused, mutilated, threatened, and controlled by Lena. They described how my very soul was scarred by her selfishness. I never mentioned Lena by name, but it was definitely about her. The song ended with an expression of total defiance towards her.”

“I’m not totally happy with the tempo of the song yet,” I said.

“It’s perfect,” said Stacy. “It’s like a combination of ‘You’re so Vain’ and Alanis Morissette’s ‘You Oughta Know.’ It’s extremely emotional,” stated Stacy. “When do you want to do it?”

“I can’t sing,” I replied. “I want one of you to sing it.”

“I’d love to,” said Lori. “However, it might be better if Stacy did it. It would also have a better chance of getting airtime.”

Stacy nodded. “Petra, you sure you don’t want to try it?”

I shook my head. “I’ll play on it, but you’ve heard me sing.”

“You’re not that bad,” said Lori.

“I’ll just be happy to hear it played,” I said.

“I’ll do it then. I think it will be big. The question is, as this song has so much of you in it, are you ready for the publicity?” asked Stacy.

I nodded. “Sofia is right. If I out myself, Lena’s power over me is gone.”

“Let’s do it then,” said Lori.

“On one condition,” said Stacy. “I’ll sing lead, but I want Band of Sisters to play back up. This is good, and this could be a big break for you.”

I looked at the others, who all nodded in agreement. “Okay, we’ll do it.”

Chapter 41

Stacy said that she had planned to give all of our band’s members time on the stage with her band, even before Lena’s threat.

“Lori, I’ll work you into the Houston show, that’s a week from now,” said Stacy.

“I don’t want to give in to her blackmail,” said Lori.

“We’re not, Lori,” replied Stacy. “This is a delaying action until the song is published. Lena will think that she won. By the time she realizes what has happened, Petra will be twenty-one and there is nothing she can do.”

“She can always sue me,” I said. “Or do something worse.”

Stacy shook her head. “First, you never mention her by name in the song. Second, if she does sue you, then she’ll have to answer a lot of questions. No, I think she’ll just seethe in silence.”

“But she may still come after me,” I continued. “She’ll also hurt the rest of the band.”

“She’s not the only one who plays dirty. I have an old family friend whose husband is a PI. I imagine that he can dig up enough dirt on Lena to keep her silent,” said Stacy. “I’ll call her up and cash in some favors.”

“I can tell him some places to start looking,” added Lori.

Stacy nodded. “Excellent. Lena’s outnumbered in this fight.”

I realized how lucky I was to have such good friends. “Thank you.”

Chapter 42

Sofia and Jade helped me put the song down on paper, while at the same time teaching me how to do it. Mark wanted in so and he helped us work on the instrumentation. I was learning so much about music thanks to this collaboration.

Around the time we pulled into Houston, we had started practicing the song. The title wasn’t set, but it was tentatively called “You Lost.” Okay, it wasn’t great, but it was a start.

I was still on edge over Lena’s threats. I wasn’t sure, but I suspected that the others had made a pact to ensure that was I never alone. I was grateful for this constant supervision as the urge to self-medicate was very strong.

Part of me wondered what I had done wrong to deserve Lena’s wrath. Maybe this was entirely my fault. Maybe I was stupid and weak like she said. But I shook these doubts away. I was a really good musician, I was smart, and I had my whole life ahead of me, and if things continued as they were with the band, it was a very bright future.

Chapter 43

Stacy pulled me aside after the Houston show and told me she had just gotten the first report from her detective friend.

“Here, read this,” she said as she handed me several pieces of paper.

In just two weeks, the detective had uncovered several illegal deals that Lena was involved in ranging from questionable billing practices to paying off witnesses. The investigation was strictly in the beginning stages, but it was apparent that the detective had already uncovered a considerable mound of dirt on Lena. He claimed he had enough to bring her up on ethics charges with the state bar.

“I’m stunned that he was able to find out so much so soon,” I said. .

“Apparently Lena has made a lot of enemies over the years and the people she had hurt on the way up are very willing to talk,” she said. “Lena strikes me as a very arrogant person, who cannot contemplate anyone standing up to her. I imagine she has used extortion so often that she just assumes that everyone will comply.”

“Is this the detective’s name?” I asked pointing to a name at the bottom of the second sheet.

“Yes, that’s him,” she replied.

“Max Bowie; it sounds like the name of a detective in one of those old film noir movies,” I said.

Stacy laughed. “I’ll have to tell him that, Max would like that description. He helped me out several years ago when someone took nude photos of me and tried to blackmail me. He also helped me with another issue.”

“How did you meet him?” I asked.

“His wife is an old family friend. Have you ever heard of the writer Faith Collins? She writes the Erin Flynn detective stories.”

“I’ve seen the show. I don’t read much,” I confessed.

“You should try these. The show is good, and I love the actress who plays Erin, but the books are better. Anyway, Faith’s been married to Max forever.”

“And she’s a family friend?”

Stacy nodded. “Faith even babysat me a couple of times.”

