Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 619.

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Walloping Demijohns
(aka Bike)
et 619
by Angharad
       
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“Just what the hell is going on?” asked the irate assistant chief constable.

“You tell me,” I replied.

“According to your story, you’ve killed or injured half a dozen men, been in possession of an unlicensed firearm, stolen a police car…have I missed anything?”

“My bow and arrows, which I’d like back–those I did pay for.”

“Oh yes, more offensive weapons.”

“You could add preserving the lives of my children and adopted father, plus saving the lives of two of your officers.”

“Why have you got to fight this gang war on my patch?”

“What do you mean, gang war? I’m the injured party here, I’ve been abducted, unlawfully detained and threatened, not to mention actual attempts on my life.”

“It’s that no good family you’re marrying into.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The bloody Camerons.”

“What do you mean, no good?”

“Well, no one accumulates millions honestly, or a peerage on the way.”

“The bank has been up and running for over a hundred years. It’s financed all sorts of things, including some of the developmental aircraft during the Second World War.”

“You seem well informed, how come you didn’t know the mafioffski were after you?”

“I thought the boys in blue were protecting us, seeing as we’d done nothing wrong except associating with Henry and Simon. I’m a university teacher, my foster kids are innocents, Tom is a university professor. As far as I’m aware teaching isn’t illegal yet.”

“Very funny. So what do you teach? How to kill with an AK47?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The gun you were spraying the road with, the AK47…” There was a knock on the door and a young policewoman gave him two pieces of paper. “Your personal tally has risen to nine, there were three bodies in the car that went into Loch Leven, and we’re investigating the place you say they held you. We only have to wait for the fire brigade to put the blaze out, it’s apparently gutted.”

“The swines.”

“What?”

“I left a whole pile of clothes there, including my childrens’ pyjamas.”

“We suspect human remains amongst the ashes. I don’t suppose you set the place on fire to cover even more of your apparently insatiable bloodlust?”

“As a comedian, I'd get another scriptwriter if I were you, because your current lines stink. I would like to see a lawyer, or advocate I believe you lot call them up here.”

“There is one waiting to see you. This interview is terminated.” He switched off the tape. I was incredibly irritated by this man, who seemed to be intent on jailing me while the Russian mafia, or who ever it was ran amok all over the place.

I had managed to call Henry briefly as we were on the way to Fort William, he told me not to say too much and he’d send someone to assist me. It turned out to be a rather feisty woman barrister called Fiona McLeod.

Within an hour, I had access to my girls and to Tom. Another hour and I was bailed–Henry put up the dosh, or stood surety for me, which I believe is the correct term.

However, with all that had happened and could yet happen, it struck me as ironic that the mafia attacked the police station about an hour after we’d left. They were looking for me apparently, and took the ACC hostage as they left.

I’d stopped at Marks & Spencers to get some clean clothes for all of us, courtesy of Fiona. She waited in the car, a rather nice Audi, while I dashed in and bought a selection of things for everyone. I spent nearly a thousand quid, mind you, I had two shop assistants help me carry it out to the car.

Henry had reserved rooms at the Rannoch Arms Hotel, so we had somewhere nice to stay. We were booked in under assumed names to make the efforts of the mafia to bump us off a bit harder. The object was that tomorrow he send up a convoy of people to take us over to Stanebury, which is apparently near Perth. I’d always thought that was in Australia somewhere.

There is a Perth in Scotland too, so I discovered today. A wonderful thing, education, Tom was pleased with his new underpants, I got him a selection of different colours, he wasn’t quite so sure about the flowery ones. I only got them to wind him up.

The girls were pleased with their new dresses, jeans and tops and pyjamas. I bought myself a new pair of jeans, trainers and pair of heels, to wear with the skirt and top I’d acquired from the Per Una section. His stuff is gorgeous.

We’d only been at the hotel half an hour, we were actually eating lunch when the police arrived. This time they were a bit more conciliatory. Henry had spoken with the Secretary of State for Scotland and also the First Minister of the Scottish Parliament, so a few things were cleared up.

However, this time the police were asking for my help. They wanted to recover their ACC who had been abducted.

“I expect they’ll want to swap him for Henry,” I said as I finished my lunch.

“No, it’s you they want.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of the exchange?”

“Of course not, but anything you can give us to help find them would be much appreciated.”

“There’s not a lot I can add to what I’ve already told you. They had these two 4x4s I saw as we left the house. One, I presume, ended up in the loch; I know nothing else. The men we met were all Brits, so I don’t know if there is a mafia connection. It strikes me as strange that they seem to be hunting Henry and Simon.”

I recalled the conversation I’d overheard. “It has to be the mafia, if I remember, when we had the attack last year, Henry told me that there were two factions who’d been vying to offer protection to his banking interests in Russia. One had been making a nuisance of itself by attacking us. The other lot offered to sort things out for him, and the next thing we heard, the one lot had dealt with the others. I learned later that meant eliminated the others. I was far from happy with this state of affairs, but if the guy who is running things lost some of his friends and family to the other bunch, he might well see it as Henry’s fault and try to do the same to him.”

“So what use is that to us?”

“I’d have thought there must be a copper in Moscow somewhere who knows what’s going on and if there was a survivor from the first lot.”

“Yes, get on that, Inspector Buchan,” barked the senior copper. A smart young man walked out briskly calling on his mobile as he went. “The Hampshire force would like your help to discuss your abduction, they lost four officers from their protection squad.”

“I’m sorry, that would concur with what I thought I’d heard, the men who killed them are probably dead.”

“Yes, if you didn’t get them, the Russians it would appear, were not leaving any witnesses for us to interview.”

“Did they actually attack your police station?”

“Yes, they ram raided us with two of our own cars.”

It was as much as I could do not to laugh.

“Then they fired shots into the air and we sort of surrendered. They pointed a couple of those rocket launched grenades at us, so heroics were out of the question, I’m afraid.”

“Well, discretion is the better part of valour,” I said using the old adage: if nothing else comes to mind, use a well worn cliché.

“Would you look at some pictures? We’ve had the Organised Crime Unit send us some photos. See if any of them were the blokes who kidnapped you.”

“Yes, if there’s somewhere safe to view them without being blown up or shot?”

“The army barracks, I’ve been told to use them, they have over a hundred men there at present, all of them armed and potentially dangerous.”

“And potential casualties. I don’t need to be told I’ve caused the deaths of dozens of soldiers, if they try to get me there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, if a mere girl can take out nine of them, what chance a company of experienced soldiers?”

“Quite good, if they have a helicopter.” I was looking at the one flying towards us as we talked. “Run, it’s got guns on it.” A fraction after I shouted, the place was in uproar as bullets began smashing through the windows and outer walls of the hotel. These guys were persistent, if nothing else.

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Comments

Now I Have To Wonder, Just

How well connected these guys are. Hope Stella and Des Jr. are well.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

I apologize to you

Angharad. I do so enjoy reading this daily. It's almost like an addiction. Kind of like riding a roller coaster blindfolded, you can't see the twists and turns, you just feel the car seat tug at you and drop from under you as the car moves along the track. I am sorry that I do not always give you my vote. Please take an extra 600 votes out of petty cash.

Just THANK YOU for my daily dose of BIKE.

I'm just Gobsmacked!

Really! I'm sitting on the edge of my seat here, heart all aflutter and breathing heavily and such!

Great chapter!

Battery.jpg

Another Fine Mess!

Well, this is another fine mess that Cathy finds herself in! Don't these mafiosi EVER run out of bad guys?!?!

Jenny

angie you are amazing

NoraAdrienne's picture

Have you ever considered writing scripts for the BBC? This would make one hell of a Soap Opera.

Bright Blessings

Cathy Morphing Into John McClane

Remember John McClane? That's the part played by Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies!

Bang! Blam! Ka-Boom!

In the spirit of over-the-top action movies, I'm seeing a bit of comedy in some of the collateral damage, as Cathy keeps taking care of the bad guys who attack her, but the world around her gets lain waste.

So, the only big question with this particular cliffhanger is, how exactly is Cathy going to shoot down that helicopter in the next scene?

