Getting Lost in the Girly-Girly Swamp

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I dearly love my twin. I may complain about the consequences but I really do love Alexis. Fraternal twins, of course. We couldn’t be more different. Alexis is the younger one, by 28 minutes. Already as a baby Alexis was small and prone to get sick. I on the other hand have always been “robust”. I’ve always felt very protective about Alexis. That’s how I got dragged into the “Girly-girly swamp”.

Even in France a small child may be a victim of bullies. Fortunately I was always been there to protect and serve. By age 10 Alexis began to be less sickly and grew to be very pretty though quite petite. Taking ballet helped both health-wise and demeanor-wise. As opposed to me (a soccer fanatic) Alexis never liked sports. Ballet provided Alexis with vital challenging physical exercise. There’s a damned lot of work behind making things look that effortless! Of course Alexis taking ballet meant that I did as well. I grew to love it. The movements, the strength required for the leaps and turns … I did NOT wear pink! Black tights over white leotard, please! Alexis on the other hand couldn’t be more girly-girly. Everything pink, lacy and so on. I do love Alexis but when it comes to taste …

I liked things as they were. Life was good. Then Mother got this fantastic job offer in the US!

At first there were no problems, until we got those papers from our new High School. Americans!

So insular, so unaware of other cultures! Alexis and Claude – naturally that had to be two girls so they “corrected” that sex box our parents had ticked quite correctly. I pointed out the error to my parents. I should have done it when Alexis wasn’t present. Alexis made clear that this was great. This way we could be together in more classes including PE. The argument was silly since my classes, geared towards math and science and Alexis’ – geared towards art and fashion differed so much anyway. Alexis kept on about the “danger” of the locker rooms. Alexis played on my ingrained sense of protectiveness and responsibility. I gave in and dropped my objections. You think I was weak? I’d like to see YOU resist two large doe puppy-eyes pleading! Not that I got any support form my parents. We were both going to start school as girls. Mother and Father started getting the necessary documentations.

A few months later Father dropped us off outside our new school and told me I looked good in my skirt, my first ever. Not as short as Alexis’ but it still gave me a feeling of being exposed. There was one thing in our favor. We were fresh”men” meaning that we wouldn’t come into a milieu of already formed groups. We felt lost but so did our classmates as well.

I had hoped to keep a low profile. No such luck! The circumstances around me and Alexis soon become known. A Transgendered boy, sorry girl! As it happened we became the focus of an ongoing culture war in the school. One camp talking about “abomination” and quite ready to burn us on a stake and the other determined to make us more than welcome. As it turned out the balance of power had already shifted away from the conservatives, in this case led by sophomore Mary Lopez. There were petitions, rallies, heated school-board meetings and so on and Mary organized all her friends into making my and Alexis’ lives as close to hell as possible. All wailing availing to nothing. Already from the beginning one could predict the outcome and when … well, I’ll get to THAT later.

However, there was enough opposition that the “progressive” forces embraced us. Determined to provide full feminine immersion both Alexis and I were “annexed” to the cheerleading squad even if we didn’t qualify. As the year went on Alexis thrived in the squad and by sophomore year you could find Alexis on top of the pyramid. Me – occasionally at the base – at training. I DID try. I worked hard. I was considered as a reserve. Not that this meant that I could slack off. On the contrary. I had to learn more than one position.

Further, we weren’t allowed any deviation from the highest feminine standards. How they set those standards was a mystery to me. You can’t imagine what some shops in the US peddle to teenage girls! How the pink, purple, frills, lace and cutesy (and in my opinion absolutely tacky) things Alexis wore could be “high standard” was beyond me. Me – I preferred more conservative dress(es).

And ballet. We both were signed up for ballet in school. There no longer was any escape from pink for me. I tried to convince our teacher that black tights over white leotard is an eminently suitable ballet attire. I failed. I was a girl and had to follow the dress code. Pink tights, pink slippers, black camisole leotard. The teacher also found out that both Alexis and I had several years of training so she put us in beginner’s pointe class. Have you any idea what your feet feels like after 30 minutes of pointe class?