“Wow. You have had an interesting life,” I replied.

“Mostly good,” she replied. “Anyway it was Max who was the one who actually caught my step-father. I told Max what the bastard had done to me and how he was moving in on my sister. Max also ensured that there was no trial.”

“How did he do that?”

“Max told my step-father that it was in his ‘best interest’ to plead guilty and to accept the maximum punishment.” She made the quotation marks with her fingers.

“You mean he threatened him?”

“Basically,” said Stacy with a shrug. “Max told him that the only thing a trial would accomplish was to hurt us. If it went to trial, Max said that he would ensure that my stepfather had a very rough time in prison. Personally, I could have handled the trial, but my sister would have been ruined. I don’t feel guilty about what Max did.”

I nodded.

“So the plan is to show Lena a mountain of evidence against her and hopefully she’ll realize that we can hurt her too,” continued Stacy. “It will be up to her if she wants to push it or let it go.”

Chapter 44

Lori sang two songs with Stacy and I don’t know who was more thrilled, her or me. I didn’t bother to tell Lena as I figured she would find out one way or another.

After the show while we had our usual post-concert party, Stacy asked us when we would be ready to record the song.

“The reason I ask is that I have some studio time reserved while we’re in Denver next month. We have two songs to record for our new CD and I would like to include the song on it. I would prefer for you to put it out on your own, but we need to get it out sooner than later. Besides, playing on my CD should get you noticed a lot faster.”

Before I could speak, Sofia spoke. ‘We’ll be ready.”

“I agree,” added Lori.

I just nodded.

“Great,” replied Stacy.

“Um, how does the rest of your band feel about this?” asked Jade. “I mean, we don’t want to cause any problems.”

Stacy just laughed. “Why not ask them? Guys, what do think me about doing Petra’s song with Band of Sisters on our next CD?”

“As long as we get paid, who cares?” said Greg.

“I think it’s great. Besides if the song is a hit it will sell more CDs for us,” added Kenny.

“It’s Petra’s song, so it just makes sense,” added Kim.

The other band members also agreed.

“There, any more questions?” asked Stacy.

“I guess it’s a done deal,” I replied.

Chapter 45

On the bus ride to San Antonio Lori sat down next to me.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked.

“Tired,” I replied. “But it’s a good sort of tired.”

“What about from what Lena did to you?”

“Hollow,” I replied honestly. “Thanks to the surgery, I have no sexual drive and it feels strange… it was so strong before… and I don’t know if I’ll ever have it again, unless I change my body some more.”

“You mean if you have the surgery to become a woman?” she asked.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Are you going to have it?”

“I guess so; I mean my life as a guy is over. Look at me,” I said as I cupped my breasts and then ran my hands down my body. “Even if I had the implants removed and started to take male hormones I’ll never be the way I was. I would just look somewhat male, but I would still be…incomplete. From what I’ve read online, I could have a sex life if I had a vagina. It just makes sense that I accept the fact that I’m female and move on.”

“I suppose that’s the best alternative,” she said. “Damn, I’m so sorry I initially talked you into doing this. I mean, I knew Lena was obsessive about my career…”

“There’s no way you could have known,” I said as I interrupted her. “Look, the idea of having me dress up to play was a good idea. It gave the band a great opportunity.”

“Yeah, but what at what cost? You can tell me that you accept it, but I’ve seen you struggle with your demons. Petra, I’m still worried about you,” she said.

From the look on her face, I could see how serious she was and that she really cared about me.

“Thanks. I know I have problems…and urges. I’m just glad that they haven’t taken over,” I said.

“You mean the drinking and drugs?”

“Among other things,” I replied as I looked out the window.

Lori reached over and took my hands into hers. “You don’t mean…”

I turned back and nodded as I interrupted her again. “Yes, I thought about killing myself. The feelings were strongest right after Lena’s call. But I’ve put it out of my mind…thanks to you… and everyone else. I’ve also decided that I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of winning,” I replied. “And before you ask, yes I’ve talked to Angela about the idea of killing myself.”

Lori punched me in then arm and then immediately hugged me. “Damnit, Petra, you’d better not kill yourself. You can’t leave me alone, you’re my sister!”

Okay, that did it and we were both crying, but it was a good cry.

Chapter 46

The next several weeks were so extremely busy that I had little free time, which was just what I needed.

Between the various concerts we practiced the song. It was really starting to come together and everyone was pleased, especially Stacy.

“I think this will be a big hit,” she told me as we walked off the stage in Santa Fe following our practice session. “I just wish you’d try to do the vocals.”

“I can’t…my singing voice is bad in both genders,” I replied.

“Actually, I think you’re starting to developed a nice feminine voice,” said Stacy.

I had been getting coaching from Lori and Sofia on making my voice sound more feminine. Granted it was still a bit husky. Sofia said that many women have voices like that. I asked for examples and she told me Lauren McCall and Kim Carnes, although she had to tell me who the later was.

