Crossed Purposes

A bit of fun on the First of May. That's what everyone seemed to think, well mostly,
but is what you see always what is there?

I started this when the competition was announced. Time and stuff got in the way but I wanted to. Then it morphed and became something totally different. The title changed so this weekend being rainy and miserable I sat and figured out what it was. We shall see…

Crossed Purposes

By Kristina L.S.


Author's Note: This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected. Copyright KLS 2009.


"Mayday, mayday, mayday."

Oh crap. She remembered. Do you know it's almost impossible to stop a blush creeping up once it starts.

"First of May tomorrow honey bunch, come and find me after Bill does his 'Brothers Unite' speech and we'll get you sorted. " Luisa was leaning over my left shoulder and whispering none too softly in my ear.

I was the kid in the office, one of a dozen or so paper pushers that kept the ins and outs more or less under control and helped the company to keep the main group down on the warehouse floor in meaningful labour. The company was BTW (Bush Track Werks), which was an after market auto bits manufacturer. You know, suspension, engine and body bits and pieces to the after market, er… market. Most of the biggies optioned some of our stuff… Mitsubishi, well, used to… and GMH, Nissan and Toyota. Ford used anther mob, snotty bastards.

Started with suspension and moved on and out and up. Tuff for Aussie conditions and all that who hah. Considering ninety percent of the population is city based and even the Four Wheel Drive owners, or SUV's if you prefer, the vast majority never venture offroad. Mummy in the big 'tractor' clogging the roads at schools out time is an urban joke. I mean do you really want to scratch up your eighty grand Land Cruiser on some rough bush track? Let alone the Range Rover with the computer aided suspension and the six grand paint job, or the Beemer or whatever. Lets face it most of those owners were semi rich poseurs from the trendy suburbs, but still enough regular types harboured the rugged outback dream to make it a goer. It was all image after all.

Oh, sorry, got sidetracked there. My name's Nate, well it's Nathanial actually. I ask you, who'd call their kid Nathanial? I think Mum had a thing for the character in Last of the Mohicans, or maybe just Daniel Day Lewis. Anyway…
See Mayday, which we were assured by Bill in his thick Irish accent was an historic day for the labour movement and should be remembered by all that took good working conditions for granted, not that there wasn't room for improvement he'd add with a glare at the boss. So, first of May had become a bit of a management kowtow to the Union with a Barbie laid on, assorted drinks, essentially a holiday. I guess the bosses figured it was a trade off for good relations and even if most paid lip service to Bill and his rants they'd take anything on offer if it was going their way, or seemed to be. Human nature I expect.

It had become something of a tradition that a few of the girls would don maid outfits and play serving wenches for the day. I suspect the 'maid' look rather than a more traditional colonial wench outfit was down to one of the management blokes, as they picked up the hire tab. Funny how sex works it's way in almost everywhere isn't it? Short black satin and heels beats long linen and cloth cap, from the guy point of view anyway.

Sorry sidetracked again. Upshot this year, hang on, step back… a month or so back one of the sales guys, John maybe during the mid morning coffee BS session made some comment to Sally, the sole girl in Khaki…oh the showroom sales lot did khaki, an outbacky adventury look, sort of Steve and Terri Irwin with trousers and who looked better sort of depended on your orientation or gender or something.

Anyhow 'whoever' said he was looking forward to seeing her in ooh la la mode as he put it. She'd cracked back that she'd be happy to if he did as well, which of course precipitated a general, mostly good natured argument about how crap he'd look compared to her with the guys siding with him. And just on principle the girls mostly backed Sally saying if they had to put up with the heels and general ogling so could a guy or two.

Then someone said, 'well Nate would maybe look okay with that hair of his. Not sure about the legs though'. So suddenly I was in the spotlight and the joking turned to me. Mostly teasing or joking about either how cute I'd look or how silly, guess which side was which?

Then my good mate Luisa sidled up and did the hair twisting bit around the finger and the little girly voice, "Ooh Natalie, you don't have a problem being one of the goils for a day do you? We'll protect you…won't we goils, these beastly nacho I mean macho studdlies are just sooo insecure." There was a chorus of yeses in similar girly voices and Sally and a couple of others sidled up and formed a little semi circular chorus of support and solidarity, which in theory should have pleased Bill but I think this reality perhaps didn't.

Whereupon the boss man wandered out to suggest maybe some work should be done and after a quick reading of the situation asked Luisa to organise 'five uniforms in appropriate sizes'. It took about three seconds before everyone realised that was four girls and one boy, me. Another second or two and I had multiple kisses on both cheeks from the four girls and a few possibly slightly sarcastic 'good on yer's', from the guys, while John strutted off with a laugh, waggling his left hand in the air and singing '…just a sweet transvestite….', I guess I was trying to figure out something clever or semi intelligent to say but took too long.

A slightly louder, '…work, hmmm?', from boss man prompted a mass movement to desks and so on leaving me contemplating satin and heels and the various permutations of good sport or killjoy and one or two others. Sigh.


~ ~ ~ ~


Damn Bill's a boring fart, raving on about bloody comrades and worker solidarity when all anyone wanted was to get a few bits of work out of the way and get into the food and booze.

Luisa and Sally sidled up and took my arms and led me toward the back file room which was doubling as a change room today. There were a few whistles and cheers from a couple of the guys as they watched and some of the girls clapped which probably pissed of Bill as he wasn't the centre of attention anymore.

Nervous? Crap, I was scared shitless, I sort of did and really didn't want to do this but somehow it had gone past a point where I could say no.

"Um, Luisa I'm really not sure about this, I'll look like a complete dick. I mean how many six foot French maids with knobby knees do you see running about? I'll be laughed out of town or worse. "

"Oh relax Nate. Sure a few might laugh, but it'll be good natured teasing, anything nasty Boss man Frank will stamp on, you know that. We all think you'll look pretty good and we're itching to play dress up with you. It's all organised so just go with the flow and have some fun. We will." She poked her tongue out at me and laughed, but it was a friendly laugh.

Sally piped in with a, " We all think you're great for doing this. It makes us girls feel much better about this sexist bullshit if one of the guys is willing to go along. Oh, you'll be six three in heels, so watch the door frames huh, you Amazon you." She laughed and gave me a hug and the others were smiling too, so how could I piss on their parade. Didn't stop my stomach churning though.

"Heels! Oh crap." All four laughed as Luisa started unbuttoning my shirt.

"All part of being beautiful and sexy Natalie. Here run this over your face." She peeled my shirt off and handed me a rechargeable razor.

"Not too hairy on the arms, good…" Luisa turned away and started to pull bits and pieces out of a bag next to a garment bag on a hanger. A few minutes later my face was smooth and she ran her hands over my cheeks and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Okay hon, let's get you dressed. Here strip down and slip these on, we'll look away." She handed me a pair of black lycra briefs. Glancing around they were all smiling and it seemed no intent to embarrass, so… Flicking off my shoes I peeled off the socks and then my pants and finally turning into the corner, my jocks. Then quickly slipped up the briefs and tucked myself down to get comfortable.

"Now leg up." As she grabbed my right calf and lifted as Sally slipped a stocking over my foot and gently tugged it up past my knee. Repeated with the other foot and got me to slowly get them up over my hips. Then a second pair, Sheer to waist extra tall, beige it said on the packet. Then a second pair of briefs.

"Oh Natalie, this is the bit that might be a little uncomfortable. We need to pull your waist in a bit. You might be slim, but not quite enough. Breathe in deep and hold it."

She wrapped a black satin nylon thing with laces and straps around my waist and then tugged it tight. "There we go hon, your dress should fit now. Here, arms front." She slipped a black bra over my hands and up and hooked it closed in back, stuffing the cups with some rolled up pantyhose. A few squeezes and squishes and she was satisfied.

"Right you are Natalie, you ready Kel?"

"Yep, sit yourself here Nate and I'll do your face." Kellie finished dusting and with a flick to an eye and a blot to her lips turned to me with a smile and patted the chair next to her.

She pulled a bunch of fat rollers and twisted them into my hair and then sprayed with a mist bottle of water and slipped on a plastic cap. Various creams and lotions were applied and assorted pencils and brushes swished here and there. A couple of false starts on the eyelashes but she got there. Ten minutes later and she pronounced me done. I glanced about to see the others finishing makeup and adjusting garter straps, they all smiled my way.

Stockings were next, carefully rolled and stretched to keep the seams straight. Lastly the little black satin dress with white lace on the short sleeves and collar and a ruffley little frilly bit under the short skirt which made it sit out and bounce as you moved. I couldn't help shivering as the zip was done up. Last a lacy little excuse for an apron was tied round my waist.

A quick blow dry of the hair and Debbie handed me the shoes, which I slipped on and tentatively took a couple of steps. A slight wobble but not bad.

Luisa stepped up and clipped on some dangly gold hoops as I noticed the others were all wearing similar. "There you go Natalie hon, looking good eh girls."

There was round of soft whistles and general approval. My mouth was so dry I doubted I could whistle or spit.

"Right, we ready girls?" Nods all around and Sally and Luisa took my arms again and Debbie and Kellie took their's on the outside

Debbie flicked her phone shut, tossed it into her bag and called, "All set, let's strut our stuff."

Just as we filed through the door they again linked arms with me in the middle, well I was easily the tallest. Then the PA started pumping that old Robert Palmer thing Simply Irresistible

I did my best to match the stride as they led the way across to the tables while the assembled mob whistled and clapped and cheered. Calls of come to daddy and dust me please and how much is the doggy in the middle.

The next few hours were sort of fun as insults were traded and my bum got slapped and pinched as often as the other girls. The lassie go home jabs did bother me a little though. As did the barking, even if done with a laugh.

I guess inevitably as the light began to fade and the booze took a toll the insults got a bit more personal and my sexuality and ancestry was called in to question more than once. Various groping and pawing while meant in fun really wasn't. The last straw was a, 'bend over and take it doggy', accompanied by a vigorous hip thrusting. Sure we were both fully dressed and nobody was paying attention except someone that called, 'get a room', but it bothered me. Everyone was paired off or chatting in groups so I pushed him off and headed outside to think.

It was practically dark now, so I just sat on the bench in the courtyard and stared at the night. The words of an old Bonnie Raitt song running through my head,

~~ 'I know it's hard sometimes - and things seem larger than they are - But if you need to tell someone, that's what I'm here for - Cry on my shoulder, I'll help you rise above…'~~


~ ~ ~ ~


"Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you'd disappeared to. Needed some air or maybe to rest the feet huh?" She was grinning as she approached him from behind and veered to come up on his right shoulder.

He was staring out into the dark and had not moved or acknowledged her in any way. She'd sort of expected some crack about stoopid womens shoes. But as she stopped and glanced down at him seated crosslegged an air of sadness struck her as she noticed the tears rolling silently down his face.

The whole day flashed backwards through her mind as she registered small ticks and mannerisms in response to the sarcastic jibes tossed his way. The dressing room… Oh hell… I read this all wrong right from the start. Why didn't….

Moving behind him she leant gently against his back and rubbed his shoulders slowly, "Oh hon, why didn't you say?"

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