Thursday night had been relaxing, sitting on the patio enjoying the fire and watching the stars. But my mind started working, why did so many bad things happen to me? There was the time at the university. There was time right here at the resort. And now in Taos. And maybe it was four times if you count the traffic accident.

Amy and I went to bed. My mind was working, and I wasn’t sleeping.

I was lying there staring at the ceiling and thinking about all of this. My mind was working overtime. I finally gave up trying to sleep, and carefully worked my way out of bed to not wake Amy. I slipped on my robe and went into the living room. I sat in one of the overstuffed leather chairs and stared at the fireplace without a fire in it.

How long I’d been sitting there when I heard someone quietly walk into the room, I don’t know. I looked, and it was Amy dragging a blanket. She walked up to me, sat on my lap, and wrapped the blanket around us. Then she said, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure.”, I replied.

“I think you do. You’ve been very quiet since we got back from Taos.”

“I have?”

“Yes. What’s going on.”

“I’m afraid.”

“Afraid. Afraid of what, honey?”

“Afraid of you getting hurt.”

“Me!?”

“Yes. Yesterday you almost were. If anything happened to you …”, and I started to cry.

Amy held me, and said, “Shh. Tommy, everything is okay. I’m not going to get hurt.”

Through sniffles, I said, “You might because of me. And I couldn’t live with myself if you did.”

“Honey. Please. Nothing is going to happen.”

“I attract trouble.”

“No, you don’t.”

“What about the traffic accident. What about what happened at the university. What about what happened here last year. What about what just happened in Taos.”

“Honey, you didn’t attract them. The traffic accident just happened. You didn’t make that guy drink. If it hadn’t been you at the university, it would have been someone else. At the resort, the guy saw something that he didn’t like, and he attacked you instead of walking away. You were just there. Those guys in Taos where looking for trouble, and we just crossed paths with them. It could have been anyone.”

“But it wasn’t. It was you and me. The guy today attacked you because of me.”

“Because of you?”

“Because I look different than you do. I look like an ‘Injun.’”

“Honey, I don’t care. You have native blood, and it makes you special.”

“It makes me a freak. Because of it and the two spirit thing half the time I don’t know if I’m a guy or a girl.”

“And I don’t care. I love you for who you are in your heart. You’re special to me. You’re special to your parents. You’re special to your family.”

“But I need to be someone.”

“You are someone. You’re Tommy.”

“No, I’m not. I’m never sure who I am.”

“Tommy look at me.”

I hadn’t been looking at Amy through this. But now I was.

“Tommy.”, she said. “I fell in love with you when we not even teenagers. I remained in love with you even though we were apart for four years. When I first saw you at the lake, after those four years, I knew I had made the right decision. The decision to come back to you, to become your wife, and to spend my life with you no matter what.

“Yes. You are different than the average guy. Why? Because you are you, and you make me happy. Everything we do is like magic. You may have two spirits, one of which is a girl. But that’s you. It’s part of you. And I love every part of you with every part of my being.

“You’ve had some problems. You didn’t cause those. Other people did.

“If people can’t see you for who you are. That’s their loss. Everyone that’s important sees you for who you really are.

“You have to accept yourself for who you are. Not make yourself into the image of what someone else thinks you should be.

“And you have to believe that you don’t attract trouble. Yes, you’ve had more than your share of it. But that’s just some poor luck. You’ve had a lot of great luck. You have a wonderful family. A great group of friends. And more people here in New Mexico that love you than you can shake a stick at.”

“Yeah. They love Kai.”

“Aren’t you Kai?”

“I guess.”

“No love. No guess. You’re Tommy. You’re Tammy. And you’re Kai. I know you don’t know why except for what Naainish has told you, which is what the Navajo believe and have believed for many many years. Do you think that there might be something to what the Navajo believe? I do. Accept it, sweety. Fully accept it. I have. And I love you because you are you. No matter if you're my Tommy, or the fun-loving Tammy, or the more serious Kai.”

I sat there and looked at Amy. God, I love this woman. And she really does love me. She also knows me better than I know myself. Maybe she’s right I don’t attract trouble.

“Honey.”, I said. “You’re right. I’ve got to accept myself. And realize that I don’t attract trouble.”

