The Floral Tales - Part 3

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   He's all dressed up and has somewhere to go if his friends can get him to go. Stay tuned....

 
The Floral Tales


Part 3 - Rites

By J Morose

Introduction
This story is based on a real club that existed in Southport, England in the 80's and early 90's. The events and characters are entirely fictional.
This story contains political incorrectness, intolerance, swearing, sexual references and the usual vernacular references as made by teenagers when their parents are out of earshot. If you want a Disney piece, this is not for you.
The story centres around two teenage boys, their girlfriends and their underage exploits when attending the local rock club.
He's all dressed up and has somewhere to go if his friends can get him to go. Stay tuned....
  • May the blessings of the day be upon you and yours
  • And many thanks for all the encouraging comments
  • Apologies for the typos, J

Part 3 - Rites

Floral Hall – Saturday 9:15pm

They sat and talked for a while, the conversation moving on to the usual, work, mates, music and the like.

A little later, Kev was feeling all the stuff he had drunk.

“I'm busting for the loo.” he stood up.

“This I have got to see!” said Stu.

“Me too!” said wanger, who was returning from the dance floor with Freya, both dripping sweat from all the dancing.

-

They got up, they being Kev, Anya, Wanger, Freya and Stu and made their way to the gents. Now, on a little side note, the gents
at the Floral was a little unconventional, as was the ladies, but all in good time.

“Thanks for the audience, but can I empty me bladder in peace!” said Kev, feeling quite silly.

They were stood near the toilet door. The toilets are located to the rear of the hall either side of a long corridor. The corridor later on would be full of people flaked out either getting loved up with their significant other or just wanting a little peace.

Seeing that they were all still with him, Kev was getting a touch vexed. “Bugger off you lot!”

“Ok, I'll wait here...” said Wanger.

“Me too, “ put in Anya, “s'not like I've not seen it before!”

“What, the gents, or Grammy's...” blurted Wanger, with a giggle.

“Well,” said Stu, “Gotta go meself.”

“Great! Just what I need, constant piss-taking while I'm trying to go!”

Wanger approached the door, followed by Stu. Anya and the others waited opposite.

Inside, stepping down onto the tiled floor, which was flooded as usual. The flooded gents was a tradition in the Floral.

There were a number of people in the gents, mainly men of the biker / hippie, rocker persuasion. One of the stall doors flung open and out scampered a girl, who happily splashed her way out of the room. This was also not unusual here, as the ladies usually has a queue out of the door, so some of the bolder ladies tended to borrow the use of the gents.

Kev was happy that he had entered unremarked and his courage improved somewhat. Stu was already heading for a stall. Kev decided he would do the same.

Call it forgetting how he was dressed or call it bravado, but Kev went for the urinals. Unbeknownst to Kev, Wanger had already entered and was stood by the door.

Kev looked down as he jockeyed for position and noticed theskirt. At about the same time, coincidentally (as it always is at these moments), there was a deadly hush.

'Bollocks' thought Kev, 'how am I gonna get it out of all this lot' he said, thinking of the unfamiliar clothing he was now in. What he did not notice as a few dozen eyes staring at his back. The not noticing however did not last long...

“Guys, you gotta see this..” said one!

“A bird's gonna piss standing....” put in another.

There were various calls of similar ilk for the next minute or so. Kev stood rooted to the spot, mid trying to hike his skirt up and mid-rummage.

“Grammy, use the sit down loos yer mong!” He heard Wangers shout above the others quite clearly, his face now beetroot red.

“Fuck!” He said, furtively straightening himself out, turning and diving into the only empty stall.

He slammed the door shut and just stood rooted to the spot. At the same time, the room erupted into cheers and raucous laughter.

He eventually gained a little composure, mainly due to the pressing need to urinate. He hiked up the skirt again and had another rummage, figuring out that if he pulled everything down to his knees he could probably sit and go.

The laughter and banter outside continued, making it difficult for him to go, but he eventually managed. Pulling everything up and almost guillotining his meat and two veg in twowith the knickers before he remembered to tuck, readied himself for the gauntlet that lay ahead.

The Floral was always an odd place, full of people looking like the baddies you see in 70's American road movies. Violence, however rarely happened at the Floral, the older hands putting a stop to anything that might make them lose the venue and somewhere to go. The age range at these things was about fourteen plus (eighteen officially of course) to people in their fifties, original hippies. Mothers attended with their daughters and fathers with sons (well, those parents who hadn't become boring due to impending parenthood).

The lack of expected violence did not reassure kev however, as unlikely as it purported to be, does not mean that it did not happen occasionally. He remembered when the local biker gang stormed the place as one was refused entry and it took all the bouncers and several dozen of the more robust individuals to subdue and expel them, that was last year. He was not worried then, but now he felt that he may as well have painted a target on his back.

-

“Fuck man, are you finished or what, its been 10 minutes”. He heard Wanger's voice on the other side of the door.

He opened the door somewhat and poked his head around the door. Again as a repeat of before, the room was quiet.

He exited the cubicle and saw a fair crowd. A bouncer entered the room at this point, looked straight at Kev, consternation in his eyes.

“Wondered what all the fuss was about, now I know!”

Kev was fully expecting to get thrown out of the Floral at this point. The bouncer gestured him over. This was it, he thought.

Then the bouncer said, as Kev drew closer, “If your that desperate, use the toilets in the foyer, not the Gents, love”.

'Love? Did he not spot me for the bloke I am?' thought Kev. He rushed past the bouncer and back into the corridor beyond. 'Safe!' he thought.

“You OK?” said Anya, “You've gone pale.”
She rubbed his upper arm.

“Shite!”, grumbed Kev, “Thought I was gonna get lynched, or chucked out by the bouncers”.

“Not going to happen, this is the Floral for fucks sake”, said Wanger who was accompanied by Stu.

“Yeah, just sit down and chill for a mo, I'll get you summat.” said Stu.

“Fuck!” Kev sat down, joined by Anya and freya on either side.

“Calm down, Kev”. Said Anya.

“Next time we'll use the ladies!” interjected Freya.

Wanger inquired after the ladies drinks before disappearing after the rapidly departing Stu, who was unstoppable when on a mission.

-

Several minutes and many unseemly mumblings later, Kev as feeling a bit better. He rationalised that he was bound to be the recipient of copious amounts of ribbing, dressed as he was. More unnerving however, was the fact that some thought he was a girl. This was in direct conflict with the blokishness he usually projected to others.

“You Ok now?” said Freya.

“S'ppose..” replied Kev, “just not used to this.” This was true, Kev normally went unremarked at these events.

“I still love you you know!” Anya grinned. She gave him a peck on the cheek, which slightly improved his disposition.

“Even tough I look like a big girl's blouse!”

“Yup, always!”

“Love you too!” said Kev returning the kiss.

Anya beamed, this was the first time he actually said it! She knew that blokes did the bravado thing and not admit their feelings much. 'Emotions, thy's from lancashire thy's not got none of those!' was the general attitude of the males she had met.

Stu returned moments later with another pint of the cloudy green goodness. “Yer drink, sire..”

“Cheers Stu, much appreciated.” said kev

“Wanger'll be back with yours..” Stu said to the girls. He lookaed around and disappeared off down the corridor again.

Moments later, he was charging back down the corridor, his quite obvious grin meaning only that he has something to impart.

“Look, don't say owt, but just watch what comes past in a mo.” he settled down next to Freya.

They all looked from whence he had come, intrigued. There was a pair of burly blokes in nurses dresses, similar to Kev. They differed in every other way though. One had a beard. Both had hairy arms and chest hair stuck out from the tops of their dresses. Their bare hairy legs terminating in Doc Marten style hiking boots. Both were very drunk.

As they went past, Stu decided to comment.

“Fook me, bricklayers in drag!” he riposted undiplomatically. They glanced his way and went in the gents.

What Stu did not realise was the effects that his words would have on Kev. Kev cringed inwardly, wondering if that was how he was perceived, the butt of jokes and comments. Kev's somewhat fragile mental state regressed into a full blown mope. “Cheers Stu.”, taking a giant swig of the cloudy green beverage.

“What!” Stu was stumped.

Kev glared at Stu. “Bollocks to this, goin' home.”

Anya gripped kev's arm and glared at Stu. “No your not, yer gonna finish yer drink and chill.”

Freya added, “Kev, we've got yer clothes at Anya's. Just calm down and enjoy the night. Yer goin' nowhere”.

“Fuck!”.

“Sorry man, not meaning yer good self” put in Stu, but he knew that one Kev started in one of his moods, it would take some changing. “I'll bugger off and let you girls sort him out..”.

Off he went. He passed Wanger returning, who was waddling gingerly with 3 pint glasses held between two hands, his labcoat very obviously the recipient of some of the overspill.

He sat opposite kev in the middle of the corridor and handed out the drinks. Normal beer type colour these were. He saw his friends mood, knowing it all too well. Kev was very robust about most things but sometimes he got emotional over little things. Wanger was the person whom Kev trusted most.

Wanger poked a finger into kev's chest, dead centre.

“You shall not feel pain. Pain is the mindkiller...” Wanger chanted this over and over at Kev for a minute or so.

“....when all the pain is gone only I shall remain.” replied Kev automatically.

“You gave braved the gom jabbar, man!” said Wanger. “Here, drink of the water of life..” He passed Kev the remains of the green death.

Dune, by frank Herbert was a favourite of the both of them. Well, when they weren't playing Ultima 4, roleplaying or making arses of themselves generally. They were both quite avid readers.

Kev downed the remaining drink in one. “Be afraid, for he is the Kwisatz Hadrach!” beamed Wanger.

Kev could do naught but smile at his best mate. “Cheers, man!”

“Cheers!” Wanger picked up his own glass and took a hearty swig. “In one!” was kev's almost reflex response.

Wanger spluttered about half way, spilling some over his already soaked labcoat, which he promptly removed, revealing a well worn Wolfsbane t-shirt.

“Wish I could go back to normal that easy,” put in Kev.

And so they sat and talked for a while, Anya and Freya trying to keep up with the conversation, as it degenerated into talk in catchphrases from computers, books, films, and song.

“Pining for the Fjords!” exclaimed Wanger.

“Pining for the...” replied Wanger, who suddenly clutched his belly, “...Khazi. Shite!”

“Right, this time your coming with us”, said Anya, “Not having this sulking again, just got you sorted, thanks to Tony”. Anya never used wanger's nickname, thinking it sounded too rude to call a friend that, even though she knew that Kev had another friend who prefered to be called Twatto. He even had a hat made with the name proudly displayed across the front.

Anya stood up and grbbed both of Kev's hands, pulling on them. Freya also got up. Kev tried to stand.

“Bollocks!”

“Get up Kev.” Anya commanded. She was in 'boss' mode now and he knew he had to obey.

“Can't, legs wont work.”

“Freya, Tony, get him upright!”

They took up positions either side of him and applied upward force to his arms close to the armpits, Anya still tugging on his hands.

“Where's Stu when you need him?” mused Wanger, said friend being easily strong enough to pick Kev up.

However, Stu was not needed. Kev lurched to his feet and promptly fell into Anya, his head resting on her shoulder.

She spun him round and her and Freya took positions either side. He supported himself by draping his arms across their shoulders. He was drunk. His dad had always told him to drink standing, then you can stop when you feel your legs get wobbly.

“Upright!” Kev slurred. “Not goin' to the girls bogs though..”

“It's either the girls or you wet yourself.” said Anya, “and I'm not going home with you stinking!”

“Shite!” They wobbled off in the general direction of the ladies convenience.

...To be continued?

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Comments

Lot's of fun

This story is getting more and more fun. With characters out of the norm.

I think I was at the Floral a few times -- though I was about five thousand miles away at the time. And in different years. Such places do show up in odd places every now and then. But never last long enough.

Keep it coming, please

Yep!

Had a friend, did a convincing-looking girl, but had a voice like a foghorn. He dressed up one year for Halloween and while we were making the rounds of the bars he went to take a leak and as normal walked into the Gent's. Couple of guys did a double-take and then one said something along the lines of "You've got the wrong door". His reply was to the effect that he'd get arrested if he went into the other door. They beat a hasty retreat and he came back to the table laughing his ass off. A little while later one of them came over to the table and asked, "You're not really a guy, are you?". He laughed and pointed to all of us (about 50/50 male/female) and said "Hell, yeah, we all are!". Since there was a ballerina (female), a very busty pirate wench (female) and a Stevie Nicks (me) in the group, the guy's jaw bounced a time or two on the floor before he split.

I'm surprised Anya and Freya haven't christened Kev with an appropriate female name as befitting "her" appearance.

More, soon, I hope?

KJT


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Love the atmosphere in the

Love the atmosphere in the Floral!... It so reminds me of some my misspent teenage years!!!.Thanks for posting it.

Kirri

Glad you liked it

And thank you for reading it.

Unless there is truth in my heart, my every effort is doomed to failure....

That which does not kill me only serves to delay the inevitable. My blog => http://jaynemorose.wordpress.com/ <= note new address