“My voice passes, but I still can’t sing. Besides, if I tried to sing it I wouldn’t make it through the first couple of lines. It’s too personal for me,” I replied.

“That makes sense,” said Stacy. “I tried to write a song about what my bastard step-father did to me, but never finished it. Some wounds are best left untouched.”

“Can I ask you something, Stacy?”

She nodded.

“Not that I don’t appreciate it or anything and I love being your friend, but I can’t figure out is why you’ve taken such an interest in me.”

“I guess it’s because I see a lot of me in you. You remind me of what I was like at your age. Yes, I know, I’m only eight years older than you, but in rock years that’s much longer. I quit school when I was sixteen to join a band, I was on the road, singing backup when I was seventeen, I was in rehab when I was nineteen, and again when I was twenty-one. I’ve also been arrested once for DWI when I was twenty-two. I’ve been clean since then and don’t want to see you make the same mistakes…or worse ones.”

I stared back ay her. “So you know?”

“Lori told me,” she said. “You’re lucky to have a sister like her.”

“I’m not going to kill myself and I haven’t had a drink or any dope since we’ve been on tour. I still have urges for the stuff some nights, but I suppose that will be with me for a while, right?”

“I still get them,” said Stacy. “What about the first thing?”

I shook my head. “I know that if I do that, then Lena will win and I don’t want to give that miserable bitch the satisfaction.”

Stacy smiled back. “Good for you. Okay, you ready for another challenge?”

I rolled my eyes in mock disgust. “What now?”

“I have a friend who is a writer for Rolling Stone, please tell me that you have heard of it,” she said. A sly grin grew on her face.

“Yes, and I’ve even read it,” I replied sticking my tongue out at her.

“Good for you. Now, have you ever read Robert Arnold’s work?” she asked.

I nodded.

“I’ve known him for several years and he’s extremely trustworthy. I think he’d be the perfect person to interview you and allow you to come out on your own, what do you think?”

“I… I don’t know, it’s a lot to think about,” I said.

“We could make sure that the article doesn’t come out until after the song does,” she continued.

“Can he be trusted?”

“Absolutely,” she replied. “He’ll get a scoop on everyone else and I know he’ll be sympathetic to your situation.”

“Are you that positive the song will be a hit?”

She nodded. “I’m sure of it. I took the liberty of sending a rough copy to my producer and he’s already ensuring that we get sufficient studio time.”

“Wow,” I replied.

She reached over and slipped her arm around my shoulder. “Look, Petra, this is going to propel you and your band to the limelight. I’ll be there along side you and protect you as best as possible. This is also the best way to break free of Lena.”

“I thought that Max would take care of her?”

“He will, but you need this to move on. You need closure of some kind and this is the best way,” she said.

“Okay, I see your point.”

“Good, now let’s go get something to eat before everything is gone.”

Chapter 47

Lena called me again.

It was right after we after we arrived in Denver. We were spending a week there and taking a small break from touring. However, we would also be recording the song.

There was no greeting when she started the phone call. “I see you did as you were told, very good you know how to follow orders.”

“Is that all?” I asked.

She laughed. “You still need some lessons in politeness. Don’t worry, about that, as I’ve made some inquiries regarding your next career.”

“I have a career,” I replied.

“Please…Lori has a career…but you just play a musical instrument…anyone can do that. No, you need a career. I talked to …a business associate who is interested in you.”

I felt growing fear and apprehension. “What do you mean?”

“She runs a training facility… a school if you like… that trains young women like you to be useful as household servants.”

“You mean…as maids?”

“If you wish, but it will involve much more than just cleaning. I think you could do it, it doesn’t involve much intellect and you have the submissive personality that would be enhanced by the training. She told me that she could find an excellent position for you. She says a young American girl like you is in high demand for her foreign clients. I sent her a photo of you and she thinks you’re very marketable.”

Angela had told me why Lena did this to me, to make me feel powerless.

“I don’t want to do that. Please just leave me alone.”

“We’ll see, but you know deep down that it’s the right thing for you. You know this, and you know I’m stronger than you.”

She then ended the call.

Chapter 48

“Do you think she’s serious?” asked Lori, who was seething in anger.

“I do. Look, she has to do something with me. In her mind I served my purpose and helped to boost your career. If you get a recording contract then there’s no reason for me to be around. Once I’m out of the way, everything will be fine between you two and I won’t be around to cause a distraction.”

“Did you think of all that by yourself?” asked Lori.

I nodded. “Do you think I’m just being paranoid?”

“No, I’m thinking the same thing. Lena has definitely underestimated you. She thinks you’re dumb and weak, and she couldn’t be more wrong,” said Lori.

“I don’t know about the strong part, I still feel the urge to drink,” I replied.

“Yes, but you’re not giving in,” added Lori. “Fuck! Why can’t she just let things happen! Um, sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize,” I replied.

There was a knock on the hotel door, and Lori answered it.

Stacy came in and sat down next to me.

“Sorry, I couldn’t be here sooner,” she apologized.

