Blonde Joke Chapter Twenty-Two by Jeffrey M. Mahr   Can you name some of the inventions blondes have developed? 1. Tricycle kickstand. 2. Solar flashlight. 3. Fire proof matches. 4. Inflatable dartboard. 5. Glass hammer. 6. Black light bulb. 7. Boomerang grenade.

The party was in full swing at the Cravat. The club had been closed for this private party, although Kat, Maggie, Karen and Barbie continued to dance sensuously on stage along with a couple of new girls, Rikki and Sydni. Finally, the set ended and Kat, a sheen of sweat covering her body and a huge grin on her face, strode over to a podium set up to one side of the stage while the other girls scampered over to the sole occupied table in the room, located immediately in front of the stage, and giggled as they briefly played musical chairs with the laps of the men sitting there. The one woman already at the table, an older woman with striking red hair and an emerald green gown, chuckled demurely at their playful game. Finally, everyone was settled and Kat cleared her throat, moved the microphone close to her face and in her best, high pitched, breathy, bubbly, bimbo voice said, “Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down the street. They all see a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk. Which one picks up the money?”

Various suggestions came from the table, some were anatomically difficult to perform and a few were down right impossible. Kat laughed and held up a hand for quiet before answering. “The answer is supposed to be the ‘dumb blonde’ because the other three, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the smart blonde are figments of the imagination.”

Kat suddenly became serious and her tone of voice changed to follow suit. “I stand here tonight and proudly say that we in this room are the proof that this is no longer correct. Sydni. Rikki. Please stand up for a moment.”

After some gentle wiggling to keep the man each was sitting on interested, they both stood up and giggled as they waited for Kat to continue. “Harry Walton, now Sydni Walton, is now finishing off her doctoral dissertation in Industrial Psychology. Sydni, do you feel like a dumb blonde?”

“No, Kat,” she answered with a breathy giggle and sat back down on Jack Webster’s lap.

“Dick Baldwin, now Rikki Baldwin, is also finishing a doctorate, but in Management. Same question, Rikki?”

“Not at all Kat, but sometimes it’s fun to let people underestimate me,” she answered with a grin and returned to her warm seat on top of Archibald Goddard’s lap.

“Before I continue, I’d like to thank the person without whom this little shindig could never have come to be, the person who single handedly ended all the lawsuits related to ViTaGeSeM–albeit with a bit of biological trickery by me and some interesting heart-to-heart conversations with Tommi–and the person wearing the most beautiful emerald green gown this evening. Let’s all give a warm round of applause for Franklin–now Jacqueline–Brodsky.”

The woman in question blushed almost as bright a red as her hair, but gave Kat a double thumbs up and a wink as she sat there.

“It’s been one glorious year and I’ll bet my twin would like to bore us with a few hours of financial reports…”

“Not as long as Petey here is keeping my behind so wonderfully warm, I’m not,” Tommi yelled back while giving her bottom a little extra wiggle on Chang Wu’s lap.

“Good. Then you all know the real reason why we’re here. Tommi? Would you come up here? I believe you have an announcement to make.”

“Keep my seat warm, Petey-boy?” Tommi said in a stage whisper that, along with another wiggle on Chang Wu’s lap, caused another round of laughter.

Reaching the stage, Tommi took the proffered microphone from Kat, who hugged her and then stepped back to give Tommi the stage.

“As you know, after Dad’s transformation, she hasn’t had much interest in Brodsky Holdings Inc. As a result, per the bylaws of the corporation, I’ve been serving as Chairman and CEO. I want each and every one of you to know how much I’ve appreciated your support as members of the board since the great shake-up immediately after I took that position.

“As you already know, I am stepping down as both Chairperson of the Board and CEO of Brodsky Holdings effective today, since tomorrow, I’ll be seeing all of you tomorrow at Queen of Heaven Church, two blocks down and one block over, tomorrow morning at nine in the morning for my wedding to Petey. I also hope that you will all continue to support the next Chairman and CEO…”

There was a mixture of applause and boos. The former from those happy for Tommi as she moved on with her life and the later from those who wanted her to continue doing what had been a spectacular job and unsure whether the anticipated heir would be able to continue the good work.

“Allow me,” Tommi raised a hand to still the audience, “to introduce the next Chairman and CEO of Brodsky Holdings–Frankie Brodsky. Come on up and say a few words, Frankie.”

An even more noticeable hush fell over the room as Frankie slowly stood and walked up onto the stage. Although all had been expecting this, there was much trepidation. Some fearing that this appointment would bring a return of the old ways, others fearing that more than just a return of the old ways, there would be a series of attempts at revenge.

“Thank you.” Frankie stopped speaking and adjusted her flowing red hair while she allowed for a brief response from the audience. You could hear a pin drop.

“I know that some of you–oh, heck, let’s be honest here–all of you have concerns about the return of Franklin Brodsky. Well, I’d like to assure you that I am not Franklin Brodsky.”

The audience buzzed hopefully.

“Oh, I know I used to be that crotchety, miserable old man, a man obsessed with getting even with the medical establishment that allowed his beloved Jacqueline to die–not just die, but die in excruciating and prolonged pain. Franklin Brodsky used the money from the multiple malpractice awards to found Brodsky Holdings and felt that every dollar had to be carefully and personally husbanded to insure that the company was the best it could be at what it was in honor of his lost wife. He also felt that anything he did to undercut others was just another chance to punish the incompetents who caused her death and over the years, as you all know, his need for revenge, to punish others for permitting Jackie to die, quickly spread to his dealings with everyone around him.

