“When She Stops Saying She Loves You” Chapter 6 “Careless Memories”

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Careless Memories
As the court dare approached I tried to block everything else out but my family. I went on those stupid supervised visits but we also tried out my sister’s idea buy hacking my parents take the kids out to Chuck E. Cheese’s or to their favorite hibachi restaurant and I would just “show up” to join them. Rini and Marisa were usually given a lot of tokens or a lot of sushi to keep them occupied from any conversation the rest of us had about how everyone was doing.
Lexi had issues with school—fights with people who used to be her friends and sleeping in class due to staying up late worrying about her life. Nick tried to put a front but he was angry at everything and there wasn’t much I do about it short of kidnapping.
Kidnapping the children, that is.
I usually ordered a small sushi roll or some chicken wings depending on where we were at the time. At that night, I had a tornado roll: tempura fried shrimp with eel sauce. I tried to enjoy the flavor but, due to depression everything always had an off-kilter taste. I was becoming what my wife wanted the court to see me like.
I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter or a way to bring myself up from the doldrums.
“Can we stay with you?” Nick asked.
“I wish you could. I really do.”
“Just let us,” Lexi replied,
“If I did, then your mother would bring the police and not only would they take you back to her they would arrest me.”
“She’s trying to do that?” Nick asked.
“I’m not going to say it like that, but…yes.”
“Bitch,” Lexi muttered and everyone at the table stopped eating to look at her. “Everyone’s thinking it, so, there, cat’s out of the bag.”
“Language.”
“I can think of a whole lot more stronger words.”
“I believe it.”
“Are you going to let her get away it, dad?”
“Get away with what, Nick?”
“This. It’s like a plot from Special Victims Unit. We only need the ‘chung chung’ sound effect.”
“It’s not like that yet. You mother would need to be pregnant.”
Lexi and Nicky looked at each other and then sheepishly looked at the table.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, Mom and…him were talking about it.”
“Wait, seriously?”
Lexi swallowed hard.
“Yeah,” Nicky replied. “So you know, alpha male kills the kids of the previous for his own off-spring.”
“As much as I think its great you’re watching nature shows, this isn’t exactly the same.”
“Yeah, it’s worse, “ Lexi replied as my parents walked back to the table with the twins.
“Can we buy one of the Cooie fish?” Rini squealed.
“Koi,” I replied.

I kept up the image of happy dad until everyone had left.
After that, I felt like flying into a rage. I would have smashed every car in the parking lot a la Micheal Jackson but instead I drove back to my parents’ house and tried to go to sleep.
That didn’t happen as I sat up in bed and tried to figure out what the hell had happened with our relationship? All those times I assumed that our issues were due to work and they could be worked out a little bit of time. I wouldn’t be home, she wouldn’t be home or if I was at home maybe I was working on work-related things in order to maybe, one day, not require her to work anymore.
She had stated that as much as she loved being a realtor it kept her out too much and that one day she would stoop working and stay with the kids. I didn’t think to ask if this future included me because I assumed that it did, since we were married at the time.
And we all know what happens when one assumes?
So, I spent the night with several knives jabbed into my heart and the repeating memories of dating, marriage, and sex. All three I thought were mutual to the two of us. Maybe they were at the time. Maybe they weren’t. I wasn’t a rich man, so she didn’t marry me for money. But for a few seconds during the night, I kind of wished I was. If I had won the lottery or played more than one quarter at that slot machine one time then neither of us would have had to work and we wouldn’t been pulled in by our jobs.
But a child? Was this baby mine? Was it during one of those quick, we’re both nearly asleep so it seems to be mechanical times? Those times where it felt that I was being a bother? Like, well, I better appreciate this moment and just go with it? I was the charity case and her co-worker was the king.
That hurt. To think it was all empty. To wonder if I didn’t matter in the equation and that she was picturing this other guy and do whatever he wanted while I felt that she was my world. I guess I should have noticed it when she stopped saying she loved me.

I went to work that morning and stayed civil and causally upbeat. My supervisor didn’t ask anything from me beyond the normal and he never asked questions so it was an okay day at the office.
However, once at my parents’ home, everything fell apart.
“We’ve been served,” my dad said as he handed over three large envelopes.
I pulled my hair back with both hands. “For what?”
“It appears Rini told her everything that’s been going on.”
“I figured she would. I was only a matter of time. Should of gotten her the fish too.”
“That’s just for your mom and me. There’s no telling what’s in your envelope.”
“I’ll call Chuck. I guess have some things to pound out.”

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Comments

I can’t help but wonder where this is going......

D. Eden's picture

But so far it is way too dark for me. Reading it simply adds to my depression and makes me cry. Today I made the mistake of reading it while I ate lunch at my desk - thank God I have a private office, or else everyone would see me fighting off the tears.

The terrible thing here is that only the innocent seem to be getting hurt. That says particularly terrible things about our court system - things that would make Trump happy I’m sure!

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus