Watch Out For Those Holes

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“Oh come on. You can’t tell me you liked that movie. It was full of inconsistencies. I mean..”

Dean cut off his friend before he made it any worse.
“Don't jinx it, Tim. Don’t you dare mention them.”

“Mention what? The plot-holes?”

Ben facepalmed and Dean rolled his eyes. Together they walked down the sidewalk and Dean took it up to enlighten Tim. “It’s easy. It's reverse attraction. The more you mention them the less likely you notice one in front of you. It’s just common sense to … wahhh”

“Dean? Where are you?” Tim shouted out as he found himself suddenly alone with Ben.

“Great Tim,” Ben remarked with a sigh. “You had to mention them and now Dean fell into one.”

Ben gave him a stern look and then started to walk on. Quickly Tim caught up. “That’s funny. You really think plot-holes are true? Come on. Cut the crap. We aren’t in a movie or book.”

“Really? How would you know?” Ben retorted.

Before Tim could answer both heard a squeal and the sound of high heels coming closer. “Oh my gosh, guys I found you.”

“Miss. I don’t think we know -” Tim started.

“It’s me! Dean,” the girl urged.

“No way. How?” Tim challenged her.

“Because of plot-hole. Duh!”

Tim looked at Ben for help but found his friend ogling the womanly Dean. “Oh yeah, that will do. Time to pay your due Diana,” Ben remarked with a smirk.

“Diana?” Dean asked.

“Remember last summer?” Ben continued. “I lent you five hundred bucks under the condition that if you ever turn into a hot chick that I: A. Can name you and B. get a blowjob.”

“Oh my! You are right,” Diana remarked. “Let’s go.”

Ben let his arm fall on Diana’s shoulder and both started to walk off.

“Dean? You are okay with that!?” Tim was flabbergasted.

“Yes, I am. And it’s Diana. Seriously go with the plot.”

“Seriously? Why?” Tim wanted to know.

Ben and Diana turned around for a moment. “Plot-hole!!” they both yelled.

“Excuse me mister?” an older male voice spoke up.

Tim turned around. Before him stood a construction worker.
“Yes?”

“I am looking for the hole. ‘Am here to fix it.”

Tim sighed. “I swear if you say you want to fix the plot-hole then I’ll … You know what. Forget it. I think it was further up the street.”

“Really? My directions say it is downward,” the worker said. Scratching his beard.

Tim looked around and saw nothing. “I don’t see any hole down the street. There is noth..ahhhh…”

“Ah found it!” the construction worker shouted. “I knew it was downwards in the plot.”

To his left, the shrubbery started to shake and a moment later a teenage girl in shredded clothes appeared.

“What the hell?” she cursed. “Why am I a girl now?”

“I take it you were the boy who just fell down the hole?” the worker inquired.

“I-” The girl started but broke off. “Okay, I believe it now. This is not a prank. Plot-holes are real.”

“Calm down Miss,” the worker urged her. “Look. My name is Arthur. Maybe I can help. What is your name?”

“Tim,” the girl replied.

“Uhh. I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Arthur remarked.

“Do what?” Tim snapped.

“A boys name for a girl. That’s plot-hole bait.”

“Fine!” the girl relented. “Call me Tammy for now. Say. Why the hell genderbends the plot-holes us?”

“That’s probably due to the writer. Let me check,” Arthur said pulled a clipboard out. “Ah yes. Cassy Bee. That explains a lot. Amateur TG writer.”

“Wait,” Tammy said and held her hand up. “Let me think. So these bending of our genders are meant to happen?”

“Probably,” Arthur said with a shrug. “Although I suspect another means of bending your gender was planned.”

“I better hope so,” Tammy remarked. “Using plot-holes as a means to bending genders has to be the worst plot device ever.”

“Unless-” Arthur mused out loud.

“Unless what?” Tammy snapped.

“Unless the story is written on-” Arthur looked on his clipboard again. “Knew it. Sorry, kiddo. Looks like your story is part of an April's fool joke. Written on April the first.”

“Damn!” Tammy cursed. “How bad is it really?”

“Very. Cassy Bee is an amateur. Not the best track record of finished stories either,” Arthur remarked. “Unless she picks up the story again next year for April fools I think we are done.”

“No. Can’t be,” Tammy denied it. “You can’t tell me the story will just end suddenly and without reason.”

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Comments

An interesting story indeed.

An interesting story indeed.
The biggest April Fool's joke played on me was arriving in Vietnam on April 1st, 1966. Thankfully, it ended on April 1, 1967. :-)

Great concept!

Great concept!

Bru

Cleverly done!

Cleverly done!

>>> Kay

I want a plot hole, too!

Monique S's picture

I think I would enjoy becoming a teenage girl and start over. (giggles)

Very good idea!

Hugs,
Monique.

Monique S

Avoiding Plot-holes

It's tough to step around all the plot-holes when you're running away from the alligator you threw over the transom.

Funny!

Jill

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

W-holey

Andrea Lena's picture

entertaining

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Acme Corporation

Teek's picture

Long, Long, Ago in a TV show Far, Far Away. Lived a Road Runner and Coyote. The Acme corporation sold many products used by these two, including "holes". I wonder if they also sold the plot-holes used in this story?

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Torture!

The concept of plot holes was wonderful, and had me laughing, but please don't leave poor Tammy hanging.

Not to mention us!

Haha!

Podracer's picture

Neat and funny. Maybe Cassy will finish it next year, but I suspect not. That would make it a plot whole.

"Reach for the sun."

Great short story

Cassie Bee that was a riot, now where was that plot-hole, and do I fit in it?

funny

funny

Cute

Jamie Lee's picture

What a really cute story.

Others have feelings too.

A year

It's been a year now, and it would be nice if Tammy got some progression on her plot....

Would have been...

Sadly, due to personal reasons I didn't make it in time.
The idea for a continuation is there.
Maybe next year.

You can’t tell me...

Daphne Xu's picture

“You can’t tell me the story will just end suddenly and without reason.” Right, of course. The story ended too soon for that.

This was hilarious.

Let's see. There was L. F. Baum's "Rinkitink In Oz", in which someone points out that only the author of that story knows how things will turn out. There was "Sinfest", where Slick(?) eats from the Tree of Knowledge, and learns he's but a character in a webcomic. And then there's this story. Every time I read something like that, I wonder what it's like to be a figment of someone's imagination, written in text. My impression is that it would be too much like being dead or nonexistant.

Did the producers, directors, screenwriters, etc. deliberately create a whole new batch of plot-holes in the movie? Or did they merely motivate the viewers into attracting plot-holes and blinding themselves to them, by talking about them.

Ben had better not wait too long for that blowjob. He just might never get it.

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.

Really wanted to add to the

Really wanted to add to the comments but what I had to say leaked out of the small pun-cture in the writing. And here I had thought I was “hole-y” up to the task.

Good choice of day!

It worked fine when it was just meta-humor and stuff, but setting it on this day of days just makes it better!