“It’s okay. I’m okay too,” I said.

“Tell me what she said,” said Stacy.

I told her about the call and the threats.

“I’ll pass this on to Max,” she said. “Um, I was talking to him the other night and he told me that Lena has done some pretty bad things…things the authorities would be interested in. He also found your Dr. Freak-berg and confirmed your beliefs that he is into some warped things too. So…what I’m trying to say is that it might be necessary to do more than just threaten Lena.”

I looked at Lori. “Look, you know how I feel about her, but she is your mother, I’ll abide by you wishes.”

Lori bit her lip nervously. “I understand.”

“She might leave us alone, but she might continue to hurt others,” added Stacy.

“I know. Tell Max…tell him to do what he thinks is right,” said Lori. The tone of her voice was flat and without emotion. It must have been extremely difficult for her as no matter what Lena had done or threatened to do, she was still Lori’s mom.

“I will,” said Stacy. “Oh, Lori, I’m also sorry.”

Lori nodded. “Can I get the Angela’s number from you?”

“I have it on my cell phone,” I replied as I retrieved it. I handed the phone to Lori.

“Thanks,” she replied.

Chapter 49

Luckily Angela was able to talk to Lori.

“She’s good,” said Lori as she sat down on my hotel bed.

“I know,” I replied.

“Maybe we should thank her on the liner notes, the official shrink of the Kensington sisters,” added Lori.

“How’re you doing?” I asked.

“I feel betrayed and angry,” she replied. “However, I’m also behind you one hundred percent.”

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Do you mind if I crash in here tonight?”

I shook my head and was glad she made the offer, as I didn’t want to be alone either.

Chapter 50

The recording sessions went well. Stacy’s band recorded two songs first and then we did the song with Stacy. The guys in the studio were very helpful, and it only took three tries to get it done. We also got to meet the recording executive who handled Stacy and her band.

His name was Keith Chambers and he had been in the music business for years.

“The song is excellent and I’ll do my best to get it airplay, it deserves to be heard,” he said.

“How soon?” asked Stacy.

“Within the month. Your new CD will be done by then now that we have these last three songs. I’d like you to add the songs to your shows as soon as possible,” he said. “Especially the one written by Petra.”

“So the CD will be out in a month?” I asked.

He nodded. “It doesn’t take that long anymore, ain’t technology wonderful? Now, I have an offer for Band of Sisters, we want to sign you to a recording deal.”

Sofia and Mark began to ask him questions and the rest of us left them alone. Stacy also sat down with them.

“I know that they’ll do their best to get us a good contract,” said Chloe.

“So what do we do for the rest of the day?” asked Jade.

“I know! Let’s go get tattooed!” said Chloe.

“You’re kidding right?” asked Lori.

Chloe shook her head. “Nothing too big or anything like that, sort of a bonding thing.”

“I’ve always wanted to get a butterfly on my shoulder,” said Jade.

“There you go, that’s a good place. I want to get a sting ray, they’re so cool looking,” said Chloe. “What about you Lori?”

“On my shoulder? I suppose a dragonfly,” she said.

“That’s pretty cool. I have one my shoulder. And I know exactly what you should get Petra,” said Chloe as she turned and pulled her top down to expose a dragonfly tattoo on her left shoulder.

“What?” I asked as I stared at her tattoo. It was very pretty.

“A phoenix, you know rising from the ashes and all that, plus it will match your hair,” she explained.

“You’ve planned this out haven’t you?” I asked.

Chloe nodded. “Come on, I even reserved times for us.”

Chapter 51

I had to admit that I liked the tattoo that Chloe had picked out for me. It was small, barely two inches long. It was a bright red phoenix with wings spread and small flames coming off the body.

It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would either. The woman who applied it only worked on other women and she took great care to do it right.

Okay, it was silly, but Chloe was right, it did bond us together. I was glad we did it.

Afterwards we went out to dinner together at a Chinese restaurant.

“I think yours came out really nice, Petra,” said Chloe.

“It is pretty cool,” I said as I tried to look over my shoulder. “Even though I can’t see it.”

“Just look in the mirror,” said Jade. She had changed her mind at the tattoo parlor and got a small Chinese dragon instead.

“So, can you believe it, we’re going to have a recording contract,” said Chloe. “We owe a lot to you, Petra. I mean we know what you’ve gone through and we do appreciate it. Here’s to Petra!”

She raised her bottle of Tsingtao beer to make a toast. Jade was also drinking beer, while Lori and I were drinking Diet Coke.

“Thanks,” I said.

We talked about the contract and the tour and our lives. Jade had taken time off from college to go on tour. Her parents weren’t initially happy, but they supported her.

“Oh, I got an email from Kiki last night, she wishes us all good luck with the rest of the tour,” said Jade.

“Does she have any regrets?” I asked.

Jade shook her head. “She’s been accepted to med school on a full scholarship. She told me that while she had fun playing with us, she knew she didn’t want to go professional.”

