Sara's Magic Crayons SRU - Chapter 4

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Sara's Magic Crayons
Chapter 4

by Maggie O'Malley

When Sara was growing up, her "magic crayons" helped her escape the pain. Now as an adult and the world famous Art Angel, can they help her to find the life she's always dreamed of?


 

Chapter Four: The Art Angel Spreads Her Wings

The next day was Monday, and it was the first day of a new life for Sara. A frightened young woman sat in the admissions office of the art school, nervously clutching her best artwork and wondering how Jenna and Rick had ever talked her into this. She was sure once these people saw her toddler-like crayon scrawls, they would chastise her for wasting their valuable time. They'd laugh at the "boy" who dares to dress like a girl and say "his" name is Sara.

Two hours later however, Sara was floating down the front steps of the school and grinning from ear to ear. They didn't shake their heads in disgust or laugh at her, on the contrary they said she was GOOD, with the potential to be better than good, and they wanted to help her realize that. She told them about her financial situation, and they offered her a six months full scholarship, which could extend for the entire three years if she stayed with the program (three years instead of the usual two since she could go nights only). Best of all, they welcomed her as SARA, and not a silly boy in a dress. That afternoon she said a prayer of thanks to the Goddess for bringing Rick and Jenna into her life and then broke the hundred-pound note to buy her school supplies.

Tuesday she took another big step by contacting the local hospital and seeking help for her condition. A counselor there put her on to a therapist and a medical doctor who had experience in dealing with her birth defect. She told Sara that she would need the assistance of both if she wished to pursue her dream. Sara tried to make appointments straight away but as it so often for what people call non-emergency situations, the wait is dreadfully long and it would be months before Sara got in to see either.

That weekend she sent a letter to Jenna and Rick reporting her progress and asking about little Rebecca. She knew she could call them, and collect if she needed, but she couldn't stand the way her voice sounded over the phone. Jenna didn't push the issue and was more than glad to write. Two weeks after Sara sent her letter she received one back congratulating her on how well she was doing and positively gushing over their tiny miracle they had been blessed with. Jenna even included a snap of the little darling, the first of many more to come.

Once Sara started art school, her schedule pretty much remained unchanged for the next three years. She was up by dawn to go to her job where she still worked as a boy. She'd return home, change into Sara mode, and then head off for class at the art school. When she finally returned home, she stayed up half the night for her "home schooling." Home schooling involved studying for her college equivalency test, (even though she didn't have to have a college diploma to go to art school she felt it was something she needed to do), reading every bit of fact and fiction she could find on the transsexual condition, and learning the fine art of womanhood 101.

Three months after starting her journey in earnest, she met with the psychiatrist and shortly there after the medical doctor. It was difficult for her to open up to strangers, and men at that, but she knew her only chance to be the best woman she could be was with their help.

With Jenna's long-distance support she found the courage to pour out her story to her therapist. After the third visit he confirmed what Sara always knew, that being she was a girl inside, and wrote her a prescription for hormones. It wasn't long before the magic pills had Sara "busting out" all over and she couldn't have been happier. For three years, she continued to give blood to her doctor and her story to her therapist.

At 25, Sara was a long way from the lost child who came to London over ten years ago. She had just graduated top of her class at the art school, and her combination of acquired skill and Goddess-given talent was sure to translate into a very lucrative career. Her lack of education would no longer be a roadblock to that career, as she'd passed her college equivalency exams a few weeks ago and the diploma sat proudly by her art desk as proof.

Nearly three years of hormones, and regular care packages from Jenna, (full of cakes, cookies and brownies) had combined to transform an emaciated boy's body into a slender but shapely feminine one. From the books she read, from watching other women and by pure trial and error, she'd improved her hairstyling and make up skills. With her long blonde hair styled attractively, her sky blues eyes accentuated, and wearing her favorite long skirt and silk blouse, Sara was becoming what all transgender girls aspire to be, just another pretty young woman.

Two months before graduation, she'd taken another big step in her journey to womanhood. She went to court and stood before God, Queen and country and asked them to legally recognize her now as Sara. Long live the princess! It was granted without objection and now her identification as well as both diplomas stated her proper name proudly.

Her doctor and her therapist were more than pleased with her progress, and said they would recommend her for gender reassignment as soon as she completed the required "life test". In accordance with the Harry Benjamin standard for transition, a candidate must live fully in the roll of his or her new gender for at least two years before they would be considered for the surgery. With the exception of her job, Sara was living exclusively as female, and that last bit of charade was about to change.

Sara had never given her co-workers the impression she was a footballer, and over the last two years the effects of the hormones, the occasional traces of last nights makeup, and the fact that she finished third place in the "Best Looking Girl in the Factory" contest said she wasn't fooling anyone. When her name change came through she had no choice but to inform the main office which of course removed what little doubt might be left.

Completely transitioning on this job was not an option for Sara as she was anxious to get employment putting her art skills to use. Her factory job was a lousy, low paying position, where every night that she walked to her car she wondered when a few of her work mates might be waiting for her to play, "Pound the Poof". Sara had begun interviewing "en femme" for a new job as soon as her name change was legal.
Sara had no more framed her art school diploma then a job in the art sector opened up for her immediately. It was an entry-level position in the design sector of an advertising agency. Basically, Sara would sit in a little cubicle all day getting work orders to draw advertisements for anything from dog food to hair spray. Her creative talents would hardly be challenged or utilized here, but it was a job doing what she loved best, "coloring", and she knew she had to start somewhere. It was also important because it was Sara's first real job AS Sara, which meant she was now officially living the life test, and the dream of gender reassignment surgery was one step closer to becoming a reality.

Sara had made incredible strides in getting closer to her dream, but when it came to getting close to people, she was still a scared child afraid to let anyone in. Her therapist strongly urged Sara to join some transgender support groups, saying it would be a safe place for her to reach out and make friends, friends who obviously would understand how she felt. Sara acknowledged her therapist's suggestion, but never sought out friendship through any of the groups. She had acquaintances through work and school but the only two FRIENDS she had were thousands of miles away in Canada.

There were times though when she would get so lonely that she'd be tempted to reach out to others, but each time anyone tried to get close, Sara would pull back. The memories of what she endured at the hands of her classmates and her father still haunted her. It was still so hard for her to trust others, or believe they could really want to be friends with her. She had braved so much to get where she was now at, but the thought of going with her some mates down to the local pub was still terrifying, and she was still no closer to being able to pick up the phone and call Jenna.

For Sara, there just didn't seem to be a safe and comfortable way for her to make and interact with friends. Fortunately, the Goddess smiled on her and countless other souls like Sara as she waved her hand and created a place where people could connect to other people all over the world, and never have to leave the safety of their home, show their faces, or speak a single word. This magical place was called the Internet and it brought Sara another step closer to her true destiny.

A week after Sara graduated she received a huge crate postmarked from Canada. She tore into the box like a small child on Christmas morning. Her eyes went wide in disbelief as there beneath the packing material she found a new computer and printer. Sara had acquired a few basic computer skills when she had to work with them occasionally at the art school, and thought they could be fun toys to play games on but she couldn't imagine why on earth Jenna and Rick would send her one.

Sara opened the enclosed card and smiled as she read it, "Congratulations on graduating art school, getting your college diploma, and for becoming the young woman we knew you had the potential to be. We are so proud of you and so happy for you, but... we still worry about you being alone. There is a big beautiful world out there Sara and we want you to be able to get out and see it. We think this computer will not only be a useful tool for you artwork, but a safe way for the Art Angel to spread her wings and fly. Please let us know when you get the package. We know you'll have questions and we'll do our best to answer them. Love Rick and Jenna"

Sara plopped down on her bed, overwhelmed by the love and generosity of these two wonderful people, and cried tears of joy. Getting up her courage, she finally did something she had no choice but to do it. She went down to the corner and for the first time rung up her very special friends.

Jenna cried tears of joy when she heard Sara's voice. Rick chatted with her for a while and then for the first time she got to hear the happy voice of her "niece" Becky, as she'd been bestowed auntie status by Rick and Jenna. Sara still wasn't comfortable talking on the phone, but it was so good to hear the voice of people who meant so much to her. Sara gave Rick and Jenna her heartfelt thanks for such a wonderful gift, but not without lightly scolding them for spending so much money. Her Canadian caregivers took both gracefully and then got to the business of explaining to her what a magical gift she had at her fingertips.

Sara sat in stunned amazement as they explained to her that once she got the computer set up and connected into a phone line she could explore a place called the Internet. From this magical cyberspace she could explore wonders past and present, find information on almost anything imaginable AND safely "chat" (or at least the typing equivalent) with people all over the world and never have to leave her house or let them hear her actual voice.

Rick and Jenna were not trying to make it easier for Sara to be a recluse; on the contrary they were doing the only thing they could do to get her to reach out. In other words, if they couldn't get Sara to go out to the world, they found a way to bring the world in to Sara. As an added incentive to Sara they explained to her that once she got the printer and scanner hooked up, she could send and receive almost anything in just a few minutes, including being able to share her artwork with others.

Sara had safe access to the world at the press of a key or the click of a mouse. That was more than enough allure to get her to do something she thought she might never do, have a phone line installed. Once that was done she devoted an entire weekend to going over the manuals and getting a crash course in computer operations and Internet surfing. Within a week she was taking baby steps onto the World Wide Web, downloading pictures and stories, and chatting with Jenna and Rick. Artangel_007 was soon a frequent cyberspace flyer and her world would never be the same.

With Sara's new job and her home computer, her life changed once again. At work, she was the quiet well-dressed blonde who ate lunch alone in her cubicle and kept her bosses pleased with the excellent product sketches she created. The work was structured, confining, and at a skill level she had long before spending three years in art school. Yet, the schooling hadn't been a waste. She had improved her skills, but most of all without that diploma, she'd never gotten past the receptionist to apply for the job. No, it wasn't the kind of same creative magic a little girl used to make with her crayons, but it paid the bills and left her nights free.

Sara nights were the true magic now in her life. Once home, she'd slip off her shoes and gravitate between her art desk and the computer desk. Both were places were her spirit roamed free and the Art Angel spread her wings. She'd sit at her art desk, hair up in a ponytail, bare toes wiggling and create some of the same beautiful pictures she had escaped into twenty years ago. She would spend hours creating heartwarming scenes of little girls playing, of fairy tale princesses, and of lovely young women living the life she was still trying to create. Only now, she was 25 and not 5. Fine art tools had replaced crayons and coloring books, and what was once a toddler's scribbling was now the creative genius of a true master. Of course Sara never shared this work with anyone, as not only was it too personal, but still lacking faith in her abilities, she never dreamed she could give away an Art Angel original creation, let alone sell it.

When she wasn't lost in her art, she was flying free on her computer. She spent most of her time browsing through the world's great art, reading more transsexual literature from the enormous library of fact and fiction she found, and of course chatting with Rick and Jenna almost every night. She loved hearing about Jenna and Rick's everyday life and the exploits of their toddling daughter Becky. Jenna and Rick loved being able to check in daily with their English Art Angel and were glad to hear how well she was doing at work, but were still quite concerned about her lack of socialization with others. Jenna frequented several transgender chatrooms and did her best to convince Sara to join her there and perhaps make a few friends in the "cybersafe" environment. Reluctantly, she tagged along with Jenna but rarely ever typed in more than the obligatory "hello" and "goodbye".

Despite the fact that Sara was technically safe on her side of the computer screen she still played the chatroom wallflower. Not only was she reluctant to open up and share her feelings with the others, she was also convinced she had nothing meaningful to contribute to most conversations. Her body may have developed into a woman's over the last few years, but when it came to self-esteem and trust, she was still very much the frightened and abused child.