She kissed me. A nice long kiss. Then she said, “You know the best thing that’s happened to you out of all of this?”

“No. What?”

“You got me.”

“You mean I’m stuck with you?”

“Brat. I’m cold. Start a fire, and we can cuddle out here.”

We’d taken to sleeping in the nude from time to time, and tonight had been one of those nights, so I said, “We’d better keep our robes on. You never know when someone's going to get up.”

I started a small fire, and we cuddled together on the chair under the blanket. Not the most comfortable place, but I had Amy in my arms. We fell asleep.

I don’t know how long we’d been asleep when I heard noises and voices in the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder and saw my aunt and uncle in the kitchen. Amy started to stir, and I whispered, “My aunt and uncle are up.”

“Where are we?”, Amy asked.

“In the living room.”

“Oh yeah. I remember.”

Amy got off my lap, wrapped her robe around herself, and headed for the kitchen. I headed for the bathroom. When I came into the kitchen, Amy headed for the bathroom. I sat at the table with my aunt and uncle. My aunt looked at me, and asked, “Tom, Amy told us about last night. Are you okay?”

“I am now.”, I replied. “But I still need to clear my head.”

“I can understand, honey. Yesterday was a big scare for the two of you. And I can understand your worries over Amy.”

“I just don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her.”

“Nothings going to happen.”

“Nothings going to happen to what?”, Amy said as she walked back into the kitchen and sat down next to me.

“Nothing.”, I said.

“Come on. Nothings going to happen to what?”

“To you, honey.”, my aunt said. “Tom is worried about you.”

“I know. I think he just needs more time to realize that the things that happened aren’t his fault.”

I just looked at Amy, smiled, and said, “Yeah.”

“What are you two doing next week?”, my uncle asked.

“We thought that we’d go on day trips.”, I replied. “Just pick a direction. Go that way and see where it takes us.”

“That could be fun. But how would you like to go someplace for a few days? Someplace where you are all alone with nature. No one around to bother you, other than maybe a hiker or two, and maybe a bear. And a wonderful view.”

“Where is this place?”

“It’s in the National Forest almost to the top of a peak of one of the highest mountains around.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a log cabin that belongs to a man that has more money then sense. I take care of it for him, so I can use it when he isn’t using it. And he won’t be here until hunting season. But you’ll be roughing it. There’s no electricity or running water. There’s a pump at the kitchen sink. You cook and heat water on a wood stove. There’s a fireplace for heat. And all the lights are kerosene. It has a composting toilet, and all the wastewater goes there.”

“And we can use this cabin?”

“Yes.”

Amy looked at me, and I could tell that she was very interested in going there. And I felt that it would do both of us some good. So, I said, “That may be a good place for us to spend some time alone.”

“Good.”, my uncle said. “Tom, have you ever shot a rifle?”

“A BB gun when I was in Cub Scouts. And I think they let us shoot a twenty-two once. Why?”

“As I said, there are bears up there. And if you go hiking, like I know you will, it would be good to have some protection.”

“Bears!”, Amy said.

“Yes. If you make noise as you’re hiking, the bears should leave you alone. And Tom, I’ll loan you one of my rifles. But first, I’m going to take you to a local range and teach you how to use it.”

I looked at Amy, and asked, “Want to do this?”

“Yes.”, Amy replied. “Even with the bears, it should be a good thing.”

“You may not even see a bear.”, my uncle said.

“Can I go to the range too.”

“You want to learn to shoot too?”

“Sure Uncle Paul. A new experience.”

“Your Aunt Ruth is a good shot.”

“I’ll even go along.”, my aunt said. “And I can show Amy how to shoot.”

Later that afternoon the four of us were walking into the house, and as we went to the garage for Uncle Paul to show us how to clean the guns we’d just used, he said, “Once you got used to the guns, the two of you did well. And Amy you surprised me as to how at ease you were with a rifle. If you remember the rules, you’ll be fine.”

“Uncle Paul.”, Amy said, “That was fun.”

“Target shooting can be fun. I hadn’t shot for a while, and it was good to do it again. And I’d feel safe going into the woods with either of you. You listened and followed all the rules.

