Betty tells Andrea - It’s You I like

It's You I Like Part 3 by Andrea DiMaggio   My Redeemer

Faith is an interesting thing; it needs to be watered and fed like a lovely tree or flower. And it can wither under the heat and drought of loss and pain. As you may already know, Betty DiMaggio was a fairly resilient person. Her faith had brought her through a lot in her life, including the death of two siblings as well as a hysterectomy from a botched abortion when she was seventeen. As a high school guidance counselor, she had many children who were all loving and wonderful; just not biological. But she nevertheless stood at her kitchen sink, trying desperately not to cry as she looked out the window. She tried to forget the news she had heard that morning; one of the students she was working with was gone, a victim of hopelessness and despair. Her name was Hope, ironically, and she had taken her life after making a suicide pact with her boyfriend, who had given her his mom’s prescription drug. Billy didn’t die, however; he never took the drugs. This author is glad he didn't die, but she also remains angry that Billy didn’t care enough to protect her; another irony since his name, William, means protector. Betty was angry, but not at Billy. She was angry at herself and angry at God; feeling quite incorrectly that both should have done something to prevent Hope's death. She was wrong about God, since he had provided a means of rescue for the poor girl; Billy just chose not to follow his conscience. And she was wrong about herself as well, since she had no idea that how bad things were because Hope never told anyone besides Billy. But at that moment, nothing would persuade her that she wasn't guilty; at least guilty of something; anything. Someone had to pay for the girl's death, and it might as well be her. Betty could find the words to accuse herself, but she ached for the time when she could be thankful once again.

A few days later, her wife Andrea sat in the living room, praying for Betty. Betty had been crying most of the day, but wouldn't receive any solace from Andrea. She even threw a magazine at both of their cats when they hopped on the bed that morning. Andrea wondered what would help Betty climb out of her despair. She wasn't a psychologist; her degree was in veterinary medicine; but she knew enough not to expect Betty to "snap out of it." And she also knew that Betty wasn't just feeling guilty about the girl's death. Other things were going on, and they probably had a lot to do with Betty's past, especially in light of recent developments. You may recall that Andrea and Carrie, her ex-wife (when Andrea was Andy) had reconciled recently. She and her husband and her toddler Joshua had been over to the DiMaggio's for dinner, and while it was a nice time, when they left, Betty looked sad. She confessed that she felt things she hadn't for a long time, and to see Carrie with a beautiful boy made her think about her own life and the choices she had made. She admitted that she was jealous of Carrie and her husband Jim, whom God had blessed with a sweet little boy. But more than that, she was overwhelmed with grief for the death of her own child and ridden with guilt over her responsibility in the act of terminating the only child she would ever bear. And that left Andrea with only one option, but the best; she prayed for her wife as she had never prayed before. Nothing she could say would have the power to restore that only one could wield.

Betty had been the instrument of peace, as St. Francis encouraged, in Andrea's own redemption as she had reminded Andrea about how they both had been forgiven for the past. But as you may already know, the past is never always in the past, and has a nasty habit of reminding us how bad we were or what horrible things we had done. And her memories were providing her with too many hours of recalling what she had or hadn’t done. She needed no reminders; Betty needed solace and encouragement, and the instrument of her own peace would arise from tragedy.

"Betty, is Andrea there?" Gina's voice sounded almost panicky. Betty had taken some time off to collect herself, and she had expected Gina's call would be to ask when she was returning. She was a little angry, wondering how insensitive Gina must have been to call, but we can forgive her in light of what she herself was going through. She wasn't prepared for Gina's response, however, when she asked,

"Can’t this wait? She's been at the clinic working on the computer update; can’t I just have her call you when she comes home?” It was Saturday afternoon, and Andrea would normally be home unless there was an emergency. It hadn’t occurred to Betty why Gina would want to talk to Andrea instead of her.

"Oh God, Sweetie, I think you need to go get her." Gina sounded as if she had been crying, and her next words revealed the source of her urgency.

"Betty...Carrie's dead." The words didn't quite sink in, almost as if they came from a TV show she forgot to turn down when she answered the phone. This couldn't be right.

"There was a robbery at the Sovereign Bank this morning. It’s all over the TV. Some guy walked in and shot up the place. The News said he didn’t even wait for people to…Oh God…Betty! Carrie and her husband and one of the clerks were shot. They didn't make it. She's gone...Jim's gone. They said that Child Services has the little boy. Oh honey, the bank is just around the block from the clinic. You need to get over there now before she hears about this from someone else." Betty actually dropped the phone. While no one else would have expected it, since it would have been wrong to expect anything from Betty that week, she "snapped out of it," to use an absolutely stupid phrase, probably more out of adrenaline than anything else, but this one moment proved to be transformational; perhaps the defining moment in the renewal of her faith. She picked up the phone and said,

"Could you meet me there?"

"I'm on my way!" Gina said and hung up.

Betty grabbed her keys off the table by the front door and started to head out, but not before saying softly, but loud enough for Someone to hear,

"Please forgive me, Lord and give me the strength for this." And for the first time that week, she actually remembered about her own forgiveness, after first admitting that she had been truly guilty for one thing; she had resented Carrie for her ability to bear children and she was more than jealous of Carrie’s life and angry at God while being ungrateful for the life she and Andrea enjoyed together. She leaned against the doorway and wept tears of shame followed by tears of redemption, since acknowledging her shame helped her apprehend her forgiveness. If she had known Carrie better, she would have known that Carrie would have forgiven her. And she knew God well enough to recall that she had already been forgiven. She composed herself and took a deep breath before offering one last prayer; the most important she would ever speak;

“And please send someone to take care of their little boy.” And He would!

Gina and Betty pulled into the parking lot at the same time. Gina had passed the bank on the way over to the clinic, and the Eyewitness News van was just pulling away. The two walked up to the door and embraced each other. Both were crying; they had barely known the couple and mostly through Andrea’s contact with Carrie. But she was someone who was very important to Andrea; a part of a difficult past, to be sure, but Carrie had forgiven Andrea, who as Andy had been abusive during their marriage. She had asked for forgiveness herself for her hatred and bitterness toward Andy, and the two discovered redemption and forgiveness and reconciliation. She and her husband Jim had visited for dinner at Andrea and Betty’s home recently, and Betty had seen just what a lovely person Carrie was. It was too easy to fall prey to jealousy, especially in light of her own loss. But now, even only minutes after a hastily said prayer, Betty felt the weight of the world lifted off of hers even as she anticipated that it was now being placed squarely and cruelly on Andrea’s.

Betty entered the clinic first. Gina was actually holding her hand as she walked through the door. It was after Saturday hours, but Andrea was not alone. Her assistant Patti had come in for a few hours to help re-paint the exam room and she was standing by the door of Andrea’s office. Her eyes were red with tears; she had met Carrie and her boy Joshua when they brought their cat in a few weeks ago and just fallen in love with the sweet little boy. Patti had turned the TV on in the exam room while she was painting, and was angry with herself that she wasn’t quick enough to turn it off. Mrs. Giordano had seen the report on TV and came over to the clinic immediately. The police had not released the names, but the reporter on the scene was brand new and looking to make a name for himself; he blurted out Carrie’s and Jim’s name over the air, as well as the sweet young lady who was too slow in handing the bank robber the money. She had only been working at the bank for a few weeks. Mrs. G was in the office holding Andrea in a grandmotherly embrace, patting her back as Andrea wept.

Betty walked over to her and pulled her away, only for a moment, from Mrs. G. Her face was a mask of grief; she looked like she had just lost her best friend. Her best friend was staring sadly at her and her other dear friend patted her on the back; but she had just found out that the girl she had grown up with; her childhood sweetheart, had been killed, murdered in fact.

This was a different grief; a loss that was unique. Andrea was deeply in love with Betty; nothing would change that. But some of you may have felt this way; even if a relationship changes and comes to an end, a part of you, a big part of you still feels love for your former love; your humanity demands it since it is true, unencumbered love that should exist well after the “loving” grows cold. Some of you had grandparents who may have stopped having “fun” but never ceased to enjoy each other’s company; the friendship that endures. Perhaps you enjoy such a love yourself? Carrie had become a sister to Andrea, and her loss was doubly painful since it had only recently been restored. So we understand Andrea’s grief. Mrs. Giordano understood. She knew Carrie from when she and Andy were in middle school. She recalled the love that had grown but wept to see it grow cold as Andy hurt Carrie with his words and his temper. But she rejoiced only recently to see the two friends again, of a sort, as they received the redemption of forgiveness. But now she was gone, and their thoughts had turned to another.

“Oh, honey, what’s to become of Joshua?” Betty asked. Andrea wiped her face with the sleeve of her lab coat, but struggled to speak. After a moment, she said,

“I…don’t know. I’m not sure about Jim’s family, but Carrie had no siblings and her mom and dad died years ago.” She choked back a sob. “I guess Jim’s family will take care of him.” Gina had been standing back and off to the side. She was holding on to Patti, who was still crying. All the while, she was praying for wisdom, and it had already occurred to her where the little boy might find a home. She wasn’t going to say anything just yet, since they still didn’t know about the boy’s father’s family. The boy’s father, they found out the next day, had no family. He had grown up in foster care in Pittsburgh, and had finally found a loving home with a nice family in his teens. Joshua was now without a home, without a family; but not without hope.

My Redeemer — Words and music by Anne Herring
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnrPgHa8UDM

To be continued...