:-)

Her Bow of Course

I fiqure Cathy could take out the helicopter with her bow, presuming she has been able to bail out the bow and the required ammunition, arrows.

Michelle B

Helicopters are relatively easy

They are big targets, and fairly slow moving, compared. It takes two hands and feet to fly them, and concentration. Plus they are fairly delicate. Unless they are armored military units, bullets will zap the windscreen nicely, the motors are nice targets, and the bodies are very thinly skinned. Even the rotors themselves are fairly good targets, where they join the body.

Rambo had some nice arrows he used.....plastic explosive fitted in the shaft with impact detonators in the copperhead ripper tips. Very nicely do in a chopper.

A long length of wire...

Puddintane's picture

...fired into either rotor won't do it any good at all.

A bit of sturdy rope tied to a sash weight (or something like) and hurled down from above would do the same. Helicopters are at a disadvantage when below the roofline, which they might well be if trying to fire in between the floors, and an elaborated bolo will fox them.

Puddin'

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

I wonder

if plugging up the air intake is possible ? If it is a jet copter, throw a squadron of geese at it and have it get sucked in ?

So, is there a flock of pigeons ( it is a hotel after all ) or geese handy ?

Kim

quote

"So, the only big question with this particular cliffhanger is, how exactly is Cathy going to shoot down that helicopter in the next scene?"

The same way John McLaine did. Just give her a car and a ramp, and she'll drive it out of the sky. Cause now, she's out of ammo. The officious cops are better at their job and disarmed her of course.

Just cause I was bored

I just closed the cover on what I call Book 8 of this tale. It is broken at roughly 300 pages each book, not by chapter number. I have eight completed with 619 chapters or episodes, 2,408 pages total, and word says it has 867,134 words. I did not bother with character counts this time. Figuring Kb and Mb, it is right around 7.7 Mb. I think that says a lot for the dedication of the writer (Bonzi), the idea lady (Angharad), and the thousands of dedicated readers that come to BCTS for their daily fix. Thank you.

Good Lord, the mafia has an airforce in Scotland.

That or they were as surprised as everyone else that something was really happening. Where's 007 and Q when ya need him. You could think MI6 would be more than happy to step up for Henry and company. Its a good thing Spike is not with them. Imagine what a second protective mother could do in these circumstances.

That would be MI5

They are still in Britain. MI6 is strictly for foreign ops, I'm afraid.

Kim

Oh right.

And the CIA never conducts ops in CONUS. Just being a smarty butt.......I had forgotten that

Please let the kids be safe

And get the airforce and army out in force. Something has to stop these guys. Can Cathy take down a helicopter? Probably... if she hasn't been injured.

So, did the mafia actually steal a helicopter gunship or were there people with guns in the chopper? A gunship is a really nasty piece of aircraft.

I can see....

...these clowns being so intent on getting Cathy that they miss the high tension power cables running behind the hotel and fly straight into them. Inevitable sparks and explosions followed by the crash of metal and Scotland goes back in to the dark ages for a bit.

Cathy will probably get the blame for the Scotland wide power outage and be forever banned from entering its borders again. So no official wedding to Simon at the ancestral estate.

Arwen

You must keep in mind that the Scotish police have the ...

collective IQ of a brick, or twice that of a bar full of drunken Irishman.

There, any other race or profession I haven't insulted? Dang, I forgot the Italians.

Poor Cathy, reminds me of Moromoto the kite maker in Tolland’s excellent history of WWII in the Pacific, The Rising Sun. Moromoto sold kites to the military for use as cheap aerial cameras, antenna and the like. He was at a major port city on August 06, 1945 when at aprox 8:10AM there was this brilliant purple flash of light. It was the Little Boy Uranium A-bomb detonating over Hiroshima. He was far enough away and shielded he was not harmed.. He rushes home and gets to his shop on August 08, he describes to his wife "there was this purple flash" at that moment there was a purple flash, his home was in Nagasaki and that was the Fat Man plutonium A bomb detonating. If not for clouds his shop would have been near ground zero, instead they dropped ie a couple miles away and he survived. Either the luckiest or unluckiest man in history.

Poor Cathy seems that way too.

Hum, if the Mafia did in members of the Russian mob, perhaps sic them on each other?