“That’s cool,” I said. ‘I’m just glad she’s happy.”

“Me too,” said Chloe. “Petra, are you going to get the operation?”

I nodded. “It makes sense. I’ve done some checking online and there a lot of places I can go to get it done. I’ll do it between tours of course.”

After dinner we headed back to the hotel. Sofia called us and told us to meet her and Mark in her room.

Chapter 52

The first thing she did was to inspect our tattoos.

“I’m impressed, they’re all very nice,” she said. “Although I’m disappointed that you didn’t include me.”

“I can take you there tomorrow,” said Chloe. “What about you Mark? Or are you afraid?”

He just laughed as rolled up his sleeve to expose a huge dragon on his upper arm.

“Okay, let’s back to work,” Sofia said. “The deal is in the lawyers hands right now. We’ll get a guaranteed four CD deal, plus they’ll set us up on tour.”

Mark told us the money numbers.

“What do you think?” asked Lori.

“It’s very good. The recording company has a good rep for being honest and upfront,” said Mark. “More importantly they really promote their new bands.”

“Can I ask a favor?” asked Lori.

“I think I know what it is,” said Sofia. “We’re not going to announce the contract until after the song comes out and until Max has his case together.”

Lori nodded. “Good.”

“Keith said that if Lena tried to interfere once the contract was signed that she should expect a big legal fight. They’ve handled a lot of young acts and have plenty of experience with interfering parents,” said Mark.

“Lena is different,” said Lori.

“Does he know…um everything about me?”

“Not all the details about Lena, but he knows you’re TG,” said Sofia. “He doesn’t care. He said that the president of the company has two kids, both are gay.”

“Oh, Stacy said that the Rolling Stone guy would catch up with us in San Francisco,” said Sofia. She then told the others about the impending interview.

“That’s cool,” said Chloe. “I like his writing, he’s a good guy.”

Things were definitely looking up.

Chapter 53

We started the tour again and headed to another bunch of cities. Sofia liked our tattoos and admitted that she had done the same thing with her first band, although her tattoo was on her right ass cheek. She lifted her skirt and pulled back her panties to reveal The Cat in the Hat.

“I always loved that book,” she said with a laugh.

It may have been the fact that we had a recording contract and that the song was recorded, but my self-destructive thoughts were fading. Oh, I still talked to Angela weekly…sometimes twice a week, but I was gaining the feeling that I was in control of my own life.

I even found that a part of my life that I thought was over wasn’t.

We had two concerts in Seattle and a day off after the first one; this was due to a scheduling conflict at the arena.

After the first night’s show, I caught a ride back to the hotel with Chloe. On the elevator ride up to our rooms she turned to me.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something, Petra,” she said. “Since you had the surgery you claim that you don’t have a sex drive, right?”

I nodded.

“What have you tried?” she asked.

“Self-stimulation,” I replied.

“Do you use a vibrator?”

I shook my head.

“So you haven’t been with anyone?”

“That’s right,” I replied.

“Do you still like girls?” she asked as she moved closer to me. She was now only a few inches away from me.

“Yes,” I replied feeling my heart beat faster.

“So do I,” she said as she leaned closer and kissed me on the lips. Like me, she had a pierced tongue and I could feel her stud in my mouth.

“Well, you haven’t forgotten how to kiss,” she said with a grin. “You want to see what else happens?”

I nodded and we walked to her room.

Once inside, Chloe immediately began to kiss me, her tongue pressing deep into my mouth. At the same time, her hands were caressing my breasts. Now, I knew Chloe liked other women, and I suspected that she liked to be in charge, but I wasn’t prepared for what happened in her room.

She totally took command and soon we were on her bed partially undressed. While we made out, she directed me on what to do and how to do it.

“Take your time, Petra, this isn’t a race like it was when you were a guy…we’ve got all night,” she whispered into my ear.

To my surprise, I actually began to get sexually aroused. No, I didn’t get hard or anything like that, this wasn’t a miracle, but I really felt something building as we kissed and caressed.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to get you into bed, Petra,” she whispered. “I wanted you as far back as beauty salon when you were born.”

I didn’t argue, in fact I surrendered totally to Chloe that night. I was a little apprehensive when she brought out the vibrator and began to use it between my legs, but she obviously knew what she was doing.

I gasped slightly as she began to enter me, but she took her time and was very gentle.

I experienced something so new and incredible that night. No, it wasn’t an orgasm like I used to have as Peter, but something definitely happened. She was able to get me off in a way I had never known existed.

It was a whole body experience from my nipples to between my legs. She was obvious pleased with my reaction and prolonged it for as long as she could.

“There, now you’re whole again,” she whispered.

Chapter 54

We made love all night. I was very thankful we had the next day off as I was totally exhausted.

“I can’t wait until you get your vagina,” said Chloe. “By the way, I always knew you had the makings of being a good lesbian in you.”

I laughed. “Don’t you like men?”

“I prefer women,” she replied. “Although, I do love oral, um…have you ever done that?”

I nodded. “Twice.”

“Cool,” she replied. “See we have something else in common. Greg has a nice cock, not too big...not too thick either.”

I glanced over at her. “And you’re telling me this because?”

“He’s had his eye on you. Oh nothing serious, but he told me he thinks you’re really hot. I’m not telling you to sleep around or anything like that, but I think you should explore your sexuality as a woman. It’s not healthy to have that part of your life closed off, especially when you’re only twenty. Anyway, Greg is really cool and I think it would be good for you.”

I looked at her and frowned.

“Hey, that’s not what I mean, I want to have a relationship with you, but I think being with a man would help you accept your femininity more.”

I nodded. “So how do we handle this?”

“So does that mean you want to be my girl?”

I nodded.

“We tell the others, they won’t mind, and they’ll find out soon enough…if they haven’t figured it out already,” said Chloe. “We can get rooms adjoining rooms from now one…if you don’t mind.”

I shook my head. “I’d like that. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this.”

Chloe leaned over and kissed me again. “Wait til we try it with a strap on.”

Chapter 55

We told the band that afternoon and promised that it would be kept in the bedroom. While it was true that we had a LGBT following, we were smart enough not to alienate the rest of our fan base. There were always rumors floating around bands, and Sofia had told us that all girl groups have more than their share of them.

To my surprised, the other girls all thought it was a good idea.

In my self-absorbance and moodiness I had been blind to the fact that there were all sorts of relationships going on. Mark and Sofia were a couple and Jade was dating Kenny. Even Lori had a short fling with the one of the engineers.

“I think this is good for you,” said Lori. “Chloe likes you a lot; it was just a matter of time until you two hooked up.”

“You mean that?” I asked.

“Sure, I mean, Petra, you need to have a life away from playing. If might just be a short fling or it might blossom into something big, but you won’t know unless you do try.”

“I wonder if Lena will find out,” I said.

“Look, in a few months Lena will be a memory,” said Lori.

I nodded. “It feels like I’m going to be paroled.”

“Not paroled, freed,” said Lori

Chapter 56

By the time we hit San Francisco Chloe and I were definitely a couple. I accepted the fact that she was the dominant one in the relationship, especially in bed. I was falling deep in love with her.

Stacy didn’t mind and like Lori she was glad to see that I was developing a life away from just playing. She also appreciated the fact that we kept our relationship low key.

The writer from Rolling Stone was introduced to me after the first of three shows.

Robert was very nice and apparently been given some background on my circumstances.

He looked older than I expected, but he had a very comforting smile that made me feel very much at ease.

The first thing he said to me was how much he liked the song I wrote.

“I’m very impressed, Petra,” he said as we sat down in my hotel room. “Stacy sent me an early version of it and I was completely blown away.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

“Why aren’t you the lead singer?”

I laughed. “I can’t really sing. It doesn’t matter as long as the song gets air time.”

He pulled out a small tape recorder and set it down on the table. “Now, the way this works is we just talk. I will respect your privacy and any questions you don’t want to ask. When the article is done, I’ll send you a copy so you ensure that nothing was misquoted.”

“Is that normal?” I asked.

He laughed. “No, most of my colleagues love it when they get catch a slip-up. I’ve included a few over the years. However, you don’t have to worry about this one. I promised Stacy that I would protect your privacy.”

“Thank you,” I said. “So where do we start?”

“At the beginning of course,” he said.

We talked for a couple of hours. I told him how I first became Petra. Off the record I told him about Lena and Dr. Freak-berg.

“While I’ll respect your wishes not to mention what your step-mother did to you, I will keep this in my hip pocket. Should she try and hurt you I will use it to protect you. Is that acceptable?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Good, let me know if there’s anything I can do,” he said. “I hate seeing people abused.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “So how big of a story do you think this will be?”

“Depends on how well the song does. You should be prepared to answer questions about your life and the song. Now knowing how lazy most of my colleagues are you’ll hear the same questions over and over. As you don’t want to mention Lena by name, you’ll need to have a good story,” he said.

“Thanks again,” I replied. “Do you think I should tell everything?”

“It’s not up to me. I understand your desire to protect your sister and band mates, but on the other hand Lena sounds like an evil manipulative bitch who should be thrown in jail.”

I laughed in spite of myself. “Well, we have a plan for her.”

“Stacy told me…off the record of course. How much do you know about Max?”

“Just what Stacy told me,” I replied.

Robert reached into his case and pulled out a worn paperback book. He handed it to me.

“Just so you know, he’s a good man, and he has a bit of history in coming to the rescue of young women like yourself,” said Robert.

I looked at the title. “Corruption in a Small Town,” I said aloud.

“Keep it,” he said. “I think you’ll like it.”

Chapter 57

I think I had read maybe here books in my life for pleasure, but I couldn’t put the book Robert gave me down.

It told about a teenage boy who, even though he was transgendered, was forced to be a girl in a sex-slave ring.