“Well, I am Frankie Brodsky, not Franklin Brodsky, and while my first response was to hate those who changed me, it didn’t last. Being out from under the pressure of running Brodsky Holdings was a shock. As the micromanager that I was, I was at a loss for what to do. Oh sure, I spent several weeks plotting my return and my even greater revenge. That’s why you are all so ambivalent about having me return to the seats of power and I don’t blame you. In fact, I think you all.

“Tommi, come here please.” She waited while Tommi stepped forward. Taking Tommi’s hands in hers, Frankie stared into her eyes and began to weep with joy as she said, “Thank you, dear. I would have tried to kill you when it happened, but I want you to know that I now consider this to have been the best thing that ever could have happened to me. Again, thank you.”

Still crying, Frankie turned back to the audience and said, “And thank you to all of you too. I promise you that my second reign will be markedly different than my first reign. For one, I intend to use my staff more effectively. To that end, although I know she was planning to return to her original post as CEO of BioTronics, I am now asking Tommi to take on a different role.”

Tommi’s eye’s opened wide in surprise. Frankie couldn’t see, it, but she was betting there were similar responses from many in the audience.

“Tommi, for proving that you have both the heart to care for others and the brain to do what is best for them, I am asking you to take the position of Director of Human Relations for Brodsky Holdings and take charge of all personnel functions for the entire group of businesses we run.”

“But who will run BioTronics?” It was a stalling tactic, Frankie realized. He had surprised Tommi with this offer, but them there would be time for her to realize this really was the position she most wanted.

“Well, you could continue to do so as a dual function, but I did have someone in mind if you were willing to take on the personnel position and run with it like I hope you will.”

Turning back to the audience, Frankie called out, “Kat? Katrina, where are you? I know we were able to drag you out of the lab. I saw you out there earlier. Would you please come up her for a moment?”

When Katrina arrived on stage, Frankie turned and took her hands, just as she had done with Tommi. “Dr. Isseksen, you’ve proved that you are a brilliant researcher. In the past, I would have acknowledged that brilliance grudgingly and pointed out that it was in spite of an overabundance of ethics. Now, recognizing that you have both and seeing how you have chaffed in the past under less enlightened bosses–I mean me, not Tommi–how would you like to take over the operation of BioTronics, should Tommi step down? Oh, and of course you would still have your own lab and free reign to investigate the wonders of genetics to your heart’s content.”

It was an easy answer. This was the stuff of dreams, yet even dreams have codicils. “Yes, but only if Tommi takes the other job.”

“Well, Tommi?” Frankie turned back to the other blonde on the stage.

“Boxed me in, just like old times. Didn’t you?” Tommi laughed. “You win again, Mom.”

“Excellent.” Frankie exclaimed. Grabbing Tommi’s right hand and Kat’s left, she held them up and asked the audience. “Is this acceptable to this informal gathering of the Board?”

There were cheers.

When the cheers settled down, Frankie thanked Tommi and Kat and asked them to sit down for a moment. Then, turning to the audience yet again, Frankie said, “It’s none of my business, but I would like to suggest the following. Kat, you may wish to consider hiring Rikki as your CEO and let her run the business with your guidance as Chairperson of the Board. That would give you a lot more time where we both know you’d prefer to be, the lab.”

“Tommi, again it’s none of my business, but Sydni has a brand new doctorate in Industrial Psychology. She’d be a wonderful person to assist you as you develop and coordinate the Human Resource Management services for all the different companies under the Brodsky umbrella, I think it’s what forty-six now?”

“Finally, and to prove how different my reign will be this time, I too would like to step down as Chairperson and CEO of Brodsky Holdings.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Yes, you heard me. I may not look like it right now, but I’ve still got the mind of that cantankerous, micromanaging old fool that almost destroyed Brodsky Holdings and a couple of you folks in the process. The last thing Brodsky holdings needs is me at the helm.”

“Than who’ll run the ship?” Archie called out, followed by similar questions from just about everyone else in the room.

“When I was a man, I had some of the most fantastic employees working around me, and sadly they often had to work around me in order to keep Brodsky Holdings afloat despite my machinations. One of the best of them was my secretary, Sandra Smalling. Sandra knows the business inside and out. More importantly, now that I’ve stepped back enough from the business to look at it with a slightly less jaundiced eye, I realize that Sandra has repeatedly shown the intelligence, coolness under fire–usually from me–and compassion to do the right thing even when I was doing the opposite. I can’t think of a better person to run Brodsky Holdings than her.”

Squinting from the bight stage lights, Frankie looked out into the audience, trying to locate Sandra. Finally, she located her, sitting next to Neil Stevens, their hands on the table, entwined in a loving grasp. Sandra was clearly shocked, but, as Neil whispered intently in her ear her expression change to one of happiness.

“I’ll be happy to accept the job of CEO…” The rest was drowned out in cheers, so she started again. “As I said, I’ll be happy to accept the job of CEO, BUT…” Sandra waited and looked about the room, waiting to see if she’d be able to finish he thought this time.

“But, there are two stipulations. First, I’ll only take the position of Chief Executive Officer. Sorry, Frankie, but you’re stuck with the Chairmanship. Is that okay with you so far?”

Frankie thought a moment and nodded. “I’d say I’m going to be a very relaxed Chairperson, but you all know that would be a lie. I will, however, promise to limit myself to guidance rather than direct management, as a Chairperson should do. What’s the second stipulation?”

“The second stipulation is that you stay on as CEO for a bit longer.”

“How long and why?” Frankie asked. Smiling, she then added, “See, I'm listening.”

There was a polite smattering of laughter from that comment. More importantly from Frankie’s point of view, Sandra and Tommi both nodded in agreement.

“'How long' is about three months. Why is because Neil,” Sandra waved him up to stand beside her before continuing, “has asked me to marry him and I’ve accepted.”