Alexis and I had to make another visit to the dance shop. Straight and narrow Alexis had no problem finding pointe shoes that fit. I’m not as narrow and all the shoes available would have twisted inwards if I tried dancing in them. The idea is to get your foot, and shoe, to turn outwards to get the right support. Finally we had to specially order my shoes. Freed’s size 6 ½, XXXXXXX wide!

There was one breathing hole for me. I ignored all protests and attended the open football training that Coach had going. Anyone was welcome. Coach had found that this gave him both a wider selection when picking his teams and gave him a better understanding of abilities and potential. We got along great! I also mingled with another set of people. I got to be good friends with Mike, Peter and Luke, all sophomores. The good thing was that they all were part of the “progressive” set so gender equality was not an issue for them. The bad part was that they were part of the “progressive” set which meant that the aided and abetted those plunging me and Alexis into femininity. Still whenever I needed a break from the cheerleaders and the even more girly set Alexis had become a part of I still could get a break.

Did you know that American boys are suckers for a French accent? I’m NOT pretty but still boys were attracted to my accent. I lost it as fast as I could. Alexis on the other hand couldn’t have been more pleased with the attention… For a while our parents were quite worried but then they realized that Alexis is a “butterfly” flitting from one boy to another without actually engaging any deeper feelings. That’s when I started to worry. Alexis really is a people person though, even befriending Mary Lopez. There was the time Mary became estranged from her old set (they really hated her). She was really lost for a while and when Alexis reached out to her … However, Mary never got comfortable with Alexis set so I also relented and forgave her. Even if I kind had hated her for what she did I empathized with her now and soon you could find her with me, Mike, Peter and Luke. I think Luke had a thing for her.

And so freshman year went on. For the summer we went to France. I really didn’t see the point in me wearing a tiny bikini on the beach but my Father and Mother insisted that I get the proper tan lines. Alexis and I had a reputation to uphold, well Alexis did and my parents thought I should follow the example. To be perfectly honest – and DO NOT TELL ANYBODY – I was kind of flattered by the attention I got. There was one boy … NO! I won’t go there!

Sophomore year started out like freshman year. Math, science, football practice, cheerleading practice, ballet classes and thus back to the old routine. I did well at football practice and coach gave me some extra attention. The cheerleading captain made me a permanent reserve, not that I ever got on the field. In ballet I managed to do my first clean pirouette en pointe. It was a glorious feeling! It was like I was floating on air. I just had to get more of that fix! The pink didn’t bother me any longer. Not even the tutu that we started to wear when rehearsing for the recital. Actually, it was kind of cute.

The frills on Alexis’ dresses kind of locked rather nice so I got myself a dress with a few frills. OK, the dress caused a few comments at football practice but I still hung out with Mike, Mary, Peter and Luke even if they now were Juniors. Peter had been picked for the junior team. He was rather handsome in the uniform. I realized that Alexis’ crowd wasn’t that bad. True, they were a bit giggly and so on but not really THAT bad and the stories Nina told about the boys hihihi. Wait? Was that me giggling? Pink isn’t that bad a color. Why did I ever think so?

Towards spring Alexis and the girls in both sets I moved in finally persuaded me to go on a date. Peter, who I thus far only had considered to be a good friend, asked me and I couldn’t turn him down could I? We celebrated (while still a secret) that Coach had picked Peter to be the Quarterback next year and that I had also made the team, the best d**ned soccer-style kicker Coach ever seen! Me being a girl was not a problem, Title IX you known. That first date was followed by a second and a third and… I realized I had got myself a boyfriend! Alexis noted that my skirts had gotten shorter since I started dating Peter. I hadn’t noticed. I retrieved my cute French accent. I even got myself a BFF as well. Someone I really could discuss fashion, make-up and such things with. I couldn’t have found a better teacher. And yes, I DID discuss boys as well with my BFF. I was well on the way to being sucked into the Girly-Girly swamp! Well Alexis thrived there so why couldn’t I? I was become addicted to the girliest clothing, boy bands (I had discovered K-pop). I even considered changing classes. I had become addicted to the girliest possible way of life, or so I thought.

The next summer Mum had to work for two months in Japan. The rest of the family joined her (daddy is a writer). It was like locking an alcoholic in a bar overnight. Have you seen the Lolita dresses you can get there? I had no resistance left - I overdosed. I got the pinkest, frilliest dresses that even Alexis scorned. I frolicked in the Girly-girly swamp. I had become a swamp monster!