It was strange reading a book where I actually knew some of the people in it. Besides, Max, I was stunned to see that Angela was mentioned as the therapist who helped the victim in the tale. The book gave me hope that could I get out of the mess I was in. I also decided to start reading the Erin Flynn books.

Robert was as good as his word and sent us a preview of his interview with me. We sent it back without any changes.

Chapter 58

The song was released right after we left San Francisco and by the time we worked our way down the coast to LA it was a hit. No, that’s not right, it was a huge hit.

Normally when we came into a city there were a few requests for interviews, mostly from the local music critics, and most of them wanted to talk to Stacy. However we were swamped for requests when we arrived in LA. Many of the requests were for me.

This was due to a combination of the song and the Rolling Stone interview. It was very overwhelming and for the first time since we were on tour I couldn’t leave my room. The hotel did it’s best to maintain our privacy, but reporters were camped out almost on the hotel’s doorstep to get an interview.

It was out now that the writer of the song was a pre-op transsexual. The secret was out; Petra K was originally Peter Kensington.

I fought the urge to look at the news stories about me online.

To make matters worse, Lena called.

I didn’t answer her call on my cell phone and likewise I ignored her calls to my hotel room. However, judging from the messages she left, she was furious at me.

Stacy, Lori and I got together to discuss what to do.

“She’s called fifteen times,” I said. “Each message was worse than the one before it.”

“She’s called me a dozen times,” said Lori. “I can confirm that she’s pretty bent.”

“It’s pretty obvious that it she doesn’t like the song,” I said nervously.

Lori smiled. “That would be an understatement. She said that she’d make you pay for this betrayal of her trust.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I betrayed HER trust? What a joke!”

“What else did she say?” asked Stacy.

“She demanded that Petra answer her next call or else.”

Stacy pulled out her own phone and placed a call. “Max, how are you? Um, it’s started……yes, just like you said it would…… no, they haven’t answered or returned her calls yet……okay.”

She listened for a few more moments. “Okay, let me check.” She put the phone down. “Max has a file that is ready to be given to Lena; he’ll deliver it in person and give her the ultimatum that we discussed. Is that okay?”

I looked at Lori who could only nod. I reached over and took her hand in mine. “Do it,” I said.

Stacy picked up the phone. “It’s a go. Call me when you get a chance. Thank you.”

“This isn’t going to end well,” said Lori with a sense of resignation. “I just know that Lena isn’t going to like this.”

I could only nod in agreement.

Chapter 59

With all the coverage in LA, the people at the concert had to have known about my gender, but it didn’t seem to matter to them. The show was a totally sold out and apparently the scalpers were making a major killing in the parking lot.

I wasn’t sure if this was out of support or just to be part of a media event. However once we took the stage it was obvious we had their support. I was given a loud ovation each time I was introduced. It gave me hope for the future; granted LA isn’t like the rest of the country, but it was a good sign.

We played the song twice, once as part of our set and also as apart of Stacy’s second encore. Both times there was a standing ovation. The song was definitely a hit.

I was nervous about checking my phone messages after the show, but to my surprise there were no messages from Lena.

I checked with Lori and she was also confused by the fact that Lena hadn’t called.

We knew that Max had delivered the package as he had called Stacy and told her. He said that Lena appeared to be in shock when he presented her with the evidence that he had uncovered.

“This is weird,” I said to Lori.

“I agree,” she replied. “I have a bad feeling about this, Petra. I’m going to call her.”

Lori tried numerous times to reach Lena, but to no avail.

“No answer,” she said. “I’m calling her lawyer.”

“Lori, it’s almost four in the morning back there,” I said.

“I don’t care; I need to know what’s going on.”

I found Stacy and told her what was going on. She immediately called Max.

Four hours later we got the news.

Chapter 60

Stacy, Mark, and Sofia called us to meet them. We went to Sofia’s room and sat down.

“I talked to Max a few minutes ago. Lori, there’s no easy way to say this, but…your mother….Lena is dead,” said Stacy.

I looked over at my sister, who was surprisingly calm.

“What happened?” she asked. “Did she kill herself?”

Stacy shook her head. “Max said that it looks like she was killed by Dr. Freiberg.”

“What?” I asked.

“Max was watching the house with a partner after he delivered the file of evidence. He thought that Lena might leave. However, an hour later, a car arrived and pulled into her driveway. A man got out and Lena met him in the driveway. They started to argue and then they went into the house,” said Stacy. She stopped and took a drink of water. “Anyway, the man left a few minutes later. Max could see that he was carrying what looked like the files. He threw the files in his car’s trunk along with a handgun. Max had his partner follow the man, while he went to the house. The front door was open and Lena was lying dead in her office. She had been shot several times at close range. Max seems to think she died instantly.”

I clutched Lori’s hand, but she was still strangely calm.

“Go on,” said Lori.

“Max called the police and they arrested the man. Petra, you were right about calling the man a freak. His name wasn’t Freiberg, it was Brian Carter Orwell and he’s wanted on a variety of charges, both domestic and international,” said Stacy as she looked at her notebook.