Jenna was well aware of the frightened and loved starved child within Sara. She knew that even though both women were the same age chronologically, the physical and mental abuse Sara endured had left her more of a child emotionally. As a result Jenna had assumed the role of big sister almost from day one, and when the pair entered a chatroom it was like big sister taking little sister to the playground. Jenna would give Sara constant reassurances through private chats and when it was time to leave, she'd take Sara's hand in cyberspace and both would log off together.

Jenna's favorite chatroom was a place called Crystals. It was a very safe place filled with a lot of loving people and warm hugs. She had grown quite close to several of the regulars there and it was fast becoming a second home for her. If there was ever a transgender chatroom that Sara might feel comfortable in, this had to be it.

Sara began tagging along with Jenna over to Crystals a few evenings a week. The regulars there welcomed the Art Angel with warm hugs and cuddles. Sara acknowledged that it seemed like a safe place and everyone was very friendly but nonetheless, she was still afraid to spread her wings and fly. Just as she did before, she made few comments save to speak when spoken directly to, and the usual "hello and goodbye".
While Sara wasn't very active in Crystal's chatroom, the story archives there were another matter all together. Sara was the proverbial "kid in a candy store" the first time she browsed through the huge selection of transgender offerings. She was often awake half the night, escaping into stories the way she would escape into her own artwork. It wasn't long before Sara became particularly enamored with the offerings of one author, Prudence Walker. After experiencing, as reading doesn't seem to say quite enough, one of her stories she got on line with Jenna and was positively gushing about the magic this author weaved.

Jenna chuckled from her side of the computer and then sent a smiley face and the symbol for love over to Sara. She told Sara that she; along with most of the literate population of the world were fans of Prue Walker's work. Jenna went on to tell Sara the unofficial biography of Prue Walker.

Prue Walker was a kiwi, no...not the bird nor the fruit, but a native of New Zealand. Despite being a young woman in her mid-twenties, Prue wrote with the passion, power and presence of a much more experienced writer. Opening one of her books was like opening a door to another world. You didn't read a Prue story. You lived it. She combined painstaking research, life experience (both her own and those of others who share with her), and her Goddess-given talent to create storylines and characters which generated such empathy from the reader that it seems impossible to believe it's fiction. You might say it's simply, "Too good NOT to be true."

Another reason why Prue's stories were so popular was that they seemed to have something for everyone, so if you believe that variety is truly the spice of life, then you'll find her work to be of exceptional good taste. She would weave a unique brand of fiction, intertwined with fact, and chock full of humor, love, romance, drama, suspense, science fiction, and of course, "Prue Puns", that would satisfy the hunger of most any reader.

Most of her offerings could be found in the Science Fiction/Fantasy section, and bookstores around the world struggled to keep up with public demand. Several of her traditional SciFi novels were Pulitzer Prize winners but it was her short stories and novels in the transgender gender genre that held a special place in her heart. They became barrier-breaking works, as she was one of the first prime time authors to be able to bring the TG condition into recognition of mainstream society.

Before Prue Walker came along, transgender fiction books were usually only found in pornographic book stores, or gathering dust on a bottom shelf in the darkened corner of a more traditional one. Most people were too embarrassed to even read the back cover let alone take one up to the counter and have to face the sales person when they bought it. It was of common opinion that such works were of the same quality as a pornographic movie and of interest only to sexual deviants and the like.

It didn't take Prue Walker long to shatter that myth as she opened the eyes and the hearts of the world once the world opened her first collection of transgender themed stories. Many people seeing the latest Prue Walker offering in the new arrivals section, snatched it up and purchased it without realizing it was TG fiction. Yet once opening it, they found it to be of the same quality they had come to expect from all Prue Productions, and couldn't put it down until it was finished.