Fortunately my BFF saved me and just in time for my Junior year. After endless, patient talks my BFF made me realize that giving in to my girly side didn’t have to mean that I went to the other extreme. When asked: “Claude, do you really like all this pink and frills or was it just something you have convinced yourself you HAD to like?” I was forced to look into myself. With my BFF’s help I realized I could be a girl that likes tasteful feminine clothing, loves to dance ballet, en particulier en pointe and at the same time lives to play football.

I tell you that when at the beginning of the fall semester Coach announced that I had made the team he really stirred up things. Not the gender thing. The Cheerleader captain, unbeknownst to coach, had just announced that I had been made a regular on the cheerleading team. I couldn’t be in two places at the same time (even if on the same field). Nobody, absolutely NOBODY had ever turned down a place on the cheerleading team. Coach wouldn’t budge, I was his secret weapon that finally could get us to the play-offs. The issue split the school down the middle. The old fault-line conservative and progressive had disappeared. Now the issue was should I be a cheerleader or should I play football. I myself was split down the middle. I loved football but I also loved the cheerleading team, not that anybody bothered to ask ME. I was saved by my boyfriend, the QB. Peter stated that 1) He wanted his girlfriend on the team 2) He wanted to date a cheerleader => I was to play on the team and be a cheerleader on all other occasions. Period.

Rather strange logic but everyone, including me, bought it. Of course Peter used unfair means when persuading me – he FRENCH kissed me!

Things settled down. I lived up to Coach’s expectations, and to the cheerleading team’s (and to Peter’s giggle). Alexis finally got serious with someone. Not just anyone but the person I would have least expected: Mary! Mary even asked Alexis to the prom. Peter asked me. Well, the formal asking was just a pure formality.

I say that we made a quite a splash at the prom. My little brother (all of 28 minutes younger) was as cute as could be (and pretty). Sorry, as of the day before she was now finally officially my little sister. She really was lucky to have a name that in our native France is masculine while everyone in the US erroneously thinks is female. Her partner Mary, or more correctly Francis (also as of the day before) couldn’t have been more handsome in his tuxedo. Francis was very grateful to Alexis for overcoming the barrier he had felt to admit that he was a boy, the reason why he had tried to destroy Alexis’ life. When he saw Alexis’ determination and the natural certainty of her gender he had finally had had the courage to admit his own gender to himself. Francis really had had a much tougher time transitioning than Alexis. His parents had come around without too much of a problem but at the cost of severing all their old social ties.

I was feeling very ladylike in my gorgeous blue gown. The gown was such that it was impossible to feel anything less in it. “Auntie” Bru had given it to me. “Auntie” Bru is not only a doll but also quite droll. Just imagine admonishing me to “beware of Oklahoma cowgirls” when wearing it. Well, “Auntie” IS a bit strange. Next to me I had my BFF in an equally gorgeous gown. I was lucky to have a BFF that was also my boyfriend, a boyfriend that (mistakenly) claims that I’m his role model. Someone that isn’t afraid straddle the faux-binary gender divide. It was him seeing me both dance en pointe and play football even if genetically XX (or XXXXXXX according to Freed’s of London) that had given him the courage to reveal his own genderbending (he sucks at ballet though). Seeing us Coach shook his head in a resigned way. Peter and I DO cause a stir on away games. Coach wasn’t able to hide his fond smile though. Well, we DID bring back that big ugly trophy that he can’t stop admiring even when the Principal finally pried it out of his office.

PS
The parts referring to ballet including pointe work but excluding the clothing part is autobiographical. Yes, the shoe size stated is the one I got from Freed's of London.

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The Swamp

Daphne Xu's picture

The thing about being lost in a swamp, is that one has to twist and turn every few steps, which describes this story -- me reading it, that is -- quite adequately. And this being a Bru story... I really hope I can remember most of the thoughts that traversed my mind as I read this.

I noticed from the start the avoidance of pronouns with "Alexis", and I was quite sure that that could be a male name as well as a female name. As for "Claude", I forget if it follows the rule that "Claud" is male and "Claude" is female in French. But it seems as if at the end, the narrator is revealed to be born female and still female. Presumably, F2F means tomboy (or self-identity as male) to girly-girl to happy medium.