“I’m going to give you two rifles when you go. Both shoot a .30-06 round, one like you shot today is a lever action, and the other is a bolt action. If you’re hiking just take one of the guns, both guns have shoulder straps, so they’ll be easy to carry.”

After Uncle Paul had shown us how to clean the guns, he showed us the bolt action gun and how to use it.

Later as Amy and I were getting cleaned up for the barbecue, I said, “You outshot me today.”

She grinned, and said, “Girl power.”

“Okay. You can protect me, and carry the gun when we’re hiking.”

“No way. You’re carrying the gun.”

The last barbecue hadn’t been good for me. I’d found out the magic of the full Moon combined with the strong spirits of the area of the thermal spring caused problems with my spirits. Tonight, I knew that the Moon wasn't going to be full. And I also knew that my meeting last Sunday with Naainish had given me some insight on how to control the interaction between my spirits and outside forces. And this control could be strong medicine.

Amy became Ajie. And we both dressed in fancy long skirts, fancy blouses, and moccasins. I wore the wrap moccasins. Ajie did her hair in a ponytail, and I did mine in a straight style, and I used the fancy headband that had the feathers hanging down in the back. Even though we now knew the value of the silver jewelry we wore some of it. Ajie wore a Concho belt, one of the beaded chokers, a bracelet, and a couple of rings. Aunt Ruth loaned Ajie her Squash Blossom necklace. I went with a Concho belt, the bone choker with the Concho, and the Squash Blossom necklace. I wore a bracelet, but no rings. And we each wore a pair of the matching silver feather earrings.

Ajie and I walked over to the barbecue with my aunt and uncle, and grandma met us there. There were already some guests there, and the musicians were doing their thing.

Grandma looked at us, smiled, and said, “You two girls always look so special.”

“Thanks, grandma.”, I said. “I always look at these barbecues as something special. So I always dress-up.”

“You do make a lasting impression.”, my aunt said. “We always get good comments when you’re here.”

Grandma said, “Maybe you should hire them to come to every barbecue.”

With an adorable smile, Ajie said, “I could do that.”

Just then Dee ran up, and Ajie and I got a big hug. Then she said, “I just love it every time that you two are here.”

“I love being here.”, I replied. “And I love seeing you dance.”

“So do I.”, Ajie said.

“Are you two are still coming to the competition next Saturday?”, Dee asked.

“We wouldn’t miss it.”

“It’s a big competition.”

“It’ll be our first.”

“I even have new regalia for it.”

“Regalia?”, Ajie asked.

“Yes. That’s what we really call what we wear when we dance.”

“Something new learned.”

“I hear you met my Grandmother Tabaaha. She told me what happened. And that was terrible.”

“It’s all over. And we’re trying to forget it.”

Then I heard someone say, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní, t’áá altso.” (Good evening, everyone.)

I looked, and it was Naainish. And everyone said, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní, Naainish.”

Then he looked at me in a concerned way, and said, “Kai, you are troubled.”

“Just a little.”

“Is it Ajie?”

“Yes. I‘m concerned about her being hurt because of me.”

“Kai. Ajie. Come. Let’s walk.”

We started walking, and Naainish said, “Kai, you are worried about Ajie being hurt because of you?”

“Yes. After what happened yesterday.” And I told him about it and how I felt about that and the other things.

We walked in silence for a minute or so, then Naainish said, “Kai. These things are not your fault. Some do not understand the differences in people. They see anyone that isn’t like them as being wrong. Some will ignore it, but other will react in various ways. Some of those ways are violent.

“Ajie is very important to you. You don’t want to see her hurt. She is also a strong person. Stronger than you think she is. Her feelings for you are so strong that she feels the trouble within you. And you within her.

“Kai. You need to believe in yourself and believe that you did not cause these things that have happened to you. You and Ajie have a strong bond between you that will never be broken, only strengthened.

“Work towards the good things. But don’t forget the bad things, as they make you stronger. Just put them aside.

“The two of you need time alone. Time to find more of yourselves and time to grow stronger together. Kai, you and Ajie will always worry about the other one. It’s part of human nature and the love you have for each other. Don’t let the worry bury you in its troubles.”

We walked a little more, and I said, “Naainish, I wish I was as wise as you. You have helped me, us, a great deal. I see what you’re talking about, and it has opened my eyes.”