“Please god… tell that he was at least a real doctor,” I interjected nervously.

“Yes, he’s a real doctor, although his license was revoked for doing things to other people like he did to you,” said Stacy. “Max said that he’d keep us informed as the information comes in.”

“Does Max know why Freak-berg…or whatever his name was killed Lena?” asked Lori.

“Max said the man isn’t talking,” said Stacy. “However, Max suspects that the man may have thought Lena was going to turn him in to save herself.”

Lori just nodded. “I know she’s my mother…but after everything she’s done, I have no feelings for her. In a way, my mom died months ago when she hurt you, Petra. Still, this is going to get really bad when all her misdeeds are exposed. Can I speak to Max?”

Stacy pulled out her phone and called Max.

Chapter 61

There were only two shows left on the tour at the time of Lena’s death, Anaheim, and San Diego. We postponed the both of them; however they were immediately rescheduled two weeks later as the promoters really wanted us to play. In fact, Stacy extended the tour another two months, which none of us minded. The good news was that once the shows were announced they immediately sold out.

I went back with Lori for the funeral, to support her, not out of any love for Lena. I had mixed feelings about Lena. I really couldn’t mourn her as she had hurt me so much; in fact part of me was glad she was dead. I know this isn’t right, but she had caused me so much pain. Now that she was dead, I was free.

But on the other hand, I could see that Lori was hurting. While it may have been within my rights to lash out, I kept mum about Lena for Lori’s sake.

The good news, if you could call it that, was that Max was able to get the authorities to hush up the worst of Lena’s misdeeds. He did this at Lori’s request.

The story that was released to the press was that she had been Orwell’s lawyer and had assisted him in money laundering and other illegal activities. Nothing was mentioned about what was done to me.

I don’t know how he did it, but Max brought in the federal authorities, who had been hunting Orwell for years. Apparently he was involved in a variety of illegal activities ranging from sexual slavery to child pornography.

Max told us that in exchange for not being extradited to any one of six foreign countries that wanted him, Orwell made a deal that would keep him locked up in a US prison for life. Orwell also agreed not to talk about what he did to Lena’s participation or me. If he broke his word then he could be sent out of the country. I hoped that the fear of a Mexican, Japanese, or Thai prison kept him in line.

The song continued to be a major hit and it caused a lot of discussion on how much of it was real. Sofia came to my aid with the way to answer the questions. She told me how Carly Simon never revealed who she had written about in the song “You’re So Vain.” This only made the song more popular.

“You’re going to be asked about it almost every interview, so just stick to your story and let others come up with their own theories,” said Sofia,

Lori and the others agreed that this was the best solution.

Chapter 62

As the tour continued, we settled into our lives as professional musicians. In between dates, Band of Sisters was hustled off to some recording studio and a month later our first CD was rushed into production. Mark explained it was important to get it out while we were hot.

It got really good reviews for our first real recording, sales were also helped by Stacy singing the song.

The news feeding frenzy about me being a transsexual gradually faded. They would probably never go away. I think it was in part that I was just the bass player, and not the lead singer. Oh, it came up in every interview, but it was no longer so shocking.

Yes, we lost some fans and some places wouldn’t book us, but we gained a whole new following. And we had no problem getting other dates to fill for the places that didn’t want us.

We celebrated my twenty-first birthday by playing on Letterman show in New York.

The song was eventually nominated for a Grammy, but lost. Still we got to play on national TV and that was pretty cool.

Conclusion

So, as the man once said, life goes on. Band of Sisters is going strong and no longer opens for other bands. While I’m still friends with Stacy and we talk often, I miss playing with her band. In fact, when our last tour ended, I played a few shows with her just for fun. She even invited me to play on her next CD.

The band is pretty set and we’ve comfortable playing together. Jade is still working on her business degree, although she sometimes has to take correspondence courses due to our touring schedule. She says that she wants to ensure we get everything that is coming to us.

Sofia and Mark got married in a small service on Block Island. The ceremony was sweet and the party afterwards really rocked. Stacy and her band flew in, along with a lot of other people in the industry.

Lori is doing well and donated a large part of Lena’s estate to a variety of charities in New England. One was a foundation located in Connecticut that helps transgendered kids. We got to meet the woman who started it and even ended up playing a benefit show for her.

I recently had my surgery to complete what Lena and Dr. Freak-berg did to me. It felt good to be whole again and Chloe is counting down the days until I’m healed enough so she can start teaching me some new tricks. I can’t wait. Oh, I’m so much in love with Chloe that I never got together with Greg.

While I never really wanted to be female, it turned out okay, all things considered. I still talk to Angela regularly, but the urges to self-medicate went away when Lena died.

Sometimes I go online and Google the song to see the latest theories about what it is about. Some are really out there, while others are closer to the truth than they’ll ever know. Regardless, writing it not only saved my sanity, but it gave me confidence to move on with my life.

The End