Firm parents requiring their teenage girls to wear skimpy bikinis, or requiring high heels and painted toenails. In ballet, firm discipline requires girls to spread their legs wide. "Drink your beer, young man. All of it. Now!"

M2F Alexis dating F2M Mary/Francis? Makes perfect sense. I think that Peter is a cisboy, but not sure. I'm sure he looked adorable in his prom gown, next to his date in a gown as well.

Nice twisty tale, Bru. :-) I think this is the first in which you self-inserted. And the family must have moved to Oklahoma, being warned against Okie cowgirls and such.

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.

Prénom épicène

From French wikipedia:
"Claude est un prénom épicène issu du grec Κλαύδιος via le latin Claudius, et signifiant « boiteux ». Il est fêté le 6 juin ou 15 février1."

Which basically means that Claude a first name that is used both for females and males with the same spelling. The different name days are for females and males (I have forgotten which is which).

I even know a lady named Claude Garçon :)

However, in hindsight the name was rather unfortunate since it means limping. Not a good name for a ballet fan :(

Otherwise I think you got most things right. However, I have selfinserted once before in one of my less popular stories.

As for the gown and Okies: That's an injoke. I'm still waiting for Barbie's reaction to me giving the gown to someone else.

The Gown and Okies

Daphne Xu's picture

Is that an in-joke that I've not already been pull into? She still has that pink gown she's never returned, right?

BTW, when I first saw your story in the list, I thought, "That Venus Trap story came out awfully quick." One just might find a Venus Trap in a Girly-Girly Swamp.

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.

who would have thought she

who would have thought she would enjoy being swallowed up by the swamp monsters.

Anywhere near a girly-girly swamp

Daphne Xu's picture

... or for that matter, anywhere near anything girly-girly, one is sure to find Dot and Jaci trading insults competing with each other.

Any surprise?

(Just in case -- this is a joke.)

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.

Some times I think it needs ten more words in ten more places.

crash's picture

Some times I think it needs ten more words in ten more places. But then I read it again and realize that it is as well crafted as it needs to be. Your a master of this craft.

Thanks Bru

Your friend
Crash

Thank you

I appreciate your comment.
I've realized that my writing is more "compact" than that of most people (no need to compare with writer's of US university textbooks). I like writing like this.

Having said that, proof-reading is ****. Only the first one or two readings are efficient. Then you "know" the text. Quite often I have to add/correct a word or two after I have posted a story.

Even more twisty

You've outdone yourself. And you're right to warn them about those Okie cowgirls.

I'm guessing that all of this is taking place in Muskoge. And to think, she almost got trapped as the girly-girly Okie Muskogee swamp creature.

I might have overdone it this time

There are some, like you, who likes the very convoluted.
Judging from the response so far it may have been too much for most readers.

However, this is the second story I have enjoyed writing since my my mother passed away some 14 months ago (my father had passed away earlier that year). As for the other stories I have posted since I have enoyed getting the idea but the actual writing process, however short, has been more forced.

What am I missing????

BarbieLee's picture

I'm out of the loop for a couple days and my "girl friends?" are talking about me behind my back? Daphne, don't believe those jealous tales from the other girls. The dresses could have been returned.
Bru, hon, your story writing is always a pleasure to read even if it takes a day or two for the headache to go away. Good authors have no problem stepping outside the comfort zone.
Hugs hon, it's late here
always,
Barb
Life is a gift. Treasure it until it's time to return it.

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Are you sure

your headaches aren't due to you needing new glasses?
I can't imagine reading my stories could have anything close to that effect.

As for the pink dress: You are perfectly right. You may not have noticed it yet but I arranged to have it returned to me. Your security really is below par.

Girly girl swamp

I got the impression that the gowns all got sorted out after the big author get together. Thank you for another tale Bru, I hope you enjoy writing them as much as we enjoy reading them.

Time is the longest distance to your destination.

I had expected

someone to suggest "Drain the (Girly Girly) Swamp". Then I realized - not on THIS site :)

Normally I enjoy the writing, as I did this time. Unfortunately I've got a feeling that having ups and downs is not entirely unknown to the readers here.