“Kai, you see things that I’ll never see. I am wise in years. You will also become wise in years. And will be wiser than I am.”

We walked some more, then I said, “Ajie and I are going to a cabin in the mountains. We feel that it will help us.”

Naainish stopped walking, looked at us, and said, “As I said. You are wise beyond your years. This is the best thing that you can do for the two of you.”

“It was my uncle's idea.”

“Is this the cabin in National Forest almost to the top of a peak, where the fire lookout tower is?”

“I don’t know about the fire lookout tower, but yes it’s near the top of a peak in the National Forest.”

“If it’s the one that you uncle takes care of for the rich white man, then I know the cabin and area. And you will be at peace there. You and Ajie will find out more about each other while you are there. Spend four days and three nights.

“Also there is a lost sacred place near there. I and others have looked for it, and not found it.”

We walked some more, then I asked, “What is this sacred place?”

“No one knows for certain.”, Naainish replied. “All that is known is that many Moons ago, before the white man, something happened there. Its location was lost to time. And no one in our time has been able to find it.”

“Are you saying that we might find it?”

“No. But anything is possible. If you are to find it, you will be drawn to it. Searching for it will be fruitless. I camped up there for a week, searched, and found nothing.”

We walked back to where everyone was gathering and judging by the smell the food was ready. As we walked up, my uncle asked, “Naainish, will you do the prayer tonight?”

“Of course, Yiska (my Uncle Paul).”, Naainish said. “But first a question. Are you taking Kai and Ajie to the cabin that is owned by the rich white man that is near the fire lookout tower?”

“Yes.”, my uncle replied.

Naainish smiled, and said, “All is good.”

As my uncle and Naainish left us and walked up to where the singers were, I looked at Ajie, and said, “Do you think Naainish is saying that we’ll find that sacred place?”

“I’m not sure.”, Ajie said. “But I think that he feels that we have a chance of finding it. Or is it, it finding us?”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Yes. Wait and see.”

My uncle did his usual greeting. Naainish said a prayer. And we had a great Southwestern barbecue. As we ate, we watched the dancers, and they were terrific. Four girls, including Dee, danced. Two of the guys did a hoop dance. The four girls and for guys danced together. And then Dee danced by herself.

When the dancers finished, they went and got themselves some food, and sat together. Ajie and I got up, joined them, and we talked as they ate.

I asked Dee, “If this is a big competition, should Ajie and I dress fancy?”

“You don’t have to.”, Dee replied. “But you always look so nice when you do.”

I smiled, and said, “Okay. Fancy dress it will be. And I feel that you will all do well.”

“I hope so. There is some nice award money, and it would help with my savings.”

I looked at Ajie, and she was smiling her sweet knowing smile.

Then one of the guys asked, “You’re the Nádleeh. Aren’t you?”

“Yes.”, I replied.

“And you feel that all of us will do well.”

“Yes. You are all accomplished dancers.”

“But you don’t know the competition.”

“You’re right. I don’t.”

“We’ll see.”

“Yes, we will.”

Ajie and I got up and started walking around the barbecue area, talking to people. We ended up where my aunt, uncle, and grandmother were. My aunt said, “The guests like it when you walk around and talk to them.”

“It’s fun.”, Ajie said. “We get all kinds of questions. But, I think Kai is getting tired of explaining her blue eyes.”

“Nope.”, I said. “I have my little speech memorized. And Ajie has to explain her blue eyes and blond hair.”

She stuck her tongue out at me, and said, “I have my little speech memorized too smarty.”

“I still think that you should dye your hair black, then you could use my speech.”

“You think! Huh?”

“Yeah. I do.”

My uncle then asked, “When do you kids want to go to the cabin?”

“How about after I see Naainish on Sunday morning?”, I replied. “Could we stay four days and three nights?”

“Sure. But why the four days and three nights?”

“It’s something Naainish suggested.”

“Hmm. Must be some reason. And we’ll need to go shopping on Saturday.”

“Shopping?”

“You’ll need food. Won’t you? Unless you’re going to live off the land.”

Ajie smiled, and said, “We’ll go shopping.”

We did go to the bonfire, but like at the barbecue we just walked around and talked to people. After all the talks today, I felt better.