Agreed helicopters are fragile and easy to bring down., IF you have the time and the tools.

Do you think the police will take Cathy seriously now?

John in Wauwatosa

P.S. I still see Social Services as using all of these attacks as *proof* Cathy is an unfit mother.

P.P.S. Great heroine bashing, Bonzi, Itinerant would be proud.

John in Wauwatosa

LOL - Are you SURE this is...

... Bike? It's starting to sound a LOT like SNAFU, without most of the mystical pieces (lately anyway) LOL...

Hopefully things quiet down for Cathy and company relatively soon... The kids are getting an education, but not necessarily one that's conducive to a happy childhood...

Hmmm, speaking of the kids, I wonder about Mima's speach... Clearing up the ear issue doesn't seem to have fixed things noticably... And, we've heard her hear quiet things - so it's not likely that she's partially deaf. Interesting.

Now, what the heck, with Simon? That's out of mind right now, but I'm sure it'll be "back"...

Thanks,
Annette

By my count

... Bonzi has been writing this epic for almost 3 years now. That is roughly 24 in human years ( assuming Bonzi started writing after her 1st year. ) Now that is dedication!

Let's hear it for the Cat !!

Sorry, no catnip though as it will distract you from your writing.

Oh, you done good too staff, errr Angharad :).

I will quote again ( I am reusing it from my comment of the last chapter ):

"Looks like we're up to our necks in terrorists again, John !!"

And yes, that is from 'Die Hard 2" I believe.

Need I say my arms are getting kinda tired hanging on to that edge of Dover ?

Kim

Catnip?

Are you sure that catnip isn't the inspirational source of this tale?

Michelle B

Doh

You got me on that one ! That would explain the whole thing !

Kim

She's astonishingly resourceful...

... and observant. Maybe it's the fact that I live near a hospital, but if I heard a helicopter, I'd never think to check if it had guns on it.

Then again, nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Paranoia

Is it still paranoia when they really are out to get ya?. She might be at the stage where she is getting a wee bit nervous at strange sounds, and sights.

Below the roof line?

Now here's a thought; could a tin of paint on the windscreen cause a problem?

paint? hmmmmmm

Not sure if enough could get through the downdraft from the rotor. shame she still doesn't have a nice long rope of bed sheets with her still, or time to make one. That might fowl things up a wee bit.

As has been suggested earlier...

a flock of pidgeons popping up at the sound might just fowl things up. :-)

Annette (listening for the groans)

Just wondered ...

... if I'm the only one who burst out laughing as the helicopter gun ship attacked the hotel? Or am I a disgusting person with no empathy for poor Cathy and her adopted family?

Now I have shed a tiny tear at some of the 'Bike' episodes but Angharad's wild imagination when she gets into a bit of gratuitous violence leaves me giggling in delight. I suppose I'm a hard-faced bastard ... but helicopter gunships versus bows and arrows? Bonzi must be having a brainstorm. More please!

Geoff

Wooo Hoooo

Go Cathy Go! The story has made a great transition, I don't know how much more of depressed Stella I could take. Bang! Pow! Yeeehah!

Helos and bullets

Baring the bad guys have gotten a Hind into Scotland (where Cathy will need a SAM to bring it down) she's fighting anything from a civilian helo with gun packs, to a Apache. You can bring down, eventually, any helo with a handgun. Or the AK if she has more ammo and they let her keep it. A handgun does require the "Golden BB" to do it quickly.

Her survival also depends on how motivated the villans are, as to how long they'll hang around with a bent aircraft. And they seem very motivated.

Oh, and if you want to use non-explosive methods, go for the tail rotor, it's so much easier to take out.

Bear

TGNear-Avatar_0.png

Bear

I keep expecting...

I keep expecting Cathy to wake up with Simon after suffering from a stress induced nightmare. The last few episodes seem to involve many of the things that she feels threatened by.

GUN SHIPS !!!!!

I'll say it again. Jesus Christ, gunships, who are these guys ? Putin's own, next stop, the Creminea ? Hope the army has some rocket launchers,
This will show the Home Office they need to get into this. The heck with MI-5.

Cefin