Prue's transgender offerings had great educational value. Not only did they teach the world that TG fiction can be well written literature, but most importantly it showed that transgender men and women had the same wants, needs and desires of most all men and woman. Pure and simple, they were just men and women born with a physical birth defect. It was a message the TG community had been trying in vain for years to send to the rest of the world, and now with Prue's help was finally being delivered.

Her TG stories were a great testament to her incredible empathy, as Prue could do something most TG thought wasn't possible. Just as you can't really know what it's like being blind until you lose your sight, most TG didn't believe a GG (genetic girl) could possibly understand what it's like to be transgender, but then along came Prue. She was a genetic girl who seemed to not only understand the pain and frustration of being transgender, but had real compassion for those so afflicted.

One of the reasons perhaps for the level of empathy she had was that she shared one of their deepest sorrows. She too was unable to bear children, and felt the same void within her heart and her life that her gender challenged sisters did. She cried tears for them and with them.

With all her heart she wished she could wave a magic wand and right these tragic wrongs, but sadly she couldn't, so her and her muse created new worlds where her magic was strong and transgender folk could find "happily ever afters" in a can of magic spray or in a drop of magic goo. Prue had become so admired and loved by the TG community that she had been given honorary TG sister status, an honor never before bestowed upon any genetic girl.

So...it was no surprise to Jenna that Sara had been captivated by Prue's magic. She was delighted that Sara had found something and someone else to bring a little joy in her life. Sara was so smitten with Prue's magic that she did something totally out of character for the painfully shy woman. She actually emailed Prue a letter full of glowing compliments about several of her stories. Then, incredibly she included a small sketch she had done of a particular scene from one of the tales that had really touched her.

For most people, emailing an author comments was little more than an after thought, a way to say thanks for the effort, but for Sara reaching out like that and sharing not only her thoughts but her artwork as well, was positively terrifying. In fact, she very nearly deleted the letter and picture, before taking a deep breath and sending it.

Half way round the world in New Zealand, Prue Walker checked her email and smiled when she saw she'd received comments. For an author, there is no greater feeling than knowing something you created reached a person deep enough that they would take the time to write you about it. Obviously you hope those comments are positive ones, but even when they aren't they're still appreciated by the writer because it allows him or her to see and feel things from the readers perspective.

Prue was delighted to hear how deeply she had touched Sara and how much the young woman had enjoyed her work. Sara wrote mostly of Prue's stories, only briefly mentioning her own situation, but Prue's talent was in her empathy, and between the lines of Sara's letter she sensed a lonely and frightened young woman. Of course many TG girl's had those qualities in spades, but she felt them deeply within Sara's words.

When she opened the file containing Sara's sketch she realized something else about her as well. Sara was quite the gifted artist. The scene she had created was not only beautifully drawn, but seemed to capture the very essence of what Prue had written. The young author was deeply touched by what Sara had sent her and responded immediately, thanking her for her comments and praising her artwork. Late that night, Sara checked her mail and was shocked to find that Prue Walker had responded to her letter, and so soon as well. She trembled as she clicked the mouse to open it, fearing she would find a note chastising her for bothering Ms. Walker and for having the audacity to send her some childish crayon drawings and calling them artwork. Of course there was no logical reason for her to think she would find either of those things in the message, but when you've reached out to others and been hurt as badly as Sara had, fear overrules logic.

Sara took a deep breath and then began reading Prue's reply. Slowly a smile turned at the corners of her mouth and her eyes went wide as she could hardly believe what she was reading. Not only had a world famous author wrote Sara back, (a miracle in and of itself), but she said she appreciated Sara's comments AND, she loved, not just liked, but LOVED her artwork and hoped see more. With Sara still reeling from that, she nearly fell out of her chair when Prue closed the letter by extending her an invitation to join her "chatfriends" list so they could talk online. Sara shook her head in disbelief and then her eyes filled with tears of joy. A pair of kindred spirits connected that night as Sara now had another very special friend in her life.


To be continued...

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