Regarding the dresses: I just couldn't resist doing a bit of "meta writing" and pull Barbie's (very shapely) leg. Don't worry, we are the best of friends and we have a dress rehearsal tomorrow.

"Georgeous Blue Gown?"

BarbieLee's picture

Dear Auntie Bru, look me in the eyes and deny that is not the same gown you wore to the Queen's Ball and then claimed you gave it away when I asked to borrow it. Giving the gown to your niece is not exactly fair since I asked for it first. Now about the cocktail dress you wore to Putin's birthday party? The liquid fireie red dress you were "almost" wearing. Every male, and a few females, couldn't take their eyes off you. Not counting the females who were staring daggers at you. You owe me after that lie about giving the blue dress away. I want!
Exactly how many State Secrets did you con out of Putin's Ministry of Defense Department personnel that night???? The U.S. Ambassador you disappeared with for half an hour? I take it he didn't have that many state secrets since you weren't gone that long. One of these days you're going to cross that line too many times and then who am I going to borrow gowns from? Jill isn't quite the party animal you are. She does shine all on her own though when she wants to weasel company secrets out of the competition.
hugs sweety
always,
Barb

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

The Georgeous Gown

is something completely different. It was made for and worn by the Prince Regent before he became George IV. It's was a very well kept secret that he had a fondness for pretty feminine clothing. While interesting from a historical point of view, which is why I acquired it, I've never worn it. It's XXXXL.

The slightly smaller liquid fireie red dress you referred to should be in your closet by now. You really should beef up your security. One bull isn't enough. Apart from the strings it mainly consists of it does come with some other strings as well. As it turned out daarling Sergey was more interested in the dress than me. I was a bit miffed but I got what I wanted anyway. He refused my offer of it as a gift but got the promise that he was free to use it whenever he dropped by. A promise I have to transfer to you now. Don't worry. He's very discrete when visiting. He's great company. You wouldn't believe the stories he can tell. Even I am impressed.

It must be an error, so we'll make the changes

Jamie Lee's picture

So what if a new student is named Claude, and the gender box checked is Male? Haven't those zombies every heard of Claude Akins? Where did they get the idea that the parents made a mistake when they checked Male?

Doe eyes or not, had he really not wanted to accept he was considered a girl by that school, he would have raised hell to get it straightened out.

He was very fortunate a group of self appointed instructors didn't way lay him and put him in the hospital. Maybe there were a few, but maybe the punishment was worse than beating up the strange boy.

Was it really a swamp he got pulled into? Maybe swamp isn't the right word? Maybe world is the best word to describe the universe he entered? And maybe a lot of girls would be offended to the point of becoming head hunters had they known his opinion of the girl's world?

What seemed really strange in this story was the parents never trying to correct the foul up made by an assumption. And agreeing he she be the girl that was expected at that school. Why? Did mom and dad see something no one saw? Or did they feel it was no big deal if he presented as a girl?

Okie jokes have to be for those down State, 'cause many forget Oklahoma has a panhandle.

Others have feelings too.

This time the story was more even convoluted than usually

This time the story was even more convoluted that usually.

Alexis (M2F, genetic boy) was delighted that the US school assumed (s)he was a girl. Alexis usually got their wishes fulfilled, thus persuading the parents not to rectify the mistake. Alexis was delighted to live out all girlishness.

Claude (usually a male name in France but also used for females sometimes) was a confirmed tomboy who to begin with was upset with the mistake regarding her brother (as she still regarded Alexis). Claude initially only reluctantly went along with the excesses of Alexis only because Claude always felt an obligation to take care of Alexis. From Claude's tomboy point of view it certainly was a swamp (at least to begin with).

Mary/Francis: F2M that to begin with rejected his feelings and channeled them in rather destructive ways.

Peter (XY) is somewhat gender fluid.

The okie joke (at least the part I'm responsible for) refers to an ongoing in-joke with a certain Oklahoma cowgirl (i.e. Barbie Lee).

Opera in One Unnatural Act

Daphne Xu's picture

I was reminded of Peter Schickele's attempt to summarize the plot to PDQ Back's "Hansel and Gretel and Ted and Alice, an Opera in One Unnatural Act" -- oh, and by the way, that opera is on